Can you masturbate without lusting?

At first glance, the question, “Can you masturbate without lusting?” might seem odd. Same with the question, “Is masturbation without porn a sin?”

For those who feel no guilt or shame about the matter, the question sounds ridiculous. For those who are utterly opposed to all masturbation, regardless of the internal dynamics that drive it, the question sounds irrelevant.

But for those for whom lust is their primary concern when it comes to masturbation, the question is of immense importance.

Is it always lusting to masturbate?

Christians disagree on what the Bible says about masturbation. Some Christians point to Genesis 38:9-10, where Onan sins by “spilling his seed” (i.e. masturbating), to avoid conceiving a child as God commanded. It’s reasonable to conclude from this that God disproves of masturbation, at least in some circumstances. However, this passage alone does not give enough detail to conclude that masturbation itself is wrong or why.

Why is masturbation sinful?

Jesus said that the things that come from the heart defile a person (Matthew 15:19). So the more important question is this: what is the heart of the matter when it comes to masturbation? What is it about our hearts when we masturbate that does—or doesn’t—make it wrong?

Many Christians have looked to Matthew 5:28 to answer this question. Jesus says, “I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In other words, sexual sin begins with attitudes of the heart, not merely our outward actions. If a person can commit adultery in their thoughts without the physical act, then it follows that the real sin of masturbation is something deeper than the physical act.

Masturbation is sinful because it involves lust.

So is it sinful to masturbate without porn?

The Bible is clear that watching pornography is a sin. But many wonder whether it’s still sinful to masturbate if you don’t use porn. Some still struggle with masturbation long after they leave porn behind.

But is it really sinful if you’re not looking lustfully at pornography?

It’s important to remember that Jesus’s teaching about lust goes beyond explicit porn. “Adultery in the heart” could be any kind of sexual impurity. So then, just because you aren’t watching porn doesn’t mean that you aren’t lusting when you masturbate.

What the Bible makes clear about masturbation.

Though we haven’t yet answered the specific question of whether masturbation is sinful, we can already see some clear biblical teachings:

• Scripture teaches at least some masturbation is wrong. Romans 14:23 adds that anything that isn’t of faith is sin. That means that even if masturbation itself isn’t sinful, it’s sinful to masturbate if you believe it’s wrong and do it anyway.

• Furthermore, the Bible teaches that when God saves us from our sin, he transforms and changes our hearts and behaviors—including our sexual habits like masturbation (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
• Followers of Jesus should seek to submit themselves to his commands and obey him no matter what the cost. That means we should be willing to give up masturbation if we feel convicted.

3 Types of People and How They Masturbate

In his book Sex, Men, and God, Doug Weiss says there are three types of men in the world (and, I assume, this goes for women, too):

1. Those who have never masturbated (Type A)

Weiss believes this group of men is the smallest camp of men in the Western world. After years of speaking at men’s conferences, he’s only met 14 men who claim to have never masturbated.

In other cultures, Weiss adds, masturbation simply isn’t a cultural norm and is relatively uncommon.

2. Those who do not fantasize or lust during masturbation (Type B) 

This type of person stays “connected” to himself during masturbation—they don’t escape into fantasy. For this person, the act is merely performing a bodily function. As such, there is little emotion attached to the experience, and typically no sense of guilt or shame.

3. Those who lust during masturbation (Type C)

These folks are “disconnected” during the act of masturbation; their focus is on a mental image, an actual image, or an object.

Why does it matter if there are different types of masturbation?

In his book, Weiss asks what happens when a Type B masturbator grows up and becomes a pastor, Christian counselor, or Bible teacher. If he universalizes his own experience, this person is likely to think there is nothing wrong with masturbation at all. If Type C people listen to a teacher like this, they either become very confused, or they are encouraged to believe that their lifestyle of fantasy-filled masturbation is okay.

Similarly, if a Type C masturbator becomes a spiritual leader, they will be likely to say that all masturbation is sinful. Type B people are likely to hear this and either get defensive or start feeling a sense of false guilt and shame.

So, is some masturbation OK?

In one sense, because Type B masturbation involves no lust, it would be easy to assume it involves no sin. This is true. But there is another critical question to ask.

What habits are you creating by repeated Type B masturbation? Many feel that the urge to masturbate is out of control. Are you becoming mastered by this habit (see 1 Corinthians 6:12)? If so, you might be reinforcing a false belief that your body is simply your own.

Your body is for the Lord (6:13)—and your wife or your husband if you are married. “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (6:19b-20).

More Questions About Masturbation and Lust

Can you change how you masturbate?

Weiss says, in his 20+ years of professional experience counseling men around issues of sexual sin, Type C masturbators rarely ever become Type B masturbators. He welcomes people to attempt the change, but warns, “Be careful not to deceive yourself.”

Can you masturbate without sinning if you are married?

Weiss also reminds married people that when they take a vow of marriage, their sexuality becomes intimately tied to another person. He reminds men of the solemn command of 1 Corinthians 7:4, “The husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” Regardless of your motive for masturbation, your wife has authority over your sexuality. “God is the first, your wife is the second and you are the third owner of your penis,” writes Weiss.

For Weiss, the issue of married people masturbating is about honesty. Does your spouse know you do it and do they approve? He writes (addressing husbands specifically):

“If you can’t be honest with your wife about your total sexual expression, then you probably need to evaluate the reason for your ongoing lies to your wife.” If you don’t talk to your wife about it, why? Are you still holding on to the belief that your sexuality is “me-sex” vs. “we-sex”?

What if your spouse is the one you fantasize about?

Even if after full disclosure, your spouse approves of you masturbating, is it wrong to “lust” after images of your wife or husband?

Here Weiss offers some sage advice: Does the person of your fantasies match the person you are married to? Do you change aspects of your fantasy wife or husband that don’t match reality? Does they act sexually different in your fantasies? Does they look different?

If so, you are reinforcing a chemical process in your brain to be turned on by a fantasy, and this will only frustrate you when the real person doesn’t measure up.

I would add to this: Masturbating to fantasies of your wife (or husband), while preferable to other images, also trains your body and mind to be more me-centered in your sexuality. Even if your wife approves of your behavior, you should ask whether this activity really helps to move you more towards the image of Christ, who emptied himself and sacrificed all for the love of His bride, the church.

We could talk about exceptions to the norm, of course—prolonged illness or geographical distance between couples. But we also shouldn’t let the conversation about so-called “exceptions” (even if we think they are legitimate) make us overlook the biblical principles that should inform our attitudes.

Ideally, fantasizing about your spouse—a good thing—should be something that propels you towards intimacy, to where sex can be a consummation of love and self-giving.

What do you think? Can you masturbate without lusting? If so, does it matter?