Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation.
However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not address masturbation directly—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
So blessed to read this. Praise God! This really helps. I am a Christian (female), single, active in church mi?nistries. Many looked at me as a spiritually-matured person (but in reality, I am not). I was so conservative, I don’t watch movies with kissing scenes; I don’t like sensual topics–I considered myself so innocent about those things. However, it was just the other year that I realized that I am badly masturbating since childhood. I stopped it during my teenage life by simply telling myself that God won’t be glorified by it. But sad to say that I willingly start it again when I realized that I was actually abused (I already forgave him) when I was young; this is I reasoned out whenever I commit this shameful [and sinful, for me] act. I also engaged in pornography. I can’t imagine myself doing these things knowing that I am aware of the Biblical facts rearding these issues. I hate it, but I continually feed it. I asked God to help me, He did but still,I continue to do it. God gave us the freewill; it’s up to us if we will obey. There came a time that I no longer feel the guilt because I keep on convincing myself that it’s for health benefits (as what I have read) and education but still, it’s not God-glorifying. Sometimes, I doubt my salvation but I know that it’s just satan’s scheme to destroy my relationship with God as well as my testimony. Until now, I am in a battle with this; I continually ask God to remove this urge from me (I’m tired of it) especially that I’m looking forward of being single for a lifetime (God’s will be done). Please include me in your prayers.
Thank you. GOD Bless us all :)
What about for women? I know that masturbation tends to be only associated with men, but what about women who can’t seem to stop? What can you say to them? I know it’s easy to just say, ‘get counseling’, but masturbating for women is something really embarrassing to share with someone and what if you would rather them not know? I mean, it’s not like the knowledge you give them is going to do away. They will think of that every time they see you. And it will always be something you’re branded with in their minds. Because, lets be real, maybe in a perfect world all Christians would understand the struggle of sin and would be supportive. But in our fallen world, even the most kind and understanding Christians will judge another Christian on their sins, even if its unintentionally.
We say the same thing. Sexuality is normal. Shame is the problem for so many, many Christians. If we could deal with the shame, we’d be able to deal with our sexuality. (Fearing what others will think is about shame speaking.) God doesn’t think less of us, love us less, even though human beings might. The more we live and move and have our being in the truth of God’s love, the more our shame-based, pain-proofing behaviors will fall away. It works. And, we WILL find supportive, loving community among those who share our conviction that love and vulnerability are the way forward. So yes, get counseling. Bring the shame into the presence of love and find healing. Get into a good support group, and again, bring that pain into the presene of lvoe and find healing. You might also want to try some yoga while you’re at it. Peace to you, Kay
I’ve just spent hours downloading porn videos, and experiencing the same repetitive disgust of utter lack of control. My life is being dismantled and I’ve thrown out what hope might be, all built by the wretchedness that clearly arises from me. This self gratification only deepens the demoralization of connection between spirit and soul, and time clicks forward as hollow empty days that only repeat the gloom of eminent demise. I stumbled on this blog, searching for some substance that could put back the real of truth into the truth of reality, because truth be said, I’m dead. But God still is into resurrection. I’ll destroy what I have downloaded, like I’ve done countless times, but I’m desperate for some prayerful help. Thanks. Frank
Hi, Frank – you are in the fight for your life. Think of a decorated military general. If he encounters the enemy, he doesn’t hesitate for minute to call upon every asset at his disposal to destroy the enemy. When he does this, we call him a hero and we give him a medal. He would never dream of fighting the enemy alone. Frank, you can’t win. Not alone. Only with Christ and community (accountability) can most men find freedom. True freedom! It’s possible. Who can you invite into the struggle with you? What reinforcements can you call? Bring every physical and spiritual asset to bear on the enemy. As you’ve experienced, the evil you’ve experienced does not give up ground easily. But, God is for you! He’s for us!
His mercy is fresh right now. Embrace it. Walk in the light.
Peace, Chris
This very helpful to me I’ve been masturbating for over eight years I’m now wanna stop.
pls…sir tell me scary things dat can apen if I masturbate…somtin very scary cos I know if I imagine how scary it is nd with d help of God…I will stop it….very scary plsss….I do dis stupid tin nd in d end I will start asking God for mercy….somtyms I even think my grace has expired. …I tried many means to stop…but all to no avail
Hello, Dave, I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this right now. The temptation is real, but God is stronger! Do you believe this? Prayer + grace-driven effort = a powerful weapon against pornography. Here are some steps you can take: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/ Here’s another one: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/06/30/stop-looking-at-porn-you-sicko-part-1/
Dave, God is for you! I have prayed for you now.
Chris
Covenant Eyes
please is it possible to just stand up one day and stop watching porn and masturbation forever or there maybe downfall along the line
Hello, I think it’s a different experience for different people. Yes, some can just stand up one day and walk away. I am not one of those people. It’s something that I continue to work out, day after day. I trust God’s faithfulness and that He is my strength, and I rely heavily on “fresh mercy” in the morning when I stumble. Always striving for holiness, living out the wonderful work that Jesus did on the cross for you and me.
Be encouraged! Chris
there are times i won’t want to it….but i just dont know how i’ll end up mastubating….i really wish i get the thought amd the picture of my mind….its really hard for me to…..i’ve been doing this since my secondary school days,influenced by a friend and anytime im done with it….i always blame myself but still its hard for me to leave…..i really need help cos im too young for depression….its weighing my heart down and turning me to something i never think i would ever become…..
Hello Gabriel, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. It’s a very difficult issue to overcome once it’s become engrained. In read the blog post, what have you tried? Do you have any accountability in your life? Someone you can trust and be really honest with? Almost no one can defeat this issue by himself.
Chris
Covenant Eyes
And I hardly masturbate without watching porn. I’ve fasted and I’ve prayed but is even worst now but I think I’m missing something that can be really helpful. A certain girl gave in to me so much that we had sex so many times but for 3 years now I’ve resisted any sexual intercourse but I’ve given in for watching porn and mustarbating. When I look around me I have no spiritual friend or family member who can know my situation and help me out. If you guys don’t help me out then I’m stuck in this life forever because I know God Himself directed me here
Thank you
Sorry, I didn’t see this comment before I responded to the first one. Maybe the question for God isn’t, “why won’t you take this away from me?” and instead, “what are you trying to teach me about my own heart or what truth am I supposed to learn from this struggle?” I think King David can relate – that’s why he left us the beautiful words of Psalm 13. Crying out to God, with “BUT, I trust…” where he turns to the truth of God in verse 5, even though his situation is crushing him.
For me I’ve had sex several times I’m addicted to porn and masturbation I’ve tried al that I cn possibly do to stop but it’s al in vain it’s been 6 years now. I really need help.
Hello – I’m so sorry you’re stuck. Have you taken the drastic steps of giving up your devices? Confessing everything to a trusted friend? It sounds like you’re at war – it is not a fight that will be won easily.
Chris (Covenant Eyes)
I am a school guy and i was masturbating! Recently i have brought it to control bt today i did it again . my mom and dad dont knw abt this. Masturbation affects my studies and sports. I masturbate at night so i get tired because of which i am not able to wake early in the morning. Pls help me. I do believe in god and have prayed regardingthis many times! Giv some idea.
Hi Siddharth – are you using the Internet in order to masturbate? If night time if your weak spot (which it is for many), then you might have to take some drastic measures to quit, if you really want to quit. Can you sleep somewhere else for a while? Somewhere else more public in the house? Can you bring this issue into the light by talking to someone else? The blog post was written from a Christian perspective, so if you’re a Christian, engage the power of prayer, God’s Word, a good accountability partner, change some habits, and get serious about fighting back! With God all things are possible, and God is FOR you, not against you!
Chris (Covenant Eyes)