Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker, and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of more than 40 books. For more information on his resources and services, stop by www.drdougweiss.com.
How do you stop watching porn? For some, pornography might seem like a harmless pastime, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop.
If you’re wondering how to quit, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Dr. Weiss’ 6 Essential Steps to Quit Porn
If you want to stop looking at porn, it takes intentional work, and I encourage you to familiarize yourself with these six steps:
Note from the editor: Since 2012, Dr. Weiss’ six essential steps for quitting porn have helped over a million people on their journey away from porn. We’ve had so many comments and follow-up questions on this article that we expanded on the original points to help you understand how to finally quit porn for good. Dr. Weiss’ original thoughts are included in each step.
Step 1: You need to want to stop watching porn.
“The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit porn. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Is your porn use really a problem?
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
People who quit porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
Would your marriage be better?
If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. Some addicts hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: You need to be willing to quit porn in a different way.
“You have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep trying to quit porn the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To stop for good, you have to give up what you’ve been doing and do what you have to do.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Identify and manage your porn triggers.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Step 3: You need to be brutally honest with someone.
“You have to tell someone else about your struggle and desire to get free. This person may be a male friend, your wife, a person of clergy, a life coach, or a 12-step group person. Somebody has to know the truth about your porn usage for you to get and stay free.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it.
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
“Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start; you have to clean house regularly. ” – Dr. Doug Weiss
In addition to Dr. Weiss’ suggestions, you may want to run a malware scanner and cleaning program. Porn sites are notoriously riddled with malware and adware that can stay with your computer after you delete the porn files and stop going to the websites. Depending on the type of sites you visited in the past (particularly sites that offered free downloads), you may need to take it to a computer repair shop for a professional tune-up.
Get rid of other triggering content too.
If you want to stop, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track. You should also cultivate some new habits to help you stay away from porn.
Step 5: You need to block porn from coming back in.
“The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head you could block entry points in a minute.”
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: You need a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
Samson Society (a great support group option for men who can’t find an ally in their immediate circle)
STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Dr. Weiss and many others advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
“You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn-free.
One of the most effective tools I’ve found to quit porn is Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability™. It helps with four of these six essential steps. Not only can it block porn before it gets to you, it also provides a report of your device use to a trusted friend–forcing you to be brutally honest and making it easier than ever for you to have the open and honest relationship needed to beat your porn addiction.
Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married or want to be married. Your spouse is affected by your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve your best. You decide. Do they get the porn-drunk you or the porn-free you? I recommend the porn-free you. It’s the better you.”
Sir, please help me as I m in big trouble. I think that if you will suggest me something so it will help me better. Sir I feel so guilty as I know that if my parents will when come to know about my this very very bad habit then how they will feel.
In my childhood I was sexually harassed my a boy living in my neighborhood, and from that moment I also became addicted to porns. No I m only 14 and suffering to leave this bad habit.
Sometimes I feel depressed because in the eyes of other people I m a sincere and a respected boy but the reality only I know about myself .I feel so ashamed . This habit is affecting my academics and health too. Please suggest me some method to leave this bad habit
Hello, Rojer – it is so important to find someone to talk to. If that isn’t possible, then you will need to do some of the things that this blog post suggests, like starting with the devices that are giving you access to pornography. If there were an open door in your home and dangerous animals were coming in the door and threatening your life, what would you do? The answer seems obvious, but you would close and lock the door, right? The same is true for the “doors” that are open to the internet. Why keep them open? You can’t expect a different result (stop looking at porn) if you continue to do the same things. Your body, brain, and soul need to establish new habits and patterns. I hope some of this is helpful! God is for you. He doesn’t get disgusted with your sin. He isn’t surprised by your sin. He entered into your sin through the Cross of Jesus Christ and said, “I see you. I know you. I love you. Come to me.” No condemnation. None. The Cross destroyed condemnation for those who put their faith and trust in Jesus (Romans 8:1).
Peace to you, Chris
Akintaju Alexander
Pray to God,
Summon courage,
And tell your Parents
LilEno Shaury
I’ve been wanking on porn for the past 8 years now and am a complete joke now skinny broke no girlfriend lack of confidence but I believe that all this is a thing of the past
Jesus loves me am a child of God
A man may be an addict and yet still a child of God this is time to change now and by the resurrection power of the holy spirit everything will be fine in Jesus Christ name.
Avoiding internet is the best possible way to quitting porn try to avoid internet usage for like a year I know I t will be difficult but know what you want deep down yourself.
Hello, Demi – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. What have you tried? There are 6 great suggestions in the blog post here. There are many places you could call for help if you need to talk to someone also forums like http://www.nofap.com where you can find support from a lot of people who will understand what you’re going through.
segun
hmmm a friend lured me into this and it has been so hard for me to let go of this act am tired I have lost so many things due to this act even I have exposed my secrets to so many people but still I still find it difficult to come out my relationship with jesus has dwindling hot today cold tommorrow pls help me my career is at stake i easily forget things due to this I have just practised the act nw pls I need ur prayers and counsel pls help me.
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. You are commenting on a blog post with 6 essential steps to quitting. Have you tried them? It sounds like maybe you still have too much access and it might be time to shut down as many doors to porn as you can.
Kashi
Chris, I thank you for the word of God you used in the comments above. An example that a person relate to. Keep motivating people like us, may God bless you.
Hi Peter, what Chris said is very important but have u really given your life to Jesus?, if u haven’t it is very needful cos He promised to give us rest from our yokes(Matthew 11:28-30) only if you come to Him.
Peter
Please as I am talking now I just finished masturbation I am 22 years old and and I have been addicted to this act for like 5 years everytime I watched porn and masturbat I feel guilty I feel like killing myself when I stop and delete anything that relates to porn in my phone even some music when I stop for like a month or two weeks the feeling will still come and I will start again when ever good things want to happen in my life when the porn come and masturbation I will lost it the very moment it’s seems like I have been poses I have try my best possible way to stop it but it always bounced back to me, I have talk to counselor I have stop using the Internet but it keep coming I have promised my God not to do it but I still fail Him a thousand times how bad will He hailed me?? When I have wounded him for several times? I don’t think he will remember me because when ever I think I have to get back to God this though will always comes to my mind ” like how many time will you have to confess to Jesus you are confessing now I give you a week you will go back to it, will Jesus listen to you? When you have fail him and promise never to do it and you still go back to it how many time will you have to do this”…….. So I just feel like dying today because I can’t stop I can’t control my emotions towards porn I don’t even know my value in this world I am stuck and hang without moving ahead this has course me many failures I have cheated myself I am no body in my family, friends and relatives I don’t know what to do right now I need help please.
Hi, Peter – you are not alone. Please read that statement again! There is always hope. I’m deeply concerned about your comments pertaining to “feel like killing myself” and “I just feel like dying today” because your life is priceless and no amount of sin and struggle changes your value. Do you have access to a suicide assistance center or phone number to talk with someone? In the US, the suicide prevention number is 1-800-273-8255, and they have a chat feature here.
Let’s start with some basics. God’s love isn’t conditional on your performance. Let’s erase that thought out right now! The enemy wants us to think like this, “you + sin = God doesn’t love.” When in fact, the equation is “you + still = God always loves.” (Romans 5:8). Forgiveness like endless streams of living water.
So, let’s get down the business. I believe you can control your thoughts toward porn. Jesus did not die for us to just keep on struggling! He IS victorious and that victory transfers to those who believe. That’s you! So, in a very loving way, I want to invite you to put on your suit of armor and instead of seeing this as struggle, look at it as a battlefield. A good soldier wouldn’t go out expecting to die, so get out there and fight and don’t accept anything less than victory. You don’t have to give way to these sins, you choose to. Victory comes moment by moment. Not in life-long promises never to sin again. The enemy loves those promises! “Give us this day our daily bread.”
Be strong! Christ did not die, descend to the depths of hell, conquer death, and rise to glory only to be defeated by your struggle. He overcame the struggle for YOU! Yes, for you. God is for you and will be your strength. But, you must act. Look at Joseph in Egypt – when tempted by Potiphar’s wife, he didn’t stay and ponder the situation. No, he ACTED and RAN! Now is your time. If you still have access to porn through a computer or smartphone, then pitch it. Through the TV? Toss it out the window. Battle.
I hope the best for you, I truly do. Get the help you need! Your life matters.
Peace, Chris
Amar
Bro when the sex desires comes never touch your sex organs with your hands just go to a long drive
Hi, I am Johnson and I’m 34. I was introduced to masturbation without porn by a friend (i now know he was an enemy) in Junior high when I was about 15 yes old. I graduated from masturbation without porn to seeking for porn anyhow I could. In those days, there was nothing like internet services where I lived (and that should have been an advantage) but I would use little money I get to buy porn magazines at newspaper vendor outlet (secretly). I also bought CDs containing porn scenes and watch at work (worked after high school as a computer trainer). It endured until the advent of internet came and then my problem compounded. I have been able to stop for 6 months but relapsed again. I am married and have a child but don’t live with my family as I live far away from them. My relationship is already a mess. I just can’t seem to be able to stop. I go to church and profess to be a christian and am seen as such but I struggle in the secret. I fall whenever the desire comes. I have remained alive because I keep telling myself, no mater what, I won’t give upon trying to quit, but its just hard. Times if disappointments and frustrations and loneliness are the most dangerous. I have prayed, fasted, yet nothing different. I have got different miracles from God (healed my blinding eyes, saved me from death in an accident) yet not this evil. I discovered clearing my computer or installing app alone does not help because whenever the urge comes, I break every barrier I put in place to stop me.
A lot of people look up to me as a responsible person and that makes it very difficult to execute item #2 in Weis suggestion. I really need to do something different because it has been the same cycle.
I know I will be free and I am willing to pay the price. I just read here about doing without internet. I think that is the next thing to do. I need further info from anyone who has succeeded. Any person interested can also visit yourbrainonporn.com
hii……am a gal from uganda bh its like porn has consumed my mind..whenever i watch porn i marterbate and after that i gain my conscience..and i rei regret…bh i just want to quit..i need help
Chris McKenna
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. The blog post explains 6 essential steps. What have you tried? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Unless the answer is “yes,” then no amount of trying will help. You really need to be 100% committed to doing anything to breaking free. Even getting rid of whatever you use to watch the porn.
yo
hi there, I’m 20 years old and I’m from Ethiopia. I don’t know how it all starts but I’ve started watching porn a few months ago. it is ruining my life specially my spiritual life. I’ve grown in a Christian family and I love jesus and wanne live a life that pleases him. I just need someone that I can talk,please anybody!!!
Hi – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. That spirit of shame and disgust is so heavy. But, it wants you to keep secrets and hide the issue because when you do that, the enemy wins. BUT, in the light, and saving Grace-filled love of Jesus, that disgust and shame is crushed. Can you trust anyone to talk with about your struggles? Maybe even a support forum like nofap.com, where you can find other people online who understand and will support you?
Be strong! Christ did not die, descend to the depths of hell, conquer death, and rise to glory only to be defeated by your struggle. He overcame the struggle for YOU! Yes, for you. God is for you and will be your strength. But, you must act. Look at Joseph in Egypt – when tempted by Potiphar’s wife, he didn’t stay and ponder the situation. No, he ACTED and RAN! Now is your time. I hope the best for you,
Chris
Carl
I would like to document my experience but due to cultural reasons cannot do so publicly.
It started with masturbating in the shower when I was about 8. I stumbled across it unknowingly on my own but kept doing it because it felt good. No one knew or dissuaded me from such acts as there was no talk of sexual matters in my family. Then I got my first iPod touch and a wireless internet connection when I was 14, driving me into porn through those innocent fanfiction tumblr feeds linking to those not so innocent ones. I could already feel my vigour and energy sapping away, but misattributed it at the time to growing up. Discovering the nsfw section of reddit soon after drove me even deeper into this abyss and caused my school marks to deteriorate, falling from top student of the grade to above average. I was also a hardcore gamer throughout school and high school. When I entered uni at 17, I decided to quit gaming for good, which I have maintained, but despite discovering nofap, I never got past two months and fapping’s grip on me had only gotten tighter.
I was truly a prodigy when I was a child, and I still remember the clarity of mind with which I considered the world around me. I felt that I really would be able to achieve great things when I grew up. But now, with those things a long gone memory, I realise that those people who do better than me in uni and in the world aren’t necessarily endowed with much better or worse natural abilities than me. It is just that they have more experience solving problems and overcoming conceptual barriers than me, while I was jerking it to some grotesque fantasy and numbing my brain. This is truly the greatest regret of my life, and despite knowing all this, still does the sight of an attractive woman cause me to go down the eventual horrific path of relapse. The pain and suffering that this addiction has laden me with is incomparable to even the worst kinds of torture conceivable. Unlike actual pain and suffering though, I don’t come out of it a stronger man. That might be the most ironic part of it all; that the worst form of pain doesn’t even improve oneself in the way the others would. What a con, the human sexual drive.
At the same time, the rest of nature discourages you from porn and fapping. Even a fortnight without it causes my face to look happy, vivid and with symmetry, and girls stare and smile at me when I walk in public; something unimaginable when going outside just after a binge. It really is this demon against the world; and for 13 years this demon had been winning, most painfully, during my formative years both physically and mentally. Well, there’s no going back now. I may never be able to think as clearly or do things as well as I would have done had I never gone down this dark path, but one must always maximise their current potential; and continuing this habit is not maximising my potential. Stopping the habit, no matter the withdrawal pain, will be better than the lifelong pain and regret from continuing it. I hope that my account might help others in similar situations.
Hi, Carl, this ending statement from you, “Stopping the habit, no matter the withdrawal pain, will be better than the lifelong pain and regret from continuing it” is absolutely true. I have prayed that you stick with this conviction!
Best, Chris
Archie
Hi there i am 20 year old and i am totally addicted to porn and mastuburation i wann quit it but it coming back again in my life i want a friend to talk aboutit is one want to help me
Hi, Archie – I’m so sorry that you are struggling. Have you tried any of the suggestions from the article? We have found that people who take those steps seriously typically make very positive progress to living porn-free. But, if you try to “slug it out” on your own, experience tells us that it just won’t work. “On your own” is probably a big reason you’re struggling currently. Yes, talking about it openly with someone who will encourage, not judge, and say “hey, there’s a better way!” is so very important. I hope you are able to do that and don’t give up! It might get harder before it gets easier, so be ready for a fight.
Best, Chris
leslie
Hi Archie am 21 years old and i would like to be of help
if its ok by you
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Sir, please help me as I m in big trouble. I think that if you will suggest me something so it will help me better. Sir I feel so guilty as I know that if my parents will when come to know about my this very very bad habit then how they will feel.
In my childhood I was sexually harassed my a boy living in my neighborhood, and from that moment I also became addicted to porns. No I m only 14 and suffering to leave this bad habit.
Sometimes I feel depressed because in the eyes of other people I m a sincere and a respected boy but the reality only I know about myself .I feel so ashamed . This habit is affecting my academics and health too. Please suggest me some method to leave this bad habit
Hello, Rojer – it is so important to find someone to talk to. If that isn’t possible, then you will need to do some of the things that this blog post suggests, like starting with the devices that are giving you access to pornography. If there were an open door in your home and dangerous animals were coming in the door and threatening your life, what would you do? The answer seems obvious, but you would close and lock the door, right? The same is true for the “doors” that are open to the internet. Why keep them open? You can’t expect a different result (stop looking at porn) if you continue to do the same things. Your body, brain, and soul need to establish new habits and patterns. I hope some of this is helpful! God is for you. He doesn’t get disgusted with your sin. He isn’t surprised by your sin. He entered into your sin through the Cross of Jesus Christ and said, “I see you. I know you. I love you. Come to me.” No condemnation. None. The Cross destroyed condemnation for those who put their faith and trust in Jesus (Romans 8:1).
Peace to you, Chris
Pray to God,
Summon courage,
And tell your Parents
I’ve been wanking on porn for the past 8 years now and am a complete joke now skinny broke no girlfriend lack of confidence but I believe that all this is a thing of the past
Jesus loves me am a child of God
A man may be an addict and yet still a child of God this is time to change now and by the resurrection power of the holy spirit everything will be fine in Jesus Christ name.
Avoiding internet is the best possible way to quitting porn try to avoid internet usage for like a year I know I t will be difficult but know what you want deep down yourself.
Hey my name is Demi and I’m extremely addicted to pornography and masturbation…my emotions towards women are dying… i need help. Contact me pls
Hello, Demi – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. What have you tried? There are 6 great suggestions in the blog post here. There are many places you could call for help if you need to talk to someone also forums like http://www.nofap.com where you can find support from a lot of people who will understand what you’re going through.
hmmm a friend lured me into this and it has been so hard for me to let go of this act am tired I have lost so many things due to this act even I have exposed my secrets to so many people but still I still find it difficult to come out my relationship with jesus has dwindling hot today cold tommorrow pls help me my career is at stake i easily forget things due to this I have just practised the act nw pls I need ur prayers and counsel pls help me.
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. You are commenting on a blog post with 6 essential steps to quitting. Have you tried them? It sounds like maybe you still have too much access and it might be time to shut down as many doors to porn as you can.
Chris, I thank you for the word of God you used in the comments above. An example that a person relate to. Keep motivating people like us, may God bless you.
Hi Peter, what Chris said is very important but have u really given your life to Jesus?, if u haven’t it is very needful cos He promised to give us rest from our yokes(Matthew 11:28-30) only if you come to Him.
Please as I am talking now I just finished masturbation I am 22 years old and and I have been addicted to this act for like 5 years everytime I watched porn and masturbat I feel guilty I feel like killing myself when I stop and delete anything that relates to porn in my phone even some music when I stop for like a month or two weeks the feeling will still come and I will start again when ever good things want to happen in my life when the porn come and masturbation I will lost it the very moment it’s seems like I have been poses I have try my best possible way to stop it but it always bounced back to me, I have talk to counselor I have stop using the Internet but it keep coming I have promised my God not to do it but I still fail Him a thousand times how bad will He hailed me?? When I have wounded him for several times? I don’t think he will remember me because when ever I think I have to get back to God this though will always comes to my mind ” like how many time will you have to confess to Jesus you are confessing now I give you a week you will go back to it, will Jesus listen to you? When you have fail him and promise never to do it and you still go back to it how many time will you have to do this”…….. So I just feel like dying today because I can’t stop I can’t control my emotions towards porn I don’t even know my value in this world I am stuck and hang without moving ahead this has course me many failures I have cheated myself I am no body in my family, friends and relatives I don’t know what to do right now I need help please.
Hi, Peter – you are not alone. Please read that statement again! There is always hope. I’m deeply concerned about your comments pertaining to “feel like killing myself” and “I just feel like dying today” because your life is priceless and no amount of sin and struggle changes your value. Do you have access to a suicide assistance center or phone number to talk with someone? In the US, the suicide prevention number is 1-800-273-8255, and they have a chat feature here.
Let’s start with some basics. God’s love isn’t conditional on your performance. Let’s erase that thought out right now! The enemy wants us to think like this, “you + sin = God doesn’t love.” When in fact, the equation is “you + still = God always loves.” (Romans 5:8). Forgiveness like endless streams of living water.
So, let’s get down the business. I believe you can control your thoughts toward porn. Jesus did not die for us to just keep on struggling! He IS victorious and that victory transfers to those who believe. That’s you! So, in a very loving way, I want to invite you to put on your suit of armor and instead of seeing this as struggle, look at it as a battlefield. A good soldier wouldn’t go out expecting to die, so get out there and fight and don’t accept anything less than victory. You don’t have to give way to these sins, you choose to. Victory comes moment by moment. Not in life-long promises never to sin again. The enemy loves those promises! “Give us this day our daily bread.”
Be strong! Christ did not die, descend to the depths of hell, conquer death, and rise to glory only to be defeated by your struggle. He overcame the struggle for YOU! Yes, for you. God is for you and will be your strength. But, you must act. Look at Joseph in Egypt – when tempted by Potiphar’s wife, he didn’t stay and ponder the situation. No, he ACTED and RAN! Now is your time. If you still have access to porn through a computer or smartphone, then pitch it. Through the TV? Toss it out the window. Battle.
I hope the best for you, I truly do. Get the help you need! Your life matters.
Peace, Chris
Bro when the sex desires comes never touch your sex organs with your hands just go to a long drive
Hi, I am Johnson and I’m 34. I was introduced to masturbation without porn by a friend (i now know he was an enemy) in Junior high when I was about 15 yes old. I graduated from masturbation without porn to seeking for porn anyhow I could. In those days, there was nothing like internet services where I lived (and that should have been an advantage) but I would use little money I get to buy porn magazines at newspaper vendor outlet (secretly). I also bought CDs containing porn scenes and watch at work (worked after high school as a computer trainer). It endured until the advent of internet came and then my problem compounded. I have been able to stop for 6 months but relapsed again. I am married and have a child but don’t live with my family as I live far away from them. My relationship is already a mess. I just can’t seem to be able to stop. I go to church and profess to be a christian and am seen as such but I struggle in the secret. I fall whenever the desire comes. I have remained alive because I keep telling myself, no mater what, I won’t give upon trying to quit, but its just hard. Times if disappointments and frustrations and loneliness are the most dangerous. I have prayed, fasted, yet nothing different. I have got different miracles from God (healed my blinding eyes, saved me from death in an accident) yet not this evil. I discovered clearing my computer or installing app alone does not help because whenever the urge comes, I break every barrier I put in place to stop me.
A lot of people look up to me as a responsible person and that makes it very difficult to execute item #2 in Weis suggestion. I really need to do something different because it has been the same cycle.
I know I will be free and I am willing to pay the price. I just read here about doing without internet. I think that is the next thing to do. I need further info from anyone who has succeeded. Any person interested can also visit yourbrainonporn.com
hii……am a gal from uganda bh its like porn has consumed my mind..whenever i watch porn i marterbate and after that i gain my conscience..and i rei regret…bh i just want to quit..i need help
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. The blog post explains 6 essential steps. What have you tried? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Unless the answer is “yes,” then no amount of trying will help. You really need to be 100% committed to doing anything to breaking free. Even getting rid of whatever you use to watch the porn.
hi there, I’m 20 years old and I’m from Ethiopia. I don’t know how it all starts but I’ve started watching porn a few months ago. it is ruining my life specially my spiritual life. I’ve grown in a Christian family and I love jesus and wanne live a life that pleases him. I just need someone that I can talk,please anybody!!!
Hi – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. That spirit of shame and disgust is so heavy. But, it wants you to keep secrets and hide the issue because when you do that, the enemy wins. BUT, in the light, and saving Grace-filled love of Jesus, that disgust and shame is crushed. Can you trust anyone to talk with about your struggles? Maybe even a support forum like nofap.com, where you can find other people online who understand and will support you?
Be strong! Christ did not die, descend to the depths of hell, conquer death, and rise to glory only to be defeated by your struggle. He overcame the struggle for YOU! Yes, for you. God is for you and will be your strength. But, you must act. Look at Joseph in Egypt – when tempted by Potiphar’s wife, he didn’t stay and ponder the situation. No, he ACTED and RAN! Now is your time. I hope the best for you,
Chris
I would like to document my experience but due to cultural reasons cannot do so publicly.
It started with masturbating in the shower when I was about 8. I stumbled across it unknowingly on my own but kept doing it because it felt good. No one knew or dissuaded me from such acts as there was no talk of sexual matters in my family. Then I got my first iPod touch and a wireless internet connection when I was 14, driving me into porn through those innocent fanfiction tumblr feeds linking to those not so innocent ones. I could already feel my vigour and energy sapping away, but misattributed it at the time to growing up. Discovering the nsfw section of reddit soon after drove me even deeper into this abyss and caused my school marks to deteriorate, falling from top student of the grade to above average. I was also a hardcore gamer throughout school and high school. When I entered uni at 17, I decided to quit gaming for good, which I have maintained, but despite discovering nofap, I never got past two months and fapping’s grip on me had only gotten tighter.
I was truly a prodigy when I was a child, and I still remember the clarity of mind with which I considered the world around me. I felt that I really would be able to achieve great things when I grew up. But now, with those things a long gone memory, I realise that those people who do better than me in uni and in the world aren’t necessarily endowed with much better or worse natural abilities than me. It is just that they have more experience solving problems and overcoming conceptual barriers than me, while I was jerking it to some grotesque fantasy and numbing my brain. This is truly the greatest regret of my life, and despite knowing all this, still does the sight of an attractive woman cause me to go down the eventual horrific path of relapse. The pain and suffering that this addiction has laden me with is incomparable to even the worst kinds of torture conceivable. Unlike actual pain and suffering though, I don’t come out of it a stronger man. That might be the most ironic part of it all; that the worst form of pain doesn’t even improve oneself in the way the others would. What a con, the human sexual drive.
At the same time, the rest of nature discourages you from porn and fapping. Even a fortnight without it causes my face to look happy, vivid and with symmetry, and girls stare and smile at me when I walk in public; something unimaginable when going outside just after a binge. It really is this demon against the world; and for 13 years this demon had been winning, most painfully, during my formative years both physically and mentally. Well, there’s no going back now. I may never be able to think as clearly or do things as well as I would have done had I never gone down this dark path, but one must always maximise their current potential; and continuing this habit is not maximising my potential. Stopping the habit, no matter the withdrawal pain, will be better than the lifelong pain and regret from continuing it. I hope that my account might help others in similar situations.
Hi, Carl, this ending statement from you, “Stopping the habit, no matter the withdrawal pain, will be better than the lifelong pain and regret from continuing it” is absolutely true. I have prayed that you stick with this conviction!
Best, Chris
Hi there i am 20 year old and i am totally addicted to porn and mastuburation i wann quit it but it coming back again in my life i want a friend to talk aboutit is one want to help me
Hi, Archie – I’m so sorry that you are struggling. Have you tried any of the suggestions from the article? We have found that people who take those steps seriously typically make very positive progress to living porn-free. But, if you try to “slug it out” on your own, experience tells us that it just won’t work. “On your own” is probably a big reason you’re struggling currently. Yes, talking about it openly with someone who will encourage, not judge, and say “hey, there’s a better way!” is so very important. I hope you are able to do that and don’t give up! It might get harder before it gets easier, so be ready for a fight.
Best, Chris
Hi Archie am 21 years old and i would like to be of help
if its ok by you