It all started for me in the mid-80s at a young age. It was all innocent enough. My neighborhood friend found his dad’s stash of Playboys and he showed them to me.
Like all addictions, it started small and snowballed out of control. It started with Playboy, but when that wasn’t enough, I started looking at Penthouse, when that wasn’t enough I went to harder and harder material. When the Internet came around it was over, I could look at whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
From Porn to Sex
Viewing porn started to affect my “real life.” I had many partners and starting acting out some things I was seeing. I didn’t care who the person was as long as I was getting what I wanted. I felt lonelier and lonelier with each partner. I no longer knew who I was.
Then I really hit the bottom. One drunken night at the bar, I had unprotected sex with a girl I met there. I ended up getting Chlamydia. That really scared me. What if it would have been AIDS? I called my friends who are born again Christians. I asked if their offer to take me to church was still open. I started to go to church with them and even answered an altar call. I didn’t feel any different and started right back down the road of sex and porn.
Coming to Christ
A few months later, while I was on the Internet surfing through some really hardcore porn, a voice said to me, “This isn’t how you are going to find a wife, and it isn’t how you are going to be a good dad someday.” I later found out this voice was the Holy Spirit talking to me. The Holy Spirit knew I had always dreamed of being married and having children. I had all but given up on that dream. However, I actually listened to that voice this time. I clicked off the Internet that night.
A few days after that I went on a train ride with my friends. After the ride, we stopped to eat. As we were eating, I started to tell them about my addiction. How I couldn’t get porn out of my life. My friend said to me, “All you have to do is admit your sins to Jesus and accept him as your Savior.” I looked at her and said, “I think I just did.” From that moment I was forgiven for my sins!
The Difference Jesus Makes
My story was just beginning. I started to go back to church. This time it was different: I wanted to change! Everything started in small steps. The first was throwing out all the porn magazines and DVDs. Next, I threw out all the extra “stuff” I collected from my former partners. The next thing was I stopped drinking. When I got drunk I would do things I wouldn’t do otherwise. One of the hardest things to give up was using my phone to sext. I kept that one girl in my phone so I’d still be able to flirt. I was finally convicted of it and told her I could no longer do that. I also realized I couldn’t use the Internet late at night when no one else was around and I deleted my MySpace page because it was too easy to find porn. I was starting to finally be content with being alone.
That’s when God put a special woman in my life. We met at membership classes for the church. I was afraid to be in a relationship because of all the things I had done in the past. I told my future wife everything within three weeks of knowing her. Telling her if she wanted out, that would be the time. She didn’t leave. We were married in December of 2008. In January we were given the news that my wife was pregnant and in September my little boy was born! I adopted her daughter as well! The things I always dreamed about!
Going Deeper with Christ
During that time I still continued to grow. I had a meeting with one of the pastors and he helped me break the soul bonds I had created with all my past partners. I also threw out anything in my house that reminded me of old girlfriends, even if they weren’t sexually related. Later I started to use Covenant Eyes on my computer with my wife and an Accountability Partner getting the Reports in their e-mail. The next step was finding a group of guys who get together once a week for face to face accountability.
Another thing I have been working on is masturbation. I struggled with that when I first came to the Lord. I was taught that with God’s grace it can be defeated! I am also working on getting rid of lustful thoughts and changing my thought process. It took years for me to get to the point I was at and it took time to change that.
Looking Back: 7 Important Steps
The porn problem hasn’t been much of a problem lately, but I will continue to take steps to make sure it doesn’t come back into my life. The most important things it took for me to come as far as I have:
1. I admitted I had a problem
2. I asked God to help me through the work Jesus Christ did on the cross
3. Taking small steps
4. Transforming my thoughts
5. Accountability (both on the computer and face to face)
6. A continuous choice to want to get better
7. I found a good church to help me
I have come a long, long way since I gave my life to Jesus in October of 2007, and with the help of Jesus Christ, I will continue on my walk!
D
an Sheldon is a DJ from Erie, PA. Currently, he does mid-days at the Local Christian Contemporary station 106.3 WCTL. He is married and has two children. In his spare time, he enjoys collecting records and watching professional wrestling (that’s right, wrestling).
Thanks for sharing.
I am currently in a scenario where my wife reads erotic stories. Overtime, it is all the time she is reading them.
She shared some content and I got caught up exploring it with her, but eventually it made me feel awful and I got jealous of all the time she put into it.
I am conflicted and feel awful. Please pray for me and give any!
It has thoroughly bugged me and I confronted her on it.
Hi Mike,
As a woman and wife myself, I would personally choose to avoid reading stories like these. I think that they can be a breeding ground for temptation, both for myself and my spouse. That being said, every person has their own convictions, so I cannot say that it is “wrong” for your wife to read these.
However, I do think that if it causing temptation in your life and making you feel jealous/uncomfortable, you should most certainly sit down and have a conversation (or two) with your wife about it. She may not even realize the conflict it is causing! I have found that if we approach conversations like this with grace and love, they are received by our spouse with similar grace and love. If, after having conversations about this, your wife still wants to continue reading the stories and sharing them with you, it may be wise to turn to someone else for counsel – perhaps a Christian counselor or church leader?
Ultimately, before any steps are taken, pray! Dive into Scripture and prepare your heart for conversation and resolution.
I am praying for you and your wife!
Blessings,
Moriah
I have read many comments here regarding Jesus intention when he was teaching the apostles. We definitely know:
He wanted to establish His church on earth.
He wanted His apostles to evangelize His human population,
that’s why there were 12. That’s why His church is a teaching church.
He wanted to evangelize the non Jews, the gentiles, as well as His people the Jews. That’s why Paul was converted.
He wanted His church to live by the new covenant, in addition to the old covenant. That’s what He taught the 12.
He was the one who established a vicar on earth. Peter the apostle.
He gave them holy orders because He wanted His church to carry on after they came to the end of their temporal life, and He gave them power to accomplish this. Teaching all nations, Binding on earth Supported in heaven, forgiving or retaining sins.
These are Jesus words. When Peter died (crucified w Paul), Christians elected Linus as the second Vicar of Christ or Pope, continuing the line for 260 terms until today.
That’s important because confession and prayer, along with removal of the occasion of sin (Porn sites) are effective in combating this addiction.
Yes I am a practicing Catholic.
Covenant eyes thanks alot for restoring hope that I can be free from porn, but please can i be linked with a AP
Hi Felix!
An Ally should be someone who you know and trust. If you have a friend, relative, spouse, or mentor, I would recommend that you ask them to hold you accountable!
Blessings,
Moriah