Unfortunately, I started watching pornography at a very young age. I started when I was eight years old. I was introduced to it by a classmate who claimed that it was a cool thing to watch. From there, my life consisted of on-and-off porn use. Throughout my high school experience, I watched porn at best once a month and, at worst, every other day. In my undergraduate degree, I continued to watch porn and was encouraged by my ex-girlfriend to use it as a healthy outlet. Towards the end of my degree, I would use private browsing on web browsers to watch videos. I tried, albeit not very hard, to avoid porn by my own will and strength. Of course, I failed, and I turned to social media such as Discord, Reddit, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook to view pornographic images and videos. When I tried cutting them out through screen time on the iPhone, I turned to OnlyFans and Discord. It felt that no matter how high I built a wall, I always had a higher ladder. After I graduated during the pandemic, I went down a deep, dark hole of purchasing pornographic content.
Finding Healthy Outlets
Despite struggling immensely and for so long with porn, I have found victory because of the Lord’s mercy. I have cut out the use of Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, and Discord from my social media diet. I only use Facebook for personal and business purposes. Now, when I use my personal social media, I have no desire to view pornographic images or videos. Despite struggling for a long time, I have found freedom from purchasing and viewing pornographic content. I no longer desire to watch porn videos on the internet. I no longer want to use social media to satisfy my own self-pleasure and thus degrade women.
Years ago, whenever I was bored, lonely, sad, or otherwise, I would use porn as a form of medication. Now, whenever I feel bored, lonely, sad, or otherwise, I no longer have the desire to view porn. I have found healthy outlets for boredom, loneliness, sadness, or otherwise, thanks to therapy. Candidly, I do still face some temptations. Yet, they are few and far between. When I see an image that may cause me to stumble on social media, I take that thought captive, which I did not do before. I no longer entertain sinful and lustful thoughts, and instead, I flee sexual immorality. I submit my temptations to the Lord as they come, and I thank him for his mercy in giving me freedom from porn.
Embracing Accountability
Covenant Eyes and personal accountability have been a huge part of my journey. It started with confessing to a brother in Christ that I wanted accountability but could not afford the software. By his kindness and God’s mercy, I joined his Covenant Eyes plan free of charge because my fee was covered by his group until I could pay for it. This allowed me to bring brothers in Christ into my struggles. Covenant Eyes allowed me to send reports to my accountability partners so they could see any suspicious activity on my phone or computer. It helped me not fight this battle alone, which I had been doing for so long.
Covenant Eyes, through accountability, allowed men to check in and see how I had been doing. It allowed them to ask questions about why I fell into porn or why I tried looking at certain things. It brought them in so that I was not alone, and it allowed them to see the deepest, darkest parts of me that I hid for so long. It invited them in to pray with and for me. Through accountability with my men’s small group, they have prayed for me when I struggled most.
Accountability helped me be open and vulnerable with the men in my group. Covenant Eyes also helped in my accountability when I did not feel like sharing because it reminded my brothers to check in if anything showed on my report. Covenant Eyes reminded men that I am fighting this and to keep praying and keep checking in. Covenant Eyes helped me cut out inappropriate websites and notified accountability partners if I tried to access them.
Through the iPhone’s screen time feature, a brother walks with me to keep me accountable by removing the ability to download apps, access websites, and enter private browsing. This accountability has helped me avoid moments of weakness and remove the temptation to combat this on my own. Even though I no longer desire porn, I want to ensure there are no cracks in my armor so that I can honor God with my body.
I praise God because I have eternal freedom from Christ’s redemptive work on the cross. Thank you, Covenant Eyes, for the work you do in combatting porn. Thank you, brothers, for walking alongside me, being patient with me, and never giving up on me. Thank you, God, for your continual and steadfast kindness, love, and mercy. Thank you for sending your son, Jesus, to give me eternal freedom. Thank you.
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