It’s time to address a taboo topic: female masturbation addiction. For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.
But, ladies, this battle is worth our attention. Here are three reasons women addicted to masturbation should kick the habit, as well as a few tips to actually stop masturbating.
3 Reasons Christian Women Should Kick a Masturbation Addiction
Masturbation addiction is selfish sex.
Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self-sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.
Masturbation addiction does not honor God.
No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you who do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”
Masturbation addiction does not honor your husband.
Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.
That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.
3 Practical Steps for Women to Stop Masturbating
So, how can you stop masturbating when it has become a compulsive habit? Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.
Think on truth.
More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think or meditate on is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.
Know your weaknesses.
Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate.
For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger. Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.
The article “The Ultimate Guide to Identifying (and Redirecting) Your Porn Triggers” is full of great tips for helping you pinpoint your specific stumbling blocks.
Do not make it easy.
Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible.
I debated putting this in here because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an email from a single young Christian woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I believe that sex toys have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)
Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful that Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s Word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s Word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
A trigger of mine is when I am washing myself in the shower and the temptation is right there. But if I remove that trigger then I’ll be stinky? Please help or if you have any suggestions. I really don’t want to go down this track
Hi Jessica,
Your words really touched me. I am masturbating definitely not as much as before, but when I think why I am still not completely free from it is because “I have trained my body” in that way as you said. I study neuroscience and even though I know that intensive training like masturbation can change our brain, I have done that for such a long time.
But now I am so aware that sex is the two become one and should not be done in such selfish way.
I’ll remember the truth whenever the sex desire comes up.. I’ll remember God’s words. The truth us powerful and can change me..!!
Hello Herris mam,
I am an indian, i am also a sex addict i always used to think about sex and ends with masturbation.I dont knw how to get rid off it. Pls help me iam not a girl i am a boy but when i went through your article i thought you can help me.
I generally masturbate daily i knw it is bad for my health but i cann’t control it. So pls give me some precious advice
Hello, Ashish, I’m so sorry that you are struggling. The masturbation habit does not end easily. Have you tried the tips that were listed in the blog post? Please try these things. If done daily they can help you break free. One other aspect you might need to deal with are your thoughts. Do you meditate? Are you a Christian? Have you asked the Holy Spirit to guide you, and “take captive” your thoughts? This will also be very important.
Peace, Chris
I have struggled on and off with masturbation for nearly 11 years now, and every time after I do it I pray to God confessing my sin, but then I go do it again in the future. Twice I even wrote out a covenant to God and signed it, thinking that would end it for good, but it didn’t work. I am determined to quit, and by God’s grace I will. I take great comfort in Romans 6, where it talks about how we as Christians are not slaves to sin. It’s hard when I feel like I’m enslaved to this, but God is so incredibly patient and loving, and I know He won’t give up on me, even when I feel I’ll never get over this addiction. And I don’t even do it because I’m lonely–I have a boyfriend and can’t wait to enter marital intimacy with him! I masturbate simply because I enjoy how it feels while I am doing it. It’s a slow work in progress but I’m trying to avert my focus from how good it feels to how it makes God feel–and how it would make my boyfriend feel if he knew. Please pray for me as I seek to overcome this addiction. I have been reading the Bible more, and that has been helping. Thank you for your article, very encouraging!
Please help me pray I have struggled with this for 2 years now I’m so fed up with it I’m tired of having to feel like I need to do
I’m just lost I know I’m going to heaven I asked Jesus in my heart I know I’m saved I just made a wrong turn and now I can’t stop your story gave me hope thank you so much
Please pray for me
I needed the encouragement
Hello, Krista – you are courageous for speaking openly! Staying in the light is better. A wrong turn doesn’t determine your destiny. Our God majors in forgiving wrong turns. Fresh grace in the morning. You CAN do this but only with Him and with others you are walking with (accountability). I will post this reply and then pray specifically for you.
Peace, Chris
Thanks KAY plz I need help am 23 now and am a medic..not married but in a relationship…I do sex with my bf but am never satisfied until I masterbate on my own. Am so heartbroken and I feel bad after doing it. Plz help mi stop av been doing it since 3yrs back and I delight in it.
Florence
Hi Florence,
I think shame is a huge driver in the masturbation cycle, and I think the key to dealing with shame is to start talking with safe people who will help you without judging you. I would suggest that you find a counselor who can help you talk through what’s going on, and help you process what’s normal and healthy for you sexually. There’s not a quick and easy answer, but there is help, especially when we block shame from ruling our lives. Peace to you, Kay
Thank you so much Kay. .God bless you.
You’re so welcome! Hope that helps!
Hi, I have come here for guidance. I have been masturbating for years since I was little going to be 21 soon. Lately it is been hard for me to stop I pray but I always fail.
Hi Sierra,
Thank you for coming to us for guidance. It is my hope and prayer that you are able to read other comments on this post and realize that you are not alone – and, that freedom from masturbation is possible! Quitting this habit can be difficult, as many have discovered, but I want to encourage you with 3 action steps.
1. Reach out to a trusted friend or mentor and share your struggle with them. Ask them to keep you accountable, pray for you, and encourage you daily as you seek freedom.
2. Take a look at what habits and triggers in your current life might be causing you to succumb to masturbation. Get rid of these habits and replace them with healthy hobbies and habits.
3. Keep praying! Dive into God’s Word and ask him to give you the strength to overcome this. Do not give up hope.
You are strong, and freedom is worth it! I am praying for you.
Blessings,
Moriah
I have my girl cousin.. she bravely admit to me how she was addicted with masturbation. She was raped by my uncle when she was 5 . According to her she was not raped by one person only. I think that was the cause of her addiction. She is now 30 without getting married because she was afraid that no man will accept her. I’m younger than her. And I don’t know how to give her advise. I just listen to her and told her that it’s not her fault. But actually I think it doesn’t help.
Hi Gracil.
First of all, I’m so glad that your cousin has a friend in you. Thank you for being a safe person for her. You said EXACTLY the right thing! It’s not her fault!
Secondly, you are SO wise to see the trauma of sexual assault as a trigger for her current struggles. If she had been hit by a train, she would have been hospitalized and given all kinds of treatment. Sadly, sexual assault so often goes untreated because the trauma can’t be obviously seen. However, the impact of the trauma is long-lasting and often severe.
Your cousin still needs help to heal, and the good news is: she can get it!
She needs to find a therapist who is experienced in working with victims of child sexual assault. There are therapist directories at the American Association of Christian Counselors, and Psychology Today, where she can read therapist profiles and find an experienced therapist in her area. There are also community-based non-profit organizations that specialize in assisting victims of sexual abuse. Your community may have a “Family Advocacy Center” or a “Child Advocacy Center.” Do some Google research around “counseling for victims of child sexual assault” and see what is available to you.
Again, thank you so much for being that safe person for your cousin.
Peace to you, Kay
I started masturbating at age twelve and now I’m twenty three. I want to stop it because, God wouldn’t support me in this endeavor. And I want to be a true virgin, not a half baked one.
I just thought I should expose myself, I think it’s a step towards breaking the habit.
Thank you for your post, I learned something.
Getting it out in the open is a great step. Now, keep it out in the open by finding a real, trusting human you can talk to. Those 11 years of bonding with that habit will not stop easily. Freedom is completely possible, but it will take work. You can do it! God can do it through you! He is for you.
Peace, Chris
Covenant Eyes
Help! I’m a christian single women who has struggled with pornography and masturbation for many years. I’ve copied off two of your articles that speak specifically to my situation. But until recently had not told anyone. Their only response was that they would pray for me, don’t get me wrong ;I believe in prayer but with my continued slip ups, I believe I’m missing something. What that something is maybe support of some kind and accountability. I really don’t have either at this time. I’ve tried in the past making up my mind to not look at the images or do the act again but I always seem to fall back into that same old pattern again.
When I was a young girl I was sexually abused by different male figures in my life all the way into my 20’s, people who I trusted and felt that somehow I had no right saying “no” to them.
Can you help me in anyway at all? Thank you
Hi Rachael. I think you really need to find a counselor who can help you heal from all those years of abuse. I suspect that the porn and masturbation are symptoms of that abuse, and I think that healing the deep-down pain of abuse will mean you are less needful of those surface coping mechanisms. There are directories at Psychology Today and The American Association of Christian Counselors. Look for someone who is experienced in treating the trauma of sexual abuse. Peace to you, Kay
I think you should get therapy for the sexual abuse because that can be one of the resouns you have this problem