3 Truths That Ruined Porn for Me

I stood there with two glasses of water filled to the brim. I looked at the young man who was grinning from ear to ear. He didn’t know what I was going to do, but he knew it was going to be something good.

I pulled out a $20 bill and started to speak:

“I have two glasses here. One is filled with fresh, clean water and the other is filled with water that I got out of the toilet twenty minutes ago. They both look the same, but they are quite different. If you drink one glass, the glass of your choice, I will give you the $20 bill.”

He leaned in, examining both cups. The water looked identical; however, now he knew that they were quite different. He had a 50% chance at getting clean water, but that probability wasn’t high enough to take the chance. He walked away thirsty without the $20 bill.

In fact, out of the 100+ people that sat in the audience, no one would take the risk.

The opportunity had been poisoned by the knowledge of where it came from.

Sometimes, that is all that it takes. Today, I want to give you three truths that have the power to ruin porn for you. If they take root in your life, you will never look at porn the same way again.

Truth #1: The person I’m watching is someone’s child.

Once I had children, this thought ruined me. As I held my child for the first time with such love and gratefulness, my heart was filled in a way that it never had been before. I experienced love, at a level that I had never felt before. If you have kids, you know what I mean.

Every person you are watching on your screen was once a tiny little bundle of joy that someone held in their arms. They were the ones that family had dreamed about or prayed for or encouraged throughout the years of life. They were the epitome of joy and hope for the future and new beginnings and better tomorrows. There were endless possibilities surrounding them.

Porn takes that all away.

Porn has a way of allowing us to wrongly objectify people. This woman or man on our screen simply becomes an object for my pleasure. We watch them tossed from this person to the next as a simple tool for the pleasure of others. They have only one purpose, and that purpose is to satisfy my eyes and allow me to live in a fantasy for a few moments.

Related: Women Are Daughters, Not Objects

When we remember that the person on the screen has a family and dreams and a history, it affects the way that we see them. It has the power to humanize an object and allow us to have a deeper sense of compassion and care for the person that we see. We begin to desire their well-being and discover that their life has a much greater purpose than simply helping me ‘get off’.

Truth #2: The person I’m watching is a child of God.

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:16

God knows this person being objectified on the screen. He knows their struggles and their pain and their past. In fact, He loves them with a love that caused Him to send His Son Jesus to earth to die for them (John 3:16). He gave up His Son so that they may have life.

And, God has a plan and a purpose for that person you’re watching. He has dreams and a direction for their lives. We don’t know the circumstances that caused them to be in porn, but He does. It could have been previous abuse or addiction or lacking self-worth or a sense of empowerment or trauma or a host of different circumstances—but whatever it was, God knows. His heart of compassion is for their restoration and not their destruction.

When we objectify these people on the screen, we are not viewing them through the eyes of compassion or grace. We don’t want them to find hope, healing, or worth, but simply want them to continue to serve us by sacrificing themselves for our carnal pleasure. We have it all backwards.

Jesus said, “And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold.” (Matthew 24:12).

Did you hear that? The love of many will grow cold.

When people become objects instead of children of God, our hearts have become cold and self-serving. It is important for us to thaw out our cold hearts and see people as children of God with immense purpose, deserving of respect and care.

Truth #3: By watching porn, I’m fueling the industry of sex trafficking.

I once heard someone say,“Porn is to sex trafficking as cigarettes are to cancer.”

Now, I know that this is a pretty bold claim, but there has been study after study that have linked the subject of porn to sex trafficking. And it makes sense.

Let’s look at what sex trafficking actually is. The National Human Trafficking Hotline explains it as: a form of modern-day slavery in which individuals perform commercial sex through the use of force, fraud, or coercion. Minors under the age of 18 engaging in commercial sex are considered to be victims of human trafficking, regardless of the use of force, fraud, or coercion.

No matter how much that person on screen appears to be ‘enjoying’ the experience, there is a chance that they don’t have a choice in that moment. Maybe they were being forced to. Maybe they were being recorded unknowingly and never consented to it being shared (or don’t even know it’s out there). That all falls within the definition of sex trafficking above. Are you willing to take that chance?

Habitual porn use leads you to more specific and deviant places to get your hit of dopamine and spark your curiosity. (See my recent post on the escalation of porn use.) For some, this deviant place is child porn, which also falls within the definition of sex trafficking.

For others, after viewing fetishes and fantasies for so long, they decide to take it from their screen to real life. They search online and find someone to meet up, hook up, and fulfill their “dream” with. But again, they don’t know whether or not this “hook up” is being trafficked for sex.

I recently heard from a CEO who runs an organization that rescues children from sex trafficking. These are kids, age 11-17, that have been lured into this world of abuse with a promise of money, attention or love. One of their recent rescues said that they weren’t allowed to have food until they met their quota for the day.

A child was forced to meet a “quota” of sex with random people before she was allowed to eat.

Maybe you’d look at me and say, “Well, that’s not me. I’ve never hired a prostitute. I’ve never watched child porn.” Though that may be true, with every new video that you watch, you create demand for a supply of “fresh scenes” that are fueling an industry of destruction.

Where to Go From Here

For most that are reading these words, you’re angry. Inside, you have a righteous indignation to anyone being hurt or used as an object. You see value in all people and believe that they should be treated fairly and with compassion.

You don’t watch porn so that people could be objectified for their bodies or what they can do sexually, but that is what is happening.

You don’t watch porn so that you can devalue an individual and minimize their value to how quickly they can turn you on, but that is what is happening.

You don’t watch porn so that anybody could be trafficked or enslaved for sex, but that is what is happening.

There is a current trend in the discussion surrounding porn that it may be a “good thing” for our culture. It could be healthy for our relationships and even become empowering for women.

However, when I look at the facts, that isn’t what I see.

When I talk to women who are objectified sexually, they don’t appreciate it. When I talk with girls trafficked for sex, the trauma has left deep scars. When I coach men enslaved to porn, the word ‘empowered’ never comes up.

So, where do you go from here? What do you do next?

I want to encourage you to keep these truths at the forefront of your mind. Maybe you would start and end your day repeating these truths.

Every person I see was once a child who was loved and valued by someone.

Every person I see has innate value in the eyes of God. 

Every person I see deserves to be free and to live a life of purpose outside of abuse or objectification.

Then, I’d encourage you to ask for some help. Covenant Eyes is here to stand with you in the area of accountability. Today, sign up for a free trial and start moving towards a freedom that you need so much.

And, if you ever want a friend or Purity Coach to help you along the way, let me know. I’m always here for you.