Growing up, I was fortunate to have pastors who were not afraid to mention the word “porn” or address the issue of sexual integrity head-on. This led to a safe environment in which I was able to confess my sins of using pornography as a high school student to my entire youth group. The leaders provided an environment in which I knew the heaviness of my sins, but the grace to be shame-free. Though it was very challenging, through my church’s support, and the grace of God, I was able to overcome my propensity to use porn and encouraged to pursue sexual integrity. Unfortunately, the number of churches that handle this issue as well is shockingly low.
Bringing up Porn in Church
I have shared the freedom God has given me to multiple churches and camps and have always received resounding thanks. I was convinced every church and Christian community reacts with positivity and gratitude when this issue is so bluntly spoken about. However, when I became a full-time youth pastor at a new church, I soon learned my perception was simply false. In the first month of my employment, students eagerly asked me to share my own journey of faith. With middle and high school students present, I happily shared my walk with Jesus. I always share boldly about my experience with porn because I believe my experience can help other students. I was 10 when I was introduced to it by kids at school, and I was not aware of the harm it brought until it was too late. My goal is to educate youth and protect them from what happened to me.
When I uttered the forbidden “P” word, I noticed some adult volunteers and many student’s eyes widen. I think I may have heard a few gulps as well. Though there was a tangible awkwardness in the air, I finished my story, giving all glory to God, and inviting them to speak to me if they ever needed anyone to talk to about this issue. I had multiple high school students thank me after I spoke, one saying “That was the best sermon you’ve given.” As the night wrapped up and kids met in their small groups, there was a sense of vulnerability in the room. I was used to this, and warmly welcomed it, knowing that being uncomfortable can bring growth if it’s embraced with humility.
Facing the Fallout
What I didn’t realize at the moment was some students left feeling very uncomfortable and shocked their new youth pastor had a history of something so disgusting and degrading. Some had never heard of porn, and I introduced them to it. This soon passed to their parents, and to other parents, who shared it with people in the grocery store and at sporting events. A few parents sent strongly worded emails about their concerns with what I was teaching their kids. I became overwhelmed with fear that I had messed up big time. Within two days it was passed along to the sheriff, who came in to talk to my head pastor about “the guy who is teaching middle schoolers about porn.”
When I was told he was coming in to talk to the head pastor about my actions, the worst possible scenarios filled my head. I imagined I would at best, be fired, and at worst, get arrested or required to register as a sex offender. The meeting with my pastor concluded and I was brought into her office. She shared with me the sheriff had concerns initially, but soon realized my goal was to educate students about the harms of pornography and ultimately protect them from its burdens. Though I did not meet the sheriff personally, he passed on his gratitude to me through the pastor, who also shared in gratitude for my actions.
Creating a Safe Place for Conversation
After my anxieties diminished, my courage was strengthened, along with my awareness that PORN NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT, especially in the Church! Once the waters cooled, I received an additional email from one of the parents who was initially gunning for my firing. She thanked me for my boldness and willingness to protect her son from the harmful grip of pornography.
I had forced parents to talk about this uncomfortable topic without their permission. Rightfully so, that scared most of them. After this event, I learned to communicate with the parents before talking to their kids. I sent out emails with resources and offered my time and story to help parents approach this issue with their students. I unintentionally started a cultural shift that was found to be fruitful within the youth and even some of their parents.
The culture in far too many churches is one of ignorance and fear towards porn. What I learned from my experience, was the misperception most churches have about pornography: If we don’t mention the subject, we are protecting our youth from it. However, the harsh reality is that if the youth don’t learn about porn in a safe environment, it is inevitable they will learn about it in an unsafe one, just as I did.
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