Shocked. Horrified. Disgusted. Sickened. That’s only a handful of the emotions that overtook me when I found out that my 14-year-old son was a captive audience to a two-and-a-half-hour public display of hardcore heterosexual and homosexual obscenity—and no one said a word. I dare not even repeat here the vile images that are now imprinted on his brain.
Just a few generations ago the common sense standard of the general public was (at least) to shield the most vulnerable among us from anything that may pose a threat to a child physically, mentally, or emotionally. It was common for even perfect strangers to hold high public standards in the defense of children.
As much as I’d like to believe that the majority of the general public still holds this view, it’s rapidly becoming clearer that standard decency and common sense in regards to children are neither common—nor do they make sense.
Sky High Porn
My son was traveling on a Delta flight from Minneapolis to New York City with a team of adults to serve the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Originally, he was seated with another team member, but when their flight got rerouted, he was sandwiched between two middle-aged men three rows from the back of the plane.
Just after takeoff, the man seated to his left pulled out his iPad and proceeded to watch hardcore pornography. My son said he tried not to look—but how could he not see it? It was practically in his lap, especially since the man was so large that he took up nearly half my son’s seat as well.
He wanted to complain, but was too intimidated by the man to say anything. Feeling trapped, he chose to bite his tongue, and no matter how hard he tried to avert his eyes, he was bombarded by “flesh” in his peripheral vision.
Since the man was continually being served alcohol throughout the entire flight, there were ample opportunities for the flight attendant (or even a nearby passenger) to take notice. However, no one said a word. The man exposed my son to an entire pornographic movie and several short videos throughout the two-and-a-half-hour flight.
Needless to say, I was completely horrified.
Is airplane porn now acceptable?
Has porn become so “normal” that there’s no longer any inhibition about viewing it in public places?
What about children? Why wasn’t there one person who cared enough for a child to speak on his behalf?
Related: 6 Ways to Raise a Sex Addict
At the very least, this man was insensitive, compulsive, and selfish. On the other hand, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
It didn’t take long for frustration to set in after hearing, “Really, I’ve never heard of that before” over and over again from Delta representatives. Was this really a brand new thing? Delta reps seemed to think so and were clearly not trained in handling the situation. The best they could come up with was to offer us a $75 Visa card, which we declined.
After speaking to several reps, we were assured that Delta has a “zero-tolerance policy” for such things and that they “do not stand for that at all.”
Parents, Take Action
Now, I understand many might say the blame lies squarely with my son for not speaking up, or the blame lies with me allowing him to fly on an airplane without his family. Should my son have said something—maybe sought out another team member he knew on the plane who could have helped him think about what to do? Sure. My son was paralyzed with fear and confusion, and perhaps he shouldn’t have been.
But let’s place credit where credit is due: should we expect kids to always know how to cry for help amidst a scary, profane situation, or should we hope adult men would have the decency to leave their hardcore porn at home?
Was this an isolated incident, or is airplane porn more common than we think? When flight attendants are themselves concerned about public displays of porn in-flight, when men are arrested for watching child porn at 60,000-feet, when the flight crew tells concerned fliers to change seats rather than telling porn-viewers to stop watching, and when the FBI have to investigate men masturbating in full view of other passengers, it seems clear to me this isn’t a fluke.
A common response from flight crew in a lot of these stories is, “I can’t do anything about it.”
Really? Why not? So, is it acceptable to watch pornography in full view of the general public?
Not too long ago this was a no-brainer, but today, this is a question society is asking. In libraries, gyms, coffee shops, cafes, and even driving down the road, porn is becoming an acceptable norm in the public square. There’s no “right” to smoke in many public spaces, because someone may be exposed to toxic physical poisons against their will. Yet the “right” to infect others (even children) with mental emotional, and spiritual poisons is becoming more tolerable.
Parents, we must “foresee the danger ahead and take precaution” as Solomon says. Abuse, child sex-trafficking, violence, rape, molestation, neglect, STDs, addiction, gender confusion, fatherlessness, divorce—every day millions of children are being sacrificed on the altar of sexual idolatry in one way or another. This time, it was my son’s heart, mind, and emotions that were sacrificed, and it grieves me that I was ignorant to the danger. I hadn’t prepared my child for such a scenario, but you can.
Related: My Child Has Been Exposed to Porn–5 Critical Truths You Need to Know
“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).
Sexual vulgarity is crouching at nearly every corner of our society. As long as it is up to you, don’t let your child be the prey.
It may still be criminal to knowingly expose a child to pornography, but that’s not where we’re headed as a society. Delta may have a “zero-tolerance policy” for in-flight porn now, but that isn’t the case for all airlines. Parents beware: The acceptance of public porn as the “new normal” isn’t that far away. What is merely tolerated today will be lauded tomorrow.
1. Parents, teach your kids early about the sacredness of their bodies and the goodness of sex. Kids need to know our over-sexualized culture is not bad because sex is bad, but because sex is good. The problem with porn in any form, from the soft-core magazine covers in the checkout isle to the hardcore movies online, is not that is shows us too much sex but because it doesn’t show us enough—real intimacy cannot be ripped from its relational context and put on the screen or in a magazine.
2. Teach your sons and daughters how to react to perverse scenarios. It doesn’t have to be hardcore porn on a plane. It could be in the locker room at school. It could be crude jokes in the lunchroom or the school bus. It could be a sext kids are passing around from phone to phone. Kids need to be taught how to respond to such situations and we need to teach them.
3. Know how to react when you see public obscenity. Whether its on an airplane, a local library, or a school—if you see someone viewing pornography, they are likely breaking federal public obscenity laws. Ask the person viewing to put the pornography away. If this fails, inform someone else immediately—the flight attendant, librarian, teacher, etc.—and if they tell you nothing can be done, inform them that this is not a matter of preference; it is a matter of public obscenity crimes.
We once had a neighbor (a young single man who practiced as a chiropractor in another part of the city) who watched hardcore porn on his big screen TV. Problem was, he also kept his curtains open when he did so, and whatever was on the TV was easily seen from my 11 year old daughter’s room. I confronted him on this to no avail. My husband confronted him. We wrote him a letter asking him to stop. I assumed that I had no legal recourse since it was something he was doing in the “privacy” of his home. Finally, I called the police to ask what I could do about it, and what my resources might be. They told me that exposing children to pornography is a class 3 felony in our state. They visited him and warned him. He immediately put up curtains, and moved away about a year later. The police never contacted us about it and my wish now is that I had chosen to pursue the matter with them to see what might have happened. Regardless of what “responsibility” your young son – a CHILD – might have had, this man was truly in the wrong. No one stepped in to protect this CHILD. No one took responsibility when a class 3 felony was being committed against a CHILD. It would be great if we could always be there to protect our children, but everytime they leave our homes to go to school, a friend’s house, the corner store, or a seat on an airplane they are vulnerable. Should we “parent” them constantly so that they never have the freedom to leave the house or sit on a plane? There would be extreme criticism for us as parents if we were to protect them in such a manner. Let’s place the blame where it is warranted – directly on the selfish depraved individual who committed a class 3 felony in exposing your CHILD to porn and vow to protect all the children in humanity’s care by refusing to remain silent when these actions are observed. I am so sorry for your pain, and for the slime that was visited upon your son, and I am praying that God would, in the words of the Lord’s prayer “deliver him from evil.”
Please provide the contact information to Delta Airlines; I would like to call them. Furthermore, I cannot imagine that a short account of this story would not go viral on Facebook. Consider posting a video account of the story on all social media platforms to raise awareness and get the attention of the airline industry. You would be doing a great service for others who may find themselves, or their children, in a similar situation.
I believe this link on Delta’s website would be a great place to start.
I can empathize with all of the above commenters, except for not yet being the parent of a teenager (yet). As a man, however, having lived through this same stage of life I can attest to the near-irresistability of having similar situations thrust upon me. Some kids would be strong enough to speak up or remove themselves from the situation. I usually wasn’t early on, and that was due to a general lack of self-confidence and the ability to stand up for myself in ANY situation where my convictions were tested. (A question for the mother: how does your son deal with peer pressure in other areas at school?) A child’s self-confidence is built up over time, as is the courage to stand up for their convictions. This is due, to a large degree, in how parents foster self-confidence in their children at basic level. I don’t mean to be overly critical of the mother in this story. I simply want to draw attention to an underlying and extremely important aspect to all of this, and that is the overall level of assertiveness a child has or doesn’t have. I was not very assertive as a kid. Cosequently I gave in and kept quiet about certain temptations more than other Christian kids who had a very healthy level of self-esteem. Obviously self-esteem and assertiveness are not the only issues here. They’re just ones that affected me directly in the struggle with pornography growing up.
Also, I’m not trying to the blame the son for what happened. The man involved should be prosecuted and others around him should have spoken up as well. But as a Christian I am constantly finding myself angered at how the world pollutes me. The truth is, I can selcom control, in many situations, how the world’s pollution invades my personal space when I am in public. Society will go its own way. That doesn’t preclude standing up for decency in the public sphere. But truly, all we can really do is control our own behavior and the conditions in which we foster spiritual fortitude in our own lives. The world and its injustices will always cause us grief. The only thing we can be sure of is how well we are spiritually armored to deal with those disgusting, unforseen situations.
Very troubling story! 14 years old is probably the most difficult time of life for a guy! I hope this horrible event will provide opportunities for your husband to love on your son and assure him that he did nothing wrong and reinforce to him how careful we must be in this depraved world! I’m thankful that he was not physically assaulted by this cretin. God bless you and your family!
You need to call the police and file a complaint. That man exposing a minor to pornography is illegal. Call the State Attorney General of your state, and the state to which they were traveling. Call the FBI, they traveled from one state to another and this may make it a Federal issue. Contact television news stations. Contact an attorney about filing suit against the airline, when they allow an unaccompanied minor on board, they are accepting a certain level of liability to protect the child. (When the separated your son from the group, he became unaccompanied by default). Be certain that your son know you love him, he did nothing wrong, and it is important that the grown ups protect and defend him. Pray, Pray, Pray. . . your son can never unsee what he saw, but God can give grace and fade it away.
Praying for you and your family.
CW,
I feel sorry for your line of reasoning thinking this is a case about parenting. This guy is addicted to porn and his addiction destroyed any sense of morality that would have allowed him to shield a kid from exposure.
Micah, I am very glad you followed-up with Delta but, as several commenters have already mentioned, please also follow-up with law enforcement. What that man did likely constituted a federal and state crime. File a complaint with the FBI using the information on this website: http://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/report-violations (I suggest calling the local field office in your hometown as well as the Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section directly at the number on that website.)
After contacting the FBI, depending on the response you get, you may need to also contact local law enforcement in your hometown. Jurisdiction may be tricky since this happened in the air across multiple states (which is why I think you should start with the FBI) but I would contact the police or sheriff in your hometown as well as the attorney general for your home state (look for the sex crimes division or the victims assistance divisions).
Additionally, if Delta knew about it or should have known about it they may have some civil (lawsuit) and criminal liability as well. Consider looking for an attorney who could help you use this incident to put pressure on Delta to change their ways.
Finally, consider sending this story to local news media. It would definitely put your family (and especially your son) in the spotlight, but maybe shaming Delta publicly will bring about some needed change.
Thanks so much for writing this and standing up to Delta already!
As a parent I would be FURIOUS about this too! As a flight attendant for a major airline I am very frustrated by this. For the past 23 years we were told to tell the offending passenger to stop reading/watching anything objectionable (even rated R movies). But until recently we’re told that we “aren’t supposed to judge them” and therefor can’t tell them to stop. Only if it interferes with our duty to maintain a (physically) safe environment can we stop it. HOWEVER, I personally have witnessed this and put a stop to it regardless of what my employer tells me to do. I stopped a man watching it WITH his son right next to the restrooms where others could see it. I was appalled! If that man was a respectable person we could expect decent behavior. It puts flight attendants in very awkward situations to be the “air police” when we just want a smooth flight and to serve you a Coke.
Bless you, Kristin! I fly a lot and have dear friends who are flight attendants–I know y’all put up with a lot. Thank you for intervening to protect children, even if your employer doesn’t want you to. We are called to a higher standard of love and care when it comes to children. Thank you.
My son went on a missions trip when he was (l6?). We did not accompany him. Not everyone has the financial resources to do that.
That’s awful. I’m an adult and am not easily upset, but having to cram into an airline seat next to someone watching porn would be horrifying to me. Subjecting a young teen to that is atrocious. And putting it on the kid to tell the creepy grown man to stop is ridiculous. Sure, it would have been good if he had done something, but he shouldn’t have to. It’s not a fourteen year old’s job to police the behavior of adults on a plane.
What to do?
1. Politely ask him not to.
2. Politely complain to the flight attendant and ask him to have it stopped.
3. Ask the.flight attendant for a blanket and ask the pervert to cover his head and iPod with it.
4. Film the man watching it and make sure you get his face, the film and his sear number in it. Tell him you will give it to law enforcement when you land.
5. Start praying out loud and reading the Bible too. Sing a few hymns.
6. Tell the guy you don’t mind going back to jail, and rearrange his device for him.