For some, pornography might seem like a harmless past-time, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. You might wonder, why should I stop?
But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop watching porn.
If you’re wondering how to stop looking at porn, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Step 1: Acknowledge you have a problem.
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
Do you have a strong reason to quit?
People who quit watching porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
- Would your marriage be better?
- If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
- Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
- Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. You may even hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: Learn what keeps you trapped.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
- What was I doing?
- What was I thinking?
- How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Understand the roots of your struggle.
There are predictable patterns when it comes to habitual struggles with pornography. When we understand the science and psychology of what’s happening, we can create a better plan for recovery. We have two posts that can help you with this.
Step 3: Open up about your struggle with porn.
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it. These articles are filled with tips on sharing your struggle with porn:
- How to Tell Your Parents You’re Struggling with Porn
- How to Confess Your Porn Addiction to Your Spouse
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
We’ve written a post to help you find a Christian counselor or therapist.
Step 4: Eliminate triggering media.
If you want to stop watching porn, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track.
Step 5: Get a porn blocker.
A porn blocker alone won’t be enough to quit porn. But, a porn blocker can play an important role in your porn recovery journey, especially for those early in recovery or those deeply enmeshed in porn. Make it difficult to access porn!
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: Ask a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
- How to Find an Accountability Partner Who Can Really Help
- STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
- Arise. Arise is a 21-day video program designed to help women break free from unwanted porn use and find sexual healing.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Many experts advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
Please…is there any site for teens?? I know that I am hurting God and I desperately want to stop watching porn. Mr Bruner, you told me to talk to someone but there is no one to tell…who would listen to a young girl anyway….. they’ll just condemn me and want to beat the demon out of me….. I need help!
Hi Emmanuella,
People are hesitant to take up the teen part of this problem, because of issues around parental consent. That means there are few support groups for teens struggling with porn. I’ve been digging around, though, and I’ve got a couple of ideas for you.
xxxChurch does have resources for students. You can follow the link from this page.
There are new programs included with Celebrate Recovery that are just for teens, called The Landing. You can check this directory to see if one of those programs exists in your area.
Safe people that teens can reach out to would generally include school counselors, a youth leader, or a trusted adult in your family. Of course, if you’ve had enough experience with the adults in your church or family to know that they aren’t safe (and some adults aren’t!) then you’re wise to look around for a place where you won’t be condemned. A while back, I wrote an article at To Save A Life about characteristics of a safe adult. Here’s the link–it might help you think about who’s safe in your world. The article includes some hotline links as well.
You can continue to read blogs and pursue online resources like the ones listed here. They may not be specifically targeted toward teens, but there’s helpful information from other women who’ve been where you are.
You’re a brave girl! And worth listening to! I’ll be praying that you find the right people in your world who see that and will be safe for you.
Blessings, Kay
I’m also a teenager and I have also been battling for six years to come out of it but I relapse after weeks and it has affected me negatively but I can’t tell anyone,I’m scared and ashamed
HI Ben I would also appreiate your help, send me your Email and I will email you plz
I started masturbating and got into porn some years after a near rape attempt by my uncle…..for years I’ve suffered…. I need help but there’s no one I can trust…I desperately need a friend.
Hey there.
I encourage you to find a personal counselor. I’m sure you have some leftovers from that traumatic event that need to be processed, and you need someone safe to talk with. You might also find a safe place in an online group at xxxChurch. They have groups for everything!
I know it feels like you’re alone, but there’s a lot of help out there. Here’s a link to a collection of resources for women. I know you’ll find some helpful things there.
I’m glad you wrote! Blessings, Kay
I have been into this mess for over years now,being a Christian and worker in the vine yard of God,but still find my self on this.I’m trusting and believing God that he,God will see me through.
dear am also addicted into pornography nd masturbation av sinned against God nd my conscience keep hurting me let us be friends god will set us free ok
Good, People i also need help with regard to pornography, i know for sure that what am doing is wrong, there seasons in my life were in i will survive for some months without watching it, but this year its worse i cant even control myself over it. am tired of it, because is disturbing my relationship with God. Am dealing with an enmy i love, i always regret after watching it. i real need help. i deal videos but after sometime will download again, its destroying my productivity, and my mind is full of sex and porn. i hate this
Hello Jelf,
I would really love to help you be a better person. Let me have your email or the best way we can stay intouch.
~Ben
I triee with all the force and strength I have to quit it bt I always fail, I have great fear what will happen to if I end-up nt quiting up untill Jesus secondly for His HOLY HOLY church,HIS BODY that is nt full of porn now I want to quit for GOOD please help please help please I hate it now but I dnt knw hw I end-up watching it
I started pornography 4 years ago I have download many video teaching me how to quit porn bt none help me,now It affect my spiritual life to much as im a christian,I always find my self back in this thing. I hate it now because it affect me academical. I need help urgent before Rapture, I want also to be raptured with the church of God . I dnt want to go to hell!! now I need a serious treatment please
Hi there, engineering student.
Your passion to rid yourself of this sin is good. Your acknowledgment that lust is a hell-worthy sin is also good. But please remember: if you are in Christ, you are not condemned (Romans 8:1). God does not just discard His adopted children for losing the battle with sin. He welcomes the prodigal children home. Yes, God hates sin, but it is his kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). We are not transformed into the image of Christ by living in the shame of our sin, but by understanding the depth and breadth of God’s love for us (Ephesians 3).
There’s a lot that could be said about your sin and what it means to repent of it, but let me encourage you: change is possible. Moreover, God does not wait for us to change in order to accept us. God accepts us first, and by the power of our new identity, we find the ability to change.
I encourage you to download the book Your Brain on Porn to learn more about this.
hey bro i have a problem which is the addiction of porn and masturbation so please help me how to quit all this things.
I’d love to hear more of your story, but if you don’t want to share more, please read this book. It is free and it will really help.
I read this whole page and think it is wonderful. I have been struggling with porn for less than a year and masturbation for longer and think that everything Luke and most others have said are perfectly true , Biblical and helpful. Thankyou Luke and God bless you.
You’re welcome!
I am a boy of 22 year and I started masturbating at the age of 17 but I want to stop now.it is affecting me in my academic and in spirit too.please help me to solve this problem.please I want to stop now.
Hi Fred,
So sorry to hear about what’s happening. It is a struggle I understand all too well.
First, I highly recommend you download our book Your Brain on Porn. I wrote this book specifically for men like you. Please let me know what you think of it when you’re done reading it.
hi, i have been looking for help for so long due to struggle on quiting porn. i have done all my best things like, praying, getting rid of smart phones, but this porn thing i think its in blood now, i have tried to replace it by having girl friends but God would sau “you can’t solve evil by evil, you knw sometimes i regret why i was born couse being unsaved its a shame and being saved turn be so Hard, i tried to avoid bad friends and chill by myself but boredom would come and lead me to porn, worse thing i have been approched by homesexuals interested for date…….noooo! where to run in this filthy world
In the end, we need to rely on the means of escape God provides. For many of us, we fail to see what those means of escape are. The first and primary way of escape is just to get about doing God’s will in other areas of life: serving others, witnessing to others, discipling others, giving time and talent to things that benefit the church and our neighbor, meditating on and praying through Scripture, etc. When we are living out the will of God, we don’t have the kind of idle hands that are so often the devil’s workshop.
We also should “interrupt” the patterns that often lead to sin that may not actually be themselves sinful. For instance: you might stay up late on the computer. This is not a sinful act, but it is part of a pattern that leads to porn. Choose to quit that pattern and start a new one. Or take this for instance: you might live by yourself. This is not sinful, but it might be a pattern you choose to change. Find a roommate—ideally one who is a really good friend who you can be honest with about your struggles.
When temptation strikes, we also need to have pre-planned ways of escape and then be ruthless about taking those ways. This means we take that first whisper of sin and we strike at it. We get up from where we are and move our thoughts to truth. We label the temptation for what it is: this is tempting me to sin against God. We take our thoughts captive and speak aloud the truth of God about the sin we were contemplating. We pray to God for help. Then we change what we’re doing to interrupt the pattern.
I hope these kind of things are helpful to you.