Protect Your Kids girl texting
Protect Your Kids 5 minute read

Are you wearing “text goggles”? Love in the time of texting

Last Updated: June 6, 2024

As a millennial, I understand the appeal of the text message. It’s easy, convenient, non-threatening, and can be ignored. I have texted guys to suggest a hang-out when I hadn’t heard from them in a while; I have received tweets, texts, and e-mails from men for last-minute “dates” that never seemed to work out the way they did in my head. I’ve had a texter vanish into thin air, leaving me (embarrassingly) devastated. 

Many of the men and women I hear from feel wrecked by similar text-based relationships and confused when they end. Part of the problem is what I call “text goggles.”

Text goggles: A phenomenon in which texting impairs the judgment of an individual in a relationship and makes the other person with a character deficit, emotional instability, or lack of depth appear more attractive than they actually are.

Text Chemistry ≠ Real Connection

Roxanne Jones, founding editor of ESPN The Magazine and a former vice president at ESPN, noted in her CNN Article, “As a happily single woman, I am shocked at how many professional, attractive, and otherwise intelligent men have no idea how to communicate effectively by phone or face to face.”

Text chemistry can skew your judgment and make it easy to think something is there—maybe a future, a different romantic feeling, or possibly a spouse. But text chemistry doesn’t equal real-life connection.

Texting isn’t bad, and I’m not anti-technology. We just need to be careful because it doesn’t translate well into relationships. Here’s a cardinal rule about texting: Texting should always be leading to face-to-face interaction, not taking away from it.

New Dating Rules for the Texting Generation

My messy relational life before meeting my husband led to heartbreak and loads of confusion, but after sorting through the broken pieces I discovered that texting or being the “always-available” girl might have been part of the problem. Enough was enough, so I decided to experiment with dating differently, specifically in the areas of communication and sex. I really wanted to find Mr. Right, not just Mr. Tonight.

My dating rules were simple. I would not accept dates made over social media or texting, nor would I be waiting around for a last minute “out tonight?” or “come meet up with us?” text. Secondly, I didn’t think sex was casual like everyone said, and decided to wait until marriage to make sure the guy would actually be around in the morning.

My husband had similar thoughts about dating and took his romantic life equally as seriously. Safely on the other side of marriage, we started sharing our rather counter-cultural dating perspective and had millions respond with similar frustrations and a desire for more from love, sex, and dating.  And we have heard many success stories just in time for our book, Real Men Don’t Text, to hit bookstores.

Texting Can Cloud Your Judgement

Here’s some reasons texting can produce clouded judgment:

1. Texting is easy. Easy isn’t bad. It just means you can’t—or shouldn’t—start planning your perfect summer wedding because your “text chemistry” is through the roof. The constant texting may simply mean the person on the other end  is bored, likes the attention, is looking for a hookup, or enthralled just like you are with the chemistry.

2. Texting is not a real connection. While texting has dramatically changed the dating climate, text-based relationships can bring a false sense of intimacy—the same way following your favorite blogger or singer doesn’t mean you actually know them. It’s easy to feel exhilarated and even connected by a rapid-fire, flirty text banter, but text chemistry doesn’t hold weight off screen. Too many settle for this emotionally addictive buzz in lieu of a real connection.

3. Texting allows both you and him to be someone you’re not. The person on the other end of the message may not be who his/her texts suggest they are. You might be wearing text-goggles. But just like if you were under the influence of alcohol, you need to take off the text-goggles—spend some quality time communicating face-to-face—before you imagine you’ve met your soul mate. 

4. Texting handicaps the communication necessary to build a healthy relationship. How does Mr./Mrs. Text handle conflict? Are they in the 58% that will cowardly break up with you over text? We’re losing basic communication skills—how to have healthy argument without name-calling, conflict resolution, or asking personal questions, because it’s easier to hide behind technology. It’s common to mask hurt feelings, deep emotions, and harsh words behind screens. Communication is the most important aspect of a relationship that withstands the test of time, and carrying out a majority of your relationship on screen means you are headed for dangerous waters.

Real communication takes courage. Telling a man or a woman you want to end a relationship over the phone or in person takes character. Putting yourself out there and not sending a mass text or a late-night one is what will make the men stand out among boys. Take a risk and find a lasting relationship without the goggles.  You won’t be disappointed.

Photo credit: jhaymesisvip

. . . .

Ruthie Dean - Real Men Don't Text

Ruthie_Dean is a marketer, speaker, and the co-author with her husband of Real Men Don’t Text: A New Approach to Dating. Ruthie’s writing has appeared on Fox News, Christianity Today, Relevant, Prodigal Magazine, The Angelos, The Good Women Project, and other print and online publications.

0 comments.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related in Protect Your Kids

Editor's Picks

Teenager man using smartphone.

Protect Your Kids

Social Media and the Slippery Slope

In 2024, the number of worldwide social media users passed 5 billion—over…

5 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Family using the internet.

Protect Your Kids

Christian Internet Filters

The internet is awash with pornography and other undesirable content. How can…

6 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Phone and a computer configured to block porn sites.

Protect Your Kids

How To Block Porn Sites

The amount of pornography available online can be disheartening. But here are…

8 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Close-up of parent holding a child's hand.

Protect Your Kids

How Churches Can Rescue This Generation From Pornography

Culture is always changing. And there are things in our culture that…

4 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Female student writing a scholarship essay.

Protect Your Kids

5 Eye-Opening Revelations From 850 Scholarship Essays

Each year, Covenant Eyes holds a scholarship contest for current members who…

4 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Parents with their teenage son.

Protect Your Kids

Why Parents Must Talk About Sex

When my son was sixteen, he attended a youth group meeting during…

5 minute read

Read Post

Related in Protect Your Kids

Teenager man using smartphone.

Protect Your Kids

Social Media and the Slippery Slope

In 2024, the number of worldwide social media users passed 5 billion—over…

In 2024, the number of worldwide social media users passed 5 billion—over 60% of the world’s population. Some regions of the world, such as Northern Europe, 80% are using social media.1 Despite its popularity, and…

5 minute read

0 comments

Family using the internet.

Protect Your Kids

Christian Internet Filters

The internet is awash with pornography and other undesirable content. How can…

The internet is awash with pornography and other undesirable content. How can Christians engage with the digital world while protecting themselves and their families? If you’re a Christian, especially a Christian parent, you need to…

6 minute read

0 comments

Phone and a computer configured to block porn sites.

Protect Your Kids

How To Block Porn Sites

The amount of pornography available online can be disheartening. But here are…

The amount of pornography available online can be disheartening. But here are some practical steps you can take to block porn sites on your computer or mobile device. Porn-blocking software makes it easier to block…

8 minute read

0 comments

Close-up of parent holding a child's hand.

Protect Your Kids

How Churches Can Rescue This Generation From Pornography

Culture is always changing. And there are things in our culture that…

Culture is always changing. And there are things in our culture that take us away from Christ. Every generation tends to feel doom and gloom at the rate of change. Ours is not different in…

4 minute read

0 comments

Female student writing a scholarship essay.

Protect Your Kids

5 Eye-Opening Revelations From 850 Scholarship Essays

Each year, Covenant Eyes holds a scholarship contest for current members who…

Each year, Covenant Eyes holds a scholarship contest for current members who are enrolled as full-time students. This year, we had over 850 applicants! These amazing students answered questions about integrity using today’s technology, their…

4 minute read

0 comments

Parents with their teenage son.

Protect Your Kids

Why Parents Must Talk About Sex

When my son was sixteen, he attended a youth group meeting during…

When my son was sixteen, he attended a youth group meeting during which the male leader spoke with the guys about pornography and enumerated the ramifications porn could have on marriages and families. He learned…

5 minute read

0 comments