Some time ago, we received a comment about quitting masturbation:
“I have eliminated porn from my life. How can I break the habit of masturbation and lust? Every time I get overwhelmed or stressed out, my mind clicks off and I end up giving in to the lust, masturbation, and fantasy. I could use your prayers please, and any good devotional.”
Like this person, you may feel trapped by habitual masturbation even after leaving porn behind. Christians have different convictions when it comes to masturbation.
However, it’s a habit that easily feels out of control, and many people (Christians and non-Christians alike) need help dealing with it.
Why Can’t I Stop Masturbating?
This question highlights our great need to guard our hearts above all else, because we live out of the overflow of our hearts (Proverbs 4:23). From a Christian perspective, breaking free of porn and masturbation means changing heart desires rather than just behaviors.
The Bible does not address masturbation directly—there’s no one passage that specifically forbids it as Matthew 5:28 forbids lusting after a person. But the Bible does address a myriad of heart-level issues tied to why people masturbate. Scripture also shows us the path to freedom.
The Connection Between Masturbation and Faith
What I loved about this question is how self-aware the questioner is. He has already identified the trigger of stress as a catalyst for his habit to fester. He sees masturbation as his habitual way to “escape” and feels he is not living out his values consistently. This ability to “see the sin before the sin” is a prerequisite step for anyone looking to overcome this habit.
In my experience, the battle with masturbation is a battle of faith. Behind any habit is a belief system that fuels it. We must replace the old belief system with a new one. We must fight this fight of faith on three fronts:
- In our triggers
- In our bodies
- In our deepest longings
How to Resist the Urge to Masturbate
Remember, before you think about overcoming masturbation, make sure you’ve taken the prerequisite step: quitting porn.
However, even after leaving porn behind, you may still wonder, “Why do I masturbate when I’m sad, lonely, or stressed?” The urge can feel overwhelming, and you may be discouraged by your repeated attempts to quit.
1. Identify Your Triggers
There are different kinds of triggers: external and internal. An external trigger might be spotting a racy billboard on the way to work or seeing a plunging neckline. Learning to bounce our eyes away from these sorts of triggers can be very helpful.
But it is our internal triggers that are the hardest to run from because they are…well…in us.
Stress as a Trigger
Like the gentleman quoted above, the trigger might be stress. We might turn to masturbation as our refuge, our stress reliever. Stress and anxiety ultimately come from our reactions to stressful situations or circumstances. Why do we react to stressors the way we do? We react with stress because of what we believe about the stressors and the significance we place on them. We need to ask ourselves: What do I believe that makes this situation or circumstance or condition stressful for me? Identify what lies you believe about the stressor and then diligently replace those lies with truth.
Envy as a Trigger
Our trigger might be envy. We might see our friends with their loving marital relationships and think: “I wish I was married,” or “I wish my marriage was more intimate.” We may turn to masturbation as a substitute for what we really want. Again, we must ask ourselves: What do I believe my sex drive is for? Is it to grasp at selfish pleasure, or is it to pursue oneness in marriage?
Anger at God as a Trigger
Our trigger might be anger at God. Perhaps we are dissatisfied with the way our life has turned out, so we blame God. We turn to masturbation as our own private activity that grasps for pleasure all our own, a corner of life we claim as wholly ours, a way to rebel. Again, the battle is one of faith: Why do we believe God owes us anything? Why do we think we ought to get what we desire?
2. Address Your Physical Tension
Our sex drives will inevitably build up physical tension, but it is our reaction to that tension that matters most. What are we believing that makes masturbation seem like the only way to release the build-up of testosterone?
God has created built-in release mechanisms for single men: either nocturnal emissions or absorption. For more thoughts on handling your sex drive when you’re single, check out For Singles: How to Handle a Strong Sex Drive in a God-honoring Way.
For couples, God has provided sex as a means of marital intimacy. Do we believe these systems are God-given means of taking care of our bodily drives, or do we believe masturbation is the only way? We must repent of our beliefs about masturbation and pray for a non-sinful release of tension in our members.
3. Examine Your Deep Longings
For many, sexual pleasure is the ultimate escape from reality. Like a drug, it provides a fantasy world where we can forget our sorrows or our boring lives. Instead of using masturbation as an escape from reality, we must learn the habit of escaping into reality, into God Himself. This, again, taps our faith.
Things to Do Instead of Masturbating
Do we believe God is an all-satisfying Being? Do we believe our chief purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever? In the Covenant Eyes ebook Hobbies and Habits, Lisa Eldred explores seven different types of hobbies that you can develop as alternatives to porn and masturbation. Here’s a brief summary:
- Creative hobbies like music, writing, or painting.
- Physical hobbies such as sports, or hiking.
- Practical hobbies including things like cooking and sewing.
- Intellectual hobbies like reading or learning a language.
- Experiential hobbies are sure to leave a lasting impression—like traveling or sky diving.
- Generous hobbies teach you to think about others. It might be serving at a local soup kitchen.
- Social hobbies connect you to other people, which is important because masturbation is a lonely and isolating habit.
Curious to learn more? Download the ebook for free! How has God helped you in your fight?
I Was Never Then Into Porn,Cause Im Glad That I Don’t,Cause I Stick With Antique Shopping,It Is Better And It Is.
I Quit Masturbation December 31,1994 When I Was 29 Years Old,I Fought That With A Vengeance,I Replaced It With Antique Shopping.
Thanks, for this post and comments!
I’ve been masturbating since 9months ago After getting addicted to porn. And Today being 20/07/2020 I pray that God will come down and hear prayers so that I can stop the habit because I keep seeing myself it again even after saying it’s over.
Please I need everyone’s prayer. And I pray that almighty God will help me out as kick off the journey today.
I pray in Jesus name Amen
Romanus,
Thank you for reaching out and asking for prayer. I am praying for you, and I know that many others who read your comment will pray for you as well.
Be strong! Keep clinging to God for your strength, and reach out to others for wisdom and accountability.
Blessings,
Moriah
I left a comment? Thank you for this website. I have struggled with this for all my life I can go a couple of weeks then I right back too it? I do not read magazines I do not watch porn I just stimulate thoughts in my mind and it comes out.
I love this
I was introduced to masturbation by one of my peers, when I was a teen. it started like just a minor thing that doesn’t matter but little did I know that am nurturing something that would later become a habit.
indeed I’ve struggled so had to quit but each time I tried I failed. It makes me feel guilt and worthless, it also affected my education
as I use most of my time for masturbation instead of focusing on my studies. it feel this is more of spiritual not physical, every year I make new resolution that I will turn a new leave, but in a long run, I will suddenly find myself back to the despicable act.
My burden is lessened seeing that am not alone, I found this site and am amazed to see many people who are in this habit, and that prompted a question that I’ve always grapple with and that’s ” why is it that the devil is not sparing us, what has the demon discovered in this 21century that it want to sabotage through masturbation and pornography” and God gave me the answer, and that’s ” we have so much potential inherent in us and that’s why he’s directing our minds in wrong direction.”
I pray that as I begin this new journey of purity and abstinence applying what I’ve learned in this site, that the good Lord will show me and everyone of us who are the victim of this habit an enduring faith to conquer in Jesus name.
Readers please wish me well.
If people are really honest, they will tell you that this article was a waste of my time. It does give us good words of scripture, but the author promised to help with 3 steps.
So be honest, call it out and be real, stop being a people pleaser. This article missed the mark, but this is hope that help is out there.
Hie. I have read quite a majority of the comments that have been posted on this blog. I have come to realize that a lot of people are struggling with masturbation and porn and the only one who can set them free is Jesus Christ. I read this blog cause i have a friend who is struggling with such habits. The guy as the potential to become my future boyfriend, so i am worried, won’t it affect our relationship if we decide to get married.
So my main question is, how can i help him? He once told me he wants to stop. Please help me pray for him as well, cause its not by might nor by our own power but by the Spirit of God. I will also pray for all those who are facing the same situation as indicated on this blog.
Thank you!
Angelina
Angelina,
Prayer is an excellent first step. Only God can change the heart, so continue to pray fervently for your friend! Does he use Covenant Eyes? If not, perhaps you could recommend that to him as an accountability tool? I would also encourage him to surround himself with people who will hold him accountable. If you are interested him as a potential life partner, it may be difficult for you to watch him struggle in recovery (because everyone does struggle in some way!), which is why I think that a mentor, church leader, or counselor could act as an excellent ally for him.
Blessings!
Moriah
An Australian study of 2,338 men came to a similar conclusion. In all, men who averaged 4.6 to seven ejaculations a week were 36% less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer before the age of 70 than men who ejaculated less than 2.3 times a week on average.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/does-frequent-ejaculation-help-ward-off-prostate-cancer-20090929112
So relax people and don’t think too hard about it.
I thank God for all open friends I saw on this sites .. Its my first time to utter out this openly,
am 19 years but am also struggling to stop it.For someone to reach an extent of viewing this article, indeed, believe me its a great struggle. I tried each and every thing together with salvation but few days after this, the urge came back, I sometimes comfort myself after listening to pastors preaching about it giving examples of them selves and I say within me “I shall overcome” but am tired, the thirst of it is just growing in me. Sometimes I admire boys of my age having girlfriends and am forced to change my goal which I don’t want to do so please having trust in the Lord from Psalm 23 please pray for me to quit this and as well achieve my goal
(Am a black African youth who wants to get married to someone from England or USA but I don’t know how?)
For any advice please reach me out at:
sseguyastephen465@gmail.com
Stephen,
Thank you for sharing your struggles so openly. Admitting your struggles is one of the first steps to recovery! I would like to recommend a couple of “next steps” for you. Do you have a church that you can join yourself to? If so, I would recommend that you find a friend(s) that you can trust and share your struggles with. Someone who can walk with you as you seek to recover; someone who can hold you accountable to quitting your habits.
Secondly, I would recommend downloading Covenant Eyes onto your devices! This is an excellent tool that adds an element of accountability that is much needed with the advancement of technology.
Finally, keep clinging to Christ! He will be your ultimate source of hope in healing and recovery. With Christ, you CAN overcome bad habits. It will take time and work, but do not give up. I would highly recommend reading this article as well: Feeling Trapped? 3 Action Steps to Overcome Temptation.
Blessings,
Moriah