Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation.
However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not address masturbation directly—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
it is very wrong 2 say masturbation is’nt sin.although d bible didn’t specify about it,but we all know it is a sexual act.it is d same as fornication although it is a selfish act…..it is a sin against d body nd it seperates one 4rm God’s presence….I was a victim but thanks to God’s grace dat saved me & thanks to my pastor….IC Kelvin.
I am trying my best to quit masturbation but I end up doin it again nd again help me please Godf
Godfrey,
Thank you for reaching out here and asking for help! That shows immense strength and courage. Please know that you are not alone in this battle. I hope that you have been able to read the other comments on this post and have been encouraged by stories similar to yours.
Do you have a close friend or mentor with whom you can share this? This can be daunting at first, but having an ally to walk alongside you is a great first step to quitting masturbation. I would also encourage you to take a look at your current lifestyle and eliminate habits and triggers that can lead to masturbation. Then, replace them with healthy habits! When you are feeling tempted, you can turn to these healthy habits instead of masturbating.
Above all, cling to Christ and ask him to give you the strength to quit. It won’t be easy, but it IS possible!
this is EXACTLY what im looking for..God only can deliever you from masterbation i have victory in the blod of jesus
Hi guys I’m a 20 year old man and I’m a virgin. I have a problem about masturbation and I don’t know how to make it stop. I must say Its very hard for me but I think with God nothing is impossible can you please advise me on prayer points which I can follow to overcome this situation. Thank you.
Hi William, you should check out these two blog posts: “My Personal Purity Battle Plan” and “33 Reasons to Abstain from Porn.“
I believe now that in the 43rd year of my life, I have finally overcome this evil habit. it took many years and stages to recover. But the struggle has changed me. I am not the same person I was when I was 20. I struggled alone with God against this. but as a middle aged man and ex-masturbator, I now hate sex, do not trust marriage, do not believe in intimacy or falling in love. my mind is strong and pursues intellectual things and ideas all the time. It seems God has taken away certain stressors in my life and made things easier.
The key to recovery is prayer, the sacraments and HUMILITY. Learn to control anger and be forgiving and count your blessings. Be assertive at work and stand up to punks. BE A MAN.
Deny thy self, pick up your cross and follow me. The Holy Spirit and God , Christ Jesus working with you through prayer is the only way to be free from this strong hold. Also plenty of prayer and accountability partner.
I struggle with it myself. I have since I was 19 ( I know that’s kind of a late start, but then again so were other things for me as I never actually had full on sexual intercourse until I was 26). I guess at the time I was trying to find a way to fulfill lustful desires without technically having premarital sex. It just kind of branched out from there. Next thing I knew I was addicted. Whenever I was involved in a relationship I tried really hard to limit it or cease doing it all together but always stumbled and then whenever said relationships failed, I used it as a coping mechanism to deal with the pain of the break up. Once that happens it began to be seen as an alternative to healthy relationships and then got coupled in with no strings attached flings (in both cases the rationale was that they didn’t come with the risk of getting my heart broken). But lustful thoughts have a way of getting out of control and like anything,once done, the human mind has a way or rationalizing it (even if you at some level acknowledge it as wrong). So then I started allowing myself to do it even while in a commited relationship. That compromise eventually led me to have deeper urges to want to get physical with women outside the relationship (not always in a sexual way. I have to admit I love kissing and have a hard time with the idea of only kissing one person for life. I have an easier time with the idea of only having sex with one person for life but then again ive never gone that far with anyone while I was in a relationship with someone else and I know one thing can lead to another). The only time I ever got physical outside of a relationship was I kissed another woman at a bar while I was in a relationship with an ex of mine. But having crossed that threshold makes it harder to not do so again. Im married now to a wonderful woman but I still struggle with masturbation and lustful thoughts and honestly worry what would happen if I ever faced the ultimate temptation. I do feel that had I not let masturbation get so out of control Id be in much better control of my urges and lustful thoughts. So I do feel its best to not open that Pandoras Box. By the way, I am a Christian and was a Christian when this all started so I really don’t wanna hear anyone trying to tell people that if they struggle with this or that habit then they must not truly be saved cuz that’s not true.
Hi Drew,
There are a few thoughts I have for you.
1. Talk to your wife about it. That may sound weird, but coming forward to share your struggle with her could be a big help. Tell her that you don’t want to rely on this very old habit anymore. You’ve gotten use to “solo sex” for a long time, and now it is a tough habit to break. Tell her you want her to pray for you about it as you work toward stopping it altogether. Confession and prayer leads to healing (James 5:16).
2. Figure out the moments when you are most tempted. Is it in specific locations? A certain mood? Are you really tired? Is it in the morning, evening, night? Is it when you have an erection for no apparent reason? Label these moments and then come up with an “exit plan” for those moments. Right away, as soon as you notice the circumstances are ripe for masturbation, follow your exit plan. This is a way to be repentant in your attitude: treating sin seriously before it has time to fester.
3. Think of ways to be romantic. One of the best things you can do when you feel the urge to lust is to channel your energy into romance. Think of simple things you can do in that moment to show you wife love. Write her a love note. Drive to the store and buy her a rose. Give her a call or send her an e-mail. Retrain your mind to think: When I feel the urge to run to solo sex, run instead to something that will foster intimacy. Need ideas? Jump on Google and start making a list of ideas.
4. Refresh your thinking around why masturbation (for you) is wrong. Why is it offensive to God? Think about the lust that is habitually connected to it. Think about the world of fantasy tied to it. Read this article about this topic. One of the reasons why masturbation is a problem is because you don’t own your sexuality. Your wife does.
5. Write a prayer. Find passages of Scripture that speak to this issue and write a short, simple prayer based on those passages. A lot of people find it to be a great practice for helping them remember to lean on God in times of temptation. Keep the prayer in your wallet and pull it out when you are tempted. Read it aloud.
There are some really practical thoughts for you.
I AM SO FRUSTRATED BY THIS MASTURBATION THING AND I HAVE NOOO CLUE HOW TO FIX IT.
it feels like something is latched on to my soul and sucking the good out of it every time i masturbate. im a young female alomst twenty and this is something ive been doing for almost all of my life now. yes i am a christian. and i am also a virgin. its just sooo hard.. my mind feels messed up by this. i remember once i did it when i was younger and i just lay on the floor and felt sick about it because i was confused as to whether it was wrong or right. and i prayed and God somehow revealed to me by what i was feeling that it was totally wrong. now every thing is out of control. i have tried stopping for yearssss and it just goes on and off and on and off….. sigh. i have never been soo stressed out in my life before. i have youtubed, googled, facebooked, prayed, talked, ran, everything….. and nothing seems to work. i am losing it. i dont want to do this anymore. so for the final time…..help me…someone….please. i feel like im poisoning my spirit . i hate it…..
Hi Eve, I highly recommend you speak to Jessica from Beggar’s Daughter. Her ministry is specifically to women like yourself.
OK, I just had to chime in here. I’ve read what Adam and Rocky have said, and is apparent to me that they both have a rather poor grasp on what the bible says regarding sexual fulfillment within marriage and God’s plan for One man and One woman.
No where in the bible does God permit us (men) to have more than one wife, or to think sexually about any other woman other than our wife. You will never find a passage where Jesus says it’s OK to marry one woman, but to carry on with another either physically or mentally at the same time.
If we think sexually or lustfully about any other woman other than our wife, we cannot possibly be giving our total selves to our wives. There would always be a part of us that is not focused on our wife, because we would be thinking about “the other woman”. The same goes with masturbation with or without any fantasy involved. If you are deriving any sexual pleasure from anyone else (including yourself) but your spouse, then you are depriving them and yourself from the fullest relationship possible relationship a man and a woman can have, and why would you ever what to have any sexual release or pleasure that doesn’t involve your spouse?
God designed sex and sexual fulfillment/release for marriage so that a man and woman could form a bond that is not possible in form or function in any other relationship. Any use of porn of fantasy within marriage denies both husband and wife, the possibility of ever having as close a bond as God meant them to have. how can you form a unbreakable bond with your spouse, if you know that you are not the only one in the world that they are getting sexual fulfillment from? How would you feel if your spouse was getting sexual satisfaction from someone other than you?
If porn or fantasy is involved, whether or not the spouse who is using it realizes it, they are subconsciously comparing their spouse with the person(s) in the porn. They begin to think; well, the person in the porn does that why won’t my spouse? I wish my spouse looked like that, I wish he/she had bigger this or smaller that. Unrealistic expectations take hold, and soon there is less and less satisfaction with their spouse.
As for masturbation when your single, I am opposed to it altogether for several reasons.
It can and most likely will be very addictive. The chemicals (endorphins) released as sexual pleasure increases form neuron-pathways in the brain, which help the brain remember what made it feel so good. After these pathways are formed, the brain will want to use them as much as possible to keep the pleasurable feeling going. This is the addictive part of the process, it is the exact same process as happens in alcoholics and drug users. Once the brain gets a few doses of it, it want more and more. This is exacerbated by any emotional pain you may have, as the pleasure release allows you to cover up and avoid what is causing you the pain.
If you can’t face and deal with your own pain how are you going to be able to help your spouse when painful situations come up? There will always be a part of you, that you keep from your spouse, which could end up destroying your marriage if you are unable to confide properly in them or them you.
Even without fantasy (as a single man with a very healthy sex drive I’m not sure how it’s possible NOT to fantasize while masturbating or why you would want to, since it’s much more stimulating with the visuals) you would still be deriving sexual pleasure/release from means not designed by God, as any and all sexual desire should be solely for your spouse
Again if you start masturbating before your married, it will be very difficult to stop during your marriage, and for the reason’s I outlined earlier your marriage will suffer greatly.
I also want to correct something else Adam stated. Endorphins DO NOT cause guilty feelings after masturbation. The guilty feeling is solely the result of doing something that you know is wrong, and against God’s design. It’s called your CONSCIENCE. That little voice that God put in all of us to tell us when we’ve done something wrong so we won’t repeat it. The problem is that many of us (including some of the people commenting here) have learned to ignore that voice, and/or have twisted God’s word to fit what we want to believe, so we can continue sinning without the guilt. It should also be said that Satan loves to chime in with his own thoughts as your feeling the guilt to intensify it as much as possible. He loves nothing more than tear someone down when they are at there weakest point. That’s how he gets the most bang for his buck.
It always saddens me when I see/hear/read about people who even though they clearly know the truth, start believing the lies that Satan puts in their heads to the point of twisting God’s word to fit their own moral failings to avoid facing them and doing the hard work involved when following God.
By the way, I know this from experience. I wasted 20 years using porn and masturbating. It got me nothing but further away from God. It also kept me isolated from real life, and prevented me from having a relationship with any woman. I have stopped using porn and masturbating regularly but still on occasion stumble. I hate when I do, but it is getting less and less frequent. I am determined to make sure I can give my a whole self to whomever the woman is that God has chosen for me.
look SCOTT masturbation does not only causes maritial problems but it also causes many weaknesses which nobody has mentioned here.Masterbation on a good or near a good occation ruins the occation.Masterbation turns a happy day into a sad day technically its oral sex.So it is a sin.What makes you do that?Every you do that you feel guilty of your close one even your gf and tired and every time you say I wished didn’t do that or the time would head back into past before I masterbated.But every time you want to feel the pleasure.You can stop it but you don’t want to.Calender trick is a good idea and it should be used to keep track.
Scott. You have really made a great point here. Nothing is impossible with God. God Bless you up.
Thank u so much Scott! U really made a great point here
I am Thirteen.I shouldn’t have this kind of issue.
the bible says i can do all things tru Christ who strenghtens me. There are times we prays against a particular sin but we do not show or demonstrate an utter hatred for it cos we are silently enjoying it. I know that this is d case for many concerning masturbation and porn. Lets sincerely show and demonstrate our loathe for ds thing and we will get to its roots by God’s grace. So help us God.
@AY: This is true. What we lack is real hatred and commitment. God bless us with power and strength to overcome lust. Be blessed.