Porn is a human problem. We provide a human solution.

No, you’re not crazy. No matter what you’ve been told, porn damages relationships and it’s not ok. It makes sense to be hurt and upset.

Right now, your emotions are probably dominated by alternating feelings of anger, helplessness, and numbness, and your thoughts are likely dominated by his use of pornography. Recovery may seem impossible. Approximately 70% of wives dealing with a husband’s betrayal fit the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder.

But there is hope. There’s a path to healing and restoration that you can follow.

“I am the wife of one who has walked this dark path with my husband. It is not easy but Jesus can bring healing to your marriage and make it stronger than ever.” – Sarah

Yes! We’ve heard from countless couples over the years who have walked this path and made it to the other side. In fact, their marriages are better than they were before the porn use was exposed. You’re not getting the man you married back—but that’s because the man you married carried a huge burden that diminished his ability to be open and honest and intimate in the way that a strong marriage needs. When you both put the work in your marriage and focus on building an honest, accountable relationship using tools like Covenant Eyes, your marriage will be stronger, and the recovery work will build a deeper love and intimacy.

That said, this won’t be an easy road. It can take months or even years for you both to find healing. On his part, he has to want to heal. On your part, you have to want to reconcile with him. If he doesn’t truly want to heal, or if you’re trying to “catch him out,” Covenant Eyes will not work for your marriage! But if you’re both committed to the recovery, you will make it through.

We wish healing for both you and your husband was instantaneous, but it’s not. For him, he’s recovering from a habit that probably started before he was a teenager.

Most counselors advise a minimum of a 90 day detox just to start rewiring his sexual impulses, but there may still be months or years of uncovering his triggers and training himself to turn to something better. You personally will probably require some time to deal with the emotional fallout of learning about his porn use.

Early on, your emotions will probably be in major flux, and you may even behave in ways that feel uncharacteristic. If you’ve been dealing with this for a while, you may be trying to move forward with a new picture of what your marriage is. This is normal! It’s kind of like the grieving process; it just takes time.

The good news is, healing is possible—for both of you! It will take time and commitment from both of you, as well as a good measure of grace all around, but we’ve seen it happen for countless couples, and we’ll see you through too!