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Defeat Lust & Pornography 2 minute read

Why I’m Sharing About My Masturbation Struggle

Last Updated: May 18, 2021

A little over 12 years ago I read an amazing book by Joshua Harris called Not Even a Hint. The title was based off Ephesians 5:3, which reads, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality…” (NIV). In the book, Harris opened up about his previous struggle with masturbation. He shared that many people masturbate, but hardly anyone talks about it. He then joked how most of his readers, upon seeing his open confession of masturbating, likely thought, “Better you than me!”

I also struggled with masturbation, and I began weeping as I wondered why no one was willing to be brave and open up about this subject. I decided that if God set me free, I would be willing to share the truth about this bondage so others could step into freedom too. So, today is the day that you get to read about my struggle and think, “Better you than me!”

I was exposed to pornography at a young age, and masturbation and a fantasy life developed from there. It soon became a compulsive and addictive activity for me. I often engaged in this several times a day and became enslaved. I tried to break free many times, and even after becoming a Christian filled with the Holy Spirit, I was still trapped. I went back and forth as to whether or not this behavior was wrong, although I really did know deep down this was not God’s plan for me.

Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma

One day the Lord dealt with me regarding my sin through the following Scripture, “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed do all in the name of the Lord Jesus…” (Col. 3:17). Now to be honest with you, I’ve always prided myself in being an intelligent person. But even with all my smarts, I still couldn’t figure out a way to masturbate “in the name of the Lord Jesus.” That wasn’t the end for me, but it was the beginning of the end.

I knew my actions were a coping mechanism, and the Lord spoke to me from Jeremiah 2:13.

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”

Wow! God showed me I was trying to meet my needs in my own way instead of allowing Him to meet them. This was another step on my journey to freedom. Lasting freedom came as I began to relate with God and others; true healing from any type of sexually addictive behavior comes when we learn to be intimate.

I can honestly say it has been over ten years since I have masturbated. Yep, I’m currently single and haven’t physically been with anyone–so that means ten orgasm-free years. Our society values orgasm as the pearl of great price, but I’ve survived to tell my story nonetheless. Much to the shock of society, I didn’t die or kill anyone from not having an orgasm. It really is possible!

Related: 3 Steps to Kick the Habit of Masturbation

There is hope for anyone struggling with this issue! I was bound for 23 years, and Jesus set me free–He desires you to experience this freedom too!

  1. Liv

    It looks to me Kay that you are encouraging people to “self-worship”, allowing themselves to delve into what God intended to be a partnership between a husband and a wife, not “single sex”. When Jesus had encountered the woman in John 8, Hd did not say “Hey, that”s fine, I still love you, you have s healthy sex drive”, He said “Nither do I condemn, go and sin no more.” Not “sin less”. I am trouble to see that you as a “Christian ” counsellor recommend that.

    • Kay Bruner

      There are no scripture verses condemning masturbation. I don’t see the point in shaming people for something the Bible doesn’t condemn.

    • Billy

      To be fair, Liv, John 8 is about a woman caught in adultery… Which is a sin condemned many times throughout the Bible. Not really sure how you’re comparing that to masturbation.

  2. Pete

    I’m a teenager and have been struggling for about six months now. I want to encourage all of you, who are masturbating, to tell a mature Christian friend or pastor about your struggle, shed light on this issue. I eventually told my youth leader and dad (who is a pastor) about my masturbating addiction. I have been free for a few days now, it’s good to be back with God.

    BTW plz do not say that masturbating is “not a sin”. The Bible clearly states what is wrong and what isn’t. The Bible may not address specifically masturbation, but it is clear on how our minds should be. Masturbation can’t be justified.

    • Kay Bruner

      So “the bible clearly states what is wrong” but “it may not specifically address masturbation” but masturbation is still wrong?

      Purity culture has created so much shame around sexuality that we’re making up things to feel guilty about. This breaks my heart.

      If you want to stop masturbating, that’s fine, it’s your choice. I’m glad you’ve got a few days of “freedom” under your belt (so to speak). But when you masturbate again, I want you to know that God is still with you. He does not abandon you or forsake you for using the sex drive he gave you. God loves you, he created you with a healthy and whole sex drive, which is nothing to be ashamed of.

      Peace to you,
      Kay

  3. MK

    I have been masturbating from 12 and started watching porn around 20. please I need help and prayers.

    • Chris McKenna

      Hi, MK – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. What have you tried? What about this list of essential steps?

  4. MK

    I need help please pray for me am tired of confessing

  5. Unspoken

    Hello Kimberly! I would love to talk to you about this issue. Is there any way that I could have your email? I prefer this not to be a public comment. Thank you!!

  6. Anonymous

    I dont masturbate anymore but have I saddened the Holy Spirit by not listening to him whenever i masturbate? Until he doesn’t bother anymore of my sin? Will God forgive me still?
    My life is messed up already due to my sin of masturbation. I just couldn’t stop before… But now im free but my faith in God is the problem since i think the Holy Spirit left me.

    • Kay Bruner

      I’ll just give you a little Scripture to ponder over: Romans 8:31-39

      31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

      35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[a]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

      38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

  7. Bound by this

    I wonder how many of you read this replied and just went on and just masturbated anyways after reading this. I pray to God everyday to set me free

    • Jenny

      I unfortunately did, I quit for 2 yrs then after being cheated on, like clock work Satan has me wrapped back around his finger masturbating frequently as I try to find encouragement reading comments…that s.o.b Satan won’t get away with this

  8. James

    Journey out of this disgraceful act is not easy, I have been a victim myself for 8yrs now, I have always desired a break free but has proved difficult before this week. I hope prayerfully that it has finally ended by the grace of Jesus Christ.

  9. Steve

    Since I was a child I struggled with sexual sins to make a long story short I spent nearly 25 years engaging in one type of immorality or another with female prostitutes I truly lived a hopeless life thinking I would never overcome these sins God has granted me repentance in the last 2 years no interaction with prostitutes but I have not been able to overcome the sin of masturbation and I’m becoming increasingly hopeless again I’ve often thought am I very immature that I cannot be responsible with an iPhone because there is so much pronography at my fingertips if I’d gotten rid of my iPhone I might have never read your stories I hope you’ll pray for me

    • Chris McKenna

      Hi Steve, of course. Do you have accountability? Do you really need an iPhone? Maybe you could get to our material another way? Sometimes, beating the habit means drastic steps. What else have you tried to beat the habit?

      Chris

  10. Anonymous

    I admire you and praise Jesus for setting you free. I too am running on 23 years of masturbation and also a porn/sex addiction. Its hard. I’ve gotten much better but I havent been completely free yet. Soon I pray.

    • Thanks for your comment, Anonymous. May the God of all hope provide you with continued hope in this area. I am declaring freedom over you as I type! In Jesus name!

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