For some, pornography might seem like a harmless past-time, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. You might wonder, why should I stop?
But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop watching porn.
If you’re wondering how to stop looking at porn, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Step 1: Acknowledge you have a problem.
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
Do you have a strong reason to quit?
People who quit watching porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
- Would your marriage be better?
- If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
- Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
- Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. You may even hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: Learn what keeps you trapped.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
- What was I doing?
- What was I thinking?
- How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Understand the roots of your struggle.
There are predictable patterns when it comes to habitual struggles with pornography. When we understand the science and psychology of what’s happening, we can create a better plan for recovery. We have two posts that can help you with this.
Step 3: Open up about your struggle with porn.
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it. These articles are filled with tips on sharing your struggle with porn:
- How to Tell Your Parents You’re Struggling with Porn
- How to Confess Your Porn Addiction to Your Spouse
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
We’ve written a post to help you find a Christian counselor or therapist.
Step 4: Eliminate triggering media.
If you want to stop watching porn, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track.
Step 5: Get a porn blocker.
A porn blocker alone won’t be enough to quit porn. But, a porn blocker can play an important role in your porn recovery journey, especially for those early in recovery or those deeply enmeshed in porn. Make it difficult to access porn!
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: Ask a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
- How to Find an Accountability Partner Who Can Really Help
- STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
- Arise. Arise is a 21-day video program designed to help women break free from unwanted porn use and find sexual healing.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Many experts advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
I’ve admitted and now won’t do it again by God’s grace
Hadith – Bukhari 3:129, Narrated ‘Alqama
While I was walking with ‘Abdullah May Allah’s peace and praise be on him he said, “We were in the company of the Prophet May Allah’s peace and praise be on him and he said, ‘He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power.’” islam has given solution 1400 year back
I am a 19yr old from kenya,ive been watching porn and mustarbating for 4 yrs now,the struggle has been real,the guilt,shame ,unsuccesful trials to stop.i believe that in jesus christs name iam going to overcome this addiction.but i need some help to get me through since it wont be spontaneous but gradual.
Hi Brian, you CAN break free, but it’s not easy! Laser-focused eyes on Jesus. Have you been through the blog post and what it says? What parts of it resonate with you?
Chris
To stop porn and masturbation. A simple yet effective key is ‘practice GRATITUDE’.
To appreciate gratitude, practice giving. It is in giving that we receive.
Think and Act. All the best.
I am a famous athlete and my parents look up to me so now telling them is so hard I don’t dare
Is it possible their respect for you would grow if you were open and honest?
hi, ive been doing porn and masturbation since i was 15 now I’m 18…and i really want to stop bcos is affecting my life badly…i even loosing interest in basketball bcos i rather stay at home and watch porn than go for practice… i dont seem to get the urge when im in school…but once im home its a whole new different issue…..ive tried to stop, ive even gone 1 month with out it at home before..and during that period i felt really happy with myself…because my life started heading in the right direction again….but all of a sudden i juss snapped and dived head deep into porn and masturbation… i feel really awful and there is this strong feeling of hate and doubt i have for myself deep within and there this lack of interest i get towards stuff lately….girls most especially i dont hang out again with people both guys and girls
my friends are even starting to think im gay or something??
i really need your help and advice……pls reply
Have you worked through all six of the steps? It sounds like the doorways to porn are still available and you aren’t working with someone who can keep you accountable. Self-help won’t fix this – remember, “self” is what keeps taking you down this path. If you really want to quit, then it will take pulling up your boots and getting ready for battle. It’s an issue that doesn’t want to give up and as soon as you start fighting it, “it” will fight back even more. I know because I’ve been there! God is for you! What will you do first?
Peace,
Chris
I got the same problem… porn and masturbation…I always wanted to do what my peers were into(porn)..I was so innocent by the time…I’m only 17 n I’ve been doing this for about 10 months now…i don’t really have have the urge for quitting but after I read all these comments i feel deeply that I’ve got to quit…i’ve also tried putting this habit to an end but each time i do so there’s that relapse feeling that always gets into me n makes the whole(porn and masturbation) look positive…I feel that i have greatly dishonoured God n also my spiritual faith is really going down…please heeelp
Kelvin
Hi Kelvin – you’ve taken a big step by posting and by bringing the sin into the light. Have you attempted any of the steps mentioned in the article? In the end, no one can make you make better choices. God will always provide a way out. You will need to make a complete and effective decision to repent and walk in a different direction. Pull yourself up, take some time alone with God, and make this important decision, saying, “Lord, identify me with Your death until I know that sin is dead in me.” Make the moral decision that sin in you must be put to death. This is no game – it’s either “full life” with Christ or “steal, kill, destroy” from the devil (John 10:10). Thank God His grace is fresh every morning and your stumbles do not erase your name from the Book of Life, but it’s time to claim the victory that has been won for you, pick your chin up, and charge into battle A VICTOR….not defeated. God is for you! (Romans 8:31).
Peace!
Chris, Covenant Eyes
I have never thought that I have had an addiction to pornography until recently. This is due to me believing it was the side affect of other addictions I had in my youth, like smoking dope and drinking. Thankfully God has weened me off those past habits and has helped me to grow in him. I am 18 now and know God has plans for me, but this pornography addiction has emerged and like many others, is difficult to kick, I can last for around 1 week. I wan’t to kick this habit into the furnace, early before it affects my life any further.
These sights have been helpful and I want to thank you guys for encouraging me to get help, tomorrow that is for me haha :). God bless and I pray that everyone struggling will find freedom.
Hello my name is muhammed hussein i started porn at the age of 15 i dont know what to do again i even stop it for like 1year and go black to it again pls i nead hlp from anybody coz i love my love god pls gmail me at muhammedhussni@gmail.com
@hussein, by bringing this into the light, you are taking a bold step to break free. Just above your post, there is a response from Kay Bruner, who offers very good steps. Since you know God, step back and ask some big questions about what you really believe. God DOES have your best interest in mind. His promises are far better, deeper, wider and more fulfilling than anything porn promises. Look at Kay’s post, and then go back to the basics of your faith and just cry out to God that you believe HE is what you need.
Chris
anytime you are alone and the thought come s open to proverbs on your Bible nd read at least one chapter b4 you do that for a month u must hav gotten rid of your porn habit Note make sure you understand what you are reading