Not too long ago I received an e-mail asking a specific question about lust. The man asked:
Hey Luke,
Personally, God brought me to a brick wall some years back with my porn addiction, and showed me that it had had to end, period. It felt like God hit me with a two-by-four, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He delivered me.
I have not been so successful in the day-to-day comings and goings. I can be over-scrupulous I think, which can make outings a real nightmare of self-scrutiny: “Did I just lust after that woman?” I’ve heard numerous strategies to dealing with seeing beautiful women in day-to-day life, but none of them seem to stick.
It’s not that I’m imagining myself in sexual situations with these women, and many times it’s not even a look that is intense or long-lasting.
This habit is still with me, especially when I’m tired or depressed. It functions just like an addiction. I guess you could call the addiction “curiosity”: trying to discover who the most beautiful woman is in a given place or day.
I just don’t really know a way forward.
I’ve talked to a lot of men with this problem (myself included). I believe, like David Powlison says, sexual sin is mastered at different levels. We might overcome pornography addiction but then we move to an even deeper battle of how we see women (or men) in general.
Here was my reply:
First, I want to suggest to you that asking, “Did I just lust after that woman?” is a good question to be asking. It at least shows you care about holiness. Only a heart made alive by the Spirit of God does this. So when you find yourself asking the question, let that be a trigger to remind you: The very asking is a sign that God is at work in you. Let that be a point of rejoicing for you.
Second, allow yourself the freedom to recognize the thin line between looking and lusting, but keep the two separate, nonetheless. The fact that an attractive woman has caught your eye is as natural as the day is long. “Lusting,” however, is more of an actual craving, a coveting of something. The move from looking to lusting can be a very quick one, but it is very counter-productive beat your conscience down with false guilt.
Instead, when an attractive woman crosses your path, and when you find your eyes lingering, use it as an opportunity to remind yourself of the truths of Romans 8. In that chapter Paul tells us the Spirit in us is alive because of righteousness, but the body is still dead because of sin. As long as we live in these mortal bodies, there will always be a beachhead for sin to exist in our lives. By the power of the Spirit, we can keep from indulging the flesh, but the body is not renewed until the resurrection when Christ returns for his people. Until then we “groan” in our mortal bodies for the day of Christ. Each time you see an attractive woman and feel the pull to keep looking, let it remind you of your ultimate longing, the day when Christ will totally vanquish sin. Thank him for the renewing work he has already done by awakening your soul to the truths of the gospel and giving you a new heart.
Even as I type this, I am prompted to ask myself, “Yeah, okay, but what about defeating the lust once and for all?” In reply to my own frustration, I need to remind myself that as Christians we live in the overlap of the ages: the present age and the age to come. We will and do experience freedom from the power of sin, but we do not yet experience freedom from the presence of sin. Until that day, our experiences of temptation and sin (both ours and those we see around us) are meant to be a catalyst to draw us to our ultimate hope.
Somewhere in the struggle, the more we do this, the more we will find our hearts draw toward Christ and less toward the images of women around us. Though the struggle is real and always present, the struggle becomes more and more a window for the eyes of our soul to treasure the redemption Christ has bought for us.
I am a married woman and I am still trying to understand men. So, if a man is looking at a woman that he finds attractive, and the reason for his looking is because he likes what he sees and finds satisfaction in it, then how does that apply to a man who is married? Should a married man be finding satisfaction in the face and body of a woman besides his own wife? I know I feel hurt when my husband is looking at another woman who is obviously attractive, and I know he is not just looking at her face! He is taking her whole being in. And even if he was just looking at her face, he is still finding some sort of satisfaction in another woman besides me, and one that he is finding very attractive. In the animal world, the word “attract” goes hand in hand with the phrase “to find a mate”. Is it the same with humans, or is it just “no big deal” when a man stops and takes in the beauty of a woman? Just where DOES the line between “looking” and “lust” lie?
The line between looking and lusting is a blurry one, at least in practice. Is there a sense in which a man can look at a woman and admire her beauty the way he admires the beauty of a flower or a sunset? Yes…probably the same way a woman can look at another woman and say, “Wow, she’s very pretty.” But I think men should have a healthy skepticism of their own hearts in this regard. It is far too easy to justify lust if we call it “admiring beauty.” Sin is deceitful (Hebrews 3:13), and men can easily fall into lust’s deceitful trap.
That said, a distinction between looking and lusting is important so men don’t get mired in false guilt. If I see an attractive woman, and I am conscious of the attraction, but then I turn my head away and focus on other things so that I don’t lust after her, I shouldn’t feel an overwhelming guilt that one of God’s many works of beauty happened to cross my path and I took brief notice of it.
I don’t want to over-complicate it. I think most men, if pressed on the matter, know the difference between admiring a woman’s beauty as one made in the image of God and lusting after her, seeing her as just a collection of body parts meant to be consumed as eye-candy. The root of lust is coveting, an over-desire for someone or something. It all starts with looking, but after the initial look, where does the mind go? Does the man’s mind return to his wife as his standard of beauty? Does he heart thank God as the maker of beauty? Or does his mind begin to obsess over her form and turn her into an idol? That is the critical question.
I think the look should be eye to eye and only if there is purpose in the conversation. Looking the room over for the “most beautiful woman” present is clearly not what Jesus would do. If that man wants to admire her like artwork, then he is in denial and not reflecting the virtues of his Savior. We can’t fix our husbands, but we can pray for them and for the Lord to convict them of sin. I could never catch my husband in over thirty years til God disclosed his sin…and now, I refuse to be the “lust police” :). Only God can do the work of purifying a man’s (or woman’s) heart. I am slowly learning this. Panic and pain sometimes rise up within my heart, but I will work on trusting God and my love relationship with Him, even as my husband is working on a closer relationship with God and to be the faithful man he is called to be.
I have to say this, I knw many pretty women, I can look at them, think they are cute, that’s fine, if i am not thinking about wanting sex with them, how am i lusting? What is wrong with thinkin something looks nice, even if it is a woman, and no, i wouldnt mind if i had girlfriend who thinks other men are cute, itd be an issue if she wanted sex with them, but not that they look nice, lookin nice isnt always sexual, you callin Jesus a sinner? He was God in a man’s body (hormones included and the special package), He looked at women, doesn’t mean He lusted after them in His heart. THIS is the problem with religious people, they forget love, they judge, forget to look in the mirror, and are really angry miserable wrecks, why else do many run from Christianity? It’s because of the religious *&)%$% who say they are christian, yet dont love,1st John 5:8, whoever doesnt love doesnt know God because God is love (not a tyrannical monster). GOD IS LOVE
I’m all about Christians showing love, but I completely agree (as does this article) that there is a difference between lusting and thinking someone looks nice.
This is total truth. And the exact way I feel. 😢
Listen up folks, I am a christian woman.I am married and have two children. I consider myself a victim of the lusting of other men. I see them looking me up and down. They rest their eyes on certain body parts. Then look me straitght in the eyes. If I am too nervous or surprise by their behavior and say nothing, they try to be I my personnal space.Then they try to touch me in ok places but tell me dirty or polite things concerning the facts that I look “good”. I have to be a b**** so they don’t go on with their tactics. I hate it because it makes me feel dirty, like I would be naked in front of them, like I’m a piece of chocolate cake. When I need to push them away it breaks the relationship, it makes my life less enjoyable because I don’t if my new family friend, coworker or neighbor will loose his politeness and begin lusting after me. I see them ans I think about their wife and kids. It makes me sad. I had to change church because of this.I had to have a discussion with 3 of my coworkers. My husband had to confront a christion brother who has a ministry in that church because of something he did to me in church when nobody was around. I dress properly ans ask my husband if he aproves of what I am wearing. But this keepa happening and I can’t just ignore all of them because they get too cloose and try to seduce me. We have a hard time to keep friends because of this.I am always nefvous when a new couple comes in our lives. I never know how it will turn out.
Lust is not from God. It comes from the evil one. It begins at Garden of Eden.
I’m single, I’m only 17, but Im struggiln with lust, just what is it?
Lust is an appetite given by God out of control. It is when things God made you for are not being used for the purpose he designed them for. Illegitimate sexual desire, Love of money (the need to provide) Gluttony,
Here a recent story of two American Islam students.
Aliya, a 20-year-old student at the University of Georgia, wears the hijab, or headscarf. She also wears clothes that cover everything but her face and hands, attire that is also referred to as hijab.
“You often see in many societies women being objectified because of how they look or being disrespected,” she says. The hijab, she says, helps “force people who may be otherwise unwilling to take the focus off of our physical appearance.”
Nadia (who asked that her last name not be given) similarly covers most of her body and goes a step further by covering her face—excluding her eyes—with a piece of fabric known as the niqab.
The 25-year-old mother of two doesn’t believe it’s a practice that Islam mandates, but that it draws her closer to God.
Women should be covered in public so as to not tempt a man to sin. This is the one thing Islam has right.
Patman, you could not be any more wrong. You do not defeat sin with legalist standards for women. I grew up with that. Sin is a heart problem and it will manifest itself one way or another. Islamic men can be just as lust filled and as any man. They still fulfill it. The have porn issues and their prostitutes still obey the “law in dress” Muslim girls still get raped and sexually abused. What they wear does not change it, in fact it may make it worse because of the “curiosity” The issue is the heart of the man. I have struggled with lust, even in legalist settings. The girls wore skirts to their ankle and long sleeves. I still had issues. Only Jesus can break that sin, not the law. I have to bring my heart to Jesus in order to be free. Women that immodest shouldn’t be surprised by men looking at them, however, I have friends that very modest and men still look. Do not punish women because men think with organs other than their brains.
100%
I have been married 30 years and know that there is nothing more hurtful and damaging to a marriage relationship than knowing that your husband is gawking away at women that walk by him and he isn’t paying the same attention to you! In fact, this very “habit” has destroyed our sex life. It has become non-existent though we are still married.
Remember, “You reap what you sow.” :(
“I have been married 30 years and know that there is nothing more hurtful and damaging to a marriage relationship than knowing that your husband is gawking away at women that walk by him and he isn’t paying the same attention to you! In fact, this very “habit” has destroyed our sex life. It has become non-existent though we are still married.”
Put on a little weight since the wedding? TELL THE TRUTH.
Georgia, so sorry for your pain. His sin is not your fault. No matter if you have gained weight.(@ wiseguy) It is not about how you look. Even Hollywood’s most beautiful can’t keep their spouses faithful. You have been deeply and unfairly wounded and betrayed. I too discovered my husband’s lustful habits after 30 years of marriage. Yes, I put on weight. (@wiseguy :) But even when I was in my 20’s and weighing 110 lbs (20 lbs under my marriage weight), my husband was lusting after other women. I am still married to my husband whom I love and adore. But I have been deeply hurt in a way that has damaged me and my marriage. I am thankful that through the Every Man’s Battle conference, my husband has a new hope and freedom from the sin which so easily beset him. Men…don’t play with this…don’t risk looking because she is beautiful; she isn’t yours, she is not a piece of art, or an object, and she is certainly not worth risking lust and burning in hell for all eternity. Do you know that lustful addiction and lying go hand in hand? You can’t have one without the other. Who is it that you want to be. Who are you really…in secret when nobody is looking? Are you experiencing shame? Then something in not right.
True but a huge difference in your husband who’s doesn’t care not even trying at least this kid is trying to do what’s right.
Indeed
Don’t listen to the other person that replied to this… he’s a “smart one” or at least he thinks…
I don’t agree with it as I am currently struggling with this, he will look at nudity in all sorts and its making me angry and I am considering leaving because he won’t change even though I’ve thrown hints and even yelled and stuff.. I’ve thrown a where if you don’t do this I’ll leave at him, I did that out of anger… I really don’t know what do do, he knows it hurts me and I don’t think he really even cares anymore because in my mind its cheating on your significant other and God. More on the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with and make them happy etc etc
While I agree Catina’s response sounded angry, no one stopped to consider her wounds sound fresh. And she deserves to be angry. Most men, my husband included, don’t ever “get” how their actions, whatever they may be, deeply wound their wives and just wish they could “move on.” This blatant insensitivity serves only to lengthen the time required to heal – if it ever happens.
Luke, you mostly hit the nail on the head in your response – it was compassionate, non-judgmental and caring. I believe that is what most people who come here (including Catina) are looking for. You did, however, totally neglect what I consider a critical point in the original poster’s statement: “I guess you could call the addiction “curiosity”: trying to discover who the most beautiful woman is in a given place or day.”
Really?? This statement shows willful intent. This is a “game” to him? Looking to compare and judge? To what end? Why is it so important to find the “most beautiful” woman? What makes a woman “most beautiful”? Is that not one more barometer in the search for perfection that drives men BACK to porn use? I find that, indeed, to be a most dangerous game, and you fell short in not addressing it.
Hi Elsa,
In my personal interactions with this individual (outside this series of comments), I was led to believe he was truly remorseful for his actions. Certainly he is relabeling his lust as “curiosity,” and this was the point of my reply to him. He needs to discern when his eye is drawn to a woman out of mere attraction and when it is being drawn away in lust.
Keep in mind: his “curiosity addiction” (as he calls it) was a confession on his part, not a justification. The very fact that he was writing me in distress over it was evidence that he isn’t proud of this tendency. I wasn’t at all disturbed by this admission because he was recognizing it at a problem he wanted to stop.
Perhaps that didn’t come through very clear in his comment, and for that I apologize.
As for dealing with the beauty question: You are right; he needs to address this issue (as do most men). I hoped my reply would help him to get to the root of why lust seems to be perpetual for him. I really believe we live in a state of tension in this life: the flesh and the Spirit will always battle one another. Even if we are promised victory in the battle, we are not promised removal from the battle. This was the heart of my response to him: I don’t want him to feel undue guilt for this struggle, but rather, I want him to use the struggle as a window through which he can cling to his redemption.
I hope that makes sense.
He’s NOT looking to see which one is “beautiful” he’s staring that their breasts and butts. Men act like animals then whine that women don’t respect them. Typical.
Very true, men do not know how some of us woman have been hurt, used, abused, raped and much more, it hurts and though we may not show it, have respect we deserve it. Were not here just for your nasty eyes, we are Gods children too.
Great wisdom! Thanks, Luke.
Thank You for writing this. You took the words out of my head and mouth. I have quite literally said those words, “Did I just lust after that women?” As I am still trying to break pronography with 19 months of sobriety I struggle everyday with lingering eyes. As I am still trying to recover from losing my wife and kids, I find myself wrestling with ideas in my head, saying, “is the one? or would we be good sexually? how would we date? I know these sound crazy but all of them make be lingerie and lust after that “passing pretty women.” God Bless!
I have a question. Can a married man look at a naked woman and not lust or have thoughts or desire??
This infuriates me! Who are you to be looking at these women anyway? Did God give them to you? Do they belong to someone else like a husband, father, or brother? How can you say because a woman is beautiful you can look as long as you don’t lust? What the heck is that? Aren’t you married?
How can anyone look at what God made holey and minimise it as something you “struggle” with looking at? God put His spirit in all of us. So you are stealing from Him when you steal that look at that wife, mother, sister, or friend. That is Gods daughter and you make us common! We are made in His image, how can you lust over Gods image?
Hi Catina. Not sure if you read this man’s actual comment, but this is obviously something he’s not proud about. The very reason the post was written was to give advice to men who want to overcome this tendency. I agree with you as far as lust is concerned: it is a sin, it is offensive to. God. But if merely knowing that made this man lust any less, he probably would have stopped by now. My goal in this post was to help this guy fight this sin under the power of the gospel.
So what does that mean, Catina? Are men not allowed to look at women anymore? Maybe we should all wear blinders like a horse. Take it easy on this guy, he is taking steps to deal with his sins, and he is seeking help. My own wife understands my struggles, and she prays for me and supports me in them. We can’t you be as understanding? I’ll leave you to ponder the words of our Lord:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. – Matt. 5:28 KJV
Jesus said looking at a woman to lust after her is sin. He didn’t say it was a sin to look at a woman, but we must watch the manner in which we look. Also, Jesus used the word adultery in this verse, which applies to married men lusting after other women, or single men lusting after married women. If this verse applied to single people, we wouldn’t have procreation.
This is the true problem we have people. …please listen lust is a sin that we all struggled with 1 time or another but it’s the grace of Jesus that forgive us thru over repentance. .I read catinas concerns but I’m not here condemn no one but ! ….we all play apart in lust example 1. Catina what about the woman who dresses proactive and lustfully don’t you know that’s a sin for a woman to so call dress to look sexy..the bible say any woman or man dresses to look sexy is very sinful or just bad because you’re provoking the lust !! So when a woman where tight close or show skin or wear bikini or a man is shirtless is provoking sin so basically you get what you get from worldly people and some Christian’s cause you’re showing your body..I’ve always believed man’s biggest fall is a woman. So catina read the scriptures it’s specific about provoking someone to lust you’re just as at fault as the luster cause you started the fire!…Amen and Blessings to everyone!
I agree with Catina. I’ve HAD IT with men’s excuses ! BUT IT’S NATURAL they whine! They don’t care about scripture, just the pathetic little sausage between their legs. Until men stop acting like entitled pigs, women WON’T and SHOULD NOT respect them. Does your husband leer at other women? Next time he does this, remember an the next time you are being intitimate, grab him by the balls, look him in the eye and squeeze HARD. Then say, “The next time I catch you looking at other women I’m not going to squeeze, I’m going to rip them off. Got it, buddy?” Men are pathetic. You want RESPECT? EARN IT!
I totally get Catina, and agree. Elsa also summed it up well! The comment by “men are pigs” made me smile, but I also get the pain where she is obviously coming from. Women have been crushed by men’s lustful ways. Instead of seeing how close to the line they can get without sinning….shouldn’t Christian men be seeing how far they can stay from the line and thus walk as Christ did? If men want to be free from their sin of lust/porn, then they should confess their sin…not minimize it, not justify it, not normalize it. Own it and repent. The truth sets you free.
I look at everyone…. men woman children babies because I am human yeah if I were lusting after everyone I’m sure I’d be sick but no I do not lust but yes I do look… it’s human nature…. I think looking gives me an additional reassurance that we are all here together and I am never alone spiritually or physically… so as to your comment that I don’t have permission to look ? Because I’m not her brother for father or husband? Well I guess after marriage I’m suppose to gouge my eyes out with a fork or something….. because there are.much to many people on this earth I don’t have permission to look at. My overall comment. Shut your face and listen for a moment.
Dear catina I will look. Even if youre a nun I will look as much as I please because God gave me eyes but no worries I’m sure you are not very interesting looking so you won’t hold my attention any longer than the average porn star. I’d probably look away. But still look. Get over it
I been married to I thought was a great guy. The dating was just a front of a honeymoon event that within two weeks after marriage, dennis started flirting with a married lady, telling me how beautiful she is, how her body is so great, he sat and watch her wait on tables. Each day he went nuts over her. I finally met her and she didn’t even know he was married. After several months, her husband and her got sick of him lusting after her, people was staring at him and talking. He didn’t care. He told me if I wanted to go back home, start walking. Then a lady at church, she was married. They held hands before church, whispering to each other, while i stood and watched. People stood and watch two married people lusting. She even pushed me away when i tried to intervene. He allowed her to do so. He sat and stared at her for 55 minutes of service each Sunday. After several months I ask the pastors to come out of their offices and watch them having sex without the physical part. They did and was in shock. She started calling him. I had to stop going to church to get away from all the stress he had caused me. He is up to 60 ladies now , as young as 16 he stares at. We can’t go in public without him coming on to a blonde. He loves blondes mostly. He is in counseling and took a personality test to vertified that he is always right, want omit he is wrong, tells lies to keep me from screaming at him, he is blaming it on his mother, lack of love. Of course he has to blame his lusting on someone. I am sick from stress, high blood pressure , can’t sleep. I use to live a quite life and for two years he has made me life hell. I go to a counselor to relief some stress. The counselor said, he is never going to change, he been doing it for over 50 years, he admitted it I need to move on without him. He calls himself a Christian, that is a laugh. We sat in a concert and he invited a 20 something to sat with us, so he can flirt with her. for 45 minutes he begged her to join him. Not me. I ask him to stop, he said NO I want her to be with me. She told him to leave her alone. He called her stupid. I stood up in the concert like I did other concerts and said Go get some sex. and I left. I talk to our new pastor and he had two talks with him about the Bible. He annoyed him, the next Sunday he is trying to flirt with a 18 yr blonde. Each Sunday he sats and stares until the pastor and wife told him to stop again. The 3th time he does it, he is out of the church door. They will not allow such horrible sex behavior in church. He loves women, staring at their butts walking, then there faces and legs walking. He just stands there like a statue.
Well, Nancy, this is such a hard story for me to hear. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to live in it all the time. I’m glad you’ve gotten professional advice already; it certainly sounds like his behavior is totally entrenched, and he’s not willing to work on his problems. You can see the terrible impact his behavior has on you. The hard part is deciding what you want to do about all this. I wonder if you saw Ella’s post a couple of weeks ago? That might help as you think through where to go from here. Also, I hope that you are finding support just for YOU in all this. Personal counseling just for you would be great. Groups can be a huge help as well: S Anon, Al Anon, Celebrate Recovery are all good places to check for support. Blessings, Kay
Ugh the excuses. Please read every man’s battle and learn ton”bounce” your eyes not just for your wife’s sake bit for the sake of the woman you are lusting for. Covenant eyes I’m surprised you are supporting this???
You’re right, Missy, that excuses get you nowhere. The key to recovery and a healthy life is personal responsibility. Thanks for speaking up! Kay
Jesus over came Satan by the testimony of His mouth, by speaking God’s Word to Satan.
The only way to completly overcome and Conquer our weakness in the flesh is through The Power Of God’s Word.
After all God is the only One True Power in The Universe, so draw nigh unto God and He WILL draw nigh unto thee.
Pray to be Babtized by The Holy Spirit, so that He gives you The discernment of Spirits, so that you will automatically know that is Satan’s deceitful methods that snares those who are weak in the Spirit, and the flesh.
No man, no man can overcome, divide and Conquer even the littlest of weakness, only Through tapping into The Power of God by being filled of the Spirit can conquer anything.
Saturate yourself in God’s Word.
Lean not on your own understanding but live by every word out of God’s mouth.
Remember who you are in Christ Jesus, He is the way the truth and the life, there is no other way but by Him and in Him and through Him.
If you are Luke warm He WILL spue you out of His Mouth.
Be ye perfect as He is perfect, and yes its possible to be perfect in God’s eyes, when we repent with a contrite aka broken spirit and ask Jesus who sits on the right hand Of The Father in innercessory prayer for us, beg Him forgiveness of all of your sins and ask Him to put all of your sins under the Blood, The Redeeming Blood of Jesus, and say out loud, in The Name Of Jesus,
And believe that you have received it before it has come to pass with no doubt, and it will be fufilled in Justus Name
Geez settle down. Youre gonna pop like a balloon.
I see that you are very upset about this issue. Perhaps women should be covered from head to toe in your opinion? Should we not look at our neighbors new car? I mean, it belongs to him after all. I would not be surprised to find out that some man has hurt you badly and your unforgivingness is seriously swaying your opinion sister. Lust is a sin, attraction is not, nor is merely noticing the presence of an attractive person. Praise be to God that we find each other attractive or there’d be none of us left. Any person who is a new creation in Christ has the Holy Spirit to guide them and I think we all know where the lust line is drawn. If you don’t know where that line is I suggest talking to your pastor or reading scripture.
hi am not sure if i understand your comment here…. do you say there is something wrong with looking at something?. do you close your eyes each time an object wallked your path?…. How about God looking at what he created and saw it was good. Do you see something as good without looking at it. However the problem is not in the looking but in the thought of the heart. When you look, what do you see.. an object of sexual desire or something God has wonderfuly made.. hence from the heart of a man comes evil thought….. and these are what defile a man.
The Bible teaches that when someone is caught in sin to gently restore them. This man is battling to please God, the last thing he needs is for anyone to be harsh with him. This is not loving. This is a struggle that men have and most women do not understand. I think it is awesome that God has delivered you from porn. Keep battling to please God. I struggled with porn for years and I am now free. I also battle lust so I know the challenge you face. Do not pay attention to the harsh words, they are spoken out of ignorance and anger.
Jesus summed it up best when he said he that is without sin cast the first stone. Are any of us here perfect? No for some reason women seem to have this idea that men should be perfectly clean and never ever look at a woman especially married men, I’m a married man myself and have succumbed to the lust of the flesh it wasn’t right and my wife was very angry and with good reason but to say to someone be perfect okay great now you ladies especially married ladies have you never felt anything for any other person ever and if you say no you’re probably lieing but let’s say you have now magnify that urge times ten and make it something that you are constantly bombarded with half dressed people and tell me you would never feel anything? Men and women are very different sexually and that’s the way God made us, men don’t have the same nurturing feelings for an offspring as a woman generally so God gave us that very strong desire to be mated with a woman and it is very hard for us to just shut it off God knows i try very hard but because we are imperfect God knew we needed a savior and we’re imperfect is that not why Jesus came to save an imperfect people? I know it is almost a sin to say it but the truth is the truth and someone needs to come out and say it so I will, there is something about the female physce that says married men should never ever under any circumstances ever look at another woman with lust and while technically that is totally correct but are you telling me that no married woman has ever looked at another man and lusted after him horse manure, nobody’s perfect and we are all of a sin nature so the next time that I without even meaning to do so look up and the first time a half dressed but gorgeous woman that the devil has placed right in my line of sight from out of nowhere to unsuccessfully tempt me and then when the first thing that pops out of my mouth is God please forgive me maybe just maybe my co-workers will forget about the shame on you your wife is working for you blah blah blah speech and say hey he truly is repentant and does have God in his heart and is trying his best to live a upright life pleasing unto the Lord best as he can. Now drop your stones people please the kid is trying and I know it’s very hard but thank God he is trying would it be preferable that he continues ponography? God forbid the church needs to learn some understanding love and forgiveness especially in this category. And men should guard thier hearts against lust of the eyes and lust of the flesh and the pride of life (preaching to myself mostly) but above all else if you do fail ask God for forgiveness of your sin, no one else can offer that, not other women not even your wives but God only and when temptations come nobody can take away the forgiveness that he alone can give. Lest we not forget that the woman in this story at the beginning of my comment is the one caught in the act but Jesus told her to go and sin no more thank God he didn’t shame her as people have tried to on here and if we are to be like Jesus isn’t that what we should do also?
Its funny how so called Christians can always seem to fined an argument or striff in the afflictions of others. It is no wonder that scripture says that in the last days the love of many will grow cold. It is not a sin to look at a woman but it is to desire her intimate parts carnally. Anger will always blind and twist the truth because it is harvested from a seed of evil. I counsel you to consider your thoughts and take them captive to the presence of Christ were you can dissect them under the microscope of truth when those situations occur. Were your eyes drawn or was your desire for something else over taken. In His presence their is light that will expose every grey area of your matters. I am no scholar but the bible says that the Spirit will lead you into all truth. Be free from your anxieties and release your self into His grace for He will come and deliver you from bondage.
It appears the moral cops are busy. Once again there are those trying to justify their actions and perceptions while imposing judgment. . Instead of attacking each other try suspending judgment for once and look at things from a different angle. Our natural human instinct is to be desired and to look upon beauty to be adored. However, the little discussed area is how the ego in us all seeks power and control and this is the fine line between lust and observation of what we personally call beautiful. A woman adorns herself to attract a suitor for marriage. The issue here once she decides upon her mate then she is considered off limits. Yet, often women unconciously still like to look all dolled up to feel like she still has that appeal. Yet, the wasted goal of looking attractive only to catch a man to marry her then just stop looking attractive for her husband after is a waste. Yet, the problem is people think the grass is greener elsewhere. Men and women compare against each other. The guy who gets the prom queen tends to believe he got a trophy and wants to show it off to everyone. Yet, its best to consider one idea be careful what you ask for as you may get more than you are willing to bargain for. Sometimes not everyone or everything is what its all cracked up to be. The song of solomon was all about lust and desire over a woman who King David was not allowed to have. Yet, knowing he was married already he still wanted bathsheba and she too was married. Davids resolve was to send her husband out to battle hoping he would be out of the picture so he could have his wife to himself. A quality of power and lust that is no doubt frowned upon. Yet, after realizing what he did to send someone out to their death just to have a one time moment with a girl David realized what a horrible thing he did. The judgment is seeing what the power and difference between love and lust can do to destroy ones life. People battle themselves everyday with their desires of what is morally right or wrong yet, if we act upon those things if we have any conscience we know it and we are guided accordingly. I personally struggle over a lady friend who is married as I had a few near close encounters but stopped myself knowing I cared enough about her not to ruin her life over a one time moment. Overall, being human is very hard and being spiritual and understanding self and our connection with God is also difficult. Trying to find the balance between without judging condemning criticizing etc. is even tougher on each other yet Christians are the first to pick on each other rather than seek moral guidance in a positive note. Jesus came not to condemn as he knows we do a good enough job ourselves. So, to those who want to throw stones first check yourself then you may have justice.
Instead of it infuriating you, you should have compassion on people that do struggle with certain sins.. Really, your first initial response should be “I will be praying for you”. I would imagine that there are things that you struggle with two because B is in May, we all have a sinful nature.
It’s called being human and very imperfect! The same goes for looking at attractive men! If you can go from day to day without seeing someone beautiful and admiring that then I’m happy for you!
Joseph- I agree with almost everything journey sid except looking and lusting as a single man being ok. That most certainly is sinful and not ok. This is why courtship and not dating is so important. This helps ensure that young men are not lusting, but father seeking a partner. They also are not leading on young girls hearts to be broken. It is a process in which they look for a wife with the counsel of their family and church and through prayer. We do not encourage our boys to look lustfully at women at all. They have no outlet if they burn in passion. Nor is it healthy to demean women in this manner. They are to preserve their lists for their wives. Do they fail in this? Sure. But, it shouldn’t be encouraged, but rather discouraged. It doesn’t require single guys lusting and looking around to procreate. If they are truly seeking Gods will, they will not be seeking a wife through outwardly vain measures, but rather one that will be a spiritual partner. I guarantee if a man follows Gods design for marriage he will find his wife to be the standard of beauty without seeking that first or making it a priority. Its important that we always combine scripture with our conscience. We are spirit led as well. Our 16 year old son knows well enough that it is not right on several levels to lust after women. He is in prayer daily over this and has accountability partners. His walk means everything to him and he sees lust as an enemy he fights daily.
Its not lust its covet its a mistranslation, yes you can look at a women and even be attracted to her without being in some mortal sin, the passage is not talking about that, its talking about looking in person in a way that is thinking of having an actual affair with that person, which then could lead to that, that is the real danger and what that scripture is addressing.
Thanks for this, Scott. I think objectifying another person is the real problem: I’m willing to use that other person to gratify myself in some way, rather than thinking of them as a real person with eternal value and worth, my fellow image-bearer.
That’s is so true, men and women try to find a loop hole, too be able to keep looking with bad intentions. When us women do not want it, we still get treated like meat.
Here, I see many comments that are full of perversion, anger, laughter, judgement, and many more wicked emotions that are far from God. This page truly shows the struggles of many, not just one man.
So, let us all pray that each other finds peace, and destroys their struggles. Let us also pray for the people that have read, and will read the entire page, as well. Let us pray that their souls are not affected by the negativity on this page and may them remain vigilant and sober-minded. Let us also pray for the ones who truly come here because they struggle with the same issue. Let us pray for those seeking advice in man, and that they turn to the bible, because only God’s word will not fail them. Let us pray that through God’s word and God’s word only, they begin to reach others, as well.
God please watch over all of my brothers and sisters. May peace be with you all.
Catina, coming from a man, yes I am a man and I agree with you that lust is wrong. I am on no ones side regarding this but we must be careful of judging one another. God gave us, both men and women attractiveness, not lust, that was created by sin when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit. Sexual lust is gazing at another woman or man and desiring to have sex with them by imagining it in thier thinking. Many men and women are guilty of that.I would not consider attractivenes to someones beauty a sin. God made everyone beautiful. God is beautiful. Its a sin when we gaze innapropitately for long time at a persons body parts intentionally by choice when we are tempted to lust and this honestly can be with how a woman is dressed. With no disrespect some woman dress almost without any close on in public in the summer and men show off their abbs in the summer shirtless in the summer. Attractivessness regarding beauty is okay as long as we dont cross certain boundaries. Honestly, I find a woman attractive when they respect themselves by dressing in a way where men with no respect will take advantage by lusting. I find their personality attractive. Both men and women who think like that should. Job in the bible said, I have made a convenant with my eyes not to look at a young woman with lust with my eyes. Somewhere else in the bible says that we men ought to look at young woman like sisters and and older woman as mothers. This can apply to both sexes. Attractivess is not sin, lust is and looks always dont mean evrything because everyone is beautful in Gods eyes. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Attractiveness is when you have a good heart, that only God him self can create. King David said, create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me. God bless you.
The act of looking at one another in order to form a healthy LOVING relationship is as natural as the birds of the sky Catina. Maybe you walk around all day looking at everyone as a vessel of the Spirit, and that is wonderful, but for many of us who have dealt with addiction to drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc and are trying to turn our lives around and walk in the light it is very discouraging to read this.
Hear, hear! Proverbs recommends it is not wise to look too long on another’s beauty. Why? Because of predicaments like those in the article. Now neat distinctions have to be made up as a mask to cover the fact looking, lusting are the same. Looking leads to lust inevitably. However, to not look too long, really means–practically, that you will perceive and become aware of a smoke show heading down the street. You simply do not look when you identify what’s coming your way. A man must ignore, absolutely. Just a slight wiggle, a little dress, some tight jean shorts, are enough to put a man in candy land. There is no looking.
I’ve read many of the comments and am at a crossroads. On the one hand, I agree with many of the women here that men should not excuse the sin of lust. It is unexcusable. However, I am saddened by the attitude of many on here. Jesus taught to love everyone, He easily could have condemned those who sinned. Yet He decided to love them. He taught lessons of course but he never guilt tripped anyone. The general attitude of this comment section is one of condement, and “ugh why don’t you just stop.”
There seems to be very little understanding and empathy here. If you think it is so easy to stop lusting, then why don’t you stop lying? Lying is a sin right, so why can’t you just stop? I just ask everyone to empathize a little and keep in my mind that we are all the children of God and suppose to look out for one each other.
Wow I have been in the ministry for 35years and I have never seen such harse unforgiving comments of someone who is struggling with a question.this brother was delivereoffd from porn,now he’s struggling with the question If I look at a women did I must.first off only God and you know if you are looking with the intent to lust.David saw bath-sheba the bible says the woman was very beautiful to look at.James 1,14 say every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust,and enttice.15 then when lust has conceived it bring forth sin.now if someone is wAlking in front of me with tight pants are a short dress I can not close my eyes and walk so I have a choice I can turn and go another way if it is affecting me in such a way I’m looking to a please my flesh.David continues to look until lust was conceived in his heart and it became and act of sin the mi Ute he sent for her the look was temptation to call for her was the sin.when you are will to move mountains to get to are see that person it has become lust in your heart.but to merely look at someone you see is not a man being a dog..people are so hard on this man who is seeking wisdom concerning this so the spirit is working in his life please don’t kill him because you are noting struggling with this.but I would say you are struggling with something yourself.as I told my friend a few days ago if the doctor tell you not to drink Pepsi and you already don’t like Pepsi you would have no problem saying no,but if you love coke and he tell you to stop ,there’s and strong chance you will struggle giving that up.minister to people and help not destroy them.
Is it lust to think about having sex w/ a woman w/ Out pursuing her ? Just thinking w/ no action ? God made us sexual beings, he made disire and lust. Jesus lusted, but “ not in a sexual way. If disire didn’t enter your heart and you don’t pursue, Is it stil lust ? Please help me, I’m struggling w/ this. Thanks & God Bless.
Let’s not beat around the bush. Jesus and his twelve apostles were ‘eunuchs for the kingdom of God’ who had set their sights only on the kingdom of God. In the Revelation we are told that the servants of God ‘follow the Lamb wherever he goes, they are not defiled by women for they are virgins [eunuchs for the kingdom], no lie is found in their mouths and they are blameless before God.” “Everyone who says they abide in Christ should walk the way Jesus walked.” Christ calls us to walk the same way he walked and will empower us to do so IF we ask him. Its time to pursue ‘the imitation of Christ’, who is ‘the first fruit of many brothers’.
I love that comment I agree
I agree with catina! Quit justifying your sin
The line between looking and lusting is not a thin line. If one considers that a thin line, his or heart is in a very bad place of coveting already. Also, comparing coveting and objectifying an attractive woman and feeling the pull to keep looking to a reminder of the ultimate longing of the day when Christ will totally vanquish sin is way off base.
Bottom Line, God’s Word instructs us to RUN from sin, to not trust our own hearts, to be holy as God is holy. Everything we think and do is to first and foremost be glorifying to God, because our first responsibility and highest calling is to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, and mind. In this situation of lust and in every situation in a Believer’s life, we are to do whatever it takes to be like Christ.