For some, pornography might seem like a harmless past-time, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. You might wonder, why should I stop?
But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop watching porn.
If you’re wondering how to stop looking at porn, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Step 1: Acknowledge you have a problem.
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
Do you have a strong reason to quit?
People who quit watching porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
- Would your marriage be better?
- If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
- Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
- Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. You may even hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: Learn what keeps you trapped.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
- What was I doing?
- What was I thinking?
- How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Understand the roots of your struggle.
There are predictable patterns when it comes to habitual struggles with pornography. When we understand the science and psychology of what’s happening, we can create a better plan for recovery. We have two posts that can help you with this.
Step 3: Open up about your struggle with porn.
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it. These articles are filled with tips on sharing your struggle with porn:
- How to Tell Your Parents You’re Struggling with Porn
- How to Confess Your Porn Addiction to Your Spouse
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
We’ve written a post to help you find a Christian counselor or therapist.
Step 4: Eliminate triggering media.
If you want to stop watching porn, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track.
Step 5: Get a porn blocker.
A porn blocker alone won’t be enough to quit porn. But, a porn blocker can play an important role in your porn recovery journey, especially for those early in recovery or those deeply enmeshed in porn. Make it difficult to access porn!
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: Ask a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
- How to Find an Accountability Partner Who Can Really Help
- STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
- Arise. Arise is a 21-day video program designed to help women break free from unwanted porn use and find sexual healing.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Many experts advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
I am into relationship with my female partner but porn video and masturbation is taking me out of point, I need a very serious help.
Hi friend,
Thank you for stepping forward and asking for help! That is certainly not an easy thing to do.
Do you have a trusted friend whom you can share your struggles with? At Covenant Eyes, we strongly encourage accountability. Our software provides this on a technology level, but we also encourage strugglers to turn to someone they trust for help. This could be a relative, friend, church leader, partner, etc. It will not be an easy journey, but if you are committed to defeating your addiction, you WILL be able to overcome porn! It’s never too late.
Blessings,
Moriah
It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate
to this outstanding blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS
feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will talk about this blog with my Facebook group.
Talk soon!
Hi Judi!
So glad to hear that you have enjoyed reading our blog! Keep on the lookout for new weekly posts!
Blessings,
Moriah
Porn and masturbation works together. Porn stimulates masturbation. One of the reason why we engage in porn is due frustration. It takes God intervention to break free from it. May God help us all.
Very impressive and helpful stuff, Thanks for sharing.
it’s very good advice I just want to say thank you.
Hi, Dear PIC,
I am 29 years old now, I start Masturbate since 12 years old until age of 16 years old, I watch Pron internet for the Masturbation, I thought It just a normal for guy, but since last year, I read online and watch YouTube there were so famous of Benefits of NoFap, I read the article only realize that Pron Masturbation is an ADDICTION like a Drug. I try to stop it from Pron and Masturbate, but the longest I did was just 1 week, then I relapse again. I once got a gf before,Now I still always masturbate by imagine my ex gf and hv a sex with her.. What the shit..When I am together with her, I still have watch the Pron, but I don’t know it’s so serious, we have sex until she asked me, why you always want to have Sex? I did not answer her that time but I just want to have Sex with her until Someday she reluctant to have Sex with me.
Then I watch more Pron regulary to satisfy my need, sometime can up to 5 hrs the longest in the Pron Website, keep on browsing the new Pron Video.
The most times I Masturbated in a day was 7 times, that day really so black, Whole Day I feeling sleepy, even don’t have motivation to get my meals, but slept most of the day.
.It was really so affected me within this few years, My job as a salesperson, I cannot breakthrough my GOAL, lack of motivation, fear to meet with People, lack of social and so many things that affected my life. I have a lots of big dreams, but the problem is I cannot achieve my dreams by reach my Goal, already few years, year by year had gone, I still remain the same of me, feeling so tired, bored, Life just like passing a day to waiting for Die.
I am a Buddhist, I try to find a solution now, I read above so many left their comments, some few years and a few months, but I had Masturbate for so many years, I try to avoid myself to watch it and get rid of Masturbation, but after few days, I get a very big urge for Masturbate by imagine having a sex with my ex gf… What the shit…
Please help me…
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. First, your experience is consistent with others. Have you ever seen the movie Oblivion? Those machines that tell the remaining humans a lie and then suck the life out of the planet? Porn sucks the life out of those it infects. It tells a lot of great lies about satisfaction, love, intimacy. All false. It is a jealous issue. It won’t share your time, attention, life, desires, dreams, goals or future with anything else. It wants it all. You were made for MORE. Your life isn’t over yet. So, here I am, standing by your side, encouraging you to look at this list of 6 things in this blog post and now DO something. You have more power and ability than you think. Porn wants you to feel powerless. B.S. You can beat this, but it won’t be easy and it will probably get worse before it gets better. So, you’ll need friends who can pick you up and give you pep talks like this.
I wish you the best. Please have hope. Others have come through this. The path to freedom is strewn with casualties, but there are those who stand at the end, and all along the path, rooting for you.
Chris
Hmmmm am 25 years and i’ve been watching porn on internet and masturbating for more than 6 years. Am a christian,who believes and have been baptised to the christiandom but yet still i find it VERY DIFFICULT to quit. Please am now ashamed of myself in this demonic act,so please daddy help me out. Because its worrying and killing me soul !
I also 15 now and get addict from when i was 13. I want to quit bus whenever i frustate i cant stop myself from watching porn . And there is number of reason for what i want to quit it but i cant ….
I truly need afriend who help me to get out of this
plese somebody help me…???
Hi – being open is good. Nice job. Now, I’m going to ask your permission to be direct. It sounds like you can handle it.
It sounds like you want to do the right thing. So, here’s the issue – the choice is yours. No one can stop you from looking at porn. NO ONE! If you’re a Christian teenager, then it’s time to start believing that you’re a child of God. I’m being very direct, but I think we tend to take a too gentle approach with guys and watching porn. NO! We were made for more. It’s time to be men. It’s time to love and respect the women around us AND on our screens. Even if they don’t respect themselves, WE have to decide to choose respect for them. This is on us. No more excuses. More than conquerors! Read Romans 8, all of it, to see what you were created to be. A warrior. Fearless. Of God. Untouchable. Unshakable. Settle for nothing less! Is your phone the issue? Then get rid of it. Do you struggle at night? Then no internet after 9pm. How badly do you want this? You have to want it. You have to want freedom INSIDE and do things that prove you want it on the OUTSIDE.
I have faith in you. God is rooting for you! And, I am, too.
Peace, Chris
I also need someone to walk with through this…
Hi, can you please be more specific? There are 6 steps on the post – have you tried any of them or do you need any clarification?
Chris
hi am lubemba lugwalo zambian am also with this habit and i would love to stop it because it gets me sick gives me headache every time am left alone i think of doing it and if i dont i will get this headache until i do it please help me out my whtsap line +260966926829 anyone
Hi, Lubemba – I can’t help you through WhatsApp, but the blog post gives you 6 specific steps to take and I wonder if you’ve taken any of them? The first steps are yours.
Chris