Lust is not a guy problem–it’s a human problem. If you’re a woman who has struggled with any sort of lustful sin habit, including masturbation, you’re not alone. Millions of Christian women (single and married) are facing similar temptations every day. We, as women, are not immune to lustful sins any more than men are.
I am going to be very open and transparent in this post because I want you to know that Christ has the power to help us overcome our sin and to find lasting victory. Then we’ll dig into what the Bible has to say about masturbation and why I believe masturbation is a sin.
My Own Sin-Struggle With Masturbation
Jump back in time with me.
As a single girl in my mid-teens, I remember crying out to God one night in desperation. My desire for sexual intimacy was so strong that I felt like I couldn’t bear it anymore! I honestly wasn’t sure how I would survive until marriage with such strong sexual desires. “How is this a gift?!” I questioned God through my tears.
I knew how much God valued purity and holiness, but it seemed impossible to stay consistent for any length of time. I tried to control my lustful thoughts, but they seemed to overpower me more regularly than not. Masturbation had become a common theme in my life.
I didn’t know for a fact if it was wrong or not–but something deep in my heart told me it wasn’t God’s best. The guilt I felt after satisfying my lust was like a heavy dark cloud that lingered until morning.
My struggle with lust and masturbation became a constant companion throughout high school. I was on a roller coaster of winning the “battle” one week and losing it the next.
I was growing sick and tired of it.
As I entered my junior year of high school, I came across a little book that changed my life forever. It’s Joshua Harris’ well-known, little hardback book titled, Sex is Not the Problem, Lust Is.
For the first time, a lightbulb went off in my heart. After devouring that book, I gained a biblical understanding of my God-given sexual desires.
I realized that my sexual “drive” wasn’t the enemy. My sinful heart was.
God created our bodies with the capacity to enjoy pleasure and there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself. The problem comes when we allow natural urges to drive our hearts and actions to sinful places.
My eyes were slowly opened to how holy God was and how weak and needy I was. Instead of trying to muster up good behavior, I fell on my knees and cried out to a Holy God in humble desperation. I confessed my heart of pride and selfishness and asked God to forgive me of my lustful sins and for worshipping idols above my worship of Him.
For the first time, I felt free. Free!
My battle with lust wasn’t over, but I was more victorious than I had ever been before.
Masturbation was no longer a normal part of my life.
In fact, from that point on until I got married (seven years later), I only gave in to masturbation a handful of times. Now, don’t get me wrong–I still fought against lustful thoughts in my mind on a regular basis, but they weren’t the theme of my life anymore.
I share my story with you to let you know that victory in Christ is possible. You are not alone in your sexual struggles. We serve a powerful God and no sin is too great for the Cross of our Savior to conquer.
We Aren’t Victims of Our Sexual Desires
Now, let’s talk about women, masturbation, and what the Bible has to say about the topic.
Our modern culture tells us that our sexual urges are like balloons on the verge of popping, and we need to release the intense pressure every now and then.
Although it might feel that way sometimes, God has given us the power through His Holy Spirit to say no to the flesh and yes to righteousness. We are not victims of our sexual desires.
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16).
The truth is, the more we give in to our sinful desires, the more we fall prey to their grip.
We continue to crave but are never satisfied (James 1:14-15). That’s how sin works. It promises satisfaction but always leaves us empty and hungry.
Regardless of how strong our sexual urges may be, as Christian women, we are commanded to live pure and holy lives for God’s glory and our greatest joy. “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
God will give us the strength we need to walk in righteousness–we just have to make the choice to strive after it wholeheartedly.
3 Reasons Why I Believe Masturbation Is Sin
Is it a sin to masturbate? What does the Bible have to say about masturbation? While the Bible never explicitly mentions masturbation, it does talk a lot about related topics. Here are three reasons I believe masturbation is a problem for Christians:
1. Masturbation is usually fueled by lust.
While engaging in masturbation, it is very common for pornographic images (whether imagined or seen) and erotica to be used to fuel the act. From what I’ve experienced and researched, it seems that sexual fantasies accompany masturbation around 99% of the time. Masturbation isn’t a solo act, but one that is often fueled by lust.
Although the Bible never addresses masturbation directly, it addresses sexual immorality and lust many times. Lustful thoughts are toxic to our mind and heart.
Related: Can you masturbate without lusting?
1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
Galatians 5:19 says, “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality…”
Rather than seeing how close we can get to the line of compromise without going over, we should do everything within our power to stay as far away from the line of sin as possible.
Even if you claim to masturbate without lusting, why go there? Why allow yourself to be vulnerable to sin?
As long as lust is allowed to grow in one’s heart, the temptation to masturbate will probably always be present. We find lasting freedom only when we attack our lustful sin at its root and do everything within our power to destroy it.
2. The Bible teaches that sex is relational.
The Bible clearly teaches us that God created sex to be enjoyed between one man and one woman within the context of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:9). God created sex to be an expression of our love for our spouse and a way to create intimate bonds with one another.
Within marriage, sex should always be about loving and serving the other person, not about getting what we want.
When sexual intimacy is ripped out of its God-ordained context, it is no longer about loving and serving someone else, but about serving self. Masturbation fuels selfishness.
As Tim Challies says, “Masturbation is inherently self-centered. An act meant to be shared toward two people is completely and exclusively about one person, all alone.”
Outside of marriage, sexual pleasure is isolated from “community.” It is isolated from serving another. It is isolated from loving another. God never intended sexual pleasure to be enjoyed as a solo act, but as a gift to be shared and given within marriage.
3. Masturbation can be a form of self-worship.
As Christian women, our goal in life should be to “love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind” (Luke 10:27). We cannot fully serve God and serve self at the same time.
We can’t worship a holy God and satisfy our lust simultaneously. We can only do one or the other. Either we’ll choose to deny self and worship Christ, or we’ll choose to deny Christ and worship self.
Masturbation elevates self to be the center of our worship–the center of our heart’s affections.
Galatians 6:7-8 is a sobering reminder, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.”
We cannot worship God and worship self at the same time.
Winning the Battle Over Masturbation
Regardless of how often or little you struggle with sexual sin (namely masturbation), you are not out of reach of God’s conquering power. Christ died on the cross so we would no longer be slaves to sin.
“We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin,” (Romans 6:6).
If you desire to conquer your struggle with masturbation, there is no better time than now to humble yourself and confess your sin to the Father. Freedom begins today.
This post is the first half of a two-part series. In the second half, we’ll continue chatting openly about how we, as Christian women, can find lasting freedom from masturbation.
My name is Bret. I’m a 55 y.o.christian who truly loves the Lord Jesus Christ as my savior. After many years of struggling with this subject, peace has finally come for me through the Holy Spirit.. The bible, God’s word, does not say much on masterbation. I agree with Dr. James Dobson who said, given the negative alternatives, unwanted pregnancies, affairs, sexually transmitted diseases, masterbation is the safest alternative. Yes, it can get out of hand, but God’s mercy and grace still applies to all of us trying to stay sane without a normal marriage outlet for sex /lovemaking. Even Jesus said He did not come to condemn us, but to save us, St. John 3:17-18. We have to talk to Him in prayer about every issue in our life; masterbation as well. Those of you being harse critics, where’s your love and compassion? I know believers who claim to have overcome masterbation, but drink too much. Sounds like a trade off… I have a new respect and understanding for those who have or are now in a sexless situation. My wife is going through menopause; to date, it’s been 21months without sex me; she has absolutely no desire. I haven’t touch or even chatted with another woman, so masterbation has been my only outlet. I was single, in the military in 1990 for four years, determined to be “faithful” to God and not sleep around, so masterbation was my only outlet. Was sent to Saudi Arabia for 2 months and tried not to masterbate, sleeping in close quarters with a bunch of guys. After the first month, my testicles were so painful I could barely walk or perform my tasks. Semen started discharging in large amounts (yes, a wet dream) at night. Pretty embarrassing when war drills forces you out of bed at night. I was determined to be “faithful” and not masterbate until a guy from our unit got a female commorade pregnant within this first month of us being there. This guy had a wife back in home. Begged the lady to have an abortion, which she refused. Glad she refused. That would have been another mistake. I was suffering, literally in pain while praying, begging the Holy Spirit to remove the build up of tension in my testicles; He didn’t…. In Saudi Arabia, anything of sexual influence had been removed. No magazines, videos, etc. Because human biological functions don’t cease, sperm was coming out of my body against my will! I wasn’t feeding a lustful desire, l attempted to suppress sperm production! Even asked for divine help… I masterbated so the pain in my entire groin area would go away, so l could walk and do my job. Our sexual drive doesn’t necessarily turn off with age. After getting out the military, I trained as an RN to work in surgery. Working as an in home care nurse, l took care of an 85 year old widower who said he really missed his wife as they were still sexually active before her death. Being a very outspoken, candid man, he told me remarrying was out of the question; that he’d just be taking care of himself in the bedroom. This is where grace and mercy comes in. Remember, Jesus died for all our sins: past, present and future. The bible doesn’t even identify masterbation as a sin, but if it did, it would be a forgivable sin like eating too much or gossiping; How about speeding? That’s breaking the law. When’s the last time you asked God to forgive you for speeding? This man was faithful in marriage for 60years, so now he’s going to hell for masterbation? Of course not! If masterbation is an over indulging activity that’s causing you to miss work, airline flights, important obligations or has caused you to stop socializing altogether, you should get help, but don’t shame yourself into debilitating anxiety and depression, Jesus still loves and wants to help and we your christian brothers and sisters love you and we represent that help . Talk to others about what you’re going through like on this forum and continue to pray. We can pray to help you find a good christian counselor. Ok. I’ve said quite a bit everyone. Hope l helped someone. Pray for me too, as l said, I’m approaching 2 years in a sexless marriage. Please read St. John 3:16-19 & Philippians 4:6-7
I love you all and will continue praying for everyone. God bless you!
I am 46 and find that masturbation is a healthy outlet for sexual release when sex is not possible in marriage due to medical or behavioral health issues may limit or mitigate it from happening. Masturbation is also okay as part of supplementing when the other person doesn’t have the libido or level of desire the other person may have. Instead of worrying about lust or the guilt factor why not give ourselves permission to enjoy our sexuality and express ourselves freely in what is a harmless act of enjoyment that has been medically proven to help our physical and emotional and mental health. Orgasmic release is a necessary and natural part of our being and we should not feel shame or condemn ourselves for it. Why torture ourselves? What’s the alternative supposed to be….cold shower or a nice book to take our minds off of things? The clitoris is jammed packed full of nerve endings and serves no other purpose than to allow us to enjoy pleasure. I understand the arguments against masturbation and can see how this like anything could become a problem if not managed right. Moderation in all rhings should be the guiding principle just as in our meal choices and spending habits. Sex is a need and isn’t going to go away by trying to ignore it or pretend it isn’t there.
Thank you, Toni, for speaking up.
TONI – You’re entirely out of line and against the spirit of the article above. If anything, you’re speaking from a place of sin. I ask anyone listening to your words to reconsider their actions, as everything you promote directly contradicts what the Word of God teaches. This is scandal, and you’re sinning just by promoting sin. Shame.
It never ceases to amaze me how so many people call themselves Christians, but act like he/she is God but passing judgement! Personally, my libido is so low that I joke about being asexual, but anyone who says masturbation is a sin is simply playing God since it certainly does not say anything about it being a sin in the Bible. God made our bodies the way they are and allowed us (Most of is) to enjoy sex even after procreation is no longer possible. What is the difference between your husband causing you to feel pleasure versus yourself?? In fact, when you think about the actual act of sex with your partner, it’s rather disgusting. Masturbation is actually cleaner and safer.
You are so right! But like many on here I also was brought up that sexual desire was bad
thank you so much Mrs Clark, for God has really used you for me this morning
i know i’m still struggling with it but i believe that with your help and God’s backing up , ill soon be free finally……God bless you ma’am
Thank you so much for the post and of course for the good comments.
i must say i am enlightened, educated and shown the true meaning of holy life and of course how i should battle with lust and be victorious over it.
i feel inside of me dirty but upon absorbing this insight that you just published i feel like am free forever.
thank you so much God bless.
Hello Renai. Your libido coming back is a very very good thing.Your going against the Bible
Thank you so much for this post! I have struggled with this filthy habit since I was in the second grade, no kidding! I am in my fifties now and married, but sex has completely stopped between my husband and I. After I went through menopause my libido went to sleep. Then, it came back to life and I have been feeling so guilty and dirty that I cannot face God anymore. My husband will not be able to have sex he has been very ill for the past few years. So, I guess it’s up to me to leave this habit alone. I know too, that being exposed to things like romance novels and even the christian love stories are going to have to become a “No No” in my life.
Thank you again for this post. Prayers please. Mrs. Beaver
Georgie, I’m literally almost in the same boat as you! My husband can still perform sometimes. It is just that menopause practically ruined my life! We went about 3 years without sex because of it and I’m certain he of course masturbated, but overall and in the end…I think I am the one that caused his libido to almost die completely because of the menopause! Fortunately and unfortunately, I got medical help for my menopause and when my libido came back, it CAME BACK…stronger than EVER! I find myself thinking of having sexual intercourse with my husband and even when sometimes watching porn…the picture in my mind is of he and I being the people in and doing the porn! I hate having this overwhelming feeling of sexual desire/needs! Like you, please pray for me as I am weak, very weak!
Wow. The Bible teaches that sex is a gift from God. You are going against but I understand as I was brought up the same way but then in my 50s a 83 yr old former pastor enlightened me that the Bible says otherwise, needless to say my relationship with my elderly parents is not good.
I’m stuck in the place where I’ve asked God to take this sin from me but I still feel it’s grip. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve read devotional, I’ve prayed but still I fall short. I read it’s good to talk to someone about it but I am petrified of what people will think of me. It makes me feel absolutely horrible and worthless and yet I still fall short. Any advice for me as I work through this?
Hi, friend – talking openly will help. It almost always does. I’m not sure what steps you’ve taken to try and break free from this, but maybe it’s time to get really drastic. Try really new things. New patterns. New behaviors. Whatever it takes! I trust that it is possible for you to be free. I really do. This will sound really strange, but sometimes it’s not a matter of prayer and devotionals. But instead, real steps. Like moving in with a friend so that you’re not alone. Like getting rid of your phone if it’s a trigger. Then, what I’ve discovered is that God’s Spirit comes alongside our efforts, and turbo-charges them. “Grace-driven effort” is what I heard pastor Matt Chandler call it and I love that phrase.
I wish you well! God is for you.
Chris
Hi Clayton.Your either married or old!
I’m on the same boat, my dear. You know where your answer is. The but. Overcoming the fear of talking to someone, finding that courage is the first step. I pray we both face that paralyzing fear and move on to freedom.
What are pleasurable sexual alternatives for a Christian woman whose husband has no physical desire due to prostatectomy or has problems with erectile dysfunction that is not helped by professional health assistance?
In my opinion, masturbation is normal. It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self. If your husband is unable to have sex, and isn’t interested in mutual sex play due to his medical issues, then I personally see masturbation as a healthy outlet for your perfectly normal sex drive. Of course it would be nice if he wanted to participate, but if not, well, that’s his choice! Enjoy the good gifts of God, including your sexuality.
I saw a comment to you from someone else and thought I’d prevent that from being a seed to anyone else who reads this article.
When we ask ourselves another way to get around God and to live in our sexual desires (I’ve been the master of self-justification for years), we are tying a noose around our own neck. Self justification is a rabbit hole that’s very hard to come out of. God does not excuse sin based on circumstance. Sin is sin no matter what.
There is no Biblical basis for masturbating. I may be a male but like young woman said, masturbation (or, generally, lust, and even more generally, sin) is a human problem, not a gender problem. No person is immune because of their gender, race, etc.
Now, since I seem really harsh, let’s balance it out a little bit. I’ve recently been learning how to walk in the Spirit. I’m not talking about putting on a spiritual show for others, and more importantly, trying to deceive myself by “being spiritual”. Walking in the Spirit is so much more than a show. The Holy Spirit comforts us, gives us strength, leads us into all truth, and guides us, among many other things! One of the most amazing things to me is that He always points to Jesus. And Jesus always points to the Father! Think about it another way; people typically wait years from the time their sexual hormones start really kicking in (around 13) to the time they are married. Obviously, the time someone gets married varies person to person. These people are in the same position. How do I deal with my sexual urges and be righteous? It seems like such an impossible task! And it is! It is impossible, at least, when we try to fight it.
The first problem is that we _do_ try to fight it. Scripture clearly tells us to flee sexual temptation. Literally, just run away from it. Any other temptation? Armor up! Fight! Sex? Masturbation? Pornography? Looking a little too long at that man or woman? Imagining what you and that person would do together? Run away from it! Why is it that sexual temptation is so unique in this? It’s the only type of temptation we are told to run away from.
1 Corinthians 6:18
“Flee from sexual immorality! Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body—but the one committing sexual immorality sins against his own body.”
Again, we see that sexual sin is unique. Every other sin, including murder, is over on one side but here comes sexual sin, and it’s alone and unique in how it affects us.
We can have lasting victory but it requires a lot of hard work. I’m certainly not there yet. I know a lot of people like to share Scripture and then stop there but I’d like to offer some practical advice that has helped me.
– Keep it out in the open with people you trust. Do not go a day without talking to someone because sexual sin will start seeding itself in your heart. Keep living life in the Light (God, truth) and darkness (evil, sin) will not be able to last.
– Really read Scripture every single day. This is something I struggle to do, not because I don’t like reading (because I love to) or even because I’m too busy. When you wake up after sleeping and turn on the light, you immediately want to turn it right back off. It’s almost painful. We behave the same way spiritually. Scripture shines the brightest Light (God and Truth) into the darkest parts of ourselves. Our immediate response is to go back into the comfort of the darkness. Eventually our eyes get used to the light, though, as long as we stay in it. In this analogy, when we switch the light off immediately and then 5 minutes later, we try again, we may be a little more used to it but we’re going to face the same issue as before. This way of thinking/doing only leads to repeating the same thing over and over again instead of just dealing with the uncomfortable light for a few minutes in the physical world. In the spiritual world, it does not quite equate to waking up and turning on the light. Imagine that analogy but multiply it by 1000. It’s much harder, much more uncomfortable; it’s just impossible for us to overcome by ourselves. We need Him! He is our ONLY chance.
– Avoid triggers. This seems simple but I think that a lot of us try testing the waters in this area. For example, “this TV show won’t _really_ trigger me”.
– Realize that it’s a process.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
“3 For this is the will of God—your sanctification: to abstain from sexual immorality; 4 to know, each of you, how to gain control over his own body in holiness and honor— 5 not in the passion of lust like the pagans who do not know God;”
“to gain control” is not an immediate thing. Other versions say “to learn”. Learning is not an immediate process. It’s a lifelong process. Salvation is immediate, from the very second you ask God into your heart and repent. Sanctification is a process of becoming more like Him, day by day.
– Protect yourself. If you struggle with porn, get a filter that can’t be uninstalled easily. I don’t work at Covenant Eyes but I can attest that the software really does work as long as you have an admin that you is not easily swayed. (ie: I really need to access this clean website that CE is blocking, please give me the uninstall code.”) This should also be someone that you really trust and that really cares about you, not someone who is going to judge you and tell you all the things you should not be doing. I had an account admin who I thought was a friend but he was constantly hanging my own sin over my head, reminding me of what a failure I was. I felt condemned and like I was fighting a losing battle. Here’s the thing, though; “there is, therefore, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”. The Holy Spirit convicts us. That’s His job, not man’s. Someone can tell you that it’s a sin but you already know that. What you need is someone who can keep you accountable and encourage you. We see that God’s loving-kindness leads us to repentance, not His anger towards sin and certainly not a constant reminder that we are sinful. We know that. What we need to get through our thick skulls is that we are forgiven and loved and that it’ll take time to get out of these addictions! If you don’t struggle with porn, I still recommend using CE’s software. At the very least, it’ll help you from being triggered and even if you do not watch porn while you masturbate, a simple image one day can be all you need (especially if you are vulnerable and weak, and as Scripture says, “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”) to run to your room, lock the door, and masturbate. It’s best to just remove that possibility altogether. (and porn is not the only trigger. It could be erotic stories or something else. You know what triggers you, aside from just generally being horny, which we all face. Some more than others but we all have sexual hormones.)
I can go on but I just realize how much I wrote. Just remember that you aren’t alone and do your best not to justify sin. Again, if it helps, remember there are lots of single people who wait years before they are married. They have it just as hard and while they could justify masturbating because they have no idea when they’ll be married to satisfy their sexual urges, it’s still sin and we still need to strive for righteousness.
I hope this helps someone! I know it’s long but these are things that have genuinely helped me. Hopefully they will help you as well!
Clayton, it’s 2020 and your comment has been a blessing. Thank you.
I am constantly horny and masturbate with my dildo every day, sometimes two or three times. It replicates sex with a man but maintains my virginity for marriage. I’m fine with this.
Thank you for your insight.I have dealt with this single, married and divorced. It has changed over time. The reasons have changed over time too. i still have so many questions still. i am looking into the whole Bible. Scriptures around the ones you teach and culture as i was taught to study this way. I,m also praying, talking to God ,praying more and deciding what is right. .
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Thank you this was well said!! Heart!!
What if I regularly crave for endorphins? I am currently fighting it hard. I feel such a freak because I cause myself pain to feel aroused. I was wondering if that was a reason to seek a counsellor.
I always say that when you ask the question “Should I see a counselor?” the answer is always YES! If you’re asking that question, that’s probably what you need!
Sabina, to me masturbation is a safe, healthy, normal, and natural way to release pent up arousal. As one woman to another I would encourage you to consider masturbation as a healthy outlet. It has helped me in what has been a sexless marriage to not fault of my husband. Just can’t perform anymore. But my libido didn’t stop and masturbation has helped me manage my sexual needs without committing adultery. I’m 46 and i enjoy masturbation b/c it allows me to enjoy sex and to be able to orgasm while thinking about my husband. Hope this helps
I find it strange that you refer to your God given sex drive as a “sin.” Smh
Thank you so much, although I’m a man, my experiences and feelings just as same as yours. This article has struck a responsive chord in the hearts of mine. Thank you, Mrs. Kristen Clark.
How about if I masturbate and think about my husband is that still a sin??
Why would you even be reading this material meant for women. There are plenty of articles for men on masterbation. Shame on you.
I am sick and tired of the negativity towards this page. The Bible clearly says: Do not use any part of your body to serve sin. This verse speaks more towards masturbation. Even if you masturbate while thinking of your spouse is still a sin because you are not directly serving your spouse, therefore it is self-centered. Those who think masturbation is normal and do it for physical wellness are being deceived. Gods word says: Do not be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for God’s anger will fall on all who disobey Him.
I am single .my husband. Died almost. A couple. Years ago. I feel I need sex that’s not. Wrong. Is it. I miss. It lately. I masterbate on Kevin awhile I feel I’m not being. Wrong what do you. Think. Of that.i need an answer .
Masturbation is not a sin. There is not a single bible verse that supports the idea that it is a sin. You have sexual desires just like your other normal bodily sensations: hunger, thirst, the need to poop and pee. Creating a sin where there is no sin creates shame where it’s completely unnecessary. Please be free of this idea that masturbation is a sin, and enjoy your sexuality like any other bodily pleasure.