Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker, and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of more than 40 books. For more information on his resources and services, stop by www.drdougweiss.com.
How do you stop watching porn? For some, pornography might seem like a harmless pastime, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop.
If you’re wondering how to quit, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Dr. Weiss’ 6 Essential Steps to Quit Porn
If you want to stop looking at porn, it takes intentional work, and I encourage you to familiarize yourself with these six steps:
Note from the editor: Since 2012, Dr. Weiss’ six essential steps for quitting porn have helped over a million people on their journey away from porn. We’ve had so many comments and follow-up questions on this article that we expanded on the original points to help you understand how to finally quit porn for good. Dr. Weiss’ original thoughts are included in each step.
Step 1: You need to want to stop watching porn.
“The first part to quitting porn is you really have to want to quit porn. You need to be sick and tired of porn and the sickness that it causes you in order to quit. If you are not committed, you will only be quitting until the next time you look. Deep inside you have to want to stop.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Is your porn use really a problem?
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
People who quit porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
Would your marriage be better?
If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. Some addicts hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: You need to be willing to quit porn in a different way.
“You have to be willing to do things you haven’t done before. Seriously, if you keep trying to quit porn the same way, you’re likely to fail again. To stop for good, you have to give up what you’ve been doing and do what you have to do.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Identify and manage your porn triggers.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
What was I doing?
What was I thinking?
How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Step 3: You need to be brutally honest with someone.
“You have to tell someone else about your struggle and desire to get free. This person may be a male friend, your wife, a person of clergy, a life coach, or a 12-step group person. Somebody has to know the truth about your porn usage for you to get and stay free.” – Dr. Doug Weiss
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it.
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
“Next, you have to do what I call “clean house.” You have to get rid of the porn you have. Throw away the discs, magazines, anything you have used as pornography, and make sure to dump and clean out your computer. This is just a start; you have to clean house regularly. ” – Dr. Doug Weiss
In addition to Dr. Weiss’ suggestions, you may want to run a malware scanner and cleaning program. Porn sites are notoriously riddled with malware and adware that can stay with your computer after you delete the porn files and stop going to the websites. Depending on the type of sites you visited in the past (particularly sites that offered free downloads), you may need to take it to a computer repair shop for a professional tune-up.
Get rid of other triggering content too.
If you want to stop, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track. You should also cultivate some new habits to help you stay away from porn.
Step 5: You need to block porn from coming back in.
“The next step is you have to block entry points. This means have a porn blocker and accountability software like Covenant Eyes on your phone, computer at home, and at the office. If you have people sending you compromising emails, block them. Unsubscribe from porn websites. You may have to decide if credit cards are a problem. You know how porn is coming into your life. If you had a gun to your head you could block entry points in a minute.”
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: You need a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability monitors your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
Samson Society (a great support group option for men who can’t find an ally in their immediate circle)
STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Dr. Weiss and many others advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
“You have to decide that you are worth living porn free. I decided that almost 25 years ago and just passed a polygraph verifying my freedom. I believe you’re worth it but your behavior will show you if you are. Don’t believe your words. Believe only your behaviors; otherwise, you can be in denial as to your commitment to being porn-free.
One of the most effective tools I’ve found to quit porn is Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability™. It helps with four of these six essential steps. Not only can it block porn before it gets to you, it also provides a report of your device use to a trusted friend–forcing you to be brutally honest and making it easier than ever for you to have the open and honest relationship needed to beat your porn addiction.
Remember, you are not the only one being affected if you are married or want to be married. Your spouse is affected by your porn usage. Your children are being affected as well. They deserve your best. You decide. Do they get the porn-drunk you or the porn-free you? I recommend the porn-free you. It’s the better you.”
I don’t know much but i know the “law of attraction” works. Whether you are thinking of watching porn or not, you are thinking about porn, so there is a very high chance of you watching porn, same applies to masturbation.
To a person that has done this for long it may be hard to resist the thought, since every sort of nudity triggers his/her mind to want to watch porn.
The solution could be to control your mind, James Allen (my favorite writer) said, “Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control.”. Albert Einstein’s theory to happiness: “A calm and modest life brings more happiness than ….“, Bruce lee also said: “Empty your mind, be formless, …..”.
I think if you want to quit so bad, wake up every morning write down(very important) a set of things your going to do throught the day make sure reading something life changing like a bible or book(personally love James Allen’s books) is among, then clear your mind and then program your mind to only do that which you have written down, do this for two months straight and believe me or not your life will change. Don’t let something small destroy your entire life, when you are meant for greatness. I guess none of you was born to masturbate your lives away, but something far greater. Commit and focus on your growth, force yourself if you must because this will determine your destiny. I think personal discipline is key to changing anything in life.
If you don’t program your mind, your mind will be programmed.
I watch porn.I am a porn addicted.Im really sorry.hate myself because too many times I want to quit but I did it again.I hate the shame come after watching
Hi, Sara – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. I can sense the real struggle in your post. The blog post here provides some clear steps you can take, and too often, people overlook the first one which is to actually make a clear and effective decision to stop. If you don’t do that, then you won’t get rid of the smartphone or device that you’re using. What are you willing to do? You won’t be able to quit unless you’re willing to “gouge out the eye” or “remove the arm” if that’s the problem. God is for you and so am I!
Regards, Chris
Kingsley
I’m 15 years old and i also have this problem of masturbating and watching pornography.I have had this problem for a year now and it seems impossible for me to stop .I have tried stoping by my self but to no vail.I really need to stop this habit because it has affected my life in so many ways most especially educationally and also my religious life.Please if there is a way for me to stop this behaviour of mine,please help me follow that way.
Hi, Kingsley – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. I can sense the real struggle in your post. The blog post here provides some clear steps you can take, and too often, people overlook the first one which is to actually make a clear and effective decision to stop. If you don’t do that, then you won’t get rid of the smartphone or device that you’re using. What are you willing to do? You won’t be able to quit unless you’re willing to “gouge out the eye” or “remove the arm” if that’s the problem.
Also, you probably need to admit that you can’t beat this. Seriously. You can’t! Not on your own strength. You’ve tried that, right? And each time, you try to convince yourself that you’re strong enough not to look the next time. Get open and honest with someone. Only a very, very small population of strugglers are able to decide on their own to quit, but it’s so rare.
God is for you! And, so am I.
Regards, Chris
Bahman
First of all we need to find what are the reason that make us and created problems for us for watching that bad videos that we call porn that destroyed the young life’s in every place this problem happens when you are alone and don’t do not see any person to told you the things you’re doing isn’t good To stop watching porn, you have to ignore it. Don’t say it’s last time I didn’t do it again and I’m not the best person to say this but, the only way that you will efficiently quit pornography is by having a relationship with You God . We can’t do this stuff on our own. When we have a true relationship with God these desires will come but with quran we can fight temptation.The last and only way for solving this issue is where and when anytime you want to watching this video you can go to YouTube and listen to Quran it’s solving your problem.
please i’m DAV,i’m 18 years and I in need your help over my porn addiction .please I need full support over my masturbation addiction because it cause injury to my penis and porn thoughts don’t wanna life leave me.Porn is affecting my life and academics because it doesn’t bring development in my life.it’s being 3 years I have being doing this.Please hell is real and I don’t want to miss the kingdom of God .please help my heart is in cruel hatred of porn.I need your help.
Hi, Dave, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Can I ask some direct questions? When you look at the 6 items listed in the blog post, which have you tried? Have you gotten rid of your phone? Do you have accountability in your life? Have you made a clear and effective decision about this sin? You will not be able to break free unless you’re willing to do whatever it takes to break free. Counseling, dumb phone, whatever it takes! Are you willing to do that?
please i’m DAV,i’m 18 years and I in need your help over my porn addiction .please I need full support over my masturbation addiction because it cause injury to my penis and porn thoughts don’t wanna life leave me.Porn is affecting my life and academics because it doesn’t bring development in my life.it’s being 3 years I have being doing this.Please hell is real and I don’t want to miss the kingdom of God .please help my heart is in cruel hatred of porn.I need your help.
Chris McKenna
Hi, Dave – I replied to this same comment on a previous string, which I hope you’ve seen. If not, I’ve copied and pasted it here:
“Hi, Dave, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Can I ask some direct questions? When you look at the 6 items listed in the blog post, which have you tried? Have you gotten rid of your phone? Do you have accountability in your life? Have you made a clear and effective decision about this sin? You will not be able to break free unless you’re willing to do whatever it takes to break free. Counseling, dumb phone, whatever it takes! Are you willing to do that?”
Mark McCollum
To put it bluntly I must remain celibate for the rest of my life. My wife and her SUPPOSED reason she she has no interest in sex because a boy touched her when she was ten, 52 years ago. and that’s just tough, I have to put up with it. I know of NO MAN who would stay with a woman like this, be he CHRISTIAN or NON CHRISTIAN. She is not Christian, has been told of the gospel and rejected Christ. So according to my pastor I should stay with her so maybe she will come around. I made a serious error marrying her. I literally ruined my life. Again I implore complete celibacy is all I have to look forward to in this marriage I am in. And I have a lot of trouble praising God for this!
Wow. Your wife is a victim of sexual abuse. And you don’t seem to care much about the trauma she’s suffered, only about your own lack of sex.
That’s pretty amazing.
It sounds like you don’t care about her at all, and are only interested in what this relationship could do for yourself.
I wonder if that’s indicative of the rest of your relationship, outside of sexual relations? If so, that could be a real indicator as to why your wife isn’t interested in much of a relationship with you.
Mark McCollum
I was told I had to take anti-depressants by a doctor and my wife. Well I finally decided after 29 yrs of taking this medicine that thats it . It has ruined my personality. I cannot chuckle and laugh communicating with other humans including members of my church. Imagine if you ALMOST were unable to laugh about anything. Most normal humans could not carry on confronted with this inability to connect and have a conversation with another human, fake laughing MY LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING. My disposition and countenance Are so sad I cannot even SMILE. It is horrible to have to live this way. I must tell you that as a sixteen year old, I had a job but my dad was supposed to pick me up and give me a ride home. But he was so cruel he would not speak on the way home {4 mi) one night a customer offered to give me a ride home. This man it turned out was a child molester. he assaulted me and I have been bitter to my dad who died in 1991. He never even told me there were homos. So for since then I have tried to prove that I was Not homo by indulging in porno material ever since. The regard I feel for myself is so low, living life is a total misery to me.
I will tell you that when I was a young man my father was a preacher at a SMALL church. He had a horrendous negative childhood, his mother died when he was eleven and had to be raised by a father, my grandfather who was a total creep. He abused my father, and because of that my father became a monster to us kids and his wife as well. And this man kept “popular photograghy” mags in the bathroom of all places. As a 5th grader when I looked at some of these “NUDE” images and was confused. My peter erected just by looking at these “TAME” photos. My father deliberately refused to discuss the birds and the bees. Magazines is how I learned about sex, and would actually shake looking at these magazines at the book store back in the day when they were displayed on news stands. I got married hopefully to legally have sex with my wife. Well guess what after a few years of horrible sex, we went to a counselor and see says that she was TOUCHED by a boy at age ten, so for that reason I get NO sex and on top of that does not even touch me ever. Married for 30 years, she hasn’t had sex with me for 28 yrs. The only reason the bible gives for divorce is infidelity. If you live in a horrible marriage where not sex is aloud, how do I let my sexual desires just die, like he killed off her sex drive? My life is not worth living. My father rejected me. my wife has rejected me, I see NO GOOD IN ME AT ALL. and am almost convinced that God has abandoned me on account of my grievous sin. I see no reason for living
So I have let porn rule my life of 45 yrs. I am now 58 and this started when I was 13, I SEE NO WAY OUT EXCEPT SUICIDE,
Chris McKenna
Hello, Mark – I’m sorry you’re in such a desperate spot. Your childhood experience of being molested is devastating. I can sense how immensely difficult it must be to make sense of why this happened to you. Suicide is NOT the way out. Please hear me.
I’m not equipped to walk you through the healing of that wound, but there are therapists who can. Can you find one? I’m deeply concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Unique. Unrepeatable. Your past experience does not have to rule your present. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, promise me you’ll call this number (Suicide hotline): 1-800-273-8255. They also have a chat feature that always has someone there to respond.
God is for you! Mark, you can get through this, and it will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Remember the strength you have in Christ – Romans 8 can remind you (can you go read that right now?). The cross of Jesus Christ IS strong enough to overcome everything. Even this.
Peace, Chris
Chris McKenna
Hello, Mark – [this is the same response I typed before but I want to make sure you see it] I’m sorry you’re in such a desperate spot. Your childhood experience of being molested is devastating. I can sense how immensely difficult it must be to make sense of why this happened to you. Suicide is NOT the way out. Please hear me.
I’m not equipped to walk you through the healing of that wound, but there are therapists who can. Can you find one? I’m deeply concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Unique. Unrepeatable. Your past experience does not have to rule your present. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, promise me you’ll call this number (Suicide hotline): 1-800-273-8255. They also have a chat feature that always has someone there to respond.
God is for you! Mark, you can get through this, and it will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Remember the strength you have in Christ – Romans 8 can remind you (can you go read that right now?). The cross of Jesus Christ IS strong enough to overcome everything. Even this.
Peace, Chris
Kelvin
I bless God for what he has been doing in my life. I didn’t masturbate throughout the last one month which has not happen for over 7years. Bless God. He is the way. Please if you still find yourself in these sinful act or any other unholy act, repent and turn away from your sins. Jesus Christ of Nazareth is the only way, the truth and the life… seek his face in prayers and fasting and he shall surely have mercy on you. Do not forget to be determined, All these has helped me.
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I don’t know much but i know the “law of attraction” works. Whether you are thinking of watching porn or not, you are thinking about porn, so there is a very high chance of you watching porn, same applies to masturbation.
To a person that has done this for long it may be hard to resist the thought, since every sort of nudity triggers his/her mind to want to watch porn.
The solution could be to control your mind, James Allen (my favorite writer) said, “Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control.”. Albert Einstein’s theory to happiness: “A calm and modest life brings more happiness than ….“, Bruce lee also said: “Empty your mind, be formless, …..”.
I think if you want to quit so bad, wake up every morning write down(very important) a set of things your going to do throught the day make sure reading something life changing like a bible or book(personally love James Allen’s books) is among, then clear your mind and then program your mind to only do that which you have written down, do this for two months straight and believe me or not your life will change. Don’t let something small destroy your entire life, when you are meant for greatness. I guess none of you was born to masturbate your lives away, but something far greater. Commit and focus on your growth, force yourself if you must because this will determine your destiny. I think personal discipline is key to changing anything in life.
If you don’t program your mind, your mind will be programmed.
Best Wishes
I watch porn.I am a porn addicted.Im really sorry.hate myself because too many times I want to quit but I did it again.I hate the shame come after watching
Hi, Sara – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. I can sense the real struggle in your post. The blog post here provides some clear steps you can take, and too often, people overlook the first one which is to actually make a clear and effective decision to stop. If you don’t do that, then you won’t get rid of the smartphone or device that you’re using. What are you willing to do? You won’t be able to quit unless you’re willing to “gouge out the eye” or “remove the arm” if that’s the problem. God is for you and so am I!
Regards, Chris
I’m 15 years old and i also have this problem of masturbating and watching pornography.I have had this problem for a year now and it seems impossible for me to stop .I have tried stoping by my self but to no vail.I really need to stop this habit because it has affected my life in so many ways most especially educationally and also my religious life.Please if there is a way for me to stop this behaviour of mine,please help me follow that way.
Hi, Kingsley – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. I can sense the real struggle in your post. The blog post here provides some clear steps you can take, and too often, people overlook the first one which is to actually make a clear and effective decision to stop. If you don’t do that, then you won’t get rid of the smartphone or device that you’re using. What are you willing to do? You won’t be able to quit unless you’re willing to “gouge out the eye” or “remove the arm” if that’s the problem.
Also, you probably need to admit that you can’t beat this. Seriously. You can’t! Not on your own strength. You’ve tried that, right? And each time, you try to convince yourself that you’re strong enough not to look the next time. Get open and honest with someone. Only a very, very small population of strugglers are able to decide on their own to quit, but it’s so rare.
God is for you! And, so am I.
Regards, Chris
First of all we need to find what are the reason that make us and created problems for us for watching that bad videos that we call porn that destroyed the young life’s in every place this problem happens when you are alone and don’t do not see any person to told you the things you’re doing isn’t good To stop watching porn, you have to ignore it. Don’t say it’s last time I didn’t do it again and I’m not the best person to say this but, the only way that you will efficiently quit pornography is by having a relationship with You God . We can’t do this stuff on our own. When we have a true relationship with God these desires will come but with quran we can fight temptation.The last and only way for solving this issue is where and when anytime you want to watching this video you can go to YouTube and listen to Quran it’s solving your problem.
please i’m DAV,i’m 18 years and I in need your help over my porn addiction .please I need full support over my masturbation addiction because it cause injury to my penis and porn thoughts don’t wanna life leave me.Porn is affecting my life and academics because it doesn’t bring development in my life.it’s being 3 years I have being doing this.Please hell is real and I don’t want to miss the kingdom of God .please help my heart is in cruel hatred of porn.I need your help.
Hi, Dave, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Can I ask some direct questions? When you look at the 6 items listed in the blog post, which have you tried? Have you gotten rid of your phone? Do you have accountability in your life? Have you made a clear and effective decision about this sin? You will not be able to break free unless you’re willing to do whatever it takes to break free. Counseling, dumb phone, whatever it takes! Are you willing to do that?
Chris
Thx Chris 4 helping me and I think ur advice was great. U r the best.
please i’m DAV,i’m 18 years and I in need your help over my porn addiction .please I need full support over my masturbation addiction because it cause injury to my penis and porn thoughts don’t wanna life leave me.Porn is affecting my life and academics because it doesn’t bring development in my life.it’s being 3 years I have being doing this.Please hell is real and I don’t want to miss the kingdom of God .please help my heart is in cruel hatred of porn.I need your help.
Hi, Dave – I replied to this same comment on a previous string, which I hope you’ve seen. If not, I’ve copied and pasted it here:
“Hi, Dave, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Can I ask some direct questions? When you look at the 6 items listed in the blog post, which have you tried? Have you gotten rid of your phone? Do you have accountability in your life? Have you made a clear and effective decision about this sin? You will not be able to break free unless you’re willing to do whatever it takes to break free. Counseling, dumb phone, whatever it takes! Are you willing to do that?”
To put it bluntly I must remain celibate for the rest of my life. My wife and her SUPPOSED reason she she has no interest in sex because a boy touched her when she was ten, 52 years ago. and that’s just tough, I have to put up with it. I know of NO MAN who would stay with a woman like this, be he CHRISTIAN or NON CHRISTIAN. She is not Christian, has been told of the gospel and rejected Christ. So according to my pastor I should stay with her so maybe she will come around. I made a serious error marrying her. I literally ruined my life. Again I implore complete celibacy is all I have to look forward to in this marriage I am in. And I have a lot of trouble praising God for this!
Wow. Your wife is a victim of sexual abuse. And you don’t seem to care much about the trauma she’s suffered, only about your own lack of sex.
That’s pretty amazing.
It sounds like you don’t care about her at all, and are only interested in what this relationship could do for yourself.
I wonder if that’s indicative of the rest of your relationship, outside of sexual relations? If so, that could be a real indicator as to why your wife isn’t interested in much of a relationship with you.
I was told I had to take anti-depressants by a doctor and my wife. Well I finally decided after 29 yrs of taking this medicine that thats it . It has ruined my personality. I cannot chuckle and laugh communicating with other humans including members of my church. Imagine if you ALMOST were unable to laugh about anything. Most normal humans could not carry on confronted with this inability to connect and have a conversation with another human, fake laughing MY LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING. My disposition and countenance Are so sad I cannot even SMILE. It is horrible to have to live this way. I must tell you that as a sixteen year old, I had a job but my dad was supposed to pick me up and give me a ride home. But he was so cruel he would not speak on the way home {4 mi) one night a customer offered to give me a ride home. This man it turned out was a child molester. he assaulted me and I have been bitter to my dad who died in 1991. He never even told me there were homos. So for since then I have tried to prove that I was Not homo by indulging in porno material ever since. The regard I feel for myself is so low, living life is a total misery to me.
I will tell you that when I was a young man my father was a preacher at a SMALL church. He had a horrendous negative childhood, his mother died when he was eleven and had to be raised by a father, my grandfather who was a total creep. He abused my father, and because of that my father became a monster to us kids and his wife as well. And this man kept “popular photograghy” mags in the bathroom of all places. As a 5th grader when I looked at some of these “NUDE” images and was confused. My peter erected just by looking at these “TAME” photos. My father deliberately refused to discuss the birds and the bees. Magazines is how I learned about sex, and would actually shake looking at these magazines at the book store back in the day when they were displayed on news stands. I got married hopefully to legally have sex with my wife. Well guess what after a few years of horrible sex, we went to a counselor and see says that she was TOUCHED by a boy at age ten, so for that reason I get NO sex and on top of that does not even touch me ever. Married for 30 years, she hasn’t had sex with me for 28 yrs. The only reason the bible gives for divorce is infidelity. If you live in a horrible marriage where not sex is aloud, how do I let my sexual desires just die, like he killed off her sex drive? My life is not worth living. My father rejected me. my wife has rejected me, I see NO GOOD IN ME AT ALL. and am almost convinced that God has abandoned me on account of my grievous sin. I see no reason for living
So I have let porn rule my life of 45 yrs. I am now 58 and this started when I was 13, I SEE NO WAY OUT EXCEPT SUICIDE,
Hello, Mark – I’m sorry you’re in such a desperate spot. Your childhood experience of being molested is devastating. I can sense how immensely difficult it must be to make sense of why this happened to you. Suicide is NOT the way out. Please hear me.
I’m not equipped to walk you through the healing of that wound, but there are therapists who can. Can you find one? I’m deeply concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Unique. Unrepeatable. Your past experience does not have to rule your present. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, promise me you’ll call this number (Suicide hotline): 1-800-273-8255. They also have a chat feature that always has someone there to respond.
God is for you! Mark, you can get through this, and it will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Remember the strength you have in Christ – Romans 8 can remind you (can you go read that right now?). The cross of Jesus Christ IS strong enough to overcome everything. Even this.
Peace, Chris
Hello, Mark – [this is the same response I typed before but I want to make sure you see it] I’m sorry you’re in such a desperate spot. Your childhood experience of being molested is devastating. I can sense how immensely difficult it must be to make sense of why this happened to you. Suicide is NOT the way out. Please hear me.
I’m not equipped to walk you through the healing of that wound, but there are therapists who can. Can you find one? I’m deeply concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Unique. Unrepeatable. Your past experience does not have to rule your present. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, promise me you’ll call this number (Suicide hotline): 1-800-273-8255. They also have a chat feature that always has someone there to respond.
God is for you! Mark, you can get through this, and it will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Remember the strength you have in Christ – Romans 8 can remind you (can you go read that right now?). The cross of Jesus Christ IS strong enough to overcome everything. Even this.
Peace, Chris
I bless God for what he has been doing in my life. I didn’t masturbate throughout the last one month which has not happen for over 7years. Bless God. He is the way. Please if you still find yourself in these sinful act or any other unholy act, repent and turn away from your sins. Jesus Christ of Nazareth is the only way, the truth and the life… seek his face in prayers and fasting and he shall surely have mercy on you. Do not forget to be determined, All these has helped me.