How God Gave Me a Future After Porn

I’m a free man! The joy of saying those words far surpasses any momentary pleasure that porn can give.

The chains that once bound me have been shattered into pieces. The joy that I have from this freedom is only surpassed by the joy I receive from helping others who struggle.

Today, I help men who struggle with porn and sex addiction as a BraveHearts Certified Sex Addiction Mentor. I also serve the Church through my ministry, Strengthen Your Brothers, where I lead small faith-based recovery groups, help organize an annual men’s retreat for purity, and share my story at local churches to raise awareness of the problem of pornography in the Church.

I have been given this beautiful mission by God after destroying my own life, losing my reputation as a believer and my ministry as a local youth pastor through my addiction. When I thought all was lost, hopeless, and no future remained, God had other plans.

When My Troubles Started

It all began like most of the guys that I work with: the same story, only different names. I was only seven years old when a neighborhood friend passed the first adult magazine into my hands. At first, this magazine seemed very wrong and even nasty to me. However, the excitement and allure of it was very real and powerful.

It didn’t take long for me to “discover myself.” By the age of ten, I was already in the beginning stages of developing a future sex and porn addiction.

I still remember my family getting our first home computer back in 1997. I was 15 years old and had already been sexually promiscuous for years. This new computer with internet access might as well have been a heroin dealer moving in. I soon discovered internet pornography and my developing addiction took on a whole new level.

I was truly living and acting like a junkie. I became a slave to this sin of isolation and shame. As I frequented internet porn more and more, I sank deeper and deeper into that dark abyss they call “addiction.” I would sometimes stay up all night viewing it and wouldn’t be able to go to school or work the next day.

Related: Shame’s Massive Role in Porn Use

A Constant State of Contradiction

Around this time, I had a truly life changing encounter with Jesus Christ. I began to immerse myself in the Bible, pray, and attend church services. I felt like a totally new person in every way except one: sexual immorality.

I thought somehow that this shouldn’t be! How was I so strong now in so many areas of my life, but still in complete bondage to sexual sin? I was still doing the very things that I hated! Was it me, or was it something else inside of me that had the control? My heart grew sad, confused, and desperate.

I did not understand what was going on inside. I only knew that I was out of control.

Out of shame and embarrassment, I kept my struggles mostly to myself. My porn and sex addiction were under the radar, while my public life was soaring ever higher. I went to a Bible college/school of ministry and soon became a very respected local youth pastor. In public, I was teaching, preaching, and praying for the youth. Behind closed doors, I was a regular junkie sneaking off to get his fix. I lived in a constant state of contradiction, which even confused myself! How could this be? I loved the Lord and his people!

The Power of Rock Bottom

My porn and immoral behavior, left unchecked, escalated to a higher level of sex addiction. When we do nothing about the problem, it doesn’t just go away, it only gets worse.

At my lowest point, I had a very public fall and my sexual sin was exposed to the world. This was the best thing that could have ever happened to me! Sometimes it takes people hitting rock bottom before they will ever look up.

This began the crisis and shock stage of my recovery from addiction. This very huge and public fall was just what I needed to get my attention and for me to start looking up. This problem had to be dealt with!

After losing my ministry, friends, and reputation, I felt defeated. I was in the most depressed state of my entire life. It took a while, but I slowly began to climb out of the dark pit of destruction.

The only problem was that I didn’t know where to go for help. I tried for a few years simply to pray harder, stay away from women completely, read books on the subject, and “white-knuckle it.” This gave me a little relief, but no lasting healing or real sobriety.

I still remember almost sinking into a state of numbness, where I resigned to the fact that I would just always be like this. I really felt that this was just something that I was going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Thank God I was wrong!

Healing Happened

The Lord eventually led me to a faith-based recovery group that got me out of isolation and gave me hope and connection with others like myself. They taught me recovery principles and gave me accountability. This is also where I learned about Covenant Eyes, which played a huge role in my recovery journey and still does to this day.

Finally, I was able to start seeing real results in my recovery and healing began to take place in my relationships. With the help of God, the recovery group, Covenant Eyes, and a good guide, I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Fast forward five years and a new man has emerged from the ashes. A broken and recreated man that is truly grateful to God and so many others that helped along the way. God has redeemed my life, forgiven me for my past mistakes, and given me a hope and a future. He can do the same for you!

Gary LeBlanc •  Gary lives in the New Orleans area with his beautiful wife and three children. Gary works with men who struggle with sex and pornography addiction as a professional Certified Sex Addiction Mentor. You can connect with him at Strengthen Your Brothers.