It’s time to address a taboo topic: female masturbation addiction. For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.
But, ladies, this battle is worth our attention. Here are three reasons women addicted to masturbation should kick the habit, as well as a few tips to actually stop masturbating.
3 Reasons Christian Women Should Kick a Masturbation Addiction
Masturbation addiction is selfish sex.
Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self-sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.
Masturbation addiction does not honor God.
No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you who do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”
Masturbation addiction does not honor your husband.
Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.
That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.
3 Practical Steps for Women to Stop Masturbating
So, how can you stop masturbating when it has become a compulsive habit? Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.
Think on truth.
More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think or meditate on is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.
Know your weaknesses.
Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate.
For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger. Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.
The article “The Ultimate Guide to Identifying (and Redirecting) Your Porn Triggers” is full of great tips for helping you pinpoint your specific stumbling blocks.
Do not make it easy.
Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible.
I debated putting this in here because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an email from a single young Christian woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I believe that sex toys have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)
Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful that Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s Word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s Word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Thankyou so much, :)
Lucy
I have been strugling with masturbation for over ten years. Am a teenager am a ashmade of what i doi cant even face my parents sometime.i really need your help please for i dont want to continue like this
Hi there, Lucia. Finding help as a teenager can be a challenge, I know. Here’s a link to our resources for women who struggle with porn and masturbation. There are blogs and communities there that may be helpful to you.
My other suggestion would be that you find a safe adult who can help you evaluate the situation and see if you need help from a counselor. I’m a counselor, and I work quite a bit with adolescents. When I hear a teenager say that’s they’ve been struggling with masturbation for over 10 years, that makes me wonder if there are other issues underlying the current concern. Is there a history of abuse? Is there an underlying anxiety disorder? I don’t know, but those are questions that I think need to be explored here. Many times, when I see teenagers with long-standing sexual concerns, there are other issues like abuse or anxiety disorders that need to be addressed.
I don’t know who’s safe in your world–maybe a school guidance counselor? I wonder what it would be like to just talk with your parents about this? Again, I don’t know how your world works! But the long-standing nature of this does cause me to feel concerned for you, and I think you need help to untangle all this, from someone who will be understanding and helpful and NOT shaming to you. Here’s an article I wrote for To Save A Life that talks about how to know if you’re with a safe adult.
There’s so much shame around sexuality in general in our church culture, and the more shame and anxiety we feel, the more we need to make that shame and anxiety stop, and then porn and masturbation are right there to distract us–only they just end up feeding the cycle all over again.
I think in treatment you need behavioral interventions–changing your habits, getting your devices clean and accountable, etc. You also need emotional processing for the shame, which is where counseling can help–and also being in community with others who are recovering (that’s where blogs and online communities can help). And then if there are underlying issues like abuse or an anxiety disorder, those should be addressed as well.
Of course if you need counseling beyond talking to a school guidance counselor, you’ll need your parents’ consent. I realize it’s hard to take that step of talking about what’s going on, and you’ll have to weigh what it means to keep on alone, against telling some safe adults in your world and hopefully getting support.
Does that help at all? Please let me know if you have more questions. Blessings, Kay
You have to be honest with your parents there here to help you in life that why god gave them to you
I had a question from the more practical concerns about masturbation, if that’s okay.
I’ve masturbated for nearly as long as I can remember (since I discovered the feeling when I was young), and had never gone more than a month without it since puberty. For the past several years, I’ve never gone more than a week or two without having to relieve the pressure.
But, I had lately come to wonder if this activity was dishonoring to God with my body. Accordingly, I have stopped all activity and determined that anytime I struggle, I would use it as extra time to spend with the Lord and my Bible. So far, by God’s grace, I had avoided all physical stimulation (though it is never far from my mind) for a good while now.
However, I’m now finding an unhappy side effect: my menstrual cycle, which for years has been quite regular, down to me usually knowing the precise day that it would start weeks in advance, has suddenly begun to vary drastically. Now my period is often delayed by a week or more, and I’m never quite sure when it will start. I had noticed this effect before, that months with more or less masturbation led to a variance of a day or two earlier or later in the cycle, but hadn’t really considered it as important.
Although I very much want to continue to honor God with this part of my life, this, to me, is a very serious consideration that I don’t know how to address. In my opinion, masturbation just to keep my cycle regular would be worth it, apart from the physical and mental release. If I am able to keep my mind free from lustful thoughts and am not doing it for addictive reasons, is this activity still sinful and dishonoring?
Please, any advice you could give would be most helpful. I’ve prayed for so long, but really don’t know how to address this issue.
AJ,
Thank you for reaching out. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I am not a medical professional by any means, and it probably wouldn’t hurt to talk with your doctor about it at your next physical. However, here is a theory, and it is only a theory. I don’t know you or your medical history.
It is a proven scientific fact that stress can alter a woman’s menstrual cycle, even causing her to miss it completely at times. Similarly, many women use masturbation as a way to cope with stress. The chemicals released during orgasm are, essentially, stress fighters. So, with the limited information I have, it sounds as if your body has gotten used to orgasm as a means of coping with and managing stress, and when your stress is managed, your cycle is normal. When you are not managing/relieving the stress, it pushes your cycle around. So it’s not necessarily the masturbation that’s regulating your cycle, it is the benefits of the masturbation. That’s a theory, and if that’s the case, there are other methods of getting that same chemical release without masturbating.
I honestly would encourage you to evaluate the stress levels in your life and figure out how you typically cope with them. It could be very beneficial to you, in the long run, to either reduce stress (but I totally get it if you’re a high-strung person; I am!) or find another way to cope with stress/tension.
As for whether or not it’s sinful and dishonoring, I could spend an entire blog post discussing that and probably still not be any closer to an answer. There are some women who have a health condition that almost necessitates that they masturbate multiple times a day or else they experience debilitating pain. Addiction, to me, is a cut and clear issue, but masturbation specifically falls in more of a dark gray area :) There is no Biblical context to cite to say, “Yes, it is definitely wrong” so I usually defer to Biblical principles.
However, in your case, I really think it has more to do with stress and coping. If that is not the case, I cannot think of any medical reason why habitual masturbation would be necessary to regulate your cycle. I would recommend that you ask your OB/GYN. They know about that much better than I do.
Stopping with masturbating is really about avoiding triggers. 30-80% of the internet is porn. So behind every corner is a trigger that can lead to masturbation. I recommend downloading or installing porn blockers. The easiest thing to start is downloading safe search.
My negatives after masturbating.
When I matsurbate I’am not alert, I have anxiety then, less confidence, and my work results are worse.
If you are thnking about stopping then I recommend you to try out 7 days and see what the results are.
Good luck!
Thomas
We all know inside our hear that this sin but we ignore it to be self rigorousness, i have been struggling with it, What i have i learn is Every Pleasure must be bought at the price of pain,there is difference between Fake & pure Pleasure, Fake Pleasure you pay the price after you enjoy it & true pleasure you pay the price before you enjoy it
Hi jesca,
am END TIMES INTERNATIONALfrom uganda -kampala thanks this network with all co-partners,am a christian too but i just want to request if u can make also outreaches in uganda also in form of seminars because i have noticed the addiction is over strengthening most believer then for those who want to let go the addiction be consistent in prayer and see 2corinthians:12:8-9
I was once an eddict also but the lord delivered me and i pray that your guys also get deliverance in jesus name
matter out of hand…i started it in 2007 after being instructed by a friend and it not signalling an end button…the main issue is that i cant keep a relationship no matter how i try.I dont value girls anymore which i perceive as a threat,i dont value God and i hate the believers ever since.ok for that time that i’ve jerked off including today im not at peace with myself.i dont concentrate on my life!!!!
hey it is becoming fatal and everything i do to stop it,it develops mutation!..im worried
whoever can try to help me change,i will be very grateful
Thank you for this post. I strongly believe that masturbation is a sin, but I also admit that it’s one of the hardest to overcome. Like one poster here said that it’s the “most pleasurable physical feeling”. I did it again last night, after 40 days of sobriety – and I feel so ashamed. I wish there was a quick fix for this – something that would make it easier for me to abstain, but I realize there isn’t. There is a spiritual book called “Steps to Christ”, which has really helped me. There it says that everything depends on the “right action of the will”. Yes, we need to exercise our willpower to overcome this destructive habit. May the Lord help us all!
My problem is that I get in a good place and I’m happy and won’t for awhile and then I think about it even if it’s just for a second and can’t stop until I do it. Even if I tell myself I’m ok and can overcome a louder voice says “you know you will anyway so just do it”. Is this an addiction? I don’t think so idk I’m not sure…I’ve stopped before for two years, and idk how I started back up again. I know that it is the source of lonliness. I’m afraid that God isn’t sending me a husband because of this…any advice or help please would be appreciated. I just turned 20 and am trying to turn myself around.
Hey, it’s good to hear that you were able to stop for a while, so you know it can be done. One of the things I’ve found is that it’s really hard to build a healthy life around “NO.” I think we all need a lot of “YES” in our lives to draw us toward health and healing. You made such a good point here about loneliness, and I wonder if you’ve had a supportive community around you in this at all? Here are a couple of places you can look for support. Beggar’s Daughter, and <a href="http://www.beautyinbreakdown.com/" are both blogs where women talk about their sexual struggles. Dirty Girls Ministry has an online community, resources, and even personal coaching available. Try saying “YES” to community, and let me know if that helps you move forward. Blessings, Kay