Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker, and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of more than 40 books. For more information on his resources and services, stop by www.drdougweiss.com.
How do you stop watching porn? For some, pornography might seem like a harmless pastime, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop.
If you’re wondering how to quit, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Dr. Weiss’ 6 Essential Steps to Quit Porn
If you want to stop looking at porn, it takes intentional work, and I encourage you to familiarize yourself with these six steps:
Note from the editor: Since 2012, Dr. Weiss’ six essential steps for quitting porn have helped over a million people on their journey away from porn. We’ve had so many comments and follow-up questions on this article that we expanded on the original points to help you understand how to finally quit porn for good. Dr. Weiss’ original thoughts are included in each step.
Step 1: You need to want to stop watching porn.
“The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit porn. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Is your porn use really a problem?
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
People who quit porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
Would your marriage be better?
If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. Some addicts hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: You need to be willing to quit porn in a different way.
“You have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep trying to quit porn the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To stop for good, you have to give up what you’ve been doing and do what you have to do.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Identify and manage your porn triggers.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Step 3: You need to be brutally honest with someone.
“You have to tell someone else about your struggle and desire to get free. This person may be a male friend, your wife, a person of clergy, a life coach, or a 12-step group person. Somebody has to know the truth about your porn usage for you to get and stay free.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it.
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
“Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start; you have to clean house regularly. ” – Dr. Doug Weiss
In addition to Dr. Weiss’ suggestions, you may want to run a malware scanner and cleaning program. Porn sites are notoriously riddled with malware and adware that can stay with your computer after you delete the porn files and stop going to the websites. Depending on the type of sites you visited in the past (particularly sites that offered free downloads), you may need to take it to a computer repair shop for a professional tune-up.
Get rid of other triggering content too.
If you want to stop, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track. You should also cultivate some new habits to help you stay away from porn.
Step 5: You need to block porn from coming back in.
“The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head you could block entry points in a minute.”
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: You need a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
Samson Society (a great support group option for men who can’t find an ally in their immediate circle)
STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Dr. Weiss and many others advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
“You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn-free.
One of the most effective tools I’ve found to quit porn is Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability™. It helps with four of these six essential steps. Not only can it block porn before it gets to you, it also provides a report of your device use to a trusted friend–forcing you to be brutally honest and making it easier than ever for you to have the open and honest relationship needed to beat your porn addiction.
Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married or want to be married. Your spouse is affected by your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve your best. You decide. Do they get the porn-drunk you or the porn-free you? I recommend the porn-free you. It’s the better you.”
I watched porn since I was 12, and start masterbatiin since I was 14 .
It ruined my life .. I lost interest in my girlfriend…. I had sex with prostitute , I became sex-addicted. And I masterbated everyday , in fact many time a day . I go to work without energy , feel sleepy everyday .i had many argument with my gf and at some point I was about to break up with her because I have no interest in having sex with her anymore. I wanted something more exciting , I want to have sex with different girls evernight. I feel bad to myself , I made my gf suffered for 7 years. I am about to proposed marriage. I want a better me. I want to change ! Thanks for good article. I will do it, I will stop watching porn
Hi, Ian – I applaud your effort. But, unless you’re really serious, nothing is going to change. Get rid of your device. Get someone you talk to or a 12-step program. Go to an addiction recovery program for a while. There are wounds in your sexual life that you should NOT take into marriage without serious therapy. Long before you get married. You’re not ready. Don’t go there. Marriage can be amazing. But, not with what you have going on. I’m sorry if this is hard to hear but I care enough about you, your future wife, and the beauty of marriage to be really honest.
A friend of mine recently told me that he has been struggling with a pornography addiction and I wanted to do some research to see if there was any way I could help him. I really liked the advice to not only get rid of the pornography, but to stop it from coming in. I am going to recommend that my friend downloads a pornography blocker and hopefully he can make the right steps towards recovery.
Am 15 years old i always stop porn for a month then begin again i need help in stopping to watch it if anyone out there can help me please do i need HELP!!!!!
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. When you’re a young person, it can feel so lonely. But, that’s where porn does so much damage – when we’re all alone. Which is why it’s so important to listen to the advice in the blog post and get really serious about breaking free. Get rid of the phone if needed! Tell someone all about your problem! Otherwise, it’s just your will power and eventually, that will wear down. I truly hope you’re able to find someone you can trust to talk to and start using something like Covenant Eyes to help.
I have a porn addiction since the 5th grade. I’m 20 years old now. It makes me feel like crap to confess something as bad as that. It’s an endless cycle I can’t get out of. I would often think about it, but wouldn’t do it because I would regret exploiting explicit content for my own personal gain. Eventually I would go and do it, leaving me full of depression, sorrow, and anger because I told myself not to do it but I do it anyway. It makes me sick, disappointed, and ashamed of myself that I would do such vile things. It makes it harder for me to talk this over with somebody especially women because I’m afraid they would either resent me, reject me, or disregard me forever. Hell, I can’t even talk about this with my therapist because not only have I known her for such a long time, but she’s also a female, which makes me hold this back for a long period of time. It’s a decision that I will always regret making for the rest of my life…
It sounds to me like shame is the major problem you’re battling these days.
And it sounds to me like you’re resenting, rejecting, and disregarding yourself first of all, so that makes you believe that others will do the same.
This problem started for you when you were a CHILD. And honestly, at 20 years old, you’re still kind of a kid in my book. (My kids are your age.) It sounds to me like you weren’t protected from explicit content like you should have been as kid, and that you haven’t been supported through adolescence like you needed.
Please have some compassion for a very young person (YOU) who’s struggled with something pretty major without support or help.
And then please talk to your therapist about this. I’m a therapist, and here’s a secret: nothing shocks us. This is FAR FAR FAR from the worst thing we’ve ever heard.
I kind of hate to burst your bubble about how awful you are, but longt-term porn use is NORMAL and COMMON these days. Maybe it’s not healthy, but it’s just totally run-of-the-mill. This is a completely normal and SOLVEABLE problem. Talk to your therapist and get started. You’ll see.
Talk to your therapist. Be kind to yourself. You’re a good kid. Start believing it and living it, and have a good healthy life of peace and freedom.
Peace to you,
Kay
Arash
I am a married man, I love my wife, she is my life! I am 28 and it is about 12 years I watch porn and more than 1 year that I do sex chat which is worse than watching porn. I want with all f my heart to stop it. I am a PhD students in one of the best universities in the world. It affects my life and studies. I can do what others do by spending half time so I still could make it. I feel bad for myself. Except from that I am a nice person, I think. BUT it is really destroying me now! I wanna quit and I quit. I wanna keep connection to somebody here.
Hello, friend. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. The blog post lays out some solid steps you can take, including removing access to the devices causing the problem. At the end, it really comes down to how badly do you want to quit? The choice is yours and I truly believe that you have more power here than you are giving yourself credit for. And, I need to ask you to stop the sex chat now. Your wife is worth it! You know this. It’s time to get serious and start fresh.
Chris
Rajesh
Hi Arash, my story is like yours. And I would like to support each other, as I am married and PhD student too. And sex chat and adult dating site surfing is ruining my studies, personal life, future prsopects. I think we two can become 1+1=11 by supporting each other. If you are interested get in touch on my emai drrajesh sahu79@gmail.com.
Take care and regards
Rajesh
Ron
I am 64 years old , I enjoy being nude around the house it feels good to be nude. I have been naked around the house for about 7 years. I stared looking at porn about 1 pe 2 years ago. It feels good to masturbate for my wife does not like sex any Mor and has not for at lest 15 years now so I do not get to have any sex so I masturbata. I helps to stay hard by watching porn but I am begging to dis like porn. What I want is to feel it myself again and that is why I started to look at porn. I do not buy porn or pay for porn I find it on the internet. I need to stop looking at porn for it make me feel ashamed .
ANONYMOUS
i have been an porn addict from nearly 3to4 years and it is very difficult to leave the habbit . whenever i try not to watch porn it always fails I am getting faded up now … as i am INDIA I am not able to communicate my problem with anybody of them . I have very hopes on your website . sorry but I cant name myself…. THANKS
Hello, friend. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. The blog post lays out some solid steps you can take, including removing access to the devices causing the problem. At the end, it really comes down to how badly do you want to quit? The choice is yours and I truly believe that you have more power here than you are giving yourself credit for.
Chris
Noah
I’m 15 and in 10th grade and I’ve been addicted to porn and masturbation for three years now. I stopped for almost a year but then I started up again. I want to stop but I keep falling to the desire to do it. It’s affected me academically, spiritually, emotionally. I’ve told myself I don’t want to get in a relationship until I quit but I can’t seem to fight the desire. I really, really do want to quit but I haven’t seem to do it alone and feel like I’m getting more and more distant from the Lord and it truthfully worries me a lot. I’m losing my way and it scares me.
Hi, Noah – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. You said something really important at the end of your comment, “I haven’t seemed to [be able] to do it alone…” And, you’re absolutely right. One on one with porn you’re going to keep losing. So, this might lead you to some terrifying questions, but who can you tell? What are you willing to do to break free? Get rid of your phone? Let’s be honest…you don’t need it. Your soul isn’t worth it, right? Big questions, but if you’re brave enough to post your comment here, then I’m confident that you’re brave enough to take hard steps and invite the power of Accountability and the Cross into this issue. You’re going to be ok. But, it requires action – today!
Chris
Savli A. Shrimale
I am 15 years old and while I don’t watch porn very regularly, I watch it quite often. Even when I am not watching it, I keep thinking about it at unwanted times. I have touched myself while watching it but have never masturbated and orgasmed. I want to lead a pure life free of porn and sexual immorality, as it distances me from God. I have tried website filters and cleaning the house of porn, but I can’t seem to control myself even though I want to. I am very embarrassed and ashamed of this habit so I can’t bring myself to discuss it with anyone either. Please help me.
Hello, Savli – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. But, I believe you will continue to struggle if you try to battle this alone. Just look back on your life and your attempts! How many times has it been! Find someone to talk to. I’m telling you that it’s the only way.
Chris
Nima
Hello, I’m a 16 years old boy and it’s 3 years that I have addicted to masturbating and watching porn. It is a big sin in my religion and every time I promise my god to don’t repeat it again but after a few days I repeat. I’m really losing my hope. may god forgive me? I don’t have any magazines and downloaded videos so the house is clean. I really need to quit that damn thing. please help.
Masturbation is normal! It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self.
Problems arise with masturbation, as with many other good things, when we use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism when we are overly stressed, upset, etc. We can all be vulnerable to using good things–food, wine, exercise, Netflix–to cope in unhealthy ways. Instead of feeling our feelings and processing through them, we substitute a behavior that feels good in the moment but didn’t actually solve the problem and may in fact produce more problems.
Unfortunately, there is huge shame around sexuality in some religious contexts. Often, shame itself becomes the problem, as you feel distressed over shame from masturbation, you then masturbate to feel better in the moment.
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I watched porn since I was 12, and start masterbatiin since I was 14 .
It ruined my life .. I lost interest in my girlfriend…. I had sex with prostitute , I became sex-addicted. And I masterbated everyday , in fact many time a day . I go to work without energy , feel sleepy everyday .i had many argument with my gf and at some point I was about to break up with her because I have no interest in having sex with her anymore. I wanted something more exciting , I want to have sex with different girls evernight. I feel bad to myself , I made my gf suffered for 7 years. I am about to proposed marriage. I want a better me. I want to change ! Thanks for good article. I will do it, I will stop watching porn
Hi, Ian – I applaud your effort. But, unless you’re really serious, nothing is going to change. Get rid of your device. Get someone you talk to or a 12-step program. Go to an addiction recovery program for a while. There are wounds in your sexual life that you should NOT take into marriage without serious therapy. Long before you get married. You’re not ready. Don’t go there. Marriage can be amazing. But, not with what you have going on. I’m sorry if this is hard to hear but I care enough about you, your future wife, and the beauty of marriage to be really honest.
Regards,
Chris
A friend of mine recently told me that he has been struggling with a pornography addiction and I wanted to do some research to see if there was any way I could help him. I really liked the advice to not only get rid of the pornography, but to stop it from coming in. I am going to recommend that my friend downloads a pornography blocker and hopefully he can make the right steps towards recovery.
Am 15 years old i always stop porn for a month then begin again i need help in stopping to watch it if anyone out there can help me please do i need HELP!!!!!
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. When you’re a young person, it can feel so lonely. But, that’s where porn does so much damage – when we’re all alone. Which is why it’s so important to listen to the advice in the blog post and get really serious about breaking free. Get rid of the phone if needed! Tell someone all about your problem! Otherwise, it’s just your will power and eventually, that will wear down. I truly hope you’re able to find someone you can trust to talk to and start using something like Covenant Eyes to help.
All the best,
Chris
I HV the same problem please let’s be friends so that we can end this word of porn addiction. am 19 yr old
I have a porn addiction since the 5th grade. I’m 20 years old now. It makes me feel like crap to confess something as bad as that. It’s an endless cycle I can’t get out of. I would often think about it, but wouldn’t do it because I would regret exploiting explicit content for my own personal gain. Eventually I would go and do it, leaving me full of depression, sorrow, and anger because I told myself not to do it but I do it anyway. It makes me sick, disappointed, and ashamed of myself that I would do such vile things. It makes it harder for me to talk this over with somebody especially women because I’m afraid they would either resent me, reject me, or disregard me forever. Hell, I can’t even talk about this with my therapist because not only have I known her for such a long time, but she’s also a female, which makes me hold this back for a long period of time. It’s a decision that I will always regret making for the rest of my life…
Hey Kevin,
It sounds to me like shame is the major problem you’re battling these days.
And it sounds to me like you’re resenting, rejecting, and disregarding yourself first of all, so that makes you believe that others will do the same.
This problem started for you when you were a CHILD. And honestly, at 20 years old, you’re still kind of a kid in my book. (My kids are your age.) It sounds to me like you weren’t protected from explicit content like you should have been as kid, and that you haven’t been supported through adolescence like you needed.
Please have some compassion for a very young person (YOU) who’s struggled with something pretty major without support or help.
And then please talk to your therapist about this. I’m a therapist, and here’s a secret: nothing shocks us. This is FAR FAR FAR from the worst thing we’ve ever heard.
I kind of hate to burst your bubble about how awful you are, but longt-term porn use is NORMAL and COMMON these days. Maybe it’s not healthy, but it’s just totally run-of-the-mill. This is a completely normal and SOLVEABLE problem. Talk to your therapist and get started. You’ll see.
Talk to your therapist. Be kind to yourself. You’re a good kid. Start believing it and living it, and have a good healthy life of peace and freedom.
Peace to you,
Kay
I am a married man, I love my wife, she is my life! I am 28 and it is about 12 years I watch porn and more than 1 year that I do sex chat which is worse than watching porn. I want with all f my heart to stop it. I am a PhD students in one of the best universities in the world. It affects my life and studies. I can do what others do by spending half time so I still could make it. I feel bad for myself. Except from that I am a nice person, I think. BUT it is really destroying me now! I wanna quit and I quit. I wanna keep connection to somebody here.
Hello, friend. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. The blog post lays out some solid steps you can take, including removing access to the devices causing the problem. At the end, it really comes down to how badly do you want to quit? The choice is yours and I truly believe that you have more power here than you are giving yourself credit for. And, I need to ask you to stop the sex chat now. Your wife is worth it! You know this. It’s time to get serious and start fresh.
Chris
Hi Arash, my story is like yours. And I would like to support each other, as I am married and PhD student too. And sex chat and adult dating site surfing is ruining my studies, personal life, future prsopects. I think we two can become 1+1=11 by supporting each other. If you are interested get in touch on my emai drrajesh sahu79@gmail.com.
Take care and regards
Rajesh
I am 64 years old , I enjoy being nude around the house it feels good to be nude. I have been naked around the house for about 7 years. I stared looking at porn about 1 pe 2 years ago. It feels good to masturbate for my wife does not like sex any Mor and has not for at lest 15 years now so I do not get to have any sex so I masturbata. I helps to stay hard by watching porn but I am begging to dis like porn. What I want is to feel it myself again and that is why I started to look at porn. I do not buy porn or pay for porn I find it on the internet. I need to stop looking at porn for it make me feel ashamed .
i have been an porn addict from nearly 3to4 years and it is very difficult to leave the habbit . whenever i try not to watch porn it always fails I am getting faded up now … as i am INDIA I am not able to communicate my problem with anybody of them . I have very hopes on your website . sorry but I cant name myself…. THANKS
Hello, friend. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. The blog post lays out some solid steps you can take, including removing access to the devices causing the problem. At the end, it really comes down to how badly do you want to quit? The choice is yours and I truly believe that you have more power here than you are giving yourself credit for.
Chris
I’m 15 and in 10th grade and I’ve been addicted to porn and masturbation for three years now. I stopped for almost a year but then I started up again. I want to stop but I keep falling to the desire to do it. It’s affected me academically, spiritually, emotionally. I’ve told myself I don’t want to get in a relationship until I quit but I can’t seem to fight the desire. I really, really do want to quit but I haven’t seem to do it alone and feel like I’m getting more and more distant from the Lord and it truthfully worries me a lot. I’m losing my way and it scares me.
Hi, Noah – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. You said something really important at the end of your comment, “I haven’t seemed to [be able] to do it alone…” And, you’re absolutely right. One on one with porn you’re going to keep losing. So, this might lead you to some terrifying questions, but who can you tell? What are you willing to do to break free? Get rid of your phone? Let’s be honest…you don’t need it. Your soul isn’t worth it, right? Big questions, but if you’re brave enough to post your comment here, then I’m confident that you’re brave enough to take hard steps and invite the power of Accountability and the Cross into this issue. You’re going to be ok. But, it requires action – today!
Chris
I am 15 years old and while I don’t watch porn very regularly, I watch it quite often. Even when I am not watching it, I keep thinking about it at unwanted times. I have touched myself while watching it but have never masturbated and orgasmed. I want to lead a pure life free of porn and sexual immorality, as it distances me from God. I have tried website filters and cleaning the house of porn, but I can’t seem to control myself even though I want to. I am very embarrassed and ashamed of this habit so I can’t bring myself to discuss it with anyone either. Please help me.
Hello, Savli – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. But, I believe you will continue to struggle if you try to battle this alone. Just look back on your life and your attempts! How many times has it been! Find someone to talk to. I’m telling you that it’s the only way.
Chris
Hello, I’m a 16 years old boy and it’s 3 years that I have addicted to masturbating and watching porn. It is a big sin in my religion and every time I promise my god to don’t repeat it again but after a few days I repeat. I’m really losing my hope. may god forgive me? I don’t have any magazines and downloaded videos so the house is clean. I really need to quit that damn thing. please help.
Masturbation is normal! It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self.
Problems arise with masturbation, as with many other good things, when we use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism when we are overly stressed, upset, etc. We can all be vulnerable to using good things–food, wine, exercise, Netflix–to cope in unhealthy ways. Instead of feeling our feelings and processing through them, we substitute a behavior that feels good in the moment but didn’t actually solve the problem and may in fact produce more problems.
Unfortunately, there is huge shame around sexuality in some religious contexts. Often, shame itself becomes the problem, as you feel distressed over shame from masturbation, you then masturbate to feel better in the moment.
You might like this short animation I made recently, Interruping Shame Cycles.