Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker, and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of more than 40 books. For more information on his resources and services, stop by www.drdougweiss.com.
How do you stop watching porn? For some, pornography might seem like a harmless pastime, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop.
If you’re wondering how to quit, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Dr. Weiss’ 6 Essential Steps to Quit Porn
If you want to stop looking at porn, it takes intentional work, and I encourage you to familiarize yourself with these six steps:
Note from the editor: Since 2012, Dr. Weiss’ six essential steps for quitting porn have helped over a million people on their journey away from porn. We’ve had so many comments and follow-up questions on this article that we expanded on the original points to help you understand how to finally quit porn for good. Dr. Weiss’ original thoughts are included in each step.
Step 1: You need to want to stop watching porn.
“The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit porn. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Is your porn use really a problem?
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
People who quit porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
Would your marriage be better?
If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. Some addicts hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: You need to be willing to quit porn in a different way.
“You have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep trying to quit porn the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To stop for good, you have to give up what you’ve been doing and do what you have to do.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Identify and manage your porn triggers.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Step 3: You need to be brutally honest with someone.
“You have to tell someone else about your struggle and desire to get free. This person may be a male friend, your wife, a person of clergy, a life coach, or a 12-step group person. Somebody has to know the truth about your porn usage for you to get and stay free.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it.
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
“Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start; you have to clean house regularly. ” – Dr. Doug Weiss
In addition to Dr. Weiss’ suggestions, you may want to run a malware scanner and cleaning program. Porn sites are notoriously riddled with malware and adware that can stay with your computer after you delete the porn files and stop going to the websites. Depending on the type of sites you visited in the past (particularly sites that offered free downloads), you may need to take it to a computer repair shop for a professional tune-up.
Get rid of other triggering content too.
If you want to stop, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track. You should also cultivate some new habits to help you stay away from porn.
Step 5: You need to block porn from coming back in.
“The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head you could block entry points in a minute.”
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: You need a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
Samson Society (a great support group option for men who can’t find an ally in their immediate circle)
STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Dr. Weiss and many others advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
“You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn-free.
One of the most effective tools I’ve found to quit porn is Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability™. It helps with four of these six essential steps. Not only can it block porn before it gets to you, it also provides a report of your device use to a trusted friend–forcing you to be brutally honest and making it easier than ever for you to have the open and honest relationship needed to beat your porn addiction.
Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married or want to be married. Your spouse is affected by your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve your best. You decide. Do they get the porn-drunk you or the porn-free you? I recommend the porn-free you. It’s the better you.”
I have only been watching porn for a little bit but I really want to stop And yes… I am a girl. Porn isn’t just for men obviously. I really want to talk to someone to keep me accountable and to encourage me spiritually, but I don’t have any friends that would actually want to help me overcome this addiction. I am so afraid to talk to a family member about this because I was raised in a Avery Christian home, and my parents would be appalled. What should I do?
Hi, Grace – it’s tough when you’re all alone. In my experience, all alone with temptation means the devil wins. Almost every time. Christ and community give you the strength needed to overcome his lies. If you can’t find someone to trust, maybe an online community might help? Here’s a good one: http://dirtygirlsministries.com
Hi my name is crystal, and I’m a porn addict. I’m just 16 and I feel like even
God has given up on me (though he hasn’t). I am a christian and I’ve disappointed God more times than I can count. So if there is any one who could help me I beg of you, lend me a hand. Thank you! God bless you! ☺
Kay Bruner
Hey Crystal,
I’m so glad you’re able to know the truth that God’s love never, ever gives up on us. I think that’s the real key to any kind of change and growth: confidence in God’s love, no matter what.
If you’d like to stop masturbating, shame and anger with yourself will never get you there. Receive God’s love for you–that will certainly help. Finding people who are loving and kind, and talking with them about struggles helps, too. Connecting with other people in real, true ways helps cure shame and makes us less vulnerable to acting-out behaviors.
Of course there are behavioral steps you can take to make yourself less vulnerable, but good, healthy, honest emotional connection to God and others is the basis for all change and growth. Change and growth are long, slow processes, and we have to keep receiving love, over and over and over again so that we can extend love over and over and over again to ourselves and to others.
There’s a famous story about Thomas Keating, a teacher of contemplative prayer. One of his students said, “Father Keating, in 20 minutes of prayer, I fail 10,000 times.” And Father Keating said, “How wonderful! Ten thousand opportunities to return to Love!”
I think that is a powerful, healing paradigm shift: if we can stop thinking in terms of our own failure, and consider instead the limitless expression of God’s love to us, it would revolutionize our lives–and probably bring about the changes we are hoping for.
Peace to you,
Kay
Deadpool
bro your mind your control make your mind tough for no more watching porn their are many things to do and search on internet.don,t fell your self alone go out and meet with friends trust me you automatically forget about porn
Pls guys dont watch porn..It is not good neuther for u nor for your family..It is taking world by a stOm..People are making it just for the profit..They dont care about yoi and yoir family..Because of some mean people society is getting polluted and wasted and dirty.. Sex is not bad as because of it we are born..But this porn has made people vulnerable and this porn sitrs cover your eyes and dont let u look ahead of what u r doing and wat not.. it is really bad and highly underiabale..At first u mihht feel good but it ruins your growth your brain your miscles ykur stamina..It is thats y called gentle rape..Pls dont guys engage in this kind of activities and pls help others cone out of it .. Dnt look porn rather there are millioms of things to go and watch out for..Stop and start new..Start fresh!!
hy guys my mame is Innocent I am 16 years old I started porn last year in October and I am trying to stop it but yoh its difficult ,I stop for one week then it comes again I don’t know what to do anymore because I am a strong believer in Christ I don’t know anymore please help
Hello, Innocent – I’m glad you took the tough step of admitting the issue. Now, comes the hard step of inviting someone into your life to help you. That’s the power of accountability. It also means closing the doors that exist to watching porn. If that means getting rid of your phone, then that’s what it means. Go back and read the “6 Essential Steps” again and really dive into them. If done with honesty and dedication, they do work. Christ and Community is the only way.
Peace, Chris
Gracie
Hi innocent,
I am dealing with the same thing you are. I really want someone to keep me accountable and encourage me spiritually, but I don’t know anyone to do that with. Would you possibly want to exchange emails or something? We can send bible verses or notes of encouragement. If you ever feel tempted you can just send me an email or if you mess up I can talk with you and help you.
Im 23 years from Tanzania Istarted porn and masterbation 5years ago ihave tried to stop it for several tym bt repeat it im too hypocrite to my fellow university students who treat me as really servant of God,ihave asked forgiveness from God &fast to stop it bt ifelt into temptation again “some of my fellows they know my problem ihave explained it bt still no help”iblocked my instagram account to prevent reoccurance bt no help what can ido im really Christian iknow each and abt Jesus plz help
Hello, Joseph – on one hand, my heart breaks for your situation. Addiction just takes the life and motivation right out of us. But, on the other hand, you’ve admitted the issue, and that’s a great step! Now, comes the hard work – are you ready? When you look at the blog post you commented on, pay close attention to each item Dr. Weis mentions. Are you willing to “clean house” and get rid of the devices causing problems? What about the other things on his list? Also, I wonder – how badly do you want to quit? Have you made a clear and effective decision about this sin? https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/06/30/stop-looking-at-porn-you-sicko-part-1/
Joseph, God is for you! Anything is possible at the cross of Jesus Christ. Read Romans 8 to be reminded of who you are in Christ :)
Peace, Chris
Jasonbbb
I need help on quiting porn and masturbating,i have been addicted to porn and masturbating for 15 years. I pray and repent everyday but i keep falling in the same hole,i feel like im just playing with god. One day i’ll repent ask for forgiveness and the next day i get the urgent to do it and after is done,i feel guilty and bad again. Its hard i need serious help!
Hello, there is hope! God hasn’t stopped pursuing your heart. And, His grace is fresh every morning. Have you tried accountability? Also, how are you getting to the porn? Are you willing to take the drastic steps that are outlined in the blog post? If not, you’ll continue to go back to it. God is serious about sin. He absolutely hates the impact it has on His people. So much so, that he sacrificed everything to bring you back into relationship with Him. How much are you willing to do in response to His love? It’s time to buckle down and FIGHT with every asset at your disposal. This is a war for your heart. Go back and read the blog post with fresh eyes. Then also read this one: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/06/30/stop-looking-at-porn-you-sicko-part-1/
After that, make a decision. Do you really want to quit? If so (and I hope the answer it YES), let’s get to it.
Peace, Chris
John Pierre
Well for a single person its hard to not watch porn and masturbate because when you are living with your family and you never touched a girl but just see and talked to girls so in this case i had an porn addiction but last month i didn’t watched porn but then again this month i went back by trying to masturbate on women that i see on the public not on the porn although i did it on porn but on women more (not front of them) but in my bed inside my room. and because because it’s more fun to watch and play along than to put it on pause and go to the bed. and what makes it harder is the masturbation and your brain on porn that’s why we come back to it…I Just Wished That God Didn’t Created a Sexual Organs For the Entire Humanity So That They Don’t Get Tempted To Such Nasty Things As A Single Person Against God because i know a thing in the Ten Commandments that ”Thou you shalt not commit adultery”.
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I have only been watching porn for a little bit but I really want to stop And yes… I am a girl. Porn isn’t just for men obviously. I really want to talk to someone to keep me accountable and to encourage me spiritually, but I don’t have any friends that would actually want to help me overcome this addiction. I am so afraid to talk to a family member about this because I was raised in a Avery Christian home, and my parents would be appalled. What should I do?
Hi, Grace – it’s tough when you’re all alone. In my experience, all alone with temptation means the devil wins. Almost every time. Christ and community give you the strength needed to overcome his lies. If you can’t find someone to trust, maybe an online community might help? Here’s a good one: http://dirtygirlsministries.com
Peace, Chris
If your mind comes to think about the porn call jesus you will be saved
Hi my name is crystal, and I’m a porn addict. I’m just 16 and I feel like even
God has given up on me (though he hasn’t). I am a christian and I’ve disappointed God more times than I can count. So if there is any one who could help me I beg of you, lend me a hand. Thank you! God bless you! ☺
Hey Crystal,
I’m so glad you’re able to know the truth that God’s love never, ever gives up on us. I think that’s the real key to any kind of change and growth: confidence in God’s love, no matter what.
If you’d like to stop masturbating, shame and anger with yourself will never get you there. Receive God’s love for you–that will certainly help. Finding people who are loving and kind, and talking with them about struggles helps, too. Connecting with other people in real, true ways helps cure shame and makes us less vulnerable to acting-out behaviors.
Of course there are behavioral steps you can take to make yourself less vulnerable, but good, healthy, honest emotional connection to God and others is the basis for all change and growth. Change and growth are long, slow processes, and we have to keep receiving love, over and over and over again so that we can extend love over and over and over again to ourselves and to others.
There’s a famous story about Thomas Keating, a teacher of contemplative prayer. One of his students said, “Father Keating, in 20 minutes of prayer, I fail 10,000 times.” And Father Keating said, “How wonderful! Ten thousand opportunities to return to Love!”
I think that is a powerful, healing paradigm shift: if we can stop thinking in terms of our own failure, and consider instead the limitless expression of God’s love to us, it would revolutionize our lives–and probably bring about the changes we are hoping for.
Peace to you,
Kay
bro your mind your control make your mind tough for no more watching porn their are many things to do and search on internet.don,t fell your self alone go out and meet with friends trust me you automatically forget about porn
Pls guys dont watch porn..It is not good neuther for u nor for your family..It is taking world by a stOm..People are making it just for the profit..They dont care about yoi and yoir family..Because of some mean people society is getting polluted and wasted and dirty.. Sex is not bad as because of it we are born..But this porn has made people vulnerable and this porn sitrs cover your eyes and dont let u look ahead of what u r doing and wat not.. it is really bad and highly underiabale..At first u mihht feel good but it ruins your growth your brain your miscles ykur stamina..It is thats y called gentle rape..Pls dont guys engage in this kind of activities and pls help others cone out of it .. Dnt look porn rather there are millioms of things to go and watch out for..Stop and start new..Start fresh!!
hy guys my mame is Innocent I am 16 years old I started porn last year in October and I am trying to stop it but yoh its difficult ,I stop for one week then it comes again I don’t know what to do anymore because I am a strong believer in Christ I don’t know anymore please help
Hello, Innocent – I’m glad you took the tough step of admitting the issue. Now, comes the hard step of inviting someone into your life to help you. That’s the power of accountability. It also means closing the doors that exist to watching porn. If that means getting rid of your phone, then that’s what it means. Go back and read the “6 Essential Steps” again and really dive into them. If done with honesty and dedication, they do work. Christ and Community is the only way.
Peace, Chris
Hi innocent,
I am dealing with the same thing you are. I really want someone to keep me accountable and encourage me spiritually, but I don’t know anyone to do that with. Would you possibly want to exchange emails or something? We can send bible verses or notes of encouragement. If you ever feel tempted you can just send me an email or if you mess up I can talk with you and help you.
Thanks guys
Doctor this site is no longer used Why silent???
Im 23 years from Tanzania Istarted porn and masterbation 5years ago ihave tried to stop it for several tym bt repeat it im too hypocrite to my fellow university students who treat me as really servant of God,ihave asked forgiveness from God &fast to stop it bt ifelt into temptation again “some of my fellows they know my problem ihave explained it bt still no help”iblocked my instagram account to prevent reoccurance bt no help what can ido im really Christian iknow each and abt Jesus plz help
Hello, Joseph – on one hand, my heart breaks for your situation. Addiction just takes the life and motivation right out of us. But, on the other hand, you’ve admitted the issue, and that’s a great step! Now, comes the hard work – are you ready? When you look at the blog post you commented on, pay close attention to each item Dr. Weis mentions. Are you willing to “clean house” and get rid of the devices causing problems? What about the other things on his list? Also, I wonder – how badly do you want to quit? Have you made a clear and effective decision about this sin? https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/06/30/stop-looking-at-porn-you-sicko-part-1/
Joseph, God is for you! Anything is possible at the cross of Jesus Christ. Read Romans 8 to be reminded of who you are in Christ :)
Peace, Chris
I need help on quiting porn and masturbating,i have been addicted to porn and masturbating for 15 years. I pray and repent everyday but i keep falling in the same hole,i feel like im just playing with god. One day i’ll repent ask for forgiveness and the next day i get the urgent to do it and after is done,i feel guilty and bad again. Its hard i need serious help!
Hello, there is hope! God hasn’t stopped pursuing your heart. And, His grace is fresh every morning. Have you tried accountability? Also, how are you getting to the porn? Are you willing to take the drastic steps that are outlined in the blog post? If not, you’ll continue to go back to it. God is serious about sin. He absolutely hates the impact it has on His people. So much so, that he sacrificed everything to bring you back into relationship with Him. How much are you willing to do in response to His love? It’s time to buckle down and FIGHT with every asset at your disposal. This is a war for your heart. Go back and read the blog post with fresh eyes. Then also read this one: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/06/30/stop-looking-at-porn-you-sicko-part-1/
After that, make a decision. Do you really want to quit? If so (and I hope the answer it YES), let’s get to it.
Peace, Chris
Well for a single person its hard to not watch porn and masturbate because when you are living with your family and you never touched a girl but just see and talked to girls so in this case i had an porn addiction but last month i didn’t watched porn but then again this month i went back by trying to masturbate on women that i see on the public not on the porn although i did it on porn but on women more (not front of them) but in my bed inside my room. and because because it’s more fun to watch and play along than to put it on pause and go to the bed. and what makes it harder is the masturbation and your brain on porn that’s why we come back to it…I Just Wished That God Didn’t Created a Sexual Organs For the Entire Humanity So That They Don’t Get Tempted To Such Nasty Things As A Single Person Against God because i know a thing in the Ten Commandments that ”Thou you shalt not commit adultery”.