Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation.
However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not address masturbation directly—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
I have been doing masturbation since when I am 14 now I am 33
I started watching pornography almost 16 years ago.
I read every comment , it is almost true what happens to my life resemble the worst ones
I am single, and socially inactive. God knows I am never gonna get married .
The worst struggle I have countered in my life is pornography and masturbation.
I am Christian, born again
No matter how much I pray, I fall into the trap of temptation, I fall no matter how much I struggle not to think lustful thoughts.
The longest I can remember I freed myself from porn and masturbation was 3 months, in which I convinced myself I am free!
But I fell back, which crippled my hope of deliverance. From then on I shamefully immersed myself in the worst cases of masturbation and porn
I am losing hope
What can I do?
Yadu,
Thank you for being so open and honest with your struggles. Overcoming addiction is no easy task, and I commend you for working hard to fight against it. I would encourage you, if you haven’t already, to find a church and fellowship with other believers. Perhaps you have a close friend who can hold you accountable in your fight and help you to overcome this. You cannot do this alone!
I would also encourage you to use our Screen Accountability software to keep you accountable and curb the temptation to masturbate and look at porn.
If God is for us, who can be against us!
Blessings,
Moriah
for the past 3 years i’ve been trying to stop but each week i find myself doing it 3 years ago i became a christian when i wasn’t i used to do it 4 to 5 times a day now i don’t know to do i just can’t get it of me at a moment first time bring a christian it was gone 6 months and it came back. now am at a place where I don’t know anything anymore
I’m a married women that is addicted to the worse type of porn out there. I been addicted since 4 years old and masturbating since I was 4. I use to hide it all the time from my parents and now even after marriage I struggled but I notice during these urges, I have to PRAY that God gets rid of the urge and my impure thoughts I am having. I’ll cry out and pray till it passes. It is very hard but with prayer and reading my bible, I can overcome this with Gods help. I can’t do anything without Him. He gives me the strength to say no and run from this sin. I pray I can go a whole month without looking at porn or masturbating which I haven’t done yet. I hope I can go 1 year and than hopefully the rest of my life. Stay strong everyone. Run from that sin. Run to the hills and pray God will do anything to make you stop.
I’m a teenager I came across pornography on the internet when I was 15 years. Now I’m 17 and my addiction has grown exponentially. I have prayed and I have fasted and even told someone about it but nothing is working and I can’t feel the strong connection I used to feel with God. And people look up to me in the teenage department of my church, i have been putting up a good show for everyone to see that I’m still spiritually upright but deep down I’m struggling. I can’t tell my parents or my pastors because of the shame. I really want to stop this.
Prince herny, I am just like you. Except that I am a girl and I came across it at 8 years of age and I am 13 now and still struggling. I really need help but can’t ask because of the shame. I’ll keep you in my prayers!
What if I don’t know the reason why? I dont watch porn. I don’t fantasize. I dont allow sexual thoughts in my head. And when they want to rise I immediately stop them. But I don’t understand, I feel like my body asks for it and I’m not strong enough. But is there a root or am I simply doing that which I I do not want to do (as Romans 7 says)?
Maybe. Each of us has our individual struggles. Can you invite someone into this struggle? Send a text message? Try to recognize the patterns – are there activities or times of day when you struggle the most? Thinking about these might help you find ways to redirect the urge in another direction, if it’s a behavior that you want to stop.
Chris
Very well expressed thoughts. The God of all comfort and grace give us grace in this fight. Amen.
hi am nath from nigeria i do found myself in this evil act and have try to stop it but i stopped it for a while and i later find myself masturbating i’m fed up pls help me and so help me God
Hello, Nath – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. It’s so hard when you feel alone. What have you tried from the blog post? You really have to be willing to try really radical things in order to break the cycle. Get rid of the phone. Shower at a different time of day. Find someone you can open up to. It will probably be really difficult to stop. But, you can do this! God is for you and so am I. Please let me know if there’s anything else Covenant Eyes can do to help.
Chris
hi Kay Bruner, my name is yafet am 21 years old I just really really really want you to pray for me last time am near in stopping masturbation but now I can’t control it still now am struggling really hard so I also need your advice what should I do b/c am lost am near in suicide my self b/c I have no one to talk to I never had a girlfriend and am not a socialized person am lonely there is no society to talk to I leave in Africa Ethiopia I can’t even prey to God b/c of my guilty Ness please any one you reading this please send me your advice thank you
Hi Yafet,
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. It breaks my heart to think that you are thinking of suicide because of masturbation. I hope this response will be helpful to you.
Masturbation is normal! It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self.
Problems arise with masturbation, as with many other good things, when we use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism when we are overly stressed, upset, etc. We can all be vulnerable to using good things–food, wine, exercise, Netflix–to cope in unhealthy ways. Instead of feeling our feelings and processing through them, we substitute a behavior that feels good in the moment but didn’t actually solve the problem and may in fact produce more problems.
Unfortunately, there is huge shame around sexuality in many circles. Often, shame itself becomes the problem, as you feel distressed over shame from masturbation, you then masturbate to feel better in the moment. It sounds to me like this shame cycle is at least part of the problem that you’re experiencing.
You might like this short animation I made recently, Interruping Shame Cycles.
I hope that calming your thoughts around masturbation can help lessen your need to masturbate. Even if you do masturbate, it’s okay. You’re fine. You’re not a bad person, just normal and healthy.
Peace to you,
Kay
Hii guys! Thank u for the blog…
I’m a 21 years old virgin who is somehow addicted to masturbation. It’s been almost 5 months since the day I started do this awful act. The most scary thing is that I’m a Christian who’s considered by others to be spiritually mature! I’ve prayed for this thing a couple times but the more I try to get rid of it the more I sink deeper.. Whenever I’m done with masturbation, I feel guilty and ashamed to the extent that I think God will not forgive me again
Plz I need your help! How can I solve this problem?? Thanks… Best regards
Hey there.
Well, first of all, I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with masturbation. I think it’s a normal exercise of your sex drive, especially when you’re young and single and have no other outlet for your sex drive.
Of course, like any other physical drive, we can become obsessesed with our sexuality. Take good for example. When we become obsessed with food, we might develop an eating disorder, either a bingeing disorder where we eat and eat and can’t stop, or a restricting disorder, where we starve and starve. Or you can develop and binge-and-purge disorder, where you both binge on food and then purge. Often, a great deal of anxiety and shame accompanies this cycle.
Just like many people are obsessed with food, MANY CHRISTIANS ARE OBSESSED WITH SEX. Instead of being able to see sex as a gift, and enjoy it in healty ways, purity culture is obsessed with restricting sex in unhealthy ways. The development of internet porn has allowed many Christians to develop a binge-and-purge relationship with their sexuality: binge on porn, then purge with a great deal of anxiety and shame.
If you want to break this cycle, I would suggest beginning with accepting yourself as a healthy young person with a healthy sexual appetite. This begins to detach anxiety and shame from the cycle. As you do that work, you can more easily choose what is healthy for you in terms of exercising your sexuality. When you make less healthy choices, accept yourself and move on. Over time, you’ll likely find that you won’t be as obsessed, you won’t be as anxious, and you’ll be more in control of your choices. Here’s a short animation that might help.
Peace to you,
Kay
I believe Scripture actually does say not to masturbate. “You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19b-20). God says that He literally owns us, bought us, and that we are no longer our own. We can’t do anything sexually with our body – that is, except one exception: to give your body to your spouse: “A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does.” (1 Corinthians 7:4).
I am listening to what God says to me through Scripture!