Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation.
However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not address masturbation directly—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
HI MY NAME IS EDWIN FROM GHANA I HAVE BEEN FACING TEMPTATION FOR SOME TIME NOW I DON’T NO WHAT TO DO SOMETIMES I WILL STOP THEN LATER I WILL GO BACK IT AGAIN PLS HELP I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP
Hi Edwin, temptations will be everywhere. Whether you’re in Ghana or Michigan. But, God always gives us a way out – He is faithful. Here’s a very helpful post to begin: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/ Read, pray and let me know if you need anything else.
Peace, Chris
Hi I just need prayet and help to stop masturbation…please pray for me..I always pray for it and I guess it is not working…God bless.
Hey,
I am muslim but I found your article very helpful and I agree with all what you said
I will try to follow your instructions
If you can help me more I will be really thankfull
Hi Ahmad, I’m so glad you found help here. Keep reading and let us know what you think! Peace to you, Kay
I had a problem with masturbation and I am also a teenager. I have prayed and prayed and I keep finding myself in the same position. I really want to live for God but it seems the temptation just overwhelmes me after each time. The lust just comes more and more often and I try and try to stop but it just seems that the porn and the masturbation just gets harder and harder to avoid. How do I avoid it?
hello, there are gates that we needs to watch over the eye gate and the hear, what we see and what we hear are what the mind illuminate on when lonely, the best approach is to pray to God for guidance at those gate and try to avoid been lonely
I am 23, female with this problem of masturbation. Just looking at my self naked, I feel like doing it, even when I am wearing light clothes..and I don’t know what else to do. most times, I just feel the urge to do it especially few days before or after my monthly circle. I need urgent help please. Thanks
Hey there. Well, it sounds like you could use a community of other women to help you through–check these resources for online groups, blogs, etc. You might also think about joining a group at xxxChurch for support. And if you’re really struggling, maybe find a counselor who can help you work through this. Blessings, Kay
Please please help me i need a way of stoping masturbation. I hav tried to commit suicide twice because of the guilt i felt please i need help.I hav been masturbating for the past ten years now am nineeten years old.please help i feel i hav suffered enough with this problem
Lucia, I’m very concerned to hear that you’re feeling so guilty you’ve attempted suicide. That kind of depression is very worrisome to me. If you are feeling suicidal now, please call the National Suicide Prevention number: 1-800-273 TALK (8255). You can also use their Chat Service when you need someone to talk to.
I think you need professional help, immediately. You need to see your doctor as soon as possible, as there is medical help available for the kind of depression you are describing. If you can’t get into your doctor, go to your local ER for help. You can always dial 911 for immediate help as well.
After medical intervention, you’ll need a professional counselor who can help you process through your emotions, and help you think about behavioral helps for the masturbation. There are directories at The American Association of Christian Counselors, and Psychology Today, that can help you find someone in your area.
There are online communities where other women are dealing with similar issues, which may be helpful to you. Here’s an article with some links to explore.
Finally, please talk to your parents or another close family member about the suicide attempts, so they can help keep you safe and well.
When you’ve been dealing with something for 10 years and it began so early in childhood, you’ll need help and support in recovery. Recovery will be a process. It will take time. You’ll need a community around you as you do that work. So, see your doctor. Find a counselor. Talk to family/friends who are safe. Call or chat a hotline if you need it. Explore online communities.
Most of all, know that your safety and well-being matters more than anything. If you need emergency help, call 911 or go to the Emergency Room.
Blessings and prayers, Kay
God, I have fallen short again. Just when I have gone weeks without masturbation and reading sexual stories I fall short and go back to same routine. I want to change, I repent of my sins and ask for your forgiveness. I love you God and I know through you I can overcome anything!
Hey Emily–I don’t know if you’ve explored all of these resources, but there are some good blogs and communities out there for your support. Blessings, Kay
I think there is a another way to get rid of mastubration habit… And it is Love.. Ya love, true love with someone.. I know its sounds funny but believe it.. Its the most easiest way to kick out mastubration from ur life…. As it is based on my personal experience…
Hi,im Davies from Ghana.Infact,you people have really help me,im addicted to masturbation 13 years ago and im now 25 years of age.Fellow christians,i cant say much because im now speechless.It has being a hard time for me……the Holy Spirit always pushes me not to do it….but……i dont know what was behind.Because im a pastor, and i can do all what is asign to a pastor that he must do and still masturbate.As i said earlier,i cant tell you much,but i am asuring you that i have taking most of your advices and i will never in my life maturbate again.And i know God will help me…..thank you very much
Masterbation cannot be stopped suddenly.Neither does any addiction.Just like one cannot quit smoking even though he doesn’t likes to smoke because your body needs it.Everybody including me did mistake when they masterbated the first time though mine was an accident.It would take years or at least 2 years to completely eliminate it and gain control over yourself.To stop your self from masterbating first you need to stop others from masterbating.Try to understand that it always ruins you.There are tips that I can give but they will not last for long but will help you to get out from the urge.
1.Mark the days on the pocket calendar you masterbated and try to increase the days.
2.Dont fight just ignore it and try take the urge in some other sense for eg.when one gets tempted its the feeling of something else not the urge to masterbate.
3.Listen to songs that makes you feel heroic
4.Watch an action film cartoon or etc even though you don’t want to I know it is hard
5.Tell your problem to materbate to your parents or wife or even a friend or gf trust it it will help.
6.Dont go to bathroom at the time of urge.
Always remember that only you can stop it if you want to.Only you can do and and only you can stop it.Only you have the power but you just need to figure it out.Try to be yourself.But also don’t fight it alone.Also remember “God help those who help them selves”.Help your self and God is with you.Help yourself by not masterbating.
And pray for everyone to the path of victory.
Those who make porn or fund porn are to the path of hell.Their final place is hell fire.
MAY GOD SAVE US ALL FROM HELL