According to a recent survey by the Barna Group, 21% of Christian men say they have thought they were “addicted” to porn or said they weren’t sure. This is more than two times what non-Christian men said (10%). Interestingly, 64% of Christian men say they view porn at least once a month, but a higher percentage (71%) of non-Christian report doing this.
Why are Christian men more likely to feel the term “porn addiction” applies to them?
Another recent study from Case Western Reserve University confirms this. Researchers concluded that there is a strong relationship between strong moral and religious convictions against porn and the perception that personal porn use is an “addiction.”
Definitions of Addiction
In my opinion, the chief sources of the discrepancy are the conflicting definitions of addiction. What does it mean to use porn “compulsively” or “regularly”? For some folks, “addictive” use of porn might be once a month, once a week, once a day, or many hours in a day. Others would measure addictive use by how much it disturbs their lives: has it cost them money or significant relationships? For the most part, surveys are not standardized around specific definitions or descriptions.
For instance, take the survey results published in the Porn University survey:
- 42% of men (7,065) said that they “regularly” visit sexually explicit websites or chat rooms, read sexually explicit magazines, or romance novels.
- Yet 64% of men (10,622) said that they spend at least some time each week online for sexual purposes. About one in five of these said they spend 5 or more hours every week.
- Furthermore, 19% of men (3,187) said they feel “controlled” by their sexual desires or fantasies of romance.
Clearly, what is considered “regular” use of pornography, or being “controlled” by it, are not the same across the board.
So what makes someone feel “out of control”? One contributing factor that psychologists give is religion. Pioneering sex therapist Michael Quadland has studied those who feel “out of control” with their sexual behavior. He found the patient’s and therapist’s beliefs about what is sexually “normal” the biggest controlling factor in whether the behavior is deemed compulsive or destructive.
So if a Christian’s value system leads him or her to believe that any sexual gratification outside of marital intimacy is wrong, then any amount of compulsion to look at porn could be deemed “out of control.”
Christians and Addiction Language
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders doesn’t use the word “addiction” for anything—not drugs, alcohol, nor any behavior. The language of addiction is largely shaped by culture—not medicine. Christian counselor Ed Welch explains:
“In popular use, addiction has become a very elastic and ambiguous category that contains everything from the frivolous (added to the six o’clock news) to the grave (addicted to alcohol). It also includes the unequally yoked categories of disease and sin. Given its ambiguities, there is a growing sentiment that we need a different word” (Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave, p.11).
On top of these cultural ambiguities, addiction language in Christian community is also shaped by sin language. A year ago I heard Ed Welch give a talk at a conference in Philadelphia entitled, “Addiction, Temptation, & Voluntary Slavery.” He spoke about how so often the “Big Book” used by AA members seems so much more alive to them than the words of the Bible. Why? One reason is the Big Book uses “addiction” language. The Bible does not.
The recovering alcoholic needs to understand the language of the Bible. The Bible doesn’t talk of “addiction,” but rather “slavery to sin.” The Bible doesn’t speak of the root of habitual sin as merely a “disease,” but as “idolatry.” Once these categories are understood, many portions of Scripture can and do come to life for the struggling addict.
Biblical language levels the playing field between the so-called addict and the non-addict. The Bible speaks of a slavery to sin that has affected the whole human race. For the addict, this slavery has impacted his or her life in a particular, more demonstrative way; in fact, the conference in Philadelphia was called “The Addict in Us All,” to highlight this very point: we are all addicted to self, addicted to sin, and as Christians we are all being redeemed from that life of sin-slavery.
Related: Do Christians Overhype Porn Addiction?
Do Christians and Pornography Mix? Are Christians More Prone to Porn Addiction?
Definitional differences aside, could it be that Christians actually have a more difficult time battling addictions? I am not aware of any studies or surveys that suggest this, but there are at least two “theological” factors at work in Christian communities that might serve to escalate addiction:
First, teaching higher standards makes rebellion more appealing.
Being raised in Christian community, I know that teaching a high moral standard didn’t make me want to sin less: rather, I wanted to sin more. The apostle Paul wrote, “[I]f it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, ‘You shall not covet.’ But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness” (Romans 7:7-8).
This is the hot stove principle: Tell a child not to touch the hot stove, and the forbidden act suddenly seems all the more attractive; the biblical motto of the harlot reiterates this conceit: “Stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17).
In a real sense, those who embrace Christian values can find pornography all the more appealing merely because it is demonstrably forbidden by their commitment to God.
Secondly, failing at higher standards makes sin all the more novel and intoxicating.
We are wired to love novelty—it is an essential part of our development. When we encounter a new experience, our bodies release an extra dose of pleasure-producing chemicals, a mechanism which encourages us to experience and explore new things.
For me, the draw of pornography was largely a draw to novelty. Pornography, especially Internet pornography, keeps us coming back for more because it promises a veritably endless source of sexual novelty. Each new picture or video clip promises a new sensation. This is why porn-addicted men don’t simply log on, quickly find one appealing image, and gratify themselves. We keep searching. We can spend hours online. Why? Because it’s not about the climax; it’s about the search, the options, and each one is a novel sexual escapade. This desire for novelty is also the reason why we move from less graphic to more graphic pornography over time: the downward spiral is fed by a desire for novelty.
For the Christian who engages in pornography, typically there are added dimensions of guilt and paranoia. These have a way of compounding the novelty of each experience. This leaves a deeper emotional rut in the mind, as it were. Over time, guilt can become chronic—even a way of life. The guilt can become an essential ingredient to the addiction. There came a time in my life when feeling guilty was the only way I could feel normal.
So, What Is the Answer?
At first glance it would seem the conservative standards are the problem: get rid of the rigid moral code and the rest goes away, right? But when we seek to rid ourselves of Christian morals for the sake of keeping addiction at bay, we are playing fast and lose with theology. Christian morality is not merely an idea about how to live; it is based on real history—the belief that the Creator of heaven and earth has actually revealed Himself in human history. We desire to follow biblical morals because we are convinced that Jesus is the Christ, the revelation of God.
No. Instead of discarding our morals, we need to embrace the One who gave them:
Teaching higher standards should point people towards their need for a new heart.
The goal of teaching Christian sexual ethics is not encouraging people to “try harder.” Merely highlighting the hotness of the stove is not the point. To know better is not necessarily to do better. Instead, recognizing our inward pull towards rebellion, we are to be driven to a place of utter neediness: I cannot change myself.
When I was entrenched in addiction, I knew that acknowledging my depravity was par for the Christian course, but something in me always wanted to “graduate” from that place of utter neediness. I sincerely believed that spiritual growth meant moving from spiritual poverty to self-sufficiency. I never would have said it that way, but that was my attitude.
But the great promise of Scripture is not that our “flesh” will get better, but that God can bring about great internal change despite our rebellious nature. He does so, not by enforcing an external code of conduct, but by implanting a new internal drive in His people, what the Bible calls a “new heart.”
Just as sure as pornography stirs up lustful cravings in us, the Holy Spirit is a source of new, holy cravings. Romans 8 tells us all true Christians have the Spirit of Christ within them (v.9). Galatians 5 says we are given the “desires of the Spirit” (v.17), and when we keep in step with these desires (v.16) the lusts of the flesh (leading to sexual immorality, impurity, and sensuality) will not have their way in us.
This is what the old Scottish minister Thomas Chalmers called “the expulsive power of a new affection.” Laws, rules, and regulations can only tell us what is bad and why it is bad, but they do not change our desire for sinful things. These sinful longings can only be conquered by implanting new “affections,” new cravings, that counter our sinful cravings. This is what the Spirit does in us: He shares His own desires with us, changing us from the inside out. (Your Brain on Porn)
Failing at higher standards should drive us to the cross.
The addict often finds himself in a cycle of abstinence, temptation, sin, guilt, penance, and back to abstinence. How do we break the cycle?
As we have seen, guilt is a big part of the addiction cycle. Guilt is that feeling of self-reproach, the feeling that one is culpable for some offense. When we feel guilt we desire absolution and reconciliation. Out of this longing, just like the pagan religions of old, we invent modes of penance that sooth our consciences: rituals that we hope will make us feel right with the powers of the universe again. We try to “get clean” by doing something good, to “make up” for the moral lapse.
For some Christians, it is renewing a commitment to more prayer, more activity in the church, or donating more time or money to some worthy cause. For others, it is merely time: an extended track record of victory. For me, it was the emotion of worthlessness—a sort of mental flagellation; long hours of beating my heart to a bloody pulp. These are modes of penance that we hope will fuel greater obedience in the future.
This is where a proper understanding of the cross is critical. Yes, my sin means I deserve the lowest hell. But (in love) Christ experienced my hell on the cross. He experienced the agony of God-forsakenness, the curse of my sin. The Father channeled His just wrath for my sin into His Son. The cross is God’s altar to fully extinguish His anger, and, as a result, I am fully pardoned.
Furthermore, to prove Christ’s sacrifice was not in vain, God raised Jesus from the dead three days later. Weeks after this, His disciples saw Him ascend into the heavens, and there, we are told, He entered the holiest place of heaven. He poured out His Spirit on His people, and by His Spirit He can “purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God” (Hebrews 9:14).
Knowing this, we should denounce all systems of penance as shallow cross-replacements. Knowing that my condemnation has been taken away, this grace from God breaks the cycle. Instead of guilt moving me to penance, guilt can, rather, move me to confession and praise. Instead of penance moving me to hollow abstinence, I am, rather, moved by real worship to experience a higher pleasure of God’s friendship.
So I really appreciated annon comment from Dec 22, 2013. Thought it interesting in terms of timing, i.e so near our celebration of the”virgin birth” I love Jesus, and struggle with porn and other issues of sexuality, partially because of a very unhealthy upbringing in a non-practicing Roman-Catholic home, where I was sent to Roman Catholic school. I agree that sex is divine, but here is a challenge in our christian story; the christ came to be a human without being conceived the way he has made the rest of us to be concieved, i.e through sex. I find this hard and it may even suggest that somehow sex is bad. I think a mistake we make as christians is seperating the world and our lives into secular and sacred. All of what God has made is sacred; even the very disturbing people both victims and perpetrators in the pornography that so many have admitted to watching. For me one of the strength of this sight and blog is that christians are talking about something we usually don’t talk about and I think this will help all of us> I feel I have been blessed by the time I spent here. I confess that I came to the sight after porning, feeling bad and searching for non-christian help in dealing with porn. The other sights I’ve seen in the past that identified themselves as christian were much less honest or helpful in my opinion. Too fire and brimstoney, not nearly loving enough. May God’s unfailing love and grace continue to abide in you and all of us who travel this life knowing and growing closer to God and each other. I wonder if there is a sight like this for muslims or budhists?
Hi Mike,
I know most of Christian resources, so I’m not aware of what help there is for other religious individuals.
Thanks for sharing some of your story. I agree that there is sometimes a wrong message that gets communicated when the virginity of Mary is held in high esteem. Of course I believe Jesus was born of a virgin. But when people (such as priests or nuns or other clergy) give up the prospect of married life and sex, it is not because they deem sex as bad. It’s rather the opposite. Think of the tradition of Lent: if I hate onions and I decide to give up onions for Lent, you probably would think my sacrifice isn’t worth much. That’s because we only truly sacrifice the things that we think are really valuable. The same is true for those who living a life of singleness: their sacrifice is a testimony to the goodness and great value of sex, not its ugliness. It would not be a sacrifice unless it was deemed good in the first place.
I hope you continue to find help here!
Sex is Divine. What we make of sex is different for each. Love Well.
I ‘am’ stuggling with porn addiction and your article is helpful.. But, I want to ask u but something entirely different
I’ve been feeling down for some time now and books/articles suggest I’m depressed.. I’ve talked to God about it and all, but there’s not much change..
I know He loves me and “is” helping me, and I try to start each day with Him.. But minutes later finds me angry(sometimes for no reason) at my mom or dad or anyone and then I feel bad about that and then my whole day just spirals down.. I don’t know if u understand what I’m saying, but I just so desperately want to find joy, fEel the kind of assurance u have, know my life has some purpose….
Have you been able to talk to someone about your depression. There are some great resources you can get about that. Depression: Looking Up from the Stubborn Darkness is a great book.
Another possibility is that you might need a change of diet, environment, or even medication if there is a chemical imbalance in your body. I know some Christians are against these kind of changes for problems like depression, but there can be physical reasons for psychological states. It might be worth looking into physical/neurological causes. Of course, in the end, medicine or proper nutrition can help your body, but only One can help your soul. Seek His face during this time and lean on the best wisdom the body of Christ has to offer.
admitting you have a problem and need support is first step to healing!
Hi, brothers and sisters in JESUS. Reading this article, I have been touched. I confess I’ve watched pornography. Nearly 20% of the time, I break free through prayer and 80% I give in to the feeling. I wouldn’t say I am addicted to porn…..or am I? I do not turn to it often…or do I? A couple of times a week…yeah, who am I kidding. I mean, when I am in a relationship with a healthy intimate life, I don’t watch them. I am in the process of divorce and intimacy was a part of this. She neglected me in the fullest, intimately and affectionately, but ended up cheating on me and Facebook’d 3 other men stating how bad she wanted them in the bedroom, had sex with one while we were separated, and sent nude photo’s to others. I did read their responses when she was away from her phone. Talk about a confidence collapser. My heart, at that moment, was stripped of its right to pulsate. That’s hard, man. She, also, was telling 2 others she loved them. I, then, felt I needed to turn to the Book of Hosea “a wife of harlotry” and I tried to stay as the LORD’s love to Israel. I cannot imagine GOD’s hurt in this book. I consulted family, preacher, and church members on the matter. It was becoming a regular that I would cry in church, I admit. Needless to say, I couldn’t do it and she wanted me gone for good because she said “I can’t be the Christian wife you need me to be.” (sex was included in that). I state this because I used porn in my marriage when I was neglected. Watching porn never made me feel better, on the contrary, porn seems to be a “domino effect” of negativity in my life, until I repented my “mental” fornication (Mt.5:27-28). Its not porn that starts in me….its what I go to when my thoughts are not enough. I will say this, that porn leads to more sins and will make you do things you normally wouldn’t do in a sober mind, if you embrace it. I am not sure what constitutes as “addiction” in the biblical sense. I am reminded of (Heb.10:26/ Jn.14:15) which beats me down, “O wretched man that I am!!” :( . I hate porn and I hate everything it stands for. Porn doesn’t “spice” up sex lives, it damages relationships, and creates an illusion that women will be this way in the room as to do anything you want to with them. You can’t approach women with that mindset. That’s why its a fantasy because not all women are into what’s being potrayed in porn. Some have limits. My X had plenty when we were intimate. I have watched porn debates with Christians and pornstars. I have watched testimonies from pornstars and hearing their confessions of abuse in the industry. I truly hate watching others whoring in front of a camera and saying its a “business” industry. Its degrading and embarassing. I can almost feel the evil that surrounds it and there is no love involved. Shame on me for knowing the power of Christ that has always delivered me and turning the flesh The Scriptures(Rom.8:7) says, “the carnal mind is at enmity with GOD.” I read my Bible, study the Scriptures, watch JESUS movies, and I go to church. However, the moment I have an urge, my flesh overcome my spirit, almost easily and quite shamefully. Please, pray for me as I will pray for the deliverance of you all. I, also, notice its hits me at night when I am alone at home. I work night shift and on my days off, so much time to think….”idle hands are the devil’s playground.”
Like stated above by some, I have no confidence to approach a lady, as so badly as I desire a woman with a heart of gold for GOD. All my relationships were women that didn’t care for GOD or didn’t acknowledged Him. I can’t blame anyone but myself for that. What I went though in these relationships with faithless women has my mind in a mix on how to be. I am like a dog that’s been hit with the paper, now try and pet me….I lower my head in confidence to be that missing link in a godly woman’s life. The one I am divorcing now says she loved GOD, but she did it with her lips, not her heart (Mt.15:8). The Bible says you will know a tree by its fruit (Mt.7:16, 20)…she never had any. GOD has NEVER failed me…..it is I who have failed GOD.
Lastly, (Lev.18:5-30) pretty much lays out the only person you are to see naked (in the sense) is your wife. And (Ps.101:3) states, “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.” This would place porn in that category. Thank you so much for allowing me to confess myself to you all (Jam.5:16) and I pray we all get back on our feet because what out eyes see should be of light (Mt.6:22-23). In closing, (Pro.3:5, 6) “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Amen
Thanks for sharing, The GrowingLight. I’m glad this post brought some clarity to you!
Most of the women have had abuse in their childhood and drug addiction. This is pretty common. Most are too young to understand what it is they are doing. Our society makes men think it’s okay to watch porn; its normal. “Men think about sex… Men can’t control their thoughts or actions… Men are just men… Men are visual… Men aren’t made to be monogamous… Etc.” the truth is 1 out of 3 women are sexually victimized before they become adults. If we keep telling men it’s okay to be men, to fantasize, to xyz, then that epidemic will never get any better. It’s good you are thinking about this the way you are. Just remember that whoring would never happen if there wasn’t such an enormous amount of abused women who think that love is sexual attention.
Geoff. when looking for a girlfriend for a lover. you might think women reject you. but most women will use rejection as a tool too see just what you are really made of, as in just how bad do you want them?
you need to learn that most real and meaningful female relationships aren’t found with the click of a mouse! most women who are worth anything is not going too just jump right into bed with you! find Adult christian single group in your area, if you want intimacy? you will find the girl god want for you. she may not be the stuff you find with the click of a mouse, and then again, she might just surprise you! and just because she may not be the most gorgeous women on the planet. give her the chance, because she may just be a victim of the same rejection that you have been dealing with! with the same desire that you desire! the desire of being desired!
very true! right on
Before you even think about a real woman though, I’d suggest Christian counseling. No person should be subjected to entering into a relationship with someone who has issues with pornography. Seriously. It is very damaging to the point of suicide. So know that you need to deal with the issues before you even get a relationship. When we truly love it drives out sin. Psalms 33 says joyful is the man whose sin is forgiven. Joyful!! How often is anybody really joyful about that. Also I think about the woman who washed Jesus feet with her hair. Her love and devotion to Him overcame everything, pride, vanity the need for control. All the things we struggle with when we have lost our first love for him. Perfect love drives out fear!!
I have totally loved this article… i have struggled with Porn addiction for quite sometime,but thsnx be to God who always causes us to triumph in His Name-I am an overcomer
I was so intrigued by this article and the statistics. very well done
Im 37 years old attractive and fit, and never had a girlfriend despite years of prayer. I know that it is wrong but I refuse to feel guilty about looking at porn. I’ve had rejection when I was young so I never have had the confidence to approach women, the few interactions I have had with them where I thought I had the beginnings of a relationship, I’ve been(friendzoned) I’ve had deliverance ministry, played on worship teams, otherwise done the christian thing. I’m tired of praying without any answer so I refuse to feel guilty about watching porn. I am the closest Ive ever been to paying for sex. A relationship is unattainable for me,.
Sounds like you’ve made up your mind about this, Geoff. I’m not sure if you’re looking for someone to convince you otherwise, but I’ll give it a go.
First, you have done a great job diagnosing the issue: you have never had the confidence to approach women because you’ve learned (through experience) that relationships are risky and there is the possibility of rejection. So you rush to porn where you know you will experience at least some parody of intimacy. In this sense, you are right: porn is safe because it is predictable. Women in porn don’t turn you down.
Second, your admission that you are very close to paying for sex is a great indicator of where you are in your fixation on porn: it has whet you appetite for more. I pray it doesn’t come to this for you. Not only does this put you at incredible risk for health problems, it also makes you a contributor to the massive sex trade crisis in the world right now.
In a recent post I wrote called “6 Reasons Men and Women Are Drawn to Porn,” I talk about what drives us to the place of being hooked on porn. In your case, porn offers you relationship. You desire intimacy, but you don’t like its risks. You want to be close to others, but you don’t want to be vulnerable. You want a real relationship, but you want to be the one in control. Porn gives us the illusion of feeling “connected” but not have all the mess of a real relationship.
In contrast, the gospel of Christ offers you something far better. When we desire intimacy with others, but we fear the risk, we need to run to God as a Father who is sovereign over our relationships. Relationships are risky. Hearts can be broken. Emotions are messy. But God promises that everything we go through will work for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). God can and will take all our relationships, even our failed ones, and use them to conform us to the image of his Son (v.29). Knowing this, we can pursue genuine intimacy with others in a godly manner, not run to the fake security digital sex.
You have a choice, Geoff. Pursue a real, godly relationship with a real woman, resting in a firm belief that God is in control despite any rejection you have ever felt or will ever feel. Or pursue porn because it is “safe.”
I recently wrote a post for the Biblical Counseling Coalition about my own addiction to porn. In that post I talk about this same struggle: being single, lonely, and unwilling to pursue intimacy with others. But in the end, I came to the conviction that my porn problem was ultimately about my faith. Who was I going to trust: porn or God?
I know you refuse to feel guilty about this. I also know you’re smart enough to realize that you are angry at any God who would tell you porn is wrong when it is your one connection to any form of sexual intimacy and release. Believe me, I get it. I used to hate God because of this issue.
But give this some thought: Don’t trade your soul for pixels on a screen or fantasy sex with a hooker.
As a Christian I refuse to believe there isn’t hope and I may not be writing to you but someone else who reads this article so I’ll start by saying I’ve been where you’ve been and maybe worse and I say that because there was a point in my life where I didn’t want to commit suicide but I didn’t care if I died it may or may not have been due to pornography but it didn’t help it turns out I didn’t know Christ so if I had died I would have went to hell now I’m 18 and a Christian for at least three years I still struggle with porn addiction and in some instances it’s gotten worse but it’s still light years better as a Christian dealing with it then as a non christian I believe a breakthrough will happen and I will be free from this I need support though and have trouble opening up to people about this because I haven’t received any help from those I’ve opened up to but God is in control sometimes I feel like a hypocrite and I’ll never find a good woman to love but that is the flesh talking and we must crucify it daily Salvation is eternal and no one can pluck you or any one else out of Gods hand Jesus told the woman at the well neither do I condemn you go andsin no more first you are not condemned then you don’t sin not the other way around
Wow that was long winded but thanks for the article brother Luke and hope you reply
Hi Landon,
Thanks for sharing both your story and your convictions about this. First, let me say that your hope through this is critical. It is important to believe that God is bigger than this temptation, bigger than this sin, and He can conquer it. You seem to get that, and that is great.
Opening up to others about this is very important: don’t be afraid to do this. I understand your reservations, but remember that the church is one of God’s means of grace to transform us. He gives us redemptive relationships in the church to shape our character, and building a good accountability relationship could be the linchpin of your victory in this.
I’d love to get your thoughts on another article I wrote at the beginning of this year. It is has a more practical bent to it, so it may help you walk through some of the nitty-gritty details of your struggle.
Think about who your watching. Most are extremely young ladies who are doing something because they have no self value and are desperate to make easy money. They are acting. A real relationship is nothing like what your watching.
Christians are addicted to porn. just like the rest of the population. Before the VCR/VHS you would have to go into a pretty bad neighborhood for porn, now internet porn comes to you, even if your not looking for it.
The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. Matthew 6 22
it will make it irrelevant
Here’s why I think I am addicted to porn as a Christian. One its relatively easy to keep my reputation and still indulge in sexual sin. I can keep it secret in my own home and the addiction does not have clear cut consequences such as something like an eating addiction would. Secondly, its relatively manageable. I could look at porn and I wouldn’t have to do much to rearrange my life. I can fall out of obedience and step right back into obedience. I could try going out and having sex with women but that takes a lot of energy and commitment to a lifestyle. Because I’m in a terribly split of wanting to please God and my flesh, I don’t find myself running from God very long before I run back. Third, did I mention reputation? Which leads to the Fourth. As a Christian I usually assert my own self-reliance by the works of the law. Not just to god but to people. So porn is a pretty good choice for people who are self-righteous. One because you can sin and manage your reputation, but also it comes down to the inability to let God control my life. In religion, you do to get. So I feel spiritual restlessness (stress, loneliness, etc) and therefore I pray or do good works to not feel restlessness. I am the one who then controls the state of my being. As is with porn. I feel restlessness and use porn to not feel restless. I am the one who controls the state of my being. But I think true surrender is embracing the restlessness and circumstances in light of the character of God. I feel restless, and I trust God. He may comfort me, he may allow me to suffer. I can’t control what he wills. But I do know he’s good. Yet, he may allow me to suffer. I need to be at peace with that. We won’t be fully complete and satisfied until he returns and his new kingdom is established. This life will hurt. God asks us to bear it and trust him. God will be with us, he will give us his grace so we find rest and relevation, but it doesn’t happen on my command. He dispenses as he wills, And as he wills is certainly what is right because my comfort or satisfaction are not the center of the universe. He alone is. So we trust him in the momentary trial of suffering for his return. That’s a scary place to be, if your heart isn’t fully ready to trust him and you aren’t willing to get off the throne that is rightfully his.
It seems like you’re filling up your need for porn with a religious addiction. Talking about Jesus with your buddies gives you an emotional charge, which will suffice for the porn. Still an addict, just getting your junk from another source.
I’ll happily be “addicted” to Jesus over porn any day. What’s interesting is that you take this as a problem. Why would being “addicted” to the most glorious being in universe be a bad thing?