It’s time to address a taboo topic: female masturbation addiction. For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.
But, ladies, this battle is worth our attention. Here are three reasons women addicted to masturbation should kick the habit, as well as a few tips to actually stop masturbating.
3 Reasons Christian Women Should Kick a Masturbation Addiction
Masturbation addiction is selfish sex.
Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self-sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.
Masturbation addiction does not honor God.
No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you who do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”
Masturbation addiction does not honor your husband.
Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.
That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.
3 Practical Steps for Women to Stop Masturbating
So, how can you stop masturbating when it has become a compulsive habit? Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.
Think on truth.
More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think or meditate on is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.
Know your weaknesses.
Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate.
For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger. Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.
The article “The Ultimate Guide to Identifying (and Redirecting) Your Porn Triggers” is full of great tips for helping you pinpoint your specific stumbling blocks.
Do not make it easy.
Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible.
I debated putting this in here because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an email from a single young Christian woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I believe that sex toys have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)
Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful that Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s Word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s Word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
There are many comments here saying that masturbation isn’t a sin and that women should be able to masturbate to their heart’s content guilt-free. I don’t necessarily disagree with these comments. Masturbation is a gray area in my denomination as well… but addiction to anything is bad.
Drinking alcohol is fine in most Christian denominations, but being an alcoholic? Whether it’s a “sin” or not, you’re causing problems for yourself and your family. I found this article because I’m addicted to masturbating, and I’m afraid of it affecting my relationship. I stopped watching porn years ago, but the fantasies I have would still be difficult or impossible for my husband for fulfill. I’ve also gotten so used to giving myself orgasms that it’s difficult for me to orgasm during sex. These are issues! In my particular situation, continuing to masturbate all the time is not okay. I’m sure there are many other women like me that know they need to stop too.
This article was more helpful than other articles I found. I hate reading stuff aimed at men, I can’t relate to it. Other articles just say to pray. I don’t think people who aren’t addicted understand just how mentally compromised one is when they’re horny. I appreciated the tip where the author said to make it as inconvenient as possible, and I think that’s just what I’ll do.
I wish I could find an online support group for this or something :( If anybody knows of one, let me know.
It’s definitely a challenge! Prayer is an important component to recovery, but our bodies have been rewired and we have to work with our bodies for our bodies to recover.
Have you checked out SheRecovery? Crystal Renaud Day is a partner of Covenant Eyes, and she offers virtual support groups for women. https://sherecovery.com/
So I started masturbating at the age of 13 years not knowing what it was but all this started when a girl kissed me.i realised I started having this urge and the searching up erotic literature which would make me so horny and end up masturbating.so I engaged in this act for several years until last year I’m currently 18 I told my mum about it and she really handled the issue well with me we both prayed and fasted about it and I realised the rate at which I was doing it reduced I was so happy sbf proud of myself for overcoming this because this act always made me feel dirty and sad after doing it but the urge was so much.just three days ago I had a dream I was kissing a boy and I woke to realise I was so horny for hours I almost masturbated again and since then I’ve been feeling unusually horny and I’ve been thinking about erotic stuff I just don’t want to give in else all the work I put in to get here would all be in waste🥺🥺
Hi Ella,
You’re doing great! Have you talked to your mom (or another trusted friend) about the dream you had? It sounds like she’s very supportive of you; she might be able to come alongside you and help you stay strong.
I’ll also suggest prayerfully considering talking to a counselor at some point. One thing we’ve found is that porn and masturbation habits often stem from unwanted (or at least unexpected) sexual experiences like you had when you were younger. Even just a few counseling sessions may help you work through some of the root issues that keep trying to lure you back to erotica and masturbation.
Really! What a crock to suggest masturbation for woman is in anyway wrong or to fantasize about something, anything while doing it is even worse. Sex is selfish and a woman masturbating is any but; it’s your time, it’s your body. It’s my body! Stop with the Bible verses and the extended guilt. Being Christian and being sexual goes hand in hand. Being married and masturbating is healthy and after 25 years with my husband we both do it alone and even more together. You imply anything but sex for procreation is wrong. A strong healthy sexual drive for us both is a loving and exploring sexual relationship is a blessing. You can be a very good Christian and masturbate. Stop lying to woman and start telling the truth about normal healthy sexual life. Buy your dildo, fantasize, masturbate whether single or married and as long as it builds a close relationship who care? Certainly not god or Jesus.
This is the first time I believe that I’ve come across your article I don’t remember coming across it before but something happened to me as a child and as a young adult, I told my parents about it well at least my mother and she didn’t believe me or she can’t deal with it of course and I used to have a problem with watching p*** all the time but I haven’t done that in a long time I still masturbate from time to time I don’t I don’t like it because it doesn’t make me feel anything but I’m also afraid that if I keep committing this and over and over I will not enter the kingdom of heaven and I don’t want to be separated from God.
Hi Christine,
Thank you for being honest and sharing a part of your journey! Please do not give up hope. You are loved by God and if you have placed your trust in Him, nothing can separate you from his kingdom.
We are all humans—flawed sinners. If you are struggling with masturbation, know that you are not alone.
Do you have a close friend or mentor whom you can reach out to and ask for accountability and prayer? You could even see a counselor, if you’re willing. Talking to others about something like this can seem daunting, but it will be hugely helpful!
Praying for you,
Moriah
Thanks for the article–and all the comments, it’s truly wonderful to see so much support between women who struggle with this. I’m 20 and haven’t had this habit nearly as long as some others here. Somehow I avoided porn and masturbation during my childhood, never even had an interest, and have managed to stay a virgin. A little over a year ago, my ex and I had an interesting conversation along these lines: “Wait, L, have you ever masturbated?” “No, actually I haven’t, also I kind of think it’s wrong.” “What??? You’re missing out, you should go try it!” Long story short, walked away, curiosity eventually got the better of my resolve, and I gradually sank into the habit. It’s never become an addiction. I’ve fluctuated the past year between multiple times a day, once a day, or not at all for a few months, but mostly once every couple weeks. I’m Catholic, so I go to confession and try again. I’m not even that worked up about it like I was a few months ago, it’s just a cross to bear. I just feel pathetic. My current boyfriend is much more supportive, shares my beliefs, knows I struggle with this and is sympathetic (having overcome porn addiction in the past). But I wonder if I’ll ever get this to totally go away. I get the physical urge that’s almost irresistible around ovulation, and also a few days after my period starts (so basically whenever my estrogen levels are rising). Is that in my control to resist? I sure hope so… Any sympathy or prayers or anything appreciated, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.
LG,
Praise God that you have a heart desire to overcome masturbation and stop it from becoming an addiction! I’d encourage you to first read this article about women and masturbation (there’s a part 2 to it as well).
Secondly, I’d recommend you take a look at what is triggering these moments of temptation. You can even make a list of the habits/situations that tempt you to masturbate, along with a second list of things you can do instead of masturbating when you are feeling tempted. Having a friend (preferably female as well) to text or call when you are tempted can also help you to say no to masturbation and walk in freedom.
Above all, dig into God’s Word and be fervent in prayer. Only Christ can change our hearts, and through him, we find ultimate freedom!
Blessings,
Moriah
Mine will be 10 years by Novemeber. I’m in my late 20s. A guy I never saw but met online adviced me to touch my private part. It never occurred that I was masturbating. I got to know months after, by then it was difficult to stop. After some years I tried my best with prayers and I could stop for few months. Then I found myself doing it again, I’m not sure but I think not being in a relationship made mine worst because I have only been in two relationships. First lasted for 5 months, Second was 2 months but bed were undefined for both back then. I gave my virginity out about 3 years ago and I haven’t been having sex but I still find myself masturbating. I really need help. I’m ready to let go.
Rachel,
Thank you for reaching out! That is not an easy thing to do, and I am encouraged by your honesty and desire to change. Do you have a close friend or mentor whom you can reach out to and ask for prayer and accountability? It is incredibly difficult for us to tackle any struggles on our own, so I would encourage you to find an ally to walk alongside you!
Above all, spend time in prayer and reading God’s word. He is our ultimate source of hope and healing!
Blessings,
Moriah
Reading all of these comments has encouraged me to say something for the first time ever. Thank you. Honestly, I’ve been so scared all my life to talk about this subject, but it’s something I’ve been struggling with since I was around 10. I’m 21 now and I still struggle with masturbation. I grew up in a Christian household and i serve a lot at church, I find comfort there. But I feel so shameful from this one impure sin, I feel disgusting. I’ve had ups and downs, some years it was out of control and some years i had abstained for months. I realised, at the times I had abstained, God was really carrying me and I truly surrendered to him. I spoke with a priest once and fell in to tears whilst explaining and he comforted me and told me I was loved. that was one of the first times I didn’t feel disgusting anymore.
However recently I’ve been getting back into the habit and I feel so shameful all the time and it’s even making me distant from my church services and family. I don’t want to do this anymore I want to be free. I want a relationship with Christ, but I keep failing him. I need help. Please keep me in your prayers.
Sincerely M
M,
I am praying for you! You are not alone. Keep praying and seeking after God.
Blessings,
Moriah
Hello, thank you very much for this post. I am 23 years and i have been in masturbation and pornography for 9 years. I discovered masturbation when i was 14 through innocent curiosity. I needed something to read and i found a book on women (The title is everywoman) and i took particular interest in it because i wanted to know more about my gender. I discovered masturbation, my sexual organs, sex etc. For years i continued, i can’t necessarily say i was addicted but i used it quite alot. I learnt that i did it to deal with alot of things and also i noticed it helped relieving headaches, stress etc. Four years into it i realized porn was bad but i couldn’t tell anyone, i have been the “good child” good grades, good character etc, some people even look up to me in terms of their Christian faith (This makes me feel bad and when i try to disagree with them on how i am no role model, they don’t believe me). I don’t want to go into more details because it might be too long.
This secret is killing me, i want to start singing songs (making covers and posting on social media, especially of gospel songs) but guilt prevents me and fear of condemnation. My mind keeps reminding me of all the “naughty” things i have seen and done. You see, my discovery of masturbation and pornography led to a discovery of written pornography etc and i tried to “experiment” it innocently on a platform (i am a learn and put into action what you’ve learnt kind of person) and someone identified me. I ran away and i was so ashamed/ this was about 4 years ago but i am scared of putting myself out anywhere. I have hidden and shut myself from most of the people i know because of fear of being revealed and condemned rather than being understood and helped. My biggest problem now is that i “sincerely like” how i feel when i masturbate, to the point that my mind doesn’t see it is as a harmful act or a sin or wrong. I have noted that porn is a sin after understanding how it falls under fornication and how i feel guilt after viewing it and so i have been doing alot to overcome thins and i thing it is going well. And to be honest, things are going well for me now, i have gone through a journey of finding God all over, i have conquered most of my demons (insecurities etc) so i do not masturbate to relieve those. I just like touching myself now and also I get very aroused every month just before my period and i pleasure myself when i get that way. I still don’t understand why i should have such strong urges and not relieve them by my self? I mean i didn’t create these urges and why do i have to go through fighting them everything month until God gives me my spouse, which is a time i do not even know. Please don’t get me wrong, I would never have sex outside marriage, i have never allowed a boy kiss me let alone touch me, it is against my principles, i know it may sound weird but it is true.
In these 9 years, i have tried all kinds of things, and looked up all kinds of things from true stories from former sex workers in the pornography industry who became christians to real life female christian struggles but still nothing. I recently discovered the need for an accountability partner. I really want to tell someone, you know and have an accountability partner but i fear condemnation and judgment. (I have been a judgemental person). I have friends, family members, a mentor etc and all but it don’t think i can trust anyone with this huge burden ( i call it a burden because it is a secret) i carry, i am scared. Sometimes i think i will just have to wait till when i meet my husband to share this secret with him ( I am 100% sure i will do this because i want a transparent relationship with him whoever he will be). But before then i want to be done with it completely, if not for anything but for the fact that i want to be a virgin in my mind and heart for my husband. I want to be able to explore sex with purity with my Husband (i don’t know how to explain this further ma’am). I have put off even being in a relationship because i really need to figure this out. Please what can you say about all of this?🙁
PS: Please this is the very first time i am revealing this to anyone that isn’t God.
Hi friend!
Thank you for being so open and honest. Sharing this with anyone is not easy, and I am encouraged by your desire to turn from sin and please God. I do think that it is important to tell someone you know about your struggles. While I don’t know who that person might be, I would encourage you to pray about who in your life you can confess to. Ask God to grant them grace and wisdom when you open up to them.
I am praying for you! Keep fighting the good fight.
Blessings,
Moriah
Hello,
I’m 19 and i love Christ. Though I don’t always act like it. My dream is to be a missionary one day. My story is that I have been trying to break my addiction with masturbation for about 3 months now. I dealt with masturbation on a small scale when I was 14, but I quickly stopped because of overwhelming shame and behavioral modification. I know God was there helping me, but I feel like I never completely healed. I began a relationship with a boy in February and we kissed a lot, and it triggered my masturbation problem again. And then one day things went further between me and him. And then suddenly one day I was no longer a virgin. I have always know sex before marriage is wrong. I’ve never chosen to watch porn, and I’ve to this day never wanted to. But masturbation has been my crutch. The “lesser” sin. But also something that causes me so much pain. Me and this boy ended our relationship over a month ago. But masturbation continued, fueled by memories and fantasies. I was so tired of it! I want intimacy with God! It made me doubt my salvation, and gave me way too much guilt. I am a sinner and I am the problem. But Jesus is enough and he’s always been enough. The enemy has used this to wage war against me and I’ve given him a foothold. About three weeks ago I decided to stop. At that point it was a problem everyday, sometimes more than once. But I was good for a week. And then I had a relapse. I was good for 5 days. Relapse. I was good for 3. Relapse today. I don’t want to be afraid but I am. Each time I have said no more. I have pleaded with the lord. But it’s not his fault I keep putting myself in these same situations, thoughts, and give myself triggers sometimes! One good thing out of all of this is how God has shown me how his love for me doesn’t depend on my works, but his righteousness. But he saved me for a LIFE. And ABUNDANT one. I want to suffer for doing the right thing, not the wrong! I want to be close with Christ. And I actually had a wonderful day where I got to share Jesus with a friend and now I feel unworthy and just stupid. Like I feel like my mind is clear after and I think “Why did I even do that?” I actually tried to resist for a while before giving in. I’m tired of the cycle of forgiveness and repeat. I need forgiveness always for any sin in deed, thought, or word. I know I won’t be perfect until l am with Christ. But I want to be free of these weighty chains that hang over my head and steal my joy.
-sincerely, E
hello, i am a very young 12 years old, i have what some of you could call a masturbation addiction. i end up home alone alot with my parents at work and my brother with his dad, so i have a *lot* of free time…… and what i do is not very pure. now i am atheist and simply wish to know how to cut back on watching hentai and masturbating
-lazier xoxo
Hi friend,
Are you using Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability? If not, I would highly recommend that you get started that way! Find a friend or someone you can trust to hold you accountable through Screen Accountability. We have found that when there is accountability, there is recovery.
Blessings,
Moriah