Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker, and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of more than 40 books. For more information on his resources and services, stop by www.drdougweiss.com.
How do you stop watching porn? For some, pornography might seem like a harmless pastime, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop.
If you’re wondering how to quit, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Dr. Weiss’ 6 Essential Steps to Quit Porn
If you want to stop looking at porn, it takes intentional work, and I encourage you to familiarize yourself with these six steps:
Note from the editor: Since 2012, Dr. Weiss’ six essential steps for quitting porn have helped over a million people on their journey away from porn. We’ve had so many comments and follow-up questions on this article that we expanded on the original points to help you understand how to finally quit porn for good. Dr. Weiss’ original thoughts are included in each step.
Step 1: You need to want to stop watching porn.
“The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit porn. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Is your porn use really a problem?
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
People who quit porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
Would your marriage be better?
If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. Some addicts hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: You need to be willing to quit porn in a different way.
“You have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep trying to quit porn the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To stop for good, you have to give up what you’ve been doing and do what you have to do.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Identify and manage your porn triggers.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Step 3: You need to be brutally honest with someone.
“You have to tell someone else about your struggle and desire to get free. This person may be a male friend, your wife, a person of clergy, a life coach, or a 12-step group person. Somebody has to know the truth about your porn usage for you to get and stay free.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it.
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
“Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start; you have to clean house regularly. ” – Dr. Doug Weiss
In addition to Dr. Weiss’ suggestions, you may want to run a malware scanner and cleaning program. Porn sites are notoriously riddled with malware and adware that can stay with your computer after you delete the porn files and stop going to the websites. Depending on the type of sites you visited in the past (particularly sites that offered free downloads), you may need to take it to a computer repair shop for a professional tune-up.
Get rid of other triggering content too.
If you want to stop, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track. You should also cultivate some new habits to help you stay away from porn.
Step 5: You need to block porn from coming back in.
“The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head you could block entry points in a minute.”
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: You need a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
Samson Society (a great support group option for men who can’t find an ally in their immediate circle)
STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Dr. Weiss and many others advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
“You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn-free.
One of the most effective tools I’ve found to quit porn is Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability™. It helps with four of these six essential steps. Not only can it block porn before it gets to you, it also provides a report of your device use to a trusted friend–forcing you to be brutally honest and making it easier than ever for you to have the open and honest relationship needed to beat your porn addiction.
Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married or want to be married. Your spouse is affected by your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve your best. You decide. Do they get the porn-drunk you or the porn-free you? I recommend the porn-free you. It’s the better you.”
I am 22 years old, I want a permanent relief from sex, please help me
Chris McKenna
Hello, Umer – I’m glad you want to stop. That’s a good start. But, that’s not enough. It’s a daily commitment. It’s having open and honest conversations with an accountability partner. It’s looking at the steps in the blog post and getting very serious about each of them. Porn addiction does not go away easily. It’s very, very hard to quit, but IT IS POSSIBLE to quit! God is for you and there is no pit too deep for Him to pull you out of. Go through these steps.
Peace, Chris
Lic
Hey Guys
I don’t know where to start, Am 17, I started watching porn at age of 9 and it never really was an addiction, I was doing just fine in school, had a good relationship with people, Masturbation and porn addiction started like 4 months ago and since then its been hell, i droped in every thing i was doing, studies right down to the football field.
I seriously need help
Hello, and thank you for having the courage to step forward and admit your struggle. Let me be real honest – you cannot overcome porn alone. I don’t care how determined you are. It’s a ferocious monster and it’s stronger than you.
Cut off all access to the junk. Throw away your smartphone if you have to. It comes down to a question – do you really want to quit? If so, then it’s time to take evasive action, just as if you were in a battle. It also means talking it out, looking someone you trust in the eye and coming clean about all of it. Yes, all of it. In the light, the power of this junk shrivels up. But, if you hold back, it’s like a small tumor that will grow and over time, consume you again in guilt and shame.
Porn kills love and relationships. It’s been proven over and over again. It creates a selfISH perspective on life instead of a selfLESS perspective. It wants all of you, and so it robs from all of the other activities, studies, sports, and friendships, until it consumes all of your attention. Steal, kill, destroy. That’s all it knows how to do.
Covenant Eyes can help on your devices if you need something. Get an adult involved to help you with that, if necessary.
It sounds like you’re serious about wanting to break free of this, so I took the liberty to jump right in a be very direct. As a former addict, I know your pain and frustration. But, I’m not here to dwell on just the bad, because FREEDOM is possible. There is hope. But, you have to WANT it yourself. Look in the mirror and decide today if you truly want to be free. If so, then it’s time to get to work and I know you can do it by incorporating some of the steps I’ve included above.
HI, Jake – sometimes it takes a clear and effective decision about the sin, like smashing the device, in order to break free. If it meant porn no longer had its grip on you, would you smash the phone?
Jake
I’ve tried to stop watching porn and masterbate but I can’t. Please help
Hi, Jake, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. The battle is very real, and honestly, you can’t do it alone. What have you tried? Let me say it again – you can’t stop on your own. It’s stronger than you. Do you know Jesus? Do you have someone you trust you can talk to for accountability? Are you willing to get rid of your electronic devices in order to stay clean? These are the hard decisions that are necessary if you really want to get rid of this wicked problem. God is for you! But, you have have to really want recovery.
Chris
Ahmad
I am 23 year old engineer, struggling hard to get rid of this bad porn watching addiction.
The bad thing is most of the time in my day i m connected to internet.
Everytime i ask God forgiveness then after some time i start this bad habbit again and last for many days again i closed all the way going to this path, keep myself too much busy, studing different religions, history and science, but once i get a small tension i come again to this bad thing.i dont think if there is anyone in this world who would not have tensions and worries, i know i hate this thing ,last time i made it to the longest no watch time (5 months) , but after 5 months when i get little troubles i come again to it..i m religious practicing guy but still cant get rid of this bad behaviour, one thing i noted for sure is good company of friends, when i live among good friends ,its easy to minimise it, but its life u never get what is ideal always,any one willing to help me, i would appreciate it…
Hello, Ahmad – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Pornography so easily draws us in, and then it’s so hard to stop. Can you close some of the ways you can get to porn? Eliminate the paths. Can you invite a close friend into the situation to talk through it and help you be accountable? For those times you feel the tension and then go to porn, how can you direct that tension into something else? Can you immediately do some other activity? Text a friend? Don’t give up! Freedom is possible – but it takes hard work, my friend. God is for you! “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Run to Him! His mercy and forgiveness is fresh every morning.
The Six Essentials will not work without heart change. “For out of the heart comes sexual immorality(Gk. Porneia)” Jesus. The deception that we can do it runs deep within our sinful nature. Too many addicted to porn spend their lives using sinful paradigms to overcome the “disease.”
Based on your previous response to this point, you will say you agree, BUT, you didn’t include it in the article.
I am 17yrs.and am addicted to it.even saying or writing the name makes me feel disgusted.i am tired.it really affecting me spiritually.i need serious help.
For some, it’s a good, necessary step. Close as many doors to filth as possible!
Boy
Please I need help. I know how bad porn is and feel angry especially at the fetish act performed just as soon as I satisfy that craving. But I just still go back. I am a 23yr old programmer(so I always have internet access). It’s ruining my life and I fear it would ruin my sex life when I get married. I feel so so guilty after it that the guilt might even mimic illness but I know it’s the guilt. But I still go back. Please help me.
Hi – I can sense the guilt and shame you are feeling. You’re right in saying that your behaviors now, and the brain power behind pornography addiction are easily carried into marriage, doing great harm. When you look at the list in the post, about “wanting to quit,” or “cleaning house,” or “being brutally honest,” or “blocking entry points” – have you been able to do these things? You have to really, really want to quit. This is an issue that will not go away without a lot of really hard work, and honestly, a good dose of Holy Spirit cleansing (if you’re religious). Let me know…..Chris (Covenant Eyes)
Ahmad
Exposure to internet causes Me also to repeatedly watch it..if u find any solution share with me also
jdany
Hi, am 18 and am addicted to porn, it has affected my spiritual and academic growth, it all started when i used it to get rid of my exam result tension, also many things were not going in my way in my life. Now i feel so lonely and has completely lost self confidence, please i want help, I want to bring the good old myself, I tried many times but every time past comes back to my mind and the feeling of guilt doesnt let me climb back. Please i really want real help
Hello, I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this darkness. There is hope! Jesus is stronger! You’ve identified some triggers, now can you redirect that urge? The blog goes through some steps, and I wonder if you’ve been through those. Having open and honest conversation about the struggle is almost always going to help. I won’t ever be too old or holy to require accountability in my life. I wonder if you would find the same relief that I have from having someone you can talk to. No amount of “trying” on your own will work. Guilt is not from God – it draws you to the past and drags you down. God’s mercy is fresh every single day. The moment you wake up, look to Him, pray like you’re at war, and ask for forgiveness, He offers it freely and endlessly. God is for you!
Peace, Chris
Richard
Am also in the same situation… I need help dOctor???……
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I want to quit porn . Please help me
I am 22 years old, I want a permanent relief from sex, please help me
Hello, Umer – I’m glad you want to stop. That’s a good start. But, that’s not enough. It’s a daily commitment. It’s having open and honest conversations with an accountability partner. It’s looking at the steps in the blog post and getting very serious about each of them. Porn addiction does not go away easily. It’s very, very hard to quit, but IT IS POSSIBLE to quit! God is for you and there is no pit too deep for Him to pull you out of. Go through these steps.
Peace, Chris
Hey Guys
I don’t know where to start, Am 17, I started watching porn at age of 9 and it never really was an addiction, I was doing just fine in school, had a good relationship with people, Masturbation and porn addiction started like 4 months ago and since then its been hell, i droped in every thing i was doing, studies right down to the football field.
I seriously need help
Hello, and thank you for having the courage to step forward and admit your struggle. Let me be real honest – you cannot overcome porn alone. I don’t care how determined you are. It’s a ferocious monster and it’s stronger than you.
Cut off all access to the junk. Throw away your smartphone if you have to. It comes down to a question – do you really want to quit? If so, then it’s time to take evasive action, just as if you were in a battle. It also means talking it out, looking someone you trust in the eye and coming clean about all of it. Yes, all of it. In the light, the power of this junk shrivels up. But, if you hold back, it’s like a small tumor that will grow and over time, consume you again in guilt and shame.
Porn kills love and relationships. It’s been proven over and over again. It creates a selfISH perspective on life instead of a selfLESS perspective. It wants all of you, and so it robs from all of the other activities, studies, sports, and friendships, until it consumes all of your attention. Steal, kill, destroy. That’s all it knows how to do.
Covenant Eyes can help on your devices if you need something. Get an adult involved to help you with that, if necessary.
It sounds like you’re serious about wanting to break free of this, so I took the liberty to jump right in a be very direct. As a former addict, I know your pain and frustration. But, I’m not here to dwell on just the bad, because FREEDOM is possible. There is hope. But, you have to WANT it yourself. Look in the mirror and decide today if you truly want to be free. If so, then it’s time to get to work and I know you can do it by incorporating some of the steps I’ve included above.
Peace, Chris
I’ve tried smashing my device but I don’t want to
HI, Jake – sometimes it takes a clear and effective decision about the sin, like smashing the device, in order to break free. If it meant porn no longer had its grip on you, would you smash the phone?
I’ve tried to stop watching porn and masterbate but I can’t. Please help
Hi, Jake, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. The battle is very real, and honestly, you can’t do it alone. What have you tried? Let me say it again – you can’t stop on your own. It’s stronger than you. Do you know Jesus? Do you have someone you trust you can talk to for accountability? Are you willing to get rid of your electronic devices in order to stay clean? These are the hard decisions that are necessary if you really want to get rid of this wicked problem. God is for you! But, you have have to really want recovery.
Chris
I am 23 year old engineer, struggling hard to get rid of this bad porn watching addiction.
The bad thing is most of the time in my day i m connected to internet.
Everytime i ask God forgiveness then after some time i start this bad habbit again and last for many days again i closed all the way going to this path, keep myself too much busy, studing different religions, history and science, but once i get a small tension i come again to this bad thing.i dont think if there is anyone in this world who would not have tensions and worries, i know i hate this thing ,last time i made it to the longest no watch time (5 months) , but after 5 months when i get little troubles i come again to it..i m religious practicing guy but still cant get rid of this bad behaviour, one thing i noted for sure is good company of friends, when i live among good friends ,its easy to minimise it, but its life u never get what is ideal always,any one willing to help me, i would appreciate it…
Hello, Ahmad – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Pornography so easily draws us in, and then it’s so hard to stop. Can you close some of the ways you can get to porn? Eliminate the paths. Can you invite a close friend into the situation to talk through it and help you be accountable? For those times you feel the tension and then go to porn, how can you direct that tension into something else? Can you immediately do some other activity? Text a friend? Don’t give up! Freedom is possible – but it takes hard work, my friend. God is for you! “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Run to Him! His mercy and forgiveness is fresh every morning.
Peace, Chris
The Six Essentials will not work without heart change. “For out of the heart comes sexual immorality(Gk. Porneia)” Jesus. The deception that we can do it runs deep within our sinful nature. Too many addicted to porn spend their lives using sinful paradigms to overcome the “disease.”
Based on your previous response to this point, you will say you agree, BUT, you didn’t include it in the article.
I am 17yrs.and am addicted to it.even saying or writing the name makes me feel disgusted.i am tired.it really affecting me spiritually.i need serious help.
Hello, what have you tried? Other than talking about it here on the blog, have you talked to anyone else?
I have considered getting rid of my computer.
For some, it’s a good, necessary step. Close as many doors to filth as possible!
Please I need help. I know how bad porn is and feel angry especially at the fetish act performed just as soon as I satisfy that craving. But I just still go back. I am a 23yr old programmer(so I always have internet access). It’s ruining my life and I fear it would ruin my sex life when I get married. I feel so so guilty after it that the guilt might even mimic illness but I know it’s the guilt. But I still go back. Please help me.
Hi – I can sense the guilt and shame you are feeling. You’re right in saying that your behaviors now, and the brain power behind pornography addiction are easily carried into marriage, doing great harm. When you look at the list in the post, about “wanting to quit,” or “cleaning house,” or “being brutally honest,” or “blocking entry points” – have you been able to do these things? You have to really, really want to quit. This is an issue that will not go away without a lot of really hard work, and honestly, a good dose of Holy Spirit cleansing (if you’re religious). Let me know…..Chris (Covenant Eyes)
Exposure to internet causes Me also to repeatedly watch it..if u find any solution share with me also
Hi, am 18 and am addicted to porn, it has affected my spiritual and academic growth, it all started when i used it to get rid of my exam result tension, also many things were not going in my way in my life. Now i feel so lonely and has completely lost self confidence, please i want help, I want to bring the good old myself, I tried many times but every time past comes back to my mind and the feeling of guilt doesnt let me climb back. Please i really want real help
Hello, I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this darkness. There is hope! Jesus is stronger! You’ve identified some triggers, now can you redirect that urge? The blog goes through some steps, and I wonder if you’ve been through those. Having open and honest conversation about the struggle is almost always going to help. I won’t ever be too old or holy to require accountability in my life. I wonder if you would find the same relief that I have from having someone you can talk to. No amount of “trying” on your own will work. Guilt is not from God – it draws you to the past and drags you down. God’s mercy is fresh every single day. The moment you wake up, look to Him, pray like you’re at war, and ask for forgiveness, He offers it freely and endlessly. God is for you!
Peace, Chris
Am also in the same situation… I need help dOctor???……