Covenant Eyes Radio – Episode 126
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Today we are playing the first part of our interview with Darren and April Mabrey.
Four years into their marriage, April found pornography on Darren’s computer. At the time Darren was attending seminary in training to be a minister. April shares for us the pain of that first discovery and the cycle of sin and discovery that continued for years, eventually leading to April leaving Darren.
Darren also shares his thoughts on what kept him so trapped in pornography and what will bring guys who are trapped in this sin to the breaking point.
For more information visit DarrenMabrey.com.
Starting to haaaaate my partner of 23yrs 3children later. I see him as a dirty old man. I was 15 he was 30. I felt sooo special as he listened not just heard everything I said. He took part in our (now realise my) conversations. Made me feel sooo special,important only beautiful smart lady for him. Told me of dreams of amazing oral satisfaction without a face must b me I’m told. Well when he got wasted on Valium he said certain things that opened my eyes n destroyed me. He keeps telling me I’m the only fridgit bitch who thinks porn is dirty sinful window shopping. If I need better curtains I’ll look in a shop for an idea. Same thing. Since I’ve founded out about theporn ( no effort needed just take not share) I have trouble feeling sexy let alone pretty enough to b loved or desired. He is sooo cold hearted n selfish doesn’t have time to hear me or give me unless its negative.. In which case I’m told its my fault I made him do it. I need to feel loved n special, at least to him.. HELP ME/US!! Our relationship n family is disintegrating. I love him sooooo much but every hour of every day I’m dying bit by bit. I try to discuss it to be told what’s wrong with you your the only bitch who has a problem or get told shutup I don’t want to hear it.
Hey there.
Well, it sounds like your relationship got off to an unhealthy start, frankly. A 30 year old having a sexual relationship with a 15 year old is called statutory rape. A child, by law, cannot consent. So to me, professionally speaking, it sounds like an abusive relationship from the beginning.
I would encourage you to find a counselor who can help you process your situation, and consider what healthy boundaries will look like for you. Here and here are a couple of articles on boundaries.
Of course you need to feel loved and special. You ARE loved and special! Your life should reflect that! Whether or not your husband is capable of expressing that truth and reality? I don’t know. At this point, it sounds like he doesn’t do that. Maybe he can learn, but he will need to do some serious work and make big changes. I don’t know if he’s willing. That means you might have to make some tough choices.
When you feel like you’re dying bit by bit in a relationship, that is often a sign that the person you’re married to has serious problems that prevent him from interacting in healthy ways. Of course that is painful and terrible for you! A marriage should be life-giving, not death-bringing, to your spirit.
In a healthy relationship, you should be able to bring up difficult things, you should be able to talk about how you’re feeling, and your partner should be interested in listening and he should care about your pain. When you try to have those conversations and you’re met with verbal abuse, then your partner has problems which he needs to resolve.
This sounds like a terribly painful place to be. I’m so, so sorry. But I also want you to know that there is hope, there is healing, and there are people who will love and support you in a way that reflects your value as a person. I hope you’ll reach out to a counselor today.
Peace to you, Kay
Good see more support for couples on this issure. Sometimes, too many times, the help for the partner and lacking or inadequate. The hope and recovery is more successful when both get the help and support they need, Breaking Free is one of the best Christian books on sex addiction. I use it for my support groups.