If your husband watches porn, you’re not alone. Statistics show that MANY husbands are regularly watching pornography. Up to two-thirds of men, including married men, consume porn habitually.1 Read these comments on our blog:
“I overheard my husband watching porn in the room, when I entered he hid his phone under the pillow and pretended to be sleeping. What does that mean? Why did he do that?”
“My husband developed erectile dysfunction at age 52 and I just assumed it was because of his long history of high blood pressure and/or blood pressure medications … I didn’t know he was still addicted to his porn for over 25 years!”
“I loved my husband. Never refused sex and eagerly participated and initiated. I greeted him at the door with a smile … I read books and articles on how to be a loving and respectful wife. I did my best not to complain. I lost all my baby weight and kept my figure … And he still looked at porn and refused me sex.”
These are just a few of many. Whether you caught your husband watching porn or you’re just trying to understand why he uses it, keep reading.
Should I be concerned my husband watches porn?
If you ask the internet, you’ll find many people trying to convince you that porn is no big deal, that everyone uses it, and that you just need to understand why he does it, accept it, or maybe even join him watching.
But we’ve heard from enough wives to know that this answer doesn’t cut it. Furthermore, we’ve spoken with THOUSANDS of men who recognize they shouldn’t be watching porn, who feel bad about it, and really want to stop (even if they feel like they can’t).
Even if you don’t have a moral problem with pornography, you should be aware of the effects. For more, see Porn In Marriage: Its Harmful Effects on Relationships (And How to Heal).
I’m angry my husband watches porn—is this justified?
If you’re a Christian, the Bible actually teaches that porn using porn is a form of adultery. If you’re angry about your husband’s porn use, you’re not being old-fashioned or unreasonable. Pornography isn’t a normal part of relationships. You probably feel hurt and confused as to why he would want to do this.
If your husband lies about his porn use, that’s also concerning. A strong marriage requires trust and honest communication. You can’t have that if someone is lying.
My husband watches a lot of porn. Is he addicted?
If you’re concerned that your husband might be addicted to porn, here are a few signs to watch out for.
Disinterested in Sex
A common sign of porn addiction is a lack of interest in real sex. While some psychologists argue that men watch porn because of a hyperactive sex drive, researchers who study the issue—as well as the painful experience of thousands of wives—recognize the very different reality. The comment we saw earlier from a wife whose husband refused sex represents this.
In many cases, this disinterest comes from porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Many men who have watched porn for an extended amount of time actually lose the ability to perform sexually without porn. For more, see Why Does My Husband Prefer Porn to Sex With Me?
Emotionally Distant and Withdrawn
When people are hooked on porn, they often become emotionally distant and tend to withdraw from the people around them, especially their spouses. Some men default toward emotional distance, and there may be a variety of reasons for this other than porn. However, porn often contributes to this behavior.
Different Sexual Preferences
Numerous studies show that pornography can change sexual preferences and may encourage an interest in violence, fetishes, or other extreme sexual behaviors. If your husband pressures you to perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with, this could be porn’s influence.
For a more complete list, check out 10 Signs of Porn Addiction: Do these describe your husband?
What to Remember if You Catch Your Husband Watching Porn
Maybe this is the first time you’ve caught him using pornography. Maybe you’ve caught him many times and have finally reached the breaking point. Maybe he’s even gone so far as acting out and having an affair. Maybe he’s belligerent, insisting, “It’s no big deal” or “It’s your fault I need it.” Or maybe he claims to be repentant but doesn’t seem to be taking steps to stop.
- See related: 10 Ways You Can Help Your Husband Leave Porn Behind
Remember you are not the problem.
If you are a woman married to a man who compulsively uses pornography, one of the best things you can do for yourself is acknowledge that you are not the root of the problem. One of the best things he can do for himself and for his marriage is to start getting to the real roots of the problem.
Often the wives of men who regularly look at porn will write to us and ask “What’s wrong with me?” This cutting question can be difficult to answer in the midst of a highly emotional situation. Often these women are convinced that if they were simply prettier or met a certain physical standard, their husbands wouldn’t be drawn to porn. Often women get these impressions directly from their husbands.
However, your husband’s porn is not your fault. There are many examples of men married to world-renowned beauties who were still addicted to porn. Christie Brinkley and Tea Leoni are celebrities famous worldwide for their physical appearance, and both were married to alleged porn addicts.
- See related: Why Do Married Men Watch Porn?
Pornography does condition a man (or woman) to objectify others and to rate them according to the size, shape, and harmony of their body parts. But you could be a world-famous super-model, and you’d still be unable to compete with the constant variety and novelty available through porn.
Get help for yourself, then focus on your husband’s behavior.
Right now, your emotions are probably dominated by alternating feelings of anger and helplessness and numbness, and your thoughts are dominated by his use of pornography.
It may seem counterintuitive, but the first step is to look for help and encouragement—for you. Find an encouraging support group, a trustworthy friend, or a counselor. Better yet, get all three!
3 Recovery Stages That Spouses of Porn Users Often Experience
(This section is adapted from our free ebook, Porn and Your Husband).
Just as there are five stages to the grieving process, researchers have identified three distinct stages in the recovery process for a marriage broken by betrayal.
1. Impact Stage
- In this first stage, you will search for an understanding of why this happened.
- Your feelings may be constantly in flux. They may include fear, hurt, anger, numbness, and disbelief.
- You may second-guess your husband’s motive for every behavior, even habitual ones (like checking email first thing in the morning).
- Your husband may not be able to distinguish between appropriate shame for wrongdoing and his pathological sense of toxic shame.
- Your interactions with your husband may be chaotic or intensely negative, leading to more frustration and anger with each other rather than resolution.
- You may begin to re-establish barriers and boundaries (such as sleeping in a different room).
- You both may feel like the balance of power has shifted. You may feel like your husband has proven his power by ruining your relationship, and may lash out destructively against him to regain a sense of control. Your husband may feel like he has no negotiating power.
2. Meaning Stage
- You will begin to search for a more thorough understanding of why the betrayal occurred, such as whether this was a habit from childhood, or whether a traumatic event in the past makes him fear intimacy with you.
- You will look for the necessary information to determine the next steps for your marriage.
- You will begin searching for ways to rebuild trust and intimacy.
3. Moving On Stage
- You will begin moving forward with a new set of beliefs about your relationship and start putting the event behind you.
- You will come to terms with what forgiveness means for you, and how it is connected to reconciliation with your husband.
- You may be required to make changes to your relationship with your husband so that it can continue (or end it, if necessary).
- You may still get flashbacks, but they will be less severe and disruptive, and you will recover more rapidly from them.
What to do next when your husband watches porn
1. Pray, seeking God’s wisdom and comfort.
Jen Ferguson is a wife who faced the pain of her husband’s porn addiction. She writes:
“God doesn’t want prayer to be our last resort. He desires to be at the forefront of our marriages, and prayer keeps Him in this rightful space. It also keeps us in our rightful place—the place where we’re not the ones in control, but He is.”
Don’t make prayer a last resort! Pray for yourself, your husband, and your marriage. God can do incredible things.
2. Find a supportive community.
As a wife whose husband watches porn, you need to know that you are not alone. There are many hundreds of thousands of other women who have faced the exact same struggles. We said this already but it bears repeating: Take the steps to connect yourself to a group of like-minded women who can encourage and support you on the journey.
3. Take advantage of free educational resources.
A spouse’s porn problem can be confusing and complicated, but fortunately, it’s no longer difficult to learn more. At Covenant Eyes, we’re committed to equipping you with resources for the journey.
Check out our free ebook, Porn and Your Husband (linked below). It’s packed full of information about porn addiction, along with practical encouragement and more detailed steps you can take to help yourself and your husband.
- See related: The Best Books on Porn Addiction And Recovery
4. Talk to your husband and ask questions.
If you haven’t already, you need to talk to your husband, but these conversations can be challenging. Be prepared to do two things. First, tell him how you feel. Explain how his porn use affects you and how it hurts your relationship.
Second, ask him questions and be prepared to listen. Some questions you might ask are:
- When were you first exposed to pornography?
- How long has this been a struggle?
- What steps are you going to take to be accountable?
5. Establish healthy boundaries.
Your husband’s porn addiction isn’t your fault, and that should encourage you. But it also means you can’t fix him or force him to change. While you can certainly encourage him and establish consequences, ultimately, he needs to decide for himself that he needs to quit porn. This means healthy boundaries are a must!
Counselor Kay Bruner offers some helpful advice in her article on Boundaries for Couples Facing Porn Addiction.
1Proven Men Porn Survey (conducted by Barna Group), located at https://www.provenmen.org/2014PornSurvey/ accessed May 23, 2022.
Okay Ladies, here comes the truth…
After 8 years, I recently told my husband that sex (in ANY form) was off the table. Regular types of affection are fine…hello kiss, goodnight kiss or holding hands…if he is still open to that.
This is a last attempt to push the “reset” button…but not so much for him, as much as it is for ME.
I have endured all I humanly can endure…most of all, the SHAME. This shame is what HE should have felt, but instead, it became mine to bear. Shame for the way I am not enough to satisfy him, shame for the way I am put together physically (hot, but never hot enough), shame for the mechanical way sex takes place when he decides that he needs a hole to put it in.
The Bible says not to withhold sex “lest the devil gain a foothold for temptation”. Well, honestly, the devil has had my husband all along…in his last marriage as well as in this one. Putting out has never quelled my husband’s thirst for flirting, adultery, porn, or demanding perversion…so it is clear to me that I have become nothing more than accommodation for the devil to continue in my husband’s mind and heart.
My husband is spitting mad. Threatened to take care of his needs on his own.
Good. Leave me out of the equation…apparently I was never good enough…so now, kindly get the hell out of my garden.
A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still…that is so true. Tables are now turned. No more praying as I take a shower, begging God to get me through the sexual experience.
I have tried everything to protect myself…but one thing I did not do is refuse.
Bliss…now I do not have to worry about what he says about my body…don’t have to get dressed in the closet…don’t have to snoop around or avoid asking him questions when I suspect anything.
My loss is now going to be his loss…just as it rightfully should have been.
How long he asks? Till the Lord cleanses and heals us BOTH.
The truth is that my husband’s sin does not define the entirety of the man he is…he is otherwise a great husband. But it HAS defined where I stand in THAT area of his mind/heart…so now enter reality. Consequences.
Oops…forgot to tell you…he is 61 years old, and I am 59. This has been “his way” throughout his whole life…it does not cease with age. It will only cease with him grasping spiritual truth and the light of God shining into his heart and mind….I can wait, because nothing changes when nothing changes. :)
Pornography is filmed prostitution. When your husbands are using porn, they are using prostituted trafficked women, many locked up and forced to perform for the cameras, deliberately addicted and beaten by their pimps (website owner, boyfriend, father, husband, minister).
http://www.genderberg.com/phpNuke/modules.php?name=FAQ&myfaq=yes&id_cat=2&categories=Prostitution+FAQ#13
· Q. But you agree porn and stripping aren’t prostitution, right?
A. Of course they are. If getting paid to perform sex acts is prostitution, using a camera to record people getting paid to perform sex acts is recording prostitution. It is comforting for people to call porn performers ‘porn actresses’ to distance themselves emotionally from the truth that they pay a third party for recording of prostitutes being prostituted, but porn actresses have a lot more in common with other prostitutes than with other actresses, such as poverty, a history of child sex abuse and drug addictions.
Strip clubs, porn, Hooters, mail order brides, and other “sex work” are the prostitution of female sexuality for male consumption. In one study, 100% of strippers interviewed said they had been propositioned as prostitutes by strip club patrons, so if you don’t think strippers are prostitutes please recognize that your opinion differs greatly from that of men who spend their money to make women submit themselves sexually in strip clubs.
I agree with Ella because been there done that I do not deptive my husband of sex and infact started giving even more as I learned about his addiction and still he continued and is lieing but He is becoming more free because of deep wound inside himself healing you can give him all he wants listen the addicion of porn is a side affect of a deeply rooted wound inside the addict
You’re all so concerned about yourselves. Ever think about the woman enslaved to do porn, which is by the way, just filmed prostitution. She’s been beaten and addicted to perform for men who are grooming their orgasm to hate, pain, abuse and torture. Men who use porn are women haters, sexual exploiters and abusers. And you want to keep him around? What a man of God. What a role model.
I guess it’s a testimony to God’s grace. Not only do wives forgive their husbands, but even ex-performers forgive their captors.
Thank you!!! This is exactly what gets left out! We must pray for these women they are our sisters in Christ!
Thank you Luke. I appreciate your comments, but no – he won’t go to counselling. He has some significant mental health issues he has had for 40 years now and honestly believes “he doesn’t need other people’s help”. Still, I feel I understand the situation better now and can stop blaming myself all the time.
J
That’s a step in the right direction. I would encourage you to seek out counseling for yourself, if for no other reason than you need to figure out how best to respond to this situation. I encourage you to read: “7 Tips for Wives of Sex Addicts: Looking for a Good Therapist.”
Great article!
Dan, your opinion is quite different and charged with emotion. I can sense your frustration and I’m thankful for your honesty and willingness to share your feelings. You are not wrong for how you feel. I have thought many of same things you express. Why don’t Christian wives, who are seeking to love their husbands try harder to seduce and tempt? Who’s fault is it anyway, when a spouse seeks sexual gratification elsewhere? The problem isn’t your feelings. They are perfectly normal for someone who has bought into the lies of the enemy. I know, because I was there. The problem is what you believe and right now it seems like you’re believing in yourself. Trust me, I’ve tried everything in my power to hang on to false idols as well. I even convinced myself that if my spouse believed the same things I did not only would our sex life rock, but we could overcome just about everything just by sheer desire and ability to turn to one another and escape into a world of play and fantasy anytime.Yes, we could be on the same “drug” together. We can destroy our kids and our relationship together. That way the failure wouldn’t be all on me and at least maybe we’ll have fun on the way to hell. Thankfully my spouse isn’t like me. Out of my own frustration and desperation I began to seek answers and ask Jesus to be real to me. More real than my sex addiction. I prayed that God would reveal truth and that I would learn to be honest with Him, others and myself. I stopped praying for my spouse to change. I stopped praying for God to take away desires He created in man before sin ever entered the world and twisted them around. I prayed that I would learn to understand what it feels like to be delight in by the Lord regardless of the kind of day I am having. The Bible says “seek and you will find.” I believe this goes both ways. If you want to be convinced that rebellion is enticing you’ll find those who do too. If you are leading your wife in the ways of the Lord than why would you want her to “tempt” you the way porn (sin) does? The definition of tempt (vb): entice or attempt to entice (someone)to do or acquire something that they find attractive but know to be wrong or not beneficial. Maybe you meant to say that you want to feel attractive to your wife? That would be a vulnerable statement. Maybe tempt is the wrong word lets look at the word seduce. Porn certainly seems to do that. seduce (vb): attract (someone to a belief or into a course of action that is inadvisable or foolhardy. Is that what you desire from your wife? Maybe pursue: (vb) follow (someone or something) in order to catch or attract them. 2.continue to proceed along a path or route. According to one of the two definitions does your wife pursue you? Here’s a couple more. This might seem trivial but trust me. There’s truth in these simple definitions.
Idol:
1.An image used as an object of worship.
2. A false god. (these are what I always thought of)
3.One that is adored, often blindly or excessively.
4.Something visible but without substance.
Worship:
admiring love or devotion
Worthy: Good and deserving respect.
Having enough good qualities to be considered useful and important.
Honorable: Honest, ethical, moral, righteous, right-minded just, truthful, glorious, reliable.
Righteous: blameless, pure, moral, upright,
Also,
On the basis of OT teaching (e.g. Gen. 2:24, quoted in vs. 16), reaffirmed by Jesus (Mark 10:2-12), he believes that sexual intercourse is not an inconsequential, isolated act but one uniting man and woman in an intimate, complete, and enduring bond. Consequently he is revolted by the thought that a member of Christ’s body should ever be united with the body of a prostitute. In Corinth, most of the prostitutes were slave women attached to the service of a pagan temple. It was commonly thought that any man having sexual relations with with these sacred prostitutes entered into communion with the god whom they served (cf 10:18-22)
Idol worship….Can’t get away from it.
So let me ask you what your wife finds attractive and desirable? What fruit are you bearing that would make a Christian woman who has the Holy Spirit living in with in her want to lay with and give her body to you? How are doing at making her feel safe and meeting her needs? If she is not desiring you and this is tearing you up figure out why. Maybe you two use to connect sexually in naughty perverse ways but you’ve since found the Lord and she gave that idol up in repentance where as you’re still hanging on to it. Maybe? This I don’t know. Are you worthy of being worshiped according to the above definitions? On your most “spiritual days” how much time does God get? On your wost days how much time does he get? How about porn, women and your sexuality? Whether your giving it attention cause your fighting it or giving into it. Thinking about it or acting on it? Then ask yourself again….What and who and am I truly worshiping and why? No need to answer here. These are just for you, Dan. I asked myself and continue to ask myself because giving up idols that we’ve been devout to since elementary school is the hardest thing to do. Without God’s mercy and saving grace it’s impossible. Extend grace to you and your wife but ask Christ to help you to stop deceiving yourself and become Lord of your life. Everyday, thank him for the truth that He is bigger and stronger than this sin is. Then ask that He be glorified in removing the false idols in your life. God Bless
My husband is not a Christian and does not see porn as sinful or wrong in any way. He has major self esteem issues and wants me (who is “safe” I guess and won’t leave him) to be a one-dimensional submissive object in bed just as your article describes. I say “no – just love me as a person” and I am accused of being frigid, unable to compromise etc etc. This is issue #99 of a long list of problems our marriage is facing. Any suggestions?
Hi Jan,
Is your husband willing to go to counseling with you? Even if he’s too prideful to admit he needs it, tell him, “Look, I want us to have a great marriage and great sex life. Obviously, there are things getting in the way of that. I want to find out what those things are so we can enjoy one another.”
As far as his love of porn goes, even if he doesn’t embrace a Christian perspective, he should know there are thousands of individuals in the world right now who have no religious affiliation and are ditching porn for good. They see how it is damaging their abilities to make love to a real woman and they want to be free of it. They want to connect with their wife on a personal, emotional level, not just a sexual level. They want to experience sex the way it was meant to be: the uniting of two persons in love and passion, not masturbating to pixels on a screen.
So i know stupid question but i feel if a man is googling escorts and favorite them on his phone from backpage in every city he works in calls them has had a online dating sitSince 1999 and visits porn sites daily i assume his excuse hes just curious but never meet anyone is a lie my gut tells me he has.
He may have never met someone, but the fact remains that he is still doing something that is equivalent to cheating on you. Would he be okay with you having erotic chats with men online? Would he be okay with you comparing him to other men? If so, then he is far gone when it comes to what marriage really means.
In ur opinion what do you think is going to fix this. He replied with a simple NOTHING…so i responded with.. Then is that is the best answer you can give to the wife you say you love so much? Tell me that you are to selfish to tell your wife what she needs to know what she deserves to know. He did not respond so i am about to let him know that i will not ignore his actions and that I will no longer put my self in this situation that is causing me so much pain for a man who cares more for his self than me. With that said i informed him I am leaving him .
Of course, it is impossible for someone who has so little information about your story to give you sage advice, but on the surface, I would say that putting distance between yourself and your husband is a necessary thing, especially if this problem has been going on a long time. He needs to see that his actions have consequences (like your broken trust).
Do you have a support network to help you at this time?
I understand but your advice was exactlly what i needed to have the courage to put down my foot and realize this was not my fault and no i have no support people or group i looked online but no luck if you know of any i would appreciate the info i live in memphis tn
I’m not sure what support networks exist in that area, but if you contact a local counselor, he or she will probably be able to help you. Use this directory and see if a counselor is willing to point you in the direction of a support group.
Thank you and since our last message my husband decided to finally admit he had a addiction and asked for help so currently im looking for him a psychiatrist. I may never know if he had actual sexual contact with these girls but all i can do is protect myself and continue to show him support but also continue to show him i will NOT put up or accept this behavior…thank u and god bless u
Your whole family will be in my prayers. Thanks, Christina.
I feel alone lost betrayed i know i have all the proof i need that hes called escorts online porn why do i feel like i need him to admit what he refuses to admit… i just want him to love me enough to tell me the truth instead he only gets angry… the pain is consuming me
It is maddening isn’t it. Have you confronted your husband with your evidence? What exactly does he say to you?
Yes many times he just gets angry a denies it and expects me to act like nothing happened. Just last night i asked him begged him to talk to me … he ignored me completley. Im sitting right now in a clinic so embarassed to have SYD testDone.
Wow. Your husband needs to have his head checked.
Anger and silence are his defense mechanisms. He knows he can get under your skin by belittling you and making you do all the questioning. When you talk to him next, it is important do everything you can to remain calm and level-headed. The more he realizes he isn’t controlling with his attitude, the more he will have to come to terms with his childish behavior.
I might say something like this, “I noticed this stuff on the computer. [Give the evidence.] You said before that you didn’t look at this stuff. Is that right?” If he still denies it, say vey calmly. “I know you are lying to me because you don’t want me to realize that you are paying for sex or planning on paying for sex with women. Unless you can demonstrate to me why I’m wrong, I will assume that you are pursuing this. Each time I’ve asked you, you get angry and expect me to pretend like nothing happened, but you’ve done nothing to demonstrate that you are trustworthy.”
If he gets angry, remain very calm and say, “Anger doesn’t erase what you’ve done. Shouting doesn’t make me believe you; in fact, it only demonstrates to me that you are being defensive because you have something to hide. Do you have anything productive to say that will help me to trust you.”
If he continues to get angry, again, stay calm and say, “I’m going to walk away now and come back when you have calmed down to continue this discussion.” Make it abundantly clear with your attitude that he is the one who is out of control.
If he ignores you, don’t beg him to talk. Remain calm and say, “I see you are using silence in the hopes that I won’t talk to you anymore about this. I’m married to you and care about you, and I hate to see you doing this to yourself and to us, so I will not just leave this alone. I’ll come talk to you a little later when you are ready to talk.”
Luke i have pretty much done that he gets angry but in a calm way hes very calm person i belive he will never tell me. But Luke i want to say god bless u for being on here and advising me. I dont feel so alone right now. Just scared i pray my std tests come back negative and if my husband is a sex addict as i suspect i wish he would get help but i dont see that happening
No matter what his reaction is, he just needs to know that you do not tolerate this behavior.
What do you think your next steps should be in order to protect yourself?
So true…
I have been married 4 years together 10 have four kids together my husband is a porn fanatic and lies to me about it he’s promised he wouldn’t do it again and I find it under my mattress and when I go to him he lies and gets angry I just feel UN wanted ashamed. Gross I feel he doesn’t love me or my body and needs something better I just want him to fantasize about me not those porn sites
Hi Mindy,
Well, there’s not much we can do about other people’s choices, much less their fantasy lives. This is the really sad and difficult thing that every spouse has to face in a situation like this: all we can control is ourselves and our own choices. You’ve got to consider what healthy boundaries might look like for you. Here and here are two articles to help you think about that. You might want to find a counselor who can help you process your emotions and consider your boundaries. You might also like the check out the online site, Bloom, which is full of resources for women.
I’m about to download this, and I hope it helps! I try to be cool with his looking at porn, and honestly I look at hentai… so I have issues too. But it hurts to know that he is attracted to STRANGE stuff. Not just regular run of the mill porn, but male to female transformation, furry, etc… it worries me more than anything. I am so afraid I am going to wake up one day and my life with him will be over. I honestly can sit here and say at the moment, I am so lost… that I don’t know if I could psychically survive without having a heart attack and / or driving off into Tahoe.
This is, unfortunately, the direction a lot of porn goes. Because our brains weren’t built for constant hits of sexual pleasure hormones, eventually we get numb to watching plain old vanilla porn and we turn to weirder things to get the same high. This is one of the reasons why many counselors believe porn is so addictive.
Have you spoken to your husband about this issue in both of your lives?
Yes, I have and I have admitted once in a while I lapse to him. He keeps lapsing and that hurts. I think we need to go to counseling.
It’s debilitating when you find out your husband has been watching porn. Men really don’t get it, they see it as a ‘fantasy’. Well I wonder if they’d see their divorce as a fantasy too?
It is too terrible. After finding out about my husband’s porn watching (aka jacking off to other women’s …..) I have been completely devastated.
Gone through the stages of wrath, betrayal, lies, etc.
AND… What men don’t know,from a woman’s point of view (after finding out) there are triggers all the time! Ones life changes afterwards.
I get that it is easy for men to look at these images/videos but since when did we become barbaric that we cannot make CHOICES?
Hell, I feel like going down the road every now and then to spend time with the electrician… Do I? NO!
I’m tired of this excuse that ‘men’ have needs… We -are not savages and we don’t live in the stone ages anymore. I
Does your husband not understand why you are so devastated right now?
Unfortunately this is so common from the couples I speak with. His secret life is now “out in the open” and while he doesn’t like it, he has been dealing with his issue for a long time. To the woman, it is a brand new problem and merits fresh attention. The guy, who’s learned to live with his sin, doesn’t know what all the fuss is about, but the woman is devastated and dying to be understood. It’s terrible.
For your own sanity, I urge you to download this e-book, written to women in your shoes. I hope it is a help to you right now.