It’s time to address a taboo topic: female masturbation addiction. For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.
But, ladies, this battle is worth our attention. Here are three reasons women addicted to masturbation should kick the habit, as well as a few tips to actually stop masturbating.
3 Reasons Christian Women Should Kick a Masturbation Addiction
Masturbation addiction is selfish sex.
Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self-sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.
Masturbation addiction does not honor God.
No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you who do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”
Masturbation addiction does not honor your husband.
Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.
That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.
3 Practical Steps for Women to Stop Masturbating
So, how can you stop masturbating when it has become a compulsive habit? Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.
Think on truth.
More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think or meditate on is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.
Know your weaknesses.
Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate.
For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger. Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.
The article “The Ultimate Guide to Identifying (and Redirecting) Your Porn Triggers” is full of great tips for helping you pinpoint your specific stumbling blocks.
Do not make it easy.
Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible.
I debated putting this in here because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an email from a single young Christian woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I believe that sex toys have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)
Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful that Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s Word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s Word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Hi I searched up how to overcome masturbation and this was the first link
I was sexually abused at the age of 7 by my own father tho it could have been earlier I remember it happened twice but wether it happened before I don’t recall. I’ve suffered a lot of trauma therefore I’m starting to have memory lost but what I do remember is all the hurt and shame that I carry and it haunts me more frequently as I get older I am now 35 years old and have been masturbating since 7. I’ve been walking this journey by myself but my husband knows I masturbate and he knows what had happened to me as a kid. I don’t talk about it but I know that this whole thing has started from that moment, I grew up confused and low self esteem but I put on my fake self like nothing has happened. But deep down I’m at a point where the shame is just too much that taking my own life seems better. During the years I managed to control myself but within the last 6 years it’s become worst. I don’t feel worthy to be loved by God even though I know he loves me but it’s just sooo hard and I wish that I don’t go through this, I have two children and I freak out so bad that I think someone has hurt my kids. I feel alone and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it, my husband doesn’t know it was my father. My father is a well respected man and no one would believe me, my sister also said that he abused her too but she will never admit it to anyone if I was to say anything. I find that life is unfair. I became a Christian in 2009 and it helped me a lot I have focus on my faith but it soon creeped up on me. Last year I forgave my father(2019) I told him I remembered everything and I said I forgive him Hoping that it would leave me along but this year it’s even worst- I’ve attempted to commit suicide multiple times but found reasons to not and find other ways to deal with it . I don’t know sorry I don’t know why I’m writing this out
Dear Mia,
I am so, so sorry for the terrible pain that you’ve suffered all this time.
I believe you. I absolutely believe you.
My very best advice to you is to find a therapist, someone who is licensed, experienced, and trauma-informed, who can help you process the abuse and its aftermath in your life. Follow that link to Psychology Today, put in your zip code, and then refine your search to those who are “truama informed.” In addition, EMDR certification is a good sign that someone is very serious about their trauma-informed approach.
The shame that you feel does not belong to you: it is your father’s shame. Forgiveness means “release,” and it is time to release this shame from yourself. It is not yours, and you are not reqiured to carry it one step further. I think maybe the reason you’ve felt worse after forgiving your father is that you released him, but not yourself, and it is time to release yourself. Time to let this shame go, this shame that was never, ever yours to carry. A good therapist can help you do this.
You are a strong and courageous person, carrying this pain all your life. Now is the time to have the courage to lay this down. Have the strength to seek professional help.
Peace to you and every best wish for your healing,
Kay
Hello guys,
Masturbation is a bad addiction which I have been struggling with for the past 10years. Here is some key problems I noticed as a guy;
Its makes me only think of one thing about ladies, to have sex with them.
I think I’ve lost my sense of love for ladies because I tends to see my girl friend as a sex machine. So sad.
Straining of muscles on my legs after masturbation.
So masturbation can destroy one’s life if not stop on time by Trusting on God words, always be vigilant about those moment those thought come around and quickly reject them with the blood of Jesus. Involve yourself in activities such excercise and hanging out with people. Lastly try not to stay alone. Thanks.
Hi. I’m Duxx. I’m a twenty four year old male. I started masturbating at the age of twenty. I still remember that night. I’ve been struggling with this habit since that moment and I’m so stressed about it. I can’t stop watching adult videos no matter how I try. Please I really needd help on how to stop this painful habit. It’s controlling me. It also makes me to hate company.
Duxx,
Have you tried using Covenant Eyes? Our software pairs accountability with screen monitoring, to help you give up porn for good. If you are struggling to turn from the temptation of these videos, reach out to a friend! This can be a church leader, relative, counselor, etc. Ask them to hold you accountable on a daily basis.
And of course, PRAY. Ask God to turn your heart away from this addiction and cling to him as our only source of comfort and joy.
Blessings, friend!
Moriah
Dear Jessica,
Many thanks for this insightful message. Really appreciate it and came at the right time when I needed help.
Can you please reach me via email so I can explain?
Thanks
I belief masturbating is a sin because when I’m done I feel so guilty and I’m scared. Sometimes when I do it I don’t eat and I don’t sleep well cause I feel someone’s watching me. Actually God’s watching me.
I feel so scared cause I can’t tell anyone. I don’t want them judging me or think different of me . When I do it I feel so far away from God I feel he left me. I’m so scared i want to stop it but I have needs please help me I need help. I don’t do it all the time maybe twice in a month or two but when I’m done I feel worthless
Blessing,
I first want to thank you for stepping forward and sharing your struggles. It is easy to feel alone in this battle, but please know that you aren’t. It can be difficult to feel like you can tell anyone about your struggles, but I would encourage you still to do this. It can be a spouse, relative, friend, church leader – anyone whom you trust.
God has NOT left you! Keep clinging to him and do not give up hope!
Blessings,
Moriah
Hey, I’m 14 almost 15 and I’ve been struggling with this addiction for years. I’ve been praying and praying, even going months without masturbating, but I always end up falling back into it! I feel horrible afterwards, yet I can’t stop! I feel dirty, impure, disgusting, and it’s been like this for years ever since I unfortunately discovered masturbation when I was young. I didn’t know what it was at the time, only that it felt good. So I kept doing it. But even after putting two and two together, I can’t help but keep doing it! It’s horrible! I’m a very faith-filled Catholic virgin and I even hope to join a religious vocation someday, and I feel so impure and disgusting! I’m ashamed of myself and I everyone in my life thinks I’m this perfect, responsible girl yet no one knows about my addiction. I’m afraid to tell my parents, and I have gone to confession for it, but I still feel like I’m stained with this sin. How can I make sure my lust is gone for good?
Hey Jen,
Masturbation is normal! It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. Masturbation is not a sin. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self.
Problems arise with masturbation, as with many other good things, when we use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism when we are overly stressed, upset, etc. We can all be vulnerable to using good things–food, wine, exercise, Netflix–to cope in unhealthy ways. Instead of feeling our feelings and processing through them, we substitute a behavior that feels good in the moment but didn’t actually solve the problem and may in fact produce more problems.
Unfortunately, there is huge shame around sexuality in Christian circles. Often, shame itself becomes the problem, as you feel distressed over shame from masturbation, you then masturbate to feel better in the moment.
You might like this short animation I made recently, Interruping Shame Cycles.
I hope that helps,
Kay
Hey Jen,
You don’t know me and honestly, idk if I’m in much of a position to give advice… But I thought I would share my story.
I’ve been masturbating ever since was 7. And like you, I didn’t know what it was. Just that it felt good. It wasn’t until my mom caught me and tried to explain simply that ”God didn’t want me to do this”. Mortified with myself, I stopped immediately.
But a few years later, I started again. And I didn’t feel like stopping until I was around 13, because I figured it wasn’t that big if a deal up until that point. I’m a good person… And to be honest I haven’t really struggled with anything sinful except that. So I wanted to get rid of it so I could make God proud.
So I tried quitting on my own, for three years. Failing again and again. When I was 16 is when I really started feeling horrible. I prayed all the time, begging God to take this temptation from me without having to tell my bishop… Which to make matters worse, was my dad.
But nothing. And eventually, I realized, I couldn’t do it alone.
So gathering my courage, I texted my dad to come into my room before telling him everything.
It was hard… But he said he was proud of me for telling him. Immediately, a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I hugged him. We came up with plans together and found ways around it triggers. We left my door open at night (when I was most prone) and when I had urges he would come to my room and rub my back to try and relax me to sleep.
I know it’s hard. I know it’s scary. I know it’s personal and embarrassing. But having someone under the same roof as u to help u and hold u accountable makes the process much easier to get through. And it’s a long process… I’m 17 and still struggle. But when u have someone you can trust and help you it’s much more bearable and helps a ton.
Remember that God loves you and wants to see you succeed. Try and pray every night and every morning and try to lead a Christ-centered life and obey all of God’s other commandments while u struggle with this one. It’s so much easier to avoid temptation when you are doing other things that tune you into the holy spirit. Stay strong <3
My name is Ann, it all started when I was little,.my step sister always used me to achieve her satsifaction,she turned me into a lesbian and a masturbator.I always hate myself after doing it. I ll tell myself that I want to stop but I find myself thinking n doing it again. I have prayed n confessed severally still I can’t stop .
I want to stop,I need to stop
I need help please 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Dear Ann,
It sounds to me like you’re talking about being a victim of child sexual abuse. I would suggest that you find a therapist who is experienced in the treatment of sexual abuse. As you heal from that trauma, you will find yourself more able to make choices based on today’s reality rather than the trauma you suffered as a child.
Peace to you,
Kay
I’m a 17 year old girl that discovered masturbation around 11… I really want to be able to stop but I’ve tried so hard and I just can’t seem to stop the habit. It’s really messing with my mental health, my spiritual life, and just life in general. I’ve also looked up porn and erotica which I regret every time I do, but it’s just something I can’t stop doing. I can’t really talk about this to anyone cause it’s looked down so much that I just feel like I’d be looked down upon as well, and I don’t want to deal with the emotional pain of that. Even right now as I’m writing this I’m feeling aroused and I just can’t stop it, it’s such a temptation and I can’t get anywhere. I feel like I have no control over my emotions when I’m aroused and I do things I feel guilty about doing afterwards. I just get aroused when I’m scrolling through Instagram, talking to one of my friends, etc, and I just fall to the temptation. If anyone has any advice I’d really really appreciate it… I want to get rid of this habit cause I just don’t want to ruin my life with my future husband and right now I’m on the course to doing that. Please, please help…
Ashley,
Thank you for being open and sharing your struggles. One of the first steps to recovery is stepping forward and admitting the problem with a desire to change, and you are doing just that. Do you have a church or friend that you can fellowship with and ask for accountability? It is incredibly difficult to fight our battles alone, so I would encourage you to find someone who you can share your struggles with and be held accountable.
If you aren’t already using our Screen Accountability software, I would encourage you to use that as well. This will monitor your tech devices and curb the temptation to look at pornography or explicit imagery.
Keep fighting, friend!
Moriah
I just re-read your article Jessica. Thank you for all these tips. I’m 46 years old and I’ve been dealing with this masturbation issue for a long time. I just indulged in self-pleasure again. It’s really hard to let go of this nice feeling, and I wish I had more willpower to let go of it. But I’m praying that the Lord makes me willing to be willing. It’s really hard for me to live this celibate life, and I strongly believe that it would quell my battle if God would finally give me a husband – yet I’m aware that I will also have to apply self-control when I’m married. So I’m convicted that I have to overcome this now. Oh Lord please help me!
I am going to re-read your article, a lot. Pork connected activities are ruining my life. There are groups and helps for men, in my area, but not for women. Humans could care less. There is no human connected help for me with this. In my area there are no interested counselors, support groups, 12 step groups, or even computer based support groups. There is only the anonymity of the confessional, praying to God for forgiveness, more prayer, and hoping God forgives me so I don’t go to hell. There is nobody but God Who cares about a 66 year old woman addicted to solo porn. I don’t watch it anymore, Today after three weeks I gave in and now I feel like I took a razor and shredded by soul. I have to stop this. I just have to.
This year I stopped masturbation for a month, I used to meditate (I had free time), but when life got busy again, I stopped meditating, then I felt as I am going to burst anytime, and so one day I masturbated, It didn’t took much, just a touch as I was super sensitive, Good thing of that one month was that some of my grey hairs turned black (at my head :)). And I was having a psoriasis which healed (one small spot left), now as I am masturbating again, I am unable to stop, as I dont have time for medtitation, I feel stupid for giving into it last month, I dont know how to stop again.
I will try your method and I hope it works for me, Thanks a lot for sharing,