Shocked. Horrified. Disgusted. Sickened. That’s only a handful of the emotions that overtook me when I found out that my 14-year-old son was a captive audience to a two-and-a-half-hour public display of hardcore heterosexual and homosexual obscenity—and no one said a word. I dare not even repeat here the vile images that are now imprinted on his brain.
Just a few generations ago the common sense standard of the general public was (at least) to shield the most vulnerable among us from anything that may pose a threat to a child physically, mentally, or emotionally. It was common for even perfect strangers to hold high public standards in the defense of children.
As much as I’d like to believe that the majority of the general public still holds this view, it’s rapidly becoming clearer that standard decency and common sense in regards to children are neither common—nor do they make sense.
Sky High Porn
My son was traveling on a Delta flight from Minneapolis to New York City with a team of adults to serve the victims of Hurricane Sandy. Originally, he was seated with another team member, but when their flight got rerouted, he was sandwiched between two middle-aged men three rows from the back of the plane.
Just after takeoff, the man seated to his left pulled out his iPad and proceeded to watch hardcore pornography. My son said he tried not to look—but how could he not see it? It was practically in his lap, especially since the man was so large that he took up nearly half my son’s seat as well.
He wanted to complain, but was too intimidated by the man to say anything. Feeling trapped, he chose to bite his tongue, and no matter how hard he tried to avert his eyes, he was bombarded by “flesh” in his peripheral vision.
Since the man was continually being served alcohol throughout the entire flight, there were ample opportunities for the flight attendant (or even a nearby passenger) to take notice. However, no one said a word. The man exposed my son to an entire pornographic movie and several short videos throughout the two-and-a-half-hour flight.
Needless to say, I was completely horrified.
Is airplane porn now acceptable?
Has porn become so “normal” that there’s no longer any inhibition about viewing it in public places?
What about children? Why wasn’t there one person who cared enough for a child to speak on his behalf?
Related: 6 Ways to Raise a Sex Addict
At the very least, this man was insensitive, compulsive, and selfish. On the other hand, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.
It didn’t take long for frustration to set in after hearing, “Really, I’ve never heard of that before” over and over again from Delta representatives. Was this really a brand new thing? Delta reps seemed to think so and were clearly not trained in handling the situation. The best they could come up with was to offer us a $75 Visa card, which we declined.
After speaking to several reps, we were assured that Delta has a “zero-tolerance policy” for such things and that they “do not stand for that at all.”
Parents, Take Action
Now, I understand many might say the blame lies squarely with my son for not speaking up, or the blame lies with me allowing him to fly on an airplane without his family. Should my son have said something—maybe sought out another team member he knew on the plane who could have helped him think about what to do? Sure. My son was paralyzed with fear and confusion, and perhaps he shouldn’t have been.
But let’s place credit where credit is due: should we expect kids to always know how to cry for help amidst a scary, profane situation, or should we hope adult men would have the decency to leave their hardcore porn at home?
Was this an isolated incident, or is airplane porn more common than we think? When flight attendants are themselves concerned about public displays of porn in-flight, when men are arrested for watching child porn at 60,000-feet, when the flight crew tells concerned fliers to change seats rather than telling porn-viewers to stop watching, and when the FBI have to investigate men masturbating in full view of other passengers, it seems clear to me this isn’t a fluke.
A common response from flight crew in a lot of these stories is, “I can’t do anything about it.”
Really? Why not? So, is it acceptable to watch pornography in full view of the general public?
Not too long ago this was a no-brainer, but today, this is a question society is asking. In libraries, gyms, coffee shops, cafes, and even driving down the road, porn is becoming an acceptable norm in the public square. There’s no “right” to smoke in many public spaces, because someone may be exposed to toxic physical poisons against their will. Yet the “right” to infect others (even children) with mental emotional, and spiritual poisons is becoming more tolerable.
Parents, we must “foresee the danger ahead and take precaution” as Solomon says. Abuse, child sex-trafficking, violence, rape, molestation, neglect, STDs, addiction, gender confusion, fatherlessness, divorce—every day millions of children are being sacrificed on the altar of sexual idolatry in one way or another. This time, it was my son’s heart, mind, and emotions that were sacrificed, and it grieves me that I was ignorant to the danger. I hadn’t prepared my child for such a scenario, but you can.
Related: My Child Has Been Exposed to Porn–5 Critical Truths You Need to Know
“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).
Sexual vulgarity is crouching at nearly every corner of our society. As long as it is up to you, don’t let your child be the prey.
It may still be criminal to knowingly expose a child to pornography, but that’s not where we’re headed as a society. Delta may have a “zero-tolerance policy” for in-flight porn now, but that isn’t the case for all airlines. Parents beware: The acceptance of public porn as the “new normal” isn’t that far away. What is merely tolerated today will be lauded tomorrow.
1. Parents, teach your kids early about the sacredness of their bodies and the goodness of sex. Kids need to know our over-sexualized culture is not bad because sex is bad, but because sex is good. The problem with porn in any form, from the soft-core magazine covers in the checkout isle to the hardcore movies online, is not that is shows us too much sex but because it doesn’t show us enough—real intimacy cannot be ripped from its relational context and put on the screen or in a magazine.
2. Teach your sons and daughters how to react to perverse scenarios. It doesn’t have to be hardcore porn on a plane. It could be in the locker room at school. It could be crude jokes in the lunchroom or the school bus. It could be a sext kids are passing around from phone to phone. Kids need to be taught how to respond to such situations and we need to teach them.
3. Know how to react when you see public obscenity. Whether its on an airplane, a local library, or a school—if you see someone viewing pornography, they are likely breaking federal public obscenity laws. Ask the person viewing to put the pornography away. If this fails, inform someone else immediately—the flight attendant, librarian, teacher, etc.—and if they tell you nothing can be done, inform them that this is not a matter of preference; it is a matter of public obscenity crimes.
Wow. I’m so sorry this happened to you and him. I will be praying for you both. I have a son his age and feel your pain. God can replace those images over time and heal his memory. Have hope.
The adults in the group should have never allowed the child to be separated from the rest of the group. She did not say whether there were other children in the group but if they were, they should have been seated together. A child should never be placed in a position where he is the only one in a group who is seated by themselves. They should always have at least one other person they know with them. I blame the people in the group for not watching out for the child as well as the man doing the watching.
Anyone who thinks this boy did anything “wrong” needs to read up on sexual abuse and it’s victims. That is exactly the kind of talk this young man has probably already told himself in his head, and will have to fight through for some time. Anyone who further implies these kind of notions to him is not helping, but in fact inflicting secondary abuse. As someone who has been sexually abused in the past, I can now say with confidence that although there were many opportunities for me to speak up, I was not the one at fault. It is ALWAYS the adults responsibility. Period. There is an inexplicable shock, paralysis, and fear of consequences that comes over you. If the scenarios described here are 100% accurate, it was every adults responsibility who realized what was happening to put an end to it. But when adults don’t put a stop to the activity, doubt takes hold, “maybe it wasn’t really wrong. If nobody else is going to stand up for me, how can I do it?” The fact that the boy spoke up afterwards is hugely commendable and speaks of his character and conscience. This is a very sad story indeed, and I hope it inspires more people to stand up and take action.
I hope you file a police report and have this man punished for child abuse and sexual abuse. The other man and flight attendant need to be in trouble also. Do not stop until something is done. Show your son that this is unacceptable. I havent read your posts before but I hope you believe in spiritual warfare and pray over your son against this opening for the enemy into his mind and life.
The airline has a record of who was sitting in that seat, so there’s no excuse for not pressing charges.
If I saw this taking place, I would publicly shame the man and then tell the stewardess to do something about it. If she didn’t, and he wouldn’t stop, I would ask for a cup of coffee. I would then absolutely drop a that cup of coffee on his comptuer/ipad accidentally.
Right on.
Hellz yeah!!! People of principle take note!
Yes! Love it! And as a larger than average male myself (5’11”, 250lbs.) who’s in good enough condition to run for over a 1/2 hour, I’d dare him to do something about it! Great suggestion! If I ever encounter a situation similar to this, in the air or on the ground, I’ll know EXACTLY what to do. Thanks! Really, I see this as an indictment on the adults (particularly the men) around this blindsided young man who knew what was going on and did nothing. I’d rather have a black eye, broken nose, broken arm, and cracked ribs (if it actually came to that) than not be able to sleep at night knowing I could’ve done something to help this young man, yet cowered away.
Your son could have asked for another seat. Or could have told the flight attendant himself.
Oh, so easy to suggest but not many that age or so wishfully assertive.
He could have, but, look, the man is supposed to be an adult, the child is not. The reality is the man needs to be held responsible for his obscene behavior.
Bottom line is the “adult” watching porn sitting anywhere near a child is a preditor..a pedophile . This is a common way pedophiles groom their victims , thank God your child was not physically hurt. As a law enforcement officer my job is to hunt these individuals and bring them to justice, so as you can imagine , whether they’re “sick” or have a “problem “, I have zero tolerance for them. Your son is NOT to blame for this individuals disgusting behavior and shame on those who blame the child! May God give us the strength and disernment to fight against this disease of pornography
Just like the woman about to be raped “should” have screamed louder. Sorry. Trauma response causes a “freezing” of the rational thought processes. Stop trying to blame the child, parents or leaders and try looking at where the problem REALLY is: the insensitive man who chose to victimize those around him (not to mention HIMSELF) and the other adults who stood by and said nothing.
I don’t know any 14 year olds who wouldn’t be paralyzed and shocked by this incident. It’s crazy to suggest that this kid is to blame for not standing up for himself – how intimidating to complain when the man was right there, plus, it was obviously the flight crew who were completely negligent.
Micah, my sister-in-love, I am very proud of you for putting yourself out there and standing for truth. Don’t listen to the lies of the enemy from some of the responses but hear the “voice of truth!” Keep being a light. Thank you for helping others to foresee the dangers ahead!
I agree with Heather for several reasons: 1) Pornography has been shown to reduce one’s sensitivity to violence, both on-screen and off. 2) If someone makes the choice to view porn, it should be in a place where others – especially minors – will be unable to view it. 3) There are millions of people of both genders struggling to heal after years of addiction to pornography and the resultant scars on their hearts and relationships.
I have a 16 year year old son. I’m sure if my son was in that same situation, he probably would have “glanced” at what the man was watching. Adults should act like adults and children are going to be curious whether right or wrong. It is in their nature to be curious. The man watching the porn will have to answer to God one day about his addiction. He would have been arrested for contributing porn to a minor and any other adult who saw this happening and chose not to get involved. The child is NOT to blame. The adults ARE to blame. Micah, I so sorry one of your boys was subjected to this. I’m praying for you, Michael, and your son.
Passenger should have been arrested for sexual abuse, flight attendant should have been fired. Period.
The man with the porn committed sexual assault, plain and simple. He should be on a state registry wherever this offense took place. I applaud your efforts and your son for reporting this to you.
This is NOT a parenting issue, nor a “child should have…” issue. If someone chooses to have sex in a public place, they get arrested. No one would be chastising the parents for “bad parenting” if their child was walking through the park and came upon two people in the midst of a sex act. Please explain why it is Ok and considered a “right” to expose ANYONE, whether child or adult, to the same thing – only on the screen. Sorry, CW, this isn’t a “freedom” thing. What you are talking about is hedonism, pure and simple. We all know hedonistic societies don’t last long.
Finally, someone with reason.
To the adult who stated the parents should have been a parent is so inappropriate!!! I am extremely protective of my children. A 14 year old boy flying with a team of other adults on a good will trip to learn importance of charity negligent? Really?? Sending their 14 year old son on a domestic flight on a public airplane with a team of other adults where seats got inasvertently reassigned is not neglect!!! This hottible incident is completely and soley the negligence of the adult who exposed that teenager intionally, yes intentionally… it was no accident. Obviously this ignorant adult eho posted the comnent is not aware of the fact that that is a crime. I pray you are never the victim of any sort of crime, negligence or wrong doing of another.. because then you will see how offensive it is to be blamed for the horrendous act of a another. Ignorant comment !!! God bless you with compassion & wisdom, both of which you clearly lack.
Very sad! Lord only knows what that type of man would do behind closed doors. Regardless, it was completely selfish for him to do that! Unfortunately, many today are so selfish that they are completely unaware of how their poor choices affect others around them. I just prayed God would arrest his heart.
It would take a very brave & secure child to address a grown up (or the airline) in a highly effective manner.
It is terrible that this man chose to watch this stuff, especially with a young boy next to him. However, don’t the boy’s eyelids work? Fight the temptation to watch and close your eyes! That is an option when you are just sitting in a seat. Also he could have spoken up, many kids would have.
Hmm… I have considered your comment Virginie. First I agree that eyes can be shut, physically. But really? Have you ever met a 14 year old boy? Physically he is fighting to stay pure, as the battle of his life, and his body is not helping. Then, what about the sounds? What about the expectation of women and what “makes them respond” sexually? Is that fair to his future wife? Most kids? Set anyone beside a man that is drinking and big enough to squash them in one grip. Add to that fear THE FACT that other ADULTS are not even saying anything…why would a kid? I have to disagree with your assessment and pray that this never happens to anyone you care about. It is NEVER. NEVER. NEVERRRRR, a child’s fault when an adult makes choices that leave scars…physically, mentally or spiritually.
If you are so concerned about what your child sees or is exposed to, then perhaps you should have gone on the trip with him, rather than expect the airline or other passengers to do your parenting for you. It is hardly the airline’s fault that this man watched what he did and, while I do not condone his choice of airline entertainment, he has a right to watch what he chooses. This nanny state nonsense, with parents expecting and demanding everyone else to parent their children for them, has gone far enough. Next time, do something truly shocking: parent your son and accompany him.
@CW – Don’t be absurd. There’s a difference between expecting everyone to parent your child for you and expecting people to act decently in front of your children.
CW.. The idea of treating a 14 year old wasn’t even a thing until the early 1900s… Kids were kings by the age of 8.. I applaud parents like this for trusting their “kid” to make decisions for themselves. You don’t have to hold their hand through every walk of life… Putting them in opportunities to succeed without “adult” surpurvision will only encourage them to take control of their life and encounter natural consequences! We have to stop pretending like they are completely defenseless… In fact… THEY ARE DEFENSELESS UNTIL WE TREAT THEM OTHERWISE..
It is reasoning like this that perpetuates the problem. Blame the victim instead of the pervert exposing him to porn. Sick. He’s a child, and as the mother stated, he was afraid and intimidated. I would have been, too at that age. It is the man viewing porn in a public place and in front of a minor who is to blame (and any adult who knowingly did nothing) who is to blame. No one else!
… also, “CW” did you miss the part where she talked about public obscenity laws? It is NOT this man’s right to watch porn in a public place. Where has common decency gone? Shame on you!
CW, would you reconsider your comments? A 14 year old does not need to be accompanied by a parent on a plane. But no one should expect a 14 year old person to confront an adult in this situation. Nor should anyone be subjected to pornography in such closed proximity. Even if I was in that situation, I would expect the airlines to be prepared to enforce with a standard of decency,as I doubt that someone that insensitive would respect the request of an adult either. Further, you say he has a right to watch what he chooses, but what would you have done if you were there as a parent? Let him watch it, since it’s his right? Then what’s the point of being there as a parent? What are you really saying?
Are you kidding??? How ludicrous – this comment is barely worth commenting on it’s so ridiculous, and just another example of absent common sense in society. NO, the boy shouldn’t be obligated to close his eyes on a long flight (or for any length of time) because some perverted adult is too selfish and degraded to not play such obscene material in plain sight. That man is an idiot.
I actually just went through a two hour sexual abuse education class for my school. Exposing an underaged child to pornography is considered a form of sexual abuse of a child. You do not have to lay a hand on a child for it to be considered sexual abuse. The man on the plan could have been reported and held liable. It’s the adults responsibility to protect children. This article just makes me sick to my stomach!!
The 3rd point is where I’d like to learn more. Can you really take that to court? I’m genuinely interested in the answer, because I don’t want to be putting that advice into practice otherwise
You can learn more about federal obscenity laws at waronillegalpornography.com. It’s a very neglected subject.
I am deeply saddened that your son…..our future….had to endure this. I would of hoped an adult would of spoke up for him. This is the devil trying to reach our kids.our children of the future. We are grandparents and blessed our daughter stopped teaching school to homeschool our grandkids…there children.Not because of any other reason. ..than Christian Values.Yes good Christian Values.Now your unfortunate happening will need to be discussed with our grandkids. This saddens our hearts for your son and pray he can mindfully overcome and grow spiritually closer to God. Have a blessed day.