It’s time to address a taboo topic: female masturbation addiction. For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.
But, ladies, this battle is worth our attention. Here are three reasons women addicted to masturbation should kick the habit, as well as a few tips to actually stop masturbating.
3 Reasons Christian Women Should Kick a Masturbation Addiction
Masturbation addiction is selfish sex.
Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self-sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.
Masturbation addiction does not honor God.
No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you who do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”
Masturbation addiction does not honor your husband.
Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.
That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.
3 Practical Steps for Women to Stop Masturbating
So, how can you stop masturbating when it has become a compulsive habit? Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.
Think on truth.
More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think or meditate on is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.
Know your weaknesses.
Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate.
For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger. Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.
The article “The Ultimate Guide to Identifying (and Redirecting) Your Porn Triggers” is full of great tips for helping you pinpoint your specific stumbling blocks.
Do not make it easy.
Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible.
I debated putting this in here because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an email from a single young Christian woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I believe that sex toys have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)
Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful that Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s Word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s Word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
I’m glad I read your article it really spoke to me, I now know that I really need to stop reading Romance Novels & that God looks down on it. I have been struggling with this for a while. I’m 20 years old & there were a couple attempts this past New Year that I almost lost my Virginity, one was at a party & the other was at the boy’s house, however on the party I guess I was drunk & the guy wanted to do it, I guess those who were at the party said we dry humped, but nothing else happened, there was one part where we were in the bathroom & I kicked the boy off me, It just didn’t seem right, but the end the boy didn’t want to do it there but at my place & I said no. The next morning I was at the other guy’s house & he really wanted to be intimate, he kissed me & stuff but that was it. I told him no, I was raised a Christain, The Lord is in my heart & I swear he gave me a guilty conscience at the time, so now I’m waiting upon The Lord for the Right man to come into my life, at the right time & when I do meet the right one someday, I hope to marry & have a family. The lesson I learned is that it’s better to wait upon The Lord & so here I am still a Virgin, saving myself for Marriage.
Hi Shayna. I hope you’ll be able to continue to make healthy sexual choices for yourself. I want to say this, as hard as it may be to believe given all that we hear in our culture and even in church–a good marriage relationship is about way more than sex. In fact, after you’re married, only a teeny tiny fraction of your life will be taken up with sex. The real quality of your marriage relationship is based on (the research says) the quality of your friendship with your partner. I think in order to have a good, quality friendship with your partner, you’ve got to have a good, quality friendship with yourself. Know yourself, be happy with yourself, and then be honest with other people about that. Real friendships will happen, and maybe even life-long friendships. I would say, find the place that honors who you are, and who God is in your life, and then make healthy choices for yourself from that place. A group like Celebrate Recovery could be a huge help as you think about who you are, who God is to you, what you want to do with yourself, and how your own personal boundaries can fall in line with your values. Blessings, Kay
Tanx for the post. I truly understand cos my story is similar to urs. As children of God we should never allow d deceit of d enemy. We ar d Righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, we ar His workmanship.. therefore sin has no power over us. God has already accepted us n we ar His very own. It is Well!
Thank you so much for this. I have struggled for many years now with lust and masturbation and have come to understand that it is the addictive nature that is the really dangerous part.
Thank you so much for this article. I’m a teenager who struggles sometimes with this and your words brought me to tears. God bless you. It’s wonderful to hear that someone else struggled and beat this habit and is willing to help others with it.
Help am 14 i have been fighting this thing since when i was a kid. and i cant speak put cos am regarded as a spirit filled person. pls pray for me
Help have been fighting this problem over and over anytime i think i have succeded(e.g 1-2 months abstistence) i fall even hardee it doesnt help that i have unlimited access to 18+ vids. Pray for me please
Thanks for commenting. What have you done to limit your access?
hi, i’m really struggling as to how i stop masturbating and watching pornography, i started doing it due to a certain event which happened during my childhood. Although i’m not doing it everyday but when i felt the urge to do so i found myself doing it despite the fact that i know that i am committing a grave sin, i know, i studied in a christian school and was thought religiously but once i wanted to do it i tend to throw away all those wisdom and started creating reasons just to cover up my guilt……i felt like i’m too dirty… i dont like to pray coz it seems like i got no right to talk to God…and no one knows what i am doing so i got no one to talk to…..please help me…i wanted to have a brainwash in order to delete all those sinful thoughts and in order to forget the root of it and in order to be confident to face anyone…i really want to forget and have a new life…..a life in which masturbation and all those pornography and all those dirty thoughts are out of it.
Great article. I’ve also struggled with masturbation and have been single for almost 5 years but the feel the desire to self please is almost uncontrollable. How does everyone else make it through these rough times and is there a fb group to talk to?
Hi Alex, I just saw your comment on this article. For me it’s very hard to abstain from masturbation too. And it’s difficult to find other single women who have the same struggle. I guess there is no FB group though because you cannot stay anonymous there! Anyway, I would be glad to team up with you if you are interested! Write me under sprueche31.30@gmail.com.
I’m a 23 year old Christian who recently discovered this activity (far later than most, at 21, not long after a relationship ended.)
Does anyone have OTHER tips on how to break this? Just thinking about it, or not thinking about it, anything to do with the topic really, is a trigger for me. After having an 8 day clean streak, I was sick of being tempted, so I took to google to find tips on how to stop. And was triggered.
To be totally honest, all I want is to be touched and held and loved on. I could really care less about sex, orgasms and what’s in between my legs. And yet, I’m trapped by this activity.
There seems to be a lot of women who struggle with this too. All I want is to be free from it so I can get on with my life! This habit is making me feel dirty and sneaky, it’s making my want for a boyfriend stronger and really making me hate myself because I’m so weak against it.
I will say
-I’ve never used porn. Porn is gross.
-I don’t want to have sex.(any time soon)
-I believe this is detrimental to my spiritual life. The time I waste doing this I could spend reading my Bible or something.
The only “pro”‘s I’ve found to doing this are I’ve finally found where my clit is and it helps with my cramps. They don’t outweigh the cons. How icky I feel. How much I know I’ve let God down, especially after crying at the altar, rebuking this activity, praying for freedom and stuff.
My brain is addicted to it and I really don’t know how to shake that.
Can anyone help me? please?
Hey there. Well, as with any kind of obsessive activity, it’s complicated, and it takes time to resolve.
It’s partly a cognitive game: giving your mind other interesting, positive things to dwell on in general (hobbies, sports, conversations with friends); being encouraging to yourself mentally, even when you fail (okay, that happened. not the end of the world. I’ll just keep trying.); stopping your thoughts when they go to negative places, rather than waiting while you go deeper and deeper into where you don’t want to be. Some people will wear a rubber band on their wrist and snap it when the negative thoughts start. For some, that helps interrupt the patterns.
It’s partly a behavioral game: staying away from places, times, habits, etc that encourage the behavior, and finding new places, new habits that encourage healthy behavior instead.
It’s partly an emotional game: getting into healthy, nurturing relationship so you’re not medicating loneliness, depression, anxiety, etc. with masturbation.
If you do think that you’re suffering from higher than normal levels of anxiety, or if you have other mood symptoms like crying a lot, outbursts of anger, etc., then you may want to see a counselor because you might have underlying emotional pain that’s driving the behavior.
And, on occasion, some people do suffer from brain chemistry issues that make them especially susceptible to obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. If you try the normal sorts of strategies like I’ve described, and you just can’t stop thinking/acting in ways that disturb you, then please see your doctor, especially if your thoughts/behaviors begin to interfere with your ability to function normally in life. In those cases, medication can be a big help.
Blessings, Kay
Tanx for the post. I truly understand cos my story is similar to urs. As children of God we should never allow d deceit of d enemy. We ar d Righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, we ar His workmanship.. therefore sin has no power over us. God has already accepted us n we ar His very own. It is Well!
Hi Jessica,
I’m 17 and I’ve been masturbating for 6 years. It’s like I’m torn between doing what I want and doing the right thing, but it seems like my evil desires always prevail. I just don’t know where to start! So many people look up to me and have high expectations of me, maybe because I’m a pastor’s kid. All my friends consider me a good girl, but I know I’m not. If people found out they would see me differently. I’ve been involved with sexual things from a very young age, but I’ve never had sex (and I don’t plan to until I’m married). I really need help! This addiction is controlling my life. I wish I never tried masturbation! But because I can’t take that back I am now seeking help. I feel so dirty and worthless; I know God has forgiven me, but I still haven’t forgiven myself.
I will tell you one of the first things I tell women who have stories like yours- stop believing the lies that you are dirty and worthless- because you aren’t. Perhaps the best place for you to start is actually with asking for the strength to not worry about what other people think. Don’t think of yourself as a “pastor’s kid” or “someone people look up to.” Focusing on what others think can drown you in guilt and shame and keep you stuck in that cycle. Start focusing on who you are in Christ. Change that perspective and see if that helps. It should! I would also encourage you to find someone you can tell. I know it’s scary, but sometimes the best thing for us is to tear down those walls of pride and self-protection. Praying for you!
hey there Darling am also a pastor’s kid so i know what you going through but you are never worthless.The Bible says that because He was tempted He shall help us when we are tempted.I’ve also suffered from this act since i was 7 and do i know that we are to conquer in Jesus name…search for someone who you can trust and is not judgemental for me it’s my mum it really helps.May God be with you.