For some, pornography might seem like a harmless past-time, a not-too-serious guilty pleasure, or an embarrassing habit. You might wonder, why should I stop?
But maybe you’re one of the many who have realized the devastating effects that porn has on your life and relationships. Maybe you feel trapped and like you can’t stop watching porn.
If you’re wondering how to stop looking at porn, you’re not alone. Skim through the hundreds of comments below, and you’ll see. Quitting porn doesn’t have to be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Read on to learn the best way to stop porn for good.
Step 1: Acknowledge you have a problem.
If you feel like you’ve got porn under control and you can watch a little bit here and there without any problems, then chances are good that you don’t bother trying to quit. In fact, the most popular advice today will tell you that watching a little porn won’t hurt you. If that’s you, I recommend checking out these articles:
Do you have a strong reason to quit?
People who quit watching porn are people who recognized their need to change. For some of us, it takes a life-shaking event, such as getting caught by a spouse. For others, it’s simply the desire for something better than the emptiness of porn.
You’ve got to understand that it’s a long-term commitment and keep your reasons for quitting in front of you. You’ve got to really want it so you can go on to step 2.
Understand the benefits of quitting porn.
Try visualizing your life without porn:
- Would your marriage be better?
- If you’re single, would you feel more confident to pursue a relationship?
- Would you find freedom from guilt and shame?
- Would you free up wasted time to pursue your dreams?
Make a giant list of every possible way you will benefit from quitting porn, and then post your top 1-3 reasons somewhere you’ll see it every day. To help you get started, we wrote a blog post on creating a unique list of how you’ll benefit from living porn-free.
When we turn to porn, it’s not always because we like porn itself. You may even hate pornography. But we want what porn promises: comfort for our loneliness, pleasure for our eyes, sexual fulfillment, etc. Don’t believe the lies. Porn won’t deliver what it promises you.
Step 2: Learn what keeps you trapped.
To quit porn, you need to quit whatever it is that triggers you to watch porn. What are your vulnerable moments? Is it a particular TV show? Is it having your laptop and mobile phone next to your bed? Perhaps it’s having a computer/device without accountability software on it. Ask the following questions (better yet, have a close friend or ally ask you):
- What was I doing?
- What was I thinking?
- How was I feeling?
As you begin to find patterns in your temptation, you’ll need to create a game plan to navigate the vulnerable situations or avoid them altogether.
Understand the roots of your struggle.
There are predictable patterns when it comes to habitual struggles with pornography. When we understand the science and psychology of what’s happening, we can create a better plan for recovery. We have two posts that can help you with this.
Step 3: Open up about your struggle with porn.
Porn plays on the power of secrecy and shame to trap people. We feel shame and embarrassment, which make us fearful of reaching out for the help we need. One of the biggest lies of porn is that you’re better off hiding your struggle than admitting to failure.
Confess your problem to someone.
Maybe you’ve followed the breadcrumbs and learned to recognize some of your triggers. But, you will not be free from your struggle with porn until you open up about it. These articles are filled with tips on sharing your struggle with porn:
- How to Tell Your Parents You’re Struggling with Porn
- How to Confess Your Porn Addiction to Your Spouse
Get counseling or therapy.
Seeking professional help may feel scary or shameful. But speaking to a qualified counselor or sex addiction therapist can change your life. An expert will understand the root causes of porn addiction and help you walk through the steps of recovery.
We’ve written a post to help you find a Christian counselor or therapist.
Step 4: Eliminate triggering media.
If you want to stop watching porn, it makes sense to get rid of your porn. But, you also need to get rid of any other content or media that triggers your porn use or is just unhelpful in your porn recovery journey.
Remember, in Question 2, we talked about identifying your porn triggers. If you identified any media habits that often precede porn use, stop using that type of media—maybe it’s certain music, shows, or social media in general. Just get rid of it. If you want to quit porn, you need to be intentional about all the types of media you consume.
You need to be honest about what’s triggering for you and be sure to put it aside. You may want to involve your ally in the process to help you make tough decisions as well as to keep you on track.
Step 5: Get a porn blocker.
A porn blocker alone won’t be enough to quit porn. But, a porn blocker can play an important role in your porn recovery journey, especially for those early in recovery or those deeply enmeshed in porn. Make it difficult to access porn!
Some people will ask someone to hold on to a tempting smartphone or computer for a time until their porn habit is better under control or other protections are in place. As with Step 4, the key here is being honest with yourself and your allies about where porn is coming into your life and then doing whatever it takes to remove access to it.
Too extreme? Remember Steps 1 and 2: How badly do you want to quit, and how willing are you to try something new to keep making progress on the journey?
Step 6: Ask a friend to hold you accountable.
On a difficult journey, the people alongside you can determine your success or failure. And, if you look back over the previous five steps, you can see that you really need accountability for each one to make it stick. Accountability is the glue that holds your plan together.
Remember Step 1? You often need accountability to remind you of your reasons for quitting porn in the first place. Step 2 is about trying something different, and accountability can show you where you’re falling back into the same old patterns that have kept you trapped in porn for so long. Admitting your failures to someone is step 3, which is a critical part of accountability.
If you attempt steps 4 and 5 on your own (get rid of all porn and block new porn from coming in), it’s easy to leave yourself loopholes. When you ask someone to keep you accountable, you’re asking them to help you lock down the loopholes that have always allowed you to slip back into porn.
Since most people access porn on their computers and smartphones, it’s essential to have an accountability app. Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability scans your devices for porn and sends your partner a report of what you’re looking at on your devices.
Find an ally to keep you accountable for quitting porn.
A trusted friend or mentor can make a great ally. The resources below share helpful info on finding the right ally for you:
- How to Find an Accountability Partner Who Can Really Help
- STRIVE. This 21-day porn recovery program for men features an online community.
- Arise. Arise is a 21-day video program designed to help women break free from unwanted porn use and find sexual healing.
What does accountability look like in quitting porn?
Having Covenant Eyes removes a lot of the ambiguity in your accountability relationship. When you have it on your devices, it removes the secrecy and helps you live honestly and openly with the people you trust the most. This is vital because secrecy and shame are powerful forces that can drive you back to porn.
It’s not enough to download an app. You need to connect regularly with your ally. Accountability often fails when people only meet sporadically. Many experts advise daily check-ins, and this is especially important in the early stages of quitting porn. (Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability reports go out daily by default). Connecting with your ally could be as simple as replying to a Covenant Eyes report or following up with a text message.
I am Tonney, a first year student at the university studying Bachelor of Mathematics and Computer Science. I started watching porn 5 years ago. At that time I was in high school and I loved it because since the time I started musturbating my performance in school inreased tremendously. I always toped at least 3 subjects in every exam. Since then I put pornography and musturbation as my first option. I made it so secrective that no one could ever suspect I was such immoral. Later after my my highschool certificate musturbation changed into a daily basis part of me. I couldn’t realize the damage it could have caused in my life. After joining campus the year 2016 september i realized my concentration was very low. Even though I tried all my best I still have the rough time in class. I had taken musturbation as a daily routine. In my first semester I failed almost all my exams but by God’s grace I still had a chance. School became hard as I could not cover at the pace my fellow classmates did. Still I was there taking doses of my frequent monster that always eats me up little by little. Later in my second semester i was so worried about my performance and when we closed campus I told my dad that I was not ready for the Second year that was commencing this September. It was easy to convince a parents they both agreed with me. I faked it that studying at home could give me enough concentration. I had bet tell anyone about this but I hope I am I the right place. Please my beloved ones, Who can help me achieve my dreams???
I AM 17 AND AM STILL STRUGLING WITH PORN. ANYTIME I QUIT, I FIND MYSELF BACK IN AGAIN AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT. HELP ME
Hello, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Many people discover that breaking the cycle of sexual addiction, including pornography, is the toughest fight of their lives. Don’t hate yourself. Don’t give the devil that much control. Jesus hates the porn, but is hopelessly and endlessly in love with you. Turn to Him. Start fresh and lean on His power. Take 1 or 2 of the steps in this blog post to begin.
Chris
Have you considered having an accountability partner. It would help you with your cravings
with Jesus everything is possible
Hey y’all I’ve been addicted ta porn since 2006 and I’m 22 fixin’ ta have my first child in june. I have try ta give it up doin’ somethin’ else I love ta do like video games or do somethin’ that I I don’t do much like read my bible. I’m not worth anythin’ any more but I want ta quit been wantin’ ta quit but it something I can’t let go. I have quit smokin’ at the snap of a finger and I’ve done it since I was 13/14. So why can’t I do this at the snap of a finger. I know why cause I’ve walked too far from God and let the devil walk in and intervine. But now its time ta walk the other wayand let God walk in and intervine. I hope what I’ve said may help some and we should start a group thing where its porn aa lol if drinkers can have group things with other drinkers why not porn addicts do the same
Hi, Phillip – a lot of porn strugglers count on accountability to stay clear. Especially for you, as you jump into being a father and wanting to set a strong, positive example for your child (BTW, congratulations!). If you can’t find a trusted friend to talk to, then there are virtual accountability groups, like: https://www.bravehearts.org that might help?
Peace to you, Chris
I am a porn addict and I really want to stop. also I would like to be friends with the person that said that this life destroying habit is affecting his or her singing profession, if it is possible I would really appreciate it. thanks
actually I think u should try talking to someone, not just anyone but someone that u know is in Christ, then try pray for God mercy and then try reading the word of God, Roman 3:23-24 .it helped me I believe it will help u too. just don’t give uppppp
To stop watching porn, you have to ignore it. Don’t fight it, just ignore it.
Guys we all are humans and we all have sex desires when sex desires comes dont touch your sex organs with your hands.. And just go to outside and feel the fresh air and watch porn when the sex desires comes. Stop thinking about sex your problem will be solved. Thank you
Few months ago iam so addicted to porn when my sex desires comes i just watched to porn and masturbated slowly slowly i realised that porn can damage my life, my relationship,my behaviour, my mind and my studies. And now i realised if i dont stop the addiction of porn it can destroy my life.. So i decided to stop watch porn forever, i realised that the sex in porn are not real in real sex i realised i they all are doing it for money…. So finaly i quit for porn forever and i will never watch it again
Same applies to me, but I think I will try everything i have read above. THANK YOU VERY MUCH
guys I have same problem of watching porn and masturbation it is really affecting my life honestly and my studies each time I read I forget easily and I realize it is my porn and masturbation habit that cause it guys I really wanna stop and I need serious help cause it is ruining my life
I know how you feel Ahmed. Some people may not be aware, but porn addiction free people can build cognitive skills and it’s easier for them to study and preform academically in school. Opposed to a porn addict in which masturbating and porn impedes cognitive skills. You may ask if this is true. But I know this through first had experience.