Is masturbation healthy? While no one ever masturbated while fantasizing about reducing the risks of prostate cancer, there is a common idea that masturbation is good for your health. Some have even suggested that stopping masturbating might increase certain health risks in men.
For instance, Anthony Santella and Spring Cooper, two lecturers on human sexuality at the University of Sydney, claim masturbation is good for men. It reportedly reduces the risk of prostate cancer, increases immune system functioning, and reduces depression.1
Could it be bad for you not to masturbate? When we look at the actual research, we see a different picture.
What Are The Health Benefits of Masturbation?
When sex educators claim masturbation in men is healthy, they are referring to research about ejaculation. One study from the Journal of the American Medical Association, says, when you look at the various studies on this subject, the results are quite mixed.2 Some show a positive correlation to reducing prostate cancer risks, some a negative correlation, and some no correlation at all.
Conclusions from the research about ejaculation are mixed because researchers often assume all orgasms are created equal. They aren’t. Even the makeup of semen is different when you compare masturbation to vaginal intercourse.3
Masturbation does not provide the same health benefits as sexual intercourse.
So what about the claim that it is bad for you not to masturbate? Once researchers started differentiating between masturbation and vaginal intercourse, they noticed more consistent trends regarding health benefits. Compared to sexual intercourse, Dr. Stuart Brody says masturbation is correlated with fewer health benefits—or even increased health risks—for the following conditions in men:
- Satisfaction with one’s mental health
- Relationship satisfaction
- Self-rated happiness
- Lower depression scores
- Less likely to have schizophrenia
- Improved erectile function
- Faster recovery from stress
- Fewer prostate abnormalities
- Less prostate cancer risks4
Dr. Brody says masturbation is actually associated with more symptoms of depression and more prostate abnormalities.
In short, there are a few health problems associated with masturbation, and whatever health benefits masturbation claims to have, it is only because of its distant relation to its healthier cousin: sexual intercourse.
What Happens in Your Brain When You Masturbate?
Dr. Norman Doidge, author of The Brain that Changes Itself, says there are two separate pleasure systems in our brains: one for exciting pleasure and another for satisfying pleasure. Masturbating to fantasies and especially pornography activates the exciting system, but leaves the satisfying system starved for “the real thing.”
The exciting system is fueled by the neurochemical dopamine. Dopamine focuses our attention, giving our brain a little feel-good reward, helping us become sexually aroused and gearing up for sex. The satisfying system involves actually having sex—touching, kissing, caressing, and really connecting with someone—which provides a calming, fulfilling pleasure. The problem with masturbation is that the satisfying system is never activated.
The more one masturbates to porn, the more dopamine is released in the brain. Eventually, dopamine receptors and signals fatigue, leaving the viewer wanting more but unable to reach a level of satisfaction. This desensitization in turn impacts the prefrontal cortex—the “executive control” center of the brain—causing what is called hypofrontality. This means a loss of self-control and a propensity to addictive behavior.
Is Masturbation Unhealthy?
Beyond this, some evidence suggests that masturbation can adversely affect sexual health. Masturbation, especially when porn is involved, is also causing erectile dysfunction in some men. The problem isn’t with the organ between your legs but the organ between your ears: the brain.
Sam Black writes in The Porn Circuit:
“Drs. Marnia Robinson and Gary Wilson explained in Psychology Today that overstimulation with pornography creates changes in the brain that make a man less responsive to the physical pleasure of a real woman and hyper-responsive to Internet porn… Men become sensitized to Internet porn, but desensitized to sex in general, which requires more and more stimulation to achieve arousal. When preparing for real sex, the pornified brain fails to get its dopamine surge and the signal to the penis is too weak to achieve erection. But turn on an Internet device with unlimited pages of novelty, and boom, the plumbing works.”
Related: RecoverED–10 Days on the Road to Healing From Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction
What Really Happens When You Masturbate
Physical health aside, when masturbation is accompanied by erotic fantasy, what do men risk by habitually escaping into that fantasy world? C.S. Lewis wrote these hard-hitting thoughts to one of his friends:
“For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back; sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.”5
In other words, masturbation is a self-focused act that trains you to think and act selfishly, especially when accompanied by pornography. It makes it more difficult to engage in real intimacy because a real relationship requires give-and-take. It does not provide on-demand gratification like porn and masturbation.
The health impact of masturbation, good or bad, may not motivate anyone to start or stop masturbating, but we shouldn’t be duped into thinking quitting masturbation is bad for us. If anything, refusing to retreat into a fantasy world forces men to live in the real world where they can serve, love, and enjoy a real woman.
1Cooper, SC, Santella, AJ. Happy news! Masturbation actually has health benefits. TheConversation. 2004. Dec 4. Accessed January 12, 2023 at https://theconversation.com/happy-news-masturbation-actually-has-health-benefits-16539.
2Leitzmann MF, Platz EA, Stampfer MJ, Willett WC, Giovannucci E. Ejaculation frequency and subsequent risk of prostate cancer. JAMA. 2004 Apr 7;291(13):1578-86. doi: 10.1001/jama.291.13.1578. PMID: 15069045.
3Griffin, RM. Male Masturbation: 5 Things You Didn’t Know. WebMD. Accessed, January 12, 2023 at https://www.webmd.com/men/guide/male-masturbation-5-things-you-didnt-know#1.
4Brody, S. (2010), The Relative Health Benefits of Different Sexual Activities. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 7: 1336-1361. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2009.01677.x
5Lewis, CS. Yours, Jack: Spiritual Direction from C.S. Lewis. HarperOne. 2008.
OK guys, time for a woman and a wife of almost 28 years to chime in with her “two cents”! First, thank you, Luke, for your stand for truth and the compassionate way you share it with both men and women. There is so much I could say that I’m not sure where to start. Yes many wives fail their husbands sexually. Yes, some wives “let themselves go.” They gain weight (kind of hard to have babies without doing that!) They may not be as exciting or responsive in bed as they once were. But those things don’t happen overnight. Unless a woman is a prostitute, she needs to feel truly connected to her man in order to respond sexually. We girls enjoy sex too, but we need relationship to be eager. Fact is, most married men using porn and other forms of lustful pleasure have traveled that well-worn path long before committing to marriage. The husband’s views about sex have already when shaped and twisted by sin with the result of a brain being chemically addicted and altered as well. He drags that baggage into his marriage, and the wife usually has no idea that she has competition for her husband’s heart and affection.
Long before I learned of my husband’s use of porn, etc., I knew something was not right in our relationship. There was a disconnect emotionally and spiritually, but I did not understand why or what to do about it. I started to feel “used” sexually and feel repulsed by my husband’s touch, yet I loved him, was praying for him, and feeling guilty about how I was feeling. I tried hard to push past those feelings and be there for him sexually. The point is, no matter how I tried to talk, pray, etc., nothing was changing my husband. Finally I became resigned that this was just the way our marriage would be. Only God could change him and help me not be a bitter, naggy wife. It was at that point, 17 years into marriage, that God began a work in my husbands’s heart. I was devastated to learn of not just porn use, but of the use of prostitutes. Just as Luke was explaining, the use of porn/fantasy and masturbation will never satisfy! A real woman who will also “play the part” will eventually be sought out. Of course, that also cannot be enough, but an addict is stuck seeking the next fix. Needless to say, I cannot put into words the anguish and sense of betrayal I felt when I had tried so hard to do right by my husband. I do not intend to imply that I was the perfect wife. I did not always respond biblically and honor my husband. I had a lot of anger to deal with following the initial disclosure. Learning to forgive him, and to continue to live in that forgiveness has only been possible through God’s working in my own heart.Fast forward 10 years. We are still together – scarred but joyful in the work God is doing in our lives. It has been a long, painful journey with many failures both for myself and my husband. We are still healing, but we both are committed and believe that God “is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think.”
So guys, if you really desire to have a God – blessed marriage and true sexual satisfaction, you have to face your own failures and do the hard work. That is why Luke and others like him are focused on the man’s resposibility. Stop the blame game! You didn’t marry a “harpy”! She has her own work to do, but she didn’t get that way all by herself! With God’s help, focus on your sin and let Him start to change you. Then, maybe, if she is willing to work hard, your marriage can start changing to reflect God’s unconditional love and faithfulness. But no matter what, don’t you want to hear Jesus say, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”?
Well said. I would also like to say to some of the men reading here, your wife didn’t change. YOU changed. You pulled the ‘bait and switch’ on her. You made promises, vows, and give your word to do and be certain things. Then after the marriage, YOU changed. Or rather, your true self came out. You failed to tell your wife when you were dating her that you were a sex addict, a porn user, a liar, a manipulator, a deceiver. You got lazy. You refused to work on the relationship. And you think your wife’s the only one ‘who didn’t take care of herself’.? LOL. What about your ‘beer gut’? What about the fact that you don’t shave before you come to bed. You think your wife likes being torn to pieces with that stuble? You think your likes that you fail to even brush your teeth before you try to have sex with her. You think your likes that you use her body like a spittoon and then roll over without even a ‘thank you’. I’m so sick of these men that want to whine about the ten or twenty pounds their wife gained.
The bottom line is you need to look to YOURSELF first for reasons your wife won’t have sex with you. Why would she want to sex with someone who has sex with THEIRSELF!!!!! Someone who won’t take the time to put in a little effort into the relationship, but yet wants his little ‘private time’ in the shower. Quit the masturbation, period. It’s the same as cheating.
Love this post! I would love to interview you for my podcast. This perspective needs to be shared!
Absolutely, Belah. Just name a time.
hey Luke!!!
Just want to say thank you. and I’m praying God’s blessing and wisdom for you. I’m glad I’m not alone in trying to live the sex life that God honours and that brings the most joy. It’s tough but even though i mess up often the times that i am victorious by far beat all times ive given in to sin. There’s a reason God asks for what he does. But the best part is that we do it by Grace and Grace alone. Our salvation is complete in Christ, and simply because Yahweh, Loves us with a complete perfect love. And all we can offer to the Father is our human imperfect “love”. Thank you Jesus!!! God bless!!!
Thanks, Brendan. Glad you enjoyed the article!
I like your story Luke about the guy taking care of his sick wife, but how many times do you hear about a woman taking care of a man? This is how it is working in the real world with marriages now. The guy gives up his whole being for a woman. The sex stops after marriage and more than likely she let’s go of herself. He constantly deals with drama, drama, drama. He is there to provide, provide, provide. If the marriage is horrible, he suffers, suffers, suffers, Then if he is brave enough to get a divorce, the woman takes everything in the divorce and the kids and he pays to “keep her in the lifestyle he is accustomed.”
I am tired of holy rollers telling what the man is responsible for and totally forgetting what a woman is responsible for. Frankly, in today’s society, women are not responsible for anything. All a marriage is really is a man signing over his life to a woman. This is why marriages are crumbling and men are dropping out of society and not getting married. The idea of marriage is far better than the reality of marriage.
Just look at your website. You never address the responsibilities of a woman. You cater to the broken hearted wife who thinks her husband got sucked into the evils of porn. Yet, that woman is not taking a personal inventory of herself and realistically looks at why he was looking at porn. Until you hold women accountable, none of this changes. None.
Your over-generalizations are very distracting to your main point, but I get where you are coming from.
You don’t like it that men are always the “bad guys” in the court of public opinion. I get it. Really I do. But the answer isn’t to swing the pendulum the other way and use the way a man has been sinned against to justify him acting lewd, crude, lustful, bigoted, or aloof. The answer is to tell couples that both share the responsibility to love, honor, and serve each other.
I know you think we turn a blind eye to women in this regard, but we don’t. We have dozens and dozens of articles, videos, and podcasts for women who struggle with porn (and thus sin against their husbands). We talk to wives about not letting their sex lives die simply because their husband’s struggle with lust. We coach wives about how to react and how to not react to a man’s sin against her. We have told countless stories on our blog about the struggle and responsibility women face to forgive when sinned against. We tell stories of women who pray for and honor their husbands despite the trouble they face in their marriages. We talk to women about the importance of not reducing their husbands’ sins to a matter of lacking self-control or a lack of love. We talk to women about the importance of not playing “porn police” or spying on their husbands as if they were kids. Our most recently re-released e-book deals extensively with boundaries wives need to place up in their marriages so they don’t assume undue responsibility or dish out punishments.
Do I agree we need to hold wives accountable? Absolutely.
Instead of letting bitterness take hold because we live in a society where there are double standards (for both men and women, mind you), we should strive to aim for the health of our own closest relationships.
Not true at all. I only once denied my husband sex in the almost 3 years we have been married. And only because i was half asleep at 6am. I even felt bad afterwards. Now i find out that my husband has been cheating with multiple women the entire time. I sacraficed everything for him. I was happy to meet his needs because i thought i had a great loving honest man. I guess he fooled me really well, now all i have is a very broken heart and horrible emotional problems that weren’t there before. Sometimes women do everything they can and their husbands cheat anyways. His only reason was to boost his ego with women that meant absolutely nothing to him, which he dropped immediately after i found out. Also i am in great shape for 30 and look much younger because of my size and freckles. What do women do when they put everything into their marriage as the bible tells us and our husbands still want more? Now im struggling with the fact that i will never love him the way i did before, if i can even love him again at all. Now im stuck married to a man that betrayed me more than i could have ever imagined. BTW his problems started with porn.
I’m so so sorry. You’re not stuck! Your husband has broken his wedding vows repeatedly. If you choose to stay, that’s up to you. But know that you are also free to go. Peace to you, Kay
Did we just go back in time to a bygone era where masturbation is evil? Yes, yes we did. This article is nonsense. Here is the reality. Everyone fantasizes. Everyone masturbates. It isn’t evil. It is biology. Freaking biology. Christians go overboard with their craziness. If you are going to keep telling everyone that everything is evil, you are going to have people leaving religion in droves. Which by the way is what you see happening now.
I’d love to know which parts of the article you think are nonsense and why.
Of course people fantasize and masturbate. Of course it taps into our biology. This article is trying to debunk certain medical claims about the benefits of masturbation.
IMO the mistake we make on this issue, other than decrying lust (which is clearly an issue), is spending more time trying to convince fellow believers that our particular viewpoint is right, when Scripture simply takes neither side. It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to discern that this is a scruple. Arguments for or against when one’s mind is already made up about it, isn’t going to result in helping anyone.
Very informative article, Luke – I learned a couple of things, thank you! But didn’t you leave out the part about how a sexually-active man needs physical release every 72 hours or so? And this can be achieved sans pornography as well as without the old ball-and-chain, you know. In fact, one needn’t resort to erotic thoughts whatsoever, right?
Sometimes, it’s just too much trouble waking up GRUMPY (although I’ll admit she’s always game – she’s got THAT going for her!). And to tell the truth, Luke, a guy can get BORED after x years of even a happy matrimony (let alone an unhappy one – sigh..!). Yea or nay, brethren?
In fact, I’ve long wanted to conduct a very informal survey among evangelical Christian (married) men regarding the conjugal status quo in the intimacy dept. You know, hombre to hombre, man. I’d like to ask all these apparently-contented bros an unblinking question: How sexually fulfilled are you, REALLY? Ha! Care to speculate, my friend? You see, sometimes I wonder what Bro. Beatitude sees in Sister Plain Jane, or Pastor Trumpetsound in his overweight wife. Do those guys really get excited about the missus, or are they just bravely soldiering on for the sake of giving good testimony of “All is well – glory be!”
What do YOU think, Luke? Man to man, now, s’il vous plait, so shoot me straight with your opinion (as you would in a support-group session for dudes who are seriously unsmitten by the charms of the Mrs.). Much obliged. (But we might find we have a lot of frustrated, yearning, quietly-resigned-to-sexual-dullness men in the church behind the smiles and the handshakes and the Christian well-wishing.) Whatcha say to THAT, Luke??
I’ve also heard a man needs sexual release every 72 hours, but I was not able to find any medical studies to back up the claim. If you can, I would appreciate it.
I do agree masturbation can be achieved without erotic thoughts. I have an article about that as well where I address some of moral and relational questions related to that issue.
Of course monogamy can get boring, but so can many things in life. Don’t get me wrong: I think we ought to strive for sexual satisfaction in our marriages through some real honest communication. I think spouses should seek to give one another sexual pleasure. And yes, most Christians men are probably tempted with grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side thoughts—perhaps even many times in their married lives. I don’t think it is wise to suppress or deny this fact out of some sort of stiff-upper-lip stoicism. The Bible would never have us turn a blind eye to our discontent in the name of pretentious holiness.
Since you asked, I’ll give you my honest opinion through a story. I’m friends with a man who’s wife fell ill many years ago. She has gone through seasons where she is practically debilitated. Her energy levels are tanked most of the time. Many times she can barely walk or even get out of bed. I watch as he faithfully serves her week after week and admire his commitment. Is he “getting any” at home from her? Not much. And what’s there certainly isn’t the stuff of erotic fantasy. Is he tempted to lust after other women. Sure he is. He is quite honest and open about how hard life has been for him on multiple levels.
But what’s happened to him as the Spirit of God has worked through these circumstances is he has become a man of real virtue—not because he denies the fact that he has desires, but because he has sacrificed a specific desire for something more important, and in the end has found real joy. With all his heart he aims to honor the covenant he made with his wife, and as a result he has a love for his wife (erotic and otherwise) that transcends what I see in most marriages. Is this the life he bargained for? No. But he has let his marriage define his love, not his love define his marriage, and that has made all the difference.
So, Xavier, if you’re asking Christian men who have “Plain Jane” or “overweight” wives, as you say, if they are really sexually fulfilled, I hope it isn’t because you are depreciating a man who “soldiers on” to honor his loving commitment. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a big difference between the guy who is “frustrated, yearning, quietly-resigned-to-sexual-dullness,” as you say, and a man who has found joy in life that transcended whether his wife looks like a supermodel. If the choice is between lust or nothing, that is a terrible choice indeed. But if the choice is between lust or real joy that comes through laying down your life for another, that is another matter altogether.
Hello there, Luke! My apologies for taking so long to thank you for your response to my comment, but I’ve been busy making a living and pondering what you told me. I’ve also read the article you referred me to, as well as others on your site.
Anyway, here’s what percolated from my ruminations: Much respect for the brother with the sick wife for his Christ-like devotion to her! That man is a doer of the Word, not merely a hearer, and that has resulted in his “becom(ing) a man of real virtue”, in his finding “real joy”, and in his “love for his wife (erotic and otherwise)… transcend(ing that seen) in most marriages”. I’m really happy for the guy.
But what I took away from all this is something applicable in my own life: as Christians, we are all engaged in a bitter struggle – daily – with our flesh (wont to betray us at every turn), with the world – so full of enticements and opportunities to sin, and with the Enemy of our very SOULS (Me, Us, in all our uniqueness and irreplaceability), who whispers sly blandishments one moment, ominous threats the next (whatever works).
We chafe as we fall prey to or prevail against, from day to day, deadly spiritual poisons (continually kept burbling on a fire stoked by demons in charge of each) such as ANGER, LUST, PRIDE, FEAR, HATE and various others, as tailored to each individual. Now, these being fruits of the flesh, we are enjoined by Yahshua to put the flesh and its works to death… to die to SELF, in effect.
So we clench our teeth, furrow our brows, and grimly set about to put our shoulders to the wheel, as we attempt to deal the wily, wicked, deep-rooted SELF its deathblow. And we see some progress, as Divine aid descends to assist us in the battle.
But what happens? We then lose any precious ground gained, see our resolve eroded, our new found closeness to God compromised, when we allow ourselves to masturbate “just this once” (whether it be as “Type B” – or let alone as “Type C”). And it is that the SELF, wanting nothing better than to be coddled, indulged and pleasured, is reinvigorated after having so recently been left bruised and gasping for breath. Masturbation – self-pleasuring – as an acute expression of SELF-preoccupation, is the anti-thesis of SELFLESSNESS, and a most insidious weapon in the Enemy’s arsenal that is used, again and again and with devastating effect on many a campaign for a soul, to sabotage our best efforts of dying precisely to Self. So, how can we make any progress in our spiritual growth? Can we ever be free?
With us, it’s: Take that, SELF! And that! And that! I hate you for coming between God and me. Say, how about some nice, cool water? Here you go. And let me fan you while you catch your breath… Would you like to rest a while? This sofa here in the living room of my soul is very comfortable… Blah, blah, blah..! What a thing, hey, Luke? You got me to thinking a lot.
By the way, I did find a reference to the “72 hours” thing, but the main author of the book (Relationships for Life), one Richard Marks, PhD, frowns upon masturbation anyway, and prescribes regular sexual intercourse with one’s wife. (Bummer! Well, only if you have a harpy for a wife as some of us do. Ha, ha!)
On a final note, Luke, I think you’re a great writer, and obviously very intelligent, but I partially agree with another commenter who feels that the website cuts women too much slack and hold men more accountable than they in the sexual dynamics of a relationship. It shows subtly in the language and tone you guys employ when addressing the issues at hand.
You yourself sound more tolerant and “chivalrous” when considering female character flaws, and about their RESPONSIBILITIES vis-a-vis men in their lives. Come on, Luke: where’s the fire and brimstone preaching? Tell it like it is to those dames – uncompromisingly – like Paul did. But you might not want to come across as patriarchal, as anachronistically sexist. Fine. But please, Luke, beware the liberal tide of the times that infects unnoticed the mores bequeathed to us by our precursors in the faith. Nuff respect, all the same, Luke.
Thanks, Xavier. Your diatribe against the flesh was fun to read. Yes, the battle with the flesh feels about like that a lot of times. My prayer for the men and women is that we can learn to draw from God’s limitless resources when it comes to fighting this battle. I honestly believe, when you are in Christ you are fighting a different kind of war—still a war, no doubt, but a winning one.
Thanks for checking into the 72-hour idea. I’ve heard it here or there but still have never found some kind of original source or study. Oh well.
As a final note, I want to address your concern about the language we use to husbands or wives. Do we believe men and women both sin against each other? Yes. Do we think both men and women should treat one another with respect, love, and honor? Yes. I trust you see this in what we write.
Let’s me tell the story of another marriage—one you might resonate with more than the sick wife story. I know a man whose wife had a severe disinterest in sex. She rejected most of his advances. It got to the point where a year or two would go between sexual encounters. He was depressed, lonely, and desperate for connection. He started using porn on a fairly frequent basis, and when he wife found out, this only further cemented the wedge between them. Does the woman need to be told she is defrauding her husband? Yes. Absolutely. Does the man need to be told he is sinning against his wife through the porn? Yes. Neither one’s sins should justify the sin of the other.
If I was sitting down and counseling this couple, I would try my best to communicate these ideas to them, and as best we can, we try to communicate these sentiments in our writing. We have many articles here that stress the biblical importance for both men and women to pursue marital intimacy, to serve one another sexually. We also have plenty about not sinning against your spouse by looking at porn.
If you detect an “edge” in our language on this blog, it is probably due to the fact that we are a blog about porn. That’s not us trying to be biased. It is us trying to stay close to a topic. Staying close to this topic, we want to shatter the myth that the man is somehow a victim of his biological drives and he should get a pass looking at porn because his wife is being odious, cruel, or unaffectionate, much less that she gained some weight or isn’t as physically fit as the sex athletes that star in porn films. The man married to the “harpy” (as you say) has no more license to lust than the single man who hasn’t had sex a day in his life.
Should we speak with such strong words to women who are withholding sex? Someone should, but by the time most wives come to our blog, they are dealing not just with their own thoughts about sex, but the trauma of their husband’s pleasuring themselves to virtual prostitutes (i.e. porn). We write the way we do to women because we’d like to think we understand our audience. We tread softly because a lot of these women are experiencing an acute trauma that many counselors are likening to PTSD. If they ever get their mojo back, it won’t be because someone told them to just “do their marital duty.” No man wants that kind of sex anyway.
I hope, for our sakes and our readers’ sakes, that our language to men who struggle with porn isn’t nearly as graceless or harsh as your comment makes it out to be. We’ve written volumes, not saying, “porn is bad, cut it out, you sickos,” but offering page after page of biblical and psychological advice about how to break free.
Eh, have I come across so accusatory? I beg your forgiveness then, Luke! No, man, I’m cool with the way you address guys, this being neither “graceless” nor “harsh”. And I dig what you say about the women who are dealing with porn-addicted husbands, and about you cleaving close to your own mission statement. (After all, you and your team have all the right in the world to adopt any focus and tone you deem fit in your blog, and gear it towards the audience of your choice.) I, of course, wish you much success in helping us all understand much better this blight on human society that is pornography, and in so doing, help equip us with the “biblical and psychological” resources to effectively combat it.
Let me categorically state a couple things, though:
1. NOTHING justifies the use of pornography, by either sex. It constitutes a diabolically-clever warping of human sexuality and identity that zeroes in with pinpoint precision on the most sensitive parts of our makeup. And I’m also well aware of porn’s sadly crucial role in not only helping to perpetuate human trafficking, but enabling and feeding off it as well.
2. The Bible lays out pretty clearly the relational setup between husbands and wives, the emphasis being on selfless love and mutual submission. Nevertheless, there IS a hierarchy of authority (hear, hear) laid down, too, and those who jump onto the liberal bandwagon of feminist-inflected “equality” in marriage, will find themselves straying ever further, as society devolves into anomie, from the biblical ideal governing marital relations. Whatever the case, I realize I’ve been considering the issue too broadly, mentally factoring in the above as well as matters of female “attitude”, provocativeness (no fair!), female (gender-based) entitlement, etc.
That said, the “withholding sex” bit can cut both ways, as you will see from the following real-life case (given your – most welcome – penchant for supporting your points with anecdotal illustrations):
Strait-laced Christian girl marries sexually-experienced, worldly-at-heart guy (with a dash of flair, hey); wedding night (and subsequent months) ho-hum: wife unimaginative in bed, anorgasmic; guy kinda disappointed, increasingly bored with milquetoast sex (and secretly pining for one ex-girlfriend in particular, lovely and exotic); tempers flare, confrontations escalate drastically, and only kids’ arrival keep couple together; despite it all, sex and romance improve somewhat, both partners subscribing to Christian values; guy, however, accesses pornography occasionally for sorely-needed pizzazz and because he was always a sucker for it, anyhow; wife find out and goes ballistic, guy unapologetic; marital woes continue…
Fast-forward some 12+ years… couple still together by some miracle but sleeping in separate bedrooms; sexual encounters few and far between, with guy gradually developing aversion to intimacy with wife; years, pregnancy and childbirth, gravity – all take toll on female anatomy, contributing to guy’s disinterest (occasional sallies into a certain “Fantasyland” not helping either); wife increasingly grumpy and difficult to get along with, so guy finds it easier to keep distance (ah, peace and quiet!); occasional pangs of conscience (and own urges) remind guy that wife has physical needs and a Biblical right to sexual satisfaction with husband, so okay… but he is also guilty of rebuffing wife’s advances on occasion.
So, you see, Luke, there’s guys, too, who withhold sex from the missus, and it has nothing to do with getting back at her, just lack of interest in same-old, same-old. (Maybe there wasn’t much love to begin with but go figure…) Only the Lord knows what the solution is, but do me a favor? Push in your blog for REAL MANHOOD, as in the days of old, when men were men (I’m not talking about troglodytes, but about the indisputable head of the home) and call a spade a spade: Porn and masturbation are for LOSERS, for boy-men who would rather woo their predictable little selves than set out to conquer the strong modern woman who would much rather have a MAN in her life to obviate the need for being so strong herself…
And having said all that (whew!), let me go see what I can do about Grumpy; no promises, now, but it’s been 12+ years of blah, so I don’t even know if this marriage is salvageable. Thanks for your patience, though, if you’ve read up to this point. And blessings, my friend.
Thanks for the story. I’ve heard similar ones from others in the past, and it breaks my heart to hear about such marriages.
Clearly, in the story you’re telling here, there is conflagration of problems going on, some sexual and some non-sexual.
And yes, I completely agree that men can withhold sex from their partner just as women can. I hope my previous example didn’t lead you to think I believed otherwise. (This is the problem with giving examples, isn’t it? It is easy to be mistaken for setting up some kind of “everyman story” or gross generalization.)
As far as real manhood goes, I am as complementarian as they come when it comes to gender roles, so you won’t hear any protests from me about advocating for biblical masculinity. As my friend Matt Fradd often says, “A lot of guys are waking up to the reality that masturbating to images of girls who are only pretending to like you isn’t as cool as you think it is.” I agree with him.
Your comments remind me of an interview I did with Dr. William Struthers and Eric Ludy a while back where this became the theme of their conversation: a vision of real biblical manhood that trumps the power of sin. It was really interesting to hear this from the perspective of both a neuroscientist who understand how God wired men’s brains and a Bible teacher who understands what the Scriptures have to say about God’s vision for masculinity.
Xavier,
If I’m not mistaken, you seem to be having some issues in your marriage. I am sorry to be forward, I really just want to share some AMAZING books which may be of help to you.
I would like to kindly reccomend 3 books to you: Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West, Heavens Song by Christopher West, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Another book I have not read myself but have seen good reviews on is Holy Sex by Dr. Gregory Popcack and Good News about Sex and Marriage by Christopher West. Ok, that was more than 3 books! Sorry! But start with the first two if you can. Maybe read it with your wife? You can find them online if you google the titles and authors.
Also, to anyone else reading this comment, these books have changed my life and really given me common-sense perspective and hope. It’s like, everything began to make sense, you know? All the brokenness in the male-female relationship. And these books are practical and truly helpful. Maybe the author has heard of them?
Blessings,
Michelle
As long as the two in the marriage are happy with each other, looks will take a backseat to emotional pleasure in each other. Surveys have found evangelical wives have the most satisfying sex lives of any group, and often the most frequent.
Look it up, the stats are out there. My own experiences confirm that as well.
Why are we here then materbation does not exist
Dude no man needs sexual release every 72 hours that is rubbish. The greatest minds in history were totally against sexual release. Those are the men that preserved their sexual energy to convert it into something much more valuable. Think about Tesla, Einstein, Freud, Socrates… These people didn’t masturbate and did some very great things. Heck Newton was against ejaculation and died a virgin. Ejaculating will only lead to being less of a man, a girl basically. Real men ejaculate as little as possible. So no a man doesn’t need sexual release that is just a lie. Somehow ejaculation is promoted so that people would turn into zombies. It’s all about control and mind control. Making people weak so they could take advantage of them. Porn is a weapon of mass destruction. Self control is the real power. See how everything is connected? Power vs weakness, every action has an equal and opposite reaction… Newton. Masturbation takes away life from men. Semen is the very essence of life. No man should ever waste it without good reason.
Great article — but I think a portion of a sentence got left out of the first paragraph of the C.S. Lewis quote. Right after the close-parentheses, something’s missing that would make the second half of the sentence make sense.
Thanks!
I’ve double-checked the quote, and everything looks in order. If you’re referring to the part of the quote where Lewis says “and turns it back,” he’s talking about how the sexual appetite is turned back in on itself. I think the trouble is with the formatting of his sentence. It is, admittedly, from a private letter by Lewis to a friend, not something he meant to have published publicly.
I masturbate with my girlfriend….intercourse we hold for marriage. Before knowing her I did it since I was 12…no one told me how , know one told me to do it…..that tells you something about nature and therefore natural. Moderation is something we follow….and I did before knowing my girl….that came naturally too! As far as religious thoughts upon the subject…..I believe God adores his creations …he adores us…in our natural hearts is a knowledge automatically…we know it’s wrong when thinking of certain things….be true to yourself and you’ll be without sin. Do not forgo other exercise….if you are because you’re exhausted from masturbation each day ….than you’re doing it too often ….I exercise daily but masturbate once to three times weekly….women in pictures that are women and not underage are a thing of beauty and a blessing from God when they are of their own free will in the industry of pornography ….God is a most stupendous engineer and certainly could not have wanted beauty of His creations to be shielded from appreciation….. He made all things good to be enjoyed…..but once again . We are not animals….He gave us decernment and in your heart and mind you know when something is disturbing, distorted or decimating your very soul for ignoring your inner guide. Respect is Love. God is Love.
Your comment moves around quite a bit. I invite you to bounce your thinking up against something more than “my heart and mind” in order to determine that something is “disturbing, distorted or decimating.” Look at Scripture. Look at the traditions of the faithful. Would your behaviors pass the litmus test of that which is “true, noble, admirable, excellent, praise worthy?” Would it be an action that you would do in the presence of Almighty God as you approach His throne? Are you at your very BEST self while performing these behaviors? Are these the behaviors that you would hope to pass on to your teenage sons or daughters one day when you do marry? I just want to leave you with questions to consider.
Regards,
Chris
I am against all looking at pornography, and I am all in favor of people getting married (to one of the opposite sex and it is not incest). However if someone can not get married or is away from their spouse, and does not look at all at pornography, and does the masturbation in total privacy and does not tell anyone about it, this is SO MUCH better than fornicating. It is important to not let anyone know. Of course GOD Knows, but I believe that GOD does allow it in specific situations. I do not believe that GOD allows the watching of pornography and I believe that GOD does not allow the talking about doing masturbation. One must keep it secret from people. GOD Blessed us.
I don’t think anyone doubts sleeping around has for more dire consequences than occasionally masturbating. This article is more about the health effects of masturbation.
The thing about masturbation is that there are sexual fantasies involved, and that is lust, its wrong in the eyes of God, there will be no exception, even looking at a woman is lustful to the point of committing adultery, so its the same with sexual fantasies. God will never allow it in any situation for sinning, God detests sin, so do not spread falsehood about that.
In the eyes of God, even the smallest sin is still sinning, so don’t make a differentiation between them as if fornicating is more serious sin than sexual fantasies. One must learn not to fall into temptation of even allowing sinful sexual thoughts from happening. Although it is likely fornication would generally lead to more serious consequences than masturbation.
Talking about masturbation in the context of freeing oneself from sexual lust its good as it bring light to the sins one committed, it allows accountability with mature people that can be trusted with that information. This article is trying to deter people from thinking or using ‘health benefits’ as a mean to justify this channel of sexual release.
must confess it
Don’t blame God just talk about advantage and disadvantages God never angry if it is good healthy to you…
No sin in mind is sin in body
God will only accept perfection
As long as there remains body mutilating, reason bypassing, echo chamber fulfilling, sermon indoctrinating, tradition abiding, self aggrandizing, death fearing, prejudiced theists in this world, young men and women will be lied to. My advice to all young people figuring this out on your own is to study your body and what makes it tick. Read books about mental health and biology and make sure they are better cited than this article and not from a .com site. (.gov and published articles are better). Read enough of these books and you will surely find that Christianity and similar religions only exist to manage the poor, unfortunate, fearful, and weak of the population, and that true data (the stuff that will actually heal your grandma when she is sick), not prayers, are what will lead to your personal happiness and fulfillment in life. I have a friend who used Christianity as an excuse not to work hard in life and understand how to the world works. She ended up not being able to take care of herself when she realized that “GOD” (dear readers, all caps is tacky and makes you sound old in a bad way) is not helping her in a symbolic way, is not helping her in a financial way, is not helping her soul, is not helping her family, is not helping her government, is not helping her body, is not helping her understand god, and is not helping her grow as a person. The generation that took everything from us by not playing the long game is here to complain about masturbation, they should be ashamed. All my ignorant self has to say about masturbation is to take everything in moderation – too much of anything is bad – and for masturbation, that in my opinion means around more than 5 times a week.
Great article!! Thanks!
Thanks, Jeff!
You might want to read How to Manage Your D.I.C.K by Sean O’Reilly for a full accounting of the relationship between virtue and vice. Masturbation is most definitely a vice.
Ok. But what about men who dont have sex before marriage? So im supposed to never do it until im like 30 yo?
Thats impossible
I did this horrifying act for 20 YEARS and have just as of recently found out all the destructive results it has upon your mind, psychological health and your body. For ANY so called ‘doctor’ or ‘expert’ to dare teach and explain that this sin, this great wrong is actually good for you- may the Lord God deal mercifully and justfully with that person or persons.
Not only does this vile act cause prostate cancer and lower sperm count….look at what it does to the person: depression, guilt, schizophrenia, dullness of intellect and comprehension, feelings of worthlessness, highly unbalanced nerves and mood….these are just a FEW of the long destructive results.
Many, including myself, had been told repeatedly time and time and time again how unhealthy this act is. For one, it is a great and offensive sin against God and your own body. Porn is also destructive, as it ruins relationships and the possibility of maintaining a truly happy and healthy one. Stop looking at how it makes you feel in the act. Consider- CONSIDER!!- WHAT THE LONG, POSSIBLY LASTING EFFECTS IT HAS ON YOUR MIND AND ATTITUDE AND INTELLECT.
Like many, I ignored the warnings because I didnt see and fully comprehend the destructive results it has on my mind! Now, I have to take adderall xr because I have a bad focus and anxiety problem. I can’t focus or perceive things in the way that God created my brain to be able to.
In the name of God and the sake of your mental and moral and physical health: STOP THIS AT ONCE!
So then how can we escape that prison since men are more compulsive to porn on the Internet,how can men fix that and be more compulsive for woman again?
Hi Jeff. Good article. I don’t do it anymore, I had an actual sex addiction but now I am faithful to purity. I feel I’d be betraying the mother of my child who has herself overcome that similar vice. I can put it out of my head and I can also say that ejaculation made me depressed after a wank, definitely did. I do have self control difficulties in other areas like food, mental discipline, YouTube.. I am somewhat curious if you know what the validity is on the term use it or lose it? Sometimes I get wet dreams in my sleep when I’m dreaming, I controlled the last one for once. I’m one who can’t fall asleep after ejaculation, strange anomaly. Discipline and introspection help, instant gratification is a way i avoid inner stuff. I have to know why. Sometimes a good woman can urge you on to be the better man, the authentic man, she can give the support you’d be doing it for her too, for both. Women are deep too like, but they reckon we have a feminine side inside like the unconscious, its not all about external stuff if its inside. I know that might sound weak but
Hy,
I have a question to.I am a born again unmarried christian.I entered in christianity with my life of masturbation(Been doing IT from childhood – raised in a home with divorced parents).For a time i was to imature,and didin’t realise IT was distroying me.Since i became a christian i suceeded kicking porn,but remained with the masturbation.Then came the Day God spoke to me about IT.I took the decision to stop.And i stoped,for over 2 and a half years i didin’t masturbate at all.But the desire to do it is still there.Sometimes i found my hands on my penis in the morning when i wake up,i continue to massage until i feal is close to ejaculate and then i stop.IT is almost like masturbation,and after i fel a great shame and repent,but the desire comes Back almost in every morning.And i am sick of this type of living.How can I gain control even over this?And how can i become mature in this area?
The author of this article is a Christian preacher and that tells all on how bias he is. We don’t want the personal opinions of doctors. Give all the clinical research evidence that proves that masturbation is Harfull. The bible does not forbid masturbation. There is no clear verse in the bible to prove this.
Fantastic article. It’s great to for once read about this subject from a different perspective. More often than not, when someone brings up masturbation, they go out about cleansing the ducts and all that, completely disregarding the mental implications of it. Bottom line, the solution is: stop jerking off, leave your comfort zone and find a woman.
Religious or not masturbation destroys lives. You needn’t be religious to feel the detrimental, destructive effects of masturbating on your body. God is bigger than religion. He really is. And our bodies are programmed to respond to the will of God. Therefore we suffer if we don’t end this life-destroying behavior. As the Bible puts it he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. Thank you for your efforts to teach people about what lures behind the mask of temptation. A life of misery. The so called doctors who promote this vice are absolutely ignorant. People seem to ignore the true effects in order to keep the sin alive. Sin only leads to death and destruction. These body fluids we’ve just wasted away are so holy and should be preserved as much as possible. It will only lead to true happiness, life, light, true fulfilment. Thanks for spreading the truth about this filth.
This issue is best suited for your own judgement.. I’ve struggled with pornography through my teens and early 20s. I occasionally go back to it, but have been doing really well lately thanks to my wife. I still masturbate almost daily. I know I have a problem and certainly think I would be much better off masturbating 3 or 4 times a week. Porn and masturbating are a very dangerous mix you can come across some very nasty things on porn websites. As for myself I know this struggle will continue but I feel a lot more self control for not using porn anymore. . Masturbate to relieve some stress.. don’t make yourself feel guilty about it if you don’t want to do it, because it will only make it harder for you to stop .. love yourself and understand that you are human, yet if you want to escape this prison that Luke describes than rid yourself of porn and shun the industry. Take care of yourself, take care of your body, use the golden rule of moderation.
Thank u very much for the book!
May Jehovah bless u more in Jesus name!
I am for biblical living and have a relationship with God. But, one thing physiologically speaking holds true. The penis is a muscle. Any muscle not used will atrophy. That is truth. How do you bypass that?
Hi. I’m boitelo and I’m a boy who is struggling from masturbating and pornography .I would like to get help because I’m tired now. I’m 17 years now and I’ve been struggling with this seens I was 14
Hello Boitelo! Thanks for reaching out. I’m sorry to hear about your struggle, but I’m glad to hear you’re seeking help. Do you have anyone you can talk to? A parent, counselor, or youth leader? It can be scary (and you want to find someone who is mature enough to respond well), but talking about it and getting accountability in your life is an important step to victory. Here’s a post where we lay out the steps to quitting porn or any unwanted sexual behavior.
Blessings,
Keith
Noo