Editor’s Note: The ChristianNymphos blog is no longer active. For current information on pornography in marriage, check out this article.
I recently had the opportunity to interview the founders of the very popular blog, ChristianNymphos. This website with a memorable name has been visited by thousands of people. The founders were kind to answer some of my questions about their site and its purpose. Thanks, CN Spice Girls, for your time!
(Please note: this site is for married women and presents a Christian perspective on sexuality; as such, it covers many adult themes.)
What was the catalyst for the website, ChristianNymphos.org?
We had become friends through our involvement on The Marriage Bed forum and had developed a unique friendship that we didn’t have with our other girlfriends. What made it unique is that we could talk to one another about our sex lives without fear of being judged or shunned. We found it helpful to have other women give us feedback on struggles we were encountering and also appreciated being able to celebrate the good things. Whether we were struggling with temptation in a certain area of our sexuality or we had just learned something new with our husbands, we found it helpful to let go of the notion that we don’t “kiss and tell.”
Without disrespecting the relationship we have with our husbands, we shared what we were learning and found that it was helpful for everyone. We started Christian Nymphos so that we could extend the opportunity for a place like that to other women.
The word “nympho” refers to a woman with an excessive or unhealthy sexual craving, but you seem to think it is healthy and biblical for a woman to crave sex with her husband. Why choose the name “nympho” for your site?
Our homepage will explain this in greater detail, but we used the term nympho because it describes how abnormal it can make a woman feel when she has a strong desire for sex, especially in the church. We are constantly hearing messages that indicate that in a normal Christian marriage, the man is the one who wants sex and the woman is the one who wants emotional connection. We say that we want both and we are not ashamed about it. We embrace ourselves as sexual beings and as women who take pleasure in our marriage beds.
What’s your mission as a web-based ministry? Who’s the target readership of ChristianNymphos?
Our mission is to teach married women to walk in sexual freedom with their husbands so that they will be able to reach out and help to free the women in their lives. Our target audience is women. Specifically, women who want to embrace their sexuality as God intended.
Have you received any negative criticism from emails or comments? Do people misunderstand your intentions?
We do hear from the occasional critic, and we have been mocked or made fun of on a few websites. But for every negative comment we get, we probably receive 20 positive and supportive comments. We do understand that many people view the subject of “Marital Intimacy” as private and aren’t comfortable discussing it outright as we do at Christiannymphos.org; however, our intentions have never been to titillate or cause people to stumble in their walk with Christ. We are simply trying to reach out to married women and minister to marriages.
You have a whole category, “Spices We Leave on the Shelf,” about sexual boundaries. You mention things like pornography, erotica, etc. I assume you’ve received quite a few questions from women about their husbands using pornography. Do you notice any commonalities among their stories?
The women who write in to us about their husband’s pornography addiction are usually full of a mixture of emotions. They feel disgusted, ashamed, humiliated, guilty, frustrated, angry, hurt, and confused. They are grieving, feeling defeated, unsure, scared, and some try to be hopeful. The same two questions usually come up: (1) What can I do to help my husband break this addiction? (2) How can I/we get past what he has done? Pornography addiction can be so destructive to marriages, and wives need help in figuring out what they can be doing to help their husbands overcome this.
You’ve had articles on some “controversial” stuff. Have some thought your posts were too “sexually explicit”? Are you concerned about this? How do you handle these sorts of objections or concerns?
We addressed these concerns in our article: “Does Reading the CN Blog Turn You On?” Any concerns we had were laid to rest. We have received countless emails from women across the world who write in to tell us how thankful they are that we tackle all the topics that we do, in the way that we do. We aren’t afraid to bring up sensitive topics because these are the topics that husbands and wives need to be discussing themselves. Communication is so important, and if we can help a couple to talk about something that they may have been too embarrassed to discuss before visiting our site, then that’s wonderful!
Do you have favorite testimonies from women or couples you have helped?
We’ve been doing this for just about 2 years now, and I am sure that each of us has a favorite testimony. We all agree that it really blesses us when someone writes in and says, “That was me! Thank you so much for your help!” or when someone feels more comfortable talking to us through email or through our comment section than they do with their own friends. We’re being taken more seriously than we were in the beginning, when we had a lot of detractors, and the best testimony has been when someone defends us on websites that poke fun at us or can’t believe we talk about this kind of subject matter. To read comments on other sites from our faithful readers defending us and our ministry, it really shows us that there are people out there who believe in us and our ministry.
Have you been able to use this website to be witnesses to your faith?
To start a website like this takes a lot of faith. It is definitely a taboo subject that makes a lot of churchgoers blush! In order to take on such a task, each one of us was lead by our faith. God came to us with a job, and we gladly followed his lead in it. Each and every one of us would agree that God is the leader of our website. We couldn’t do this without God’s blessing. We love to be used as a tool in God’s hand, and we witness daily how God is using us to help many men and women who read our daily entries.
God has called each of us to be disciples. We take this commission very seriously. Matthew 28:18-20 tells us, “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” So, yes, it is very rewarding for us to see how God is using us as witnesses, not only on the North American continent where we all reside, but worldwide. It pleases us to be able to reach out globally and share our faith with our readers.
Why go by “spice” pseudonyms?
Cause we’re spicy? No, in all seriousness, GingerMama came up with the idea to start a site, and when she registered, she used her pseudonym to register for the site. We actually all chose our names after we decided on the site name and our tag line: “Spicy, the way God intended it to be”. Cinnamonsticks was VERY good at suggesting names that would fit our personality. You wouldn’t believe the names we went through to get where we are today. We finally posted a long list of spices for us to choose from, and that’s where we came up with our names . . . Cumingirl, Cinnamonsticks, and SpicyNutmeg (current authors) and GingerMama, Peppermintgirl and Sugar and Spice (former authors).
OK, what everyone needs to do is look at all of the positive reviews left on https://christiannymphos.org/ . Many women praise God for the website helping them embrace their sexuality/high sex drive during marriage. Praise God, because many women feel shameful for having those desires/feelings and shameful about engaging in certain acts during marriage. IMHO there is nothing wrong with teaching women with those desires to be like the woman in the Song of Solomon. Besides, this website has done so good to married individuals and helped marriages. I hear so many stories of Christian marriages failing, praise God for a website that could help marriages flourish. Hopefully my wife would take the lead in following the examples in the website, if not, no big deal, I would still love her beyond measures, as Christ loved the church. The website also helped me as a single male, it teaches that one should avoid lustful thoughts and set boundaries in marriage. One of the authors of the website even mentioned that kissing was off guard during her dating period. I believe the creators of this website have good intentions. Thank God for their advice!
Just a thought, if this website was evil, why would evil forces help create a website that has helped so many Christian woman, particularly their marriages. The website has helped me in my purity, but I am far from perfect. In my humility, I admit I could be wrong about this website, but I just don’t see anything wrong with the website, because it done so good to many individuals.
Mathew 12: 25-28
25Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand. 26If Satan drives out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then can his kingdom stand? 27And if I drive out demons by Beelzebul, by whom do your people drive them out? So then, they will be your judges. 28But if it is by the Spirit of God that I drive out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you.
Some positives reviews from readers of the site, “Thank you so much for this site. It was a blessing that came along to me just at the right time. Let’s just say things were much spicier tonight than they have been in a long time thanks to some time I spent on your site last night.Praise God for he knows exactally what we need and when we need it…”
“Hey Girls,Married for just over 20 years, I can appreciate the endless blessings that a healthy, spicy, satisfying, sex life can bring to a marriage. I must admit there were times that I felt concerned about our love making and explorations and how they fit into our Christian lives. Fortunately, with a little digging I was soon relieved. I share your opinions and am pleased to see that you are affecting Christian women in such a positive way. What an awesome ministry. Being involved closely in a ministry, I see that you have created a “meet them where they are” invironment, that will surely educate, fulfill and ultimately save marriages.Hugs and Blessings!…
“I love this site, ladies! My husband and I thought we were weird. I never understood why people would not want to have what me and my husband have. It is a blessing beyond belief. I am so glad that there are others that understand this.I love it that you are willing to be open and honest about different aspects of sex that are looked down upon. I know a lot of people that would benefit from this site. Be sure that I am passing the word.”
“I love this site! I sumbled onto it almost 2 weeks ago (The same day I found The Marriage Bed) I didn’t even realize there was anything wrong with our sex life exactly. Dh and I have been married for 7 and a half years and have 3 young children. I was very into making love at the beginning and attributed my downward desire to babies and life ever after. Dh kept asking what was wrong and why I didn’t desire him like I used to, I just thought what’s wrong with once a week? We have a wonderful marriage and are much close than most couples I know, so the issue didn’t seem huge but I know it bothered dh more than me. I was looking up some ideas to spice things up a little and flopped onto this site. What bliss! The last 2 weeks have been amazing. At first I think dh was a little concerned and maybe worried it wouldn’t last. I just explained, It’s like I was sleeping and had no idea how to wake up. I’m awake now and love it! Thanks for putting all this information out there. Everything witnesses in my heart as true and I love being set free and furthering our amazing relationship. Again Thanks for letting God use you to reach the rest of us that may have been sleeping!”
To many positive reviews to list. My advice, everyone read the Word of God, especially Song of Solomon, and let the Holy Spirit direct you regarding the website and how to approach sexuality in your marriage or future marriage. God speed.
Christian Nymphos cited as motivating factor in divorce/arson trial:
http://www.thestar.com/news/crime/2012/04/20/exhusband_sought_an_intervention_for_woman_now_accused_of_arson.html
“Orr said the marriage finally broke down soon after Bos told his wife he wanted her to be more like the women who are part of an online group called Christian Nymphos. The website says it is intended “to teach married women to walk in sexual freedom with their husbands” and the site’s tagline is “Married Sex: Spicy, the way God intended it to be!”
Maybe *this* is why CN so suddenly closed up shop. Covenant Eyes completely dropped the ball on CN. It is salacious, lurid, and completely unbefitting of any Christian association. I’d cite a few of the practices receiving the CN blessing, but that would instantaneously disqualify my post for this website.
Oh, the irony.
I’m sure there are many people who can misuse the advice on a lot of websites with good intentions. It’s a shame when this happens. People do the same with the Bible. But it isn’t wise to blame the original authors for the way their material is misused.
Their “material”, Luke, included snowballing, pegging, fisting, B&D, DP, facials, dirty talk. etc., which is drawn straight from the sewers of porn. Aren’t you *slightly* curious about how these women gained their knowledge of this stuff? The marriage bed *can* be defiled by bringing (and relishing) past sin into it. Hebrews 13:4 does not remotely suggest that marriage is and all purpose disinfectant for anything *consensually* agreed upon in the bedroom. God is still there.
1 Thessalonians 4: 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.
I suppose I’m slightly curious, but I’m not sure how relevant it is. I read those articles too, and they always seemed to strike a nice balance between sexual creativity and a concern for the physical comfort and safety of the participants. (Of course, I’ve not read 100% of the articles there, so you’ll have to let me know if something seems off balance to you.)
I think the key here is that these women don’t consider these practices sinful in and of themselves (when done by married couples in a consensual way and when not reflecting sinful motives). If you’re inclined to disagree, then that is where the rub is. You seem to think that people could only know of those activities if they watch porn, which is not only untrue, but even if it was true, it wouldn’t determine the sinfulness of the sexual acts. For instance, if I first learn about out about vaginal intercourse from pornography and then later in life have sex with my wife, I’m not sinning because I first saw it in porn. Porn showing a sexual act does not thereafter make that act sinful. That would be silly.
Perhaps I’m just misunderstanding what you’re saying here.
I do not condemn the site as there is much good information to help Christians give sex it’s due place in marriage. I believe their advice on anal/oral and solo master action p, while in accord with many Christian counseling sites, is dead wrong. I have prayed that the site would stay suspended (as it is now after being renamed Monogabliss) until they promote only sex that honors God. I have been married over forty years and probably engage in sex with my wifmore than most thirty year olds and my wife can rock a mini at home better than. Most teens, but we do not do that which is degrading and medically unsound, if you need that to be satisfied, there are deep spiritual issues.
Dear Saltman and Bracha,
For those of us coming out of sexual addiction, I would agree with you; some of us need strong, tight boundaries on sexually-oriented material, even those regarding sex within marriage.
However, to imply that any site such as CN is “causing” husbands to ‘force’ their wives into doing anything against the wife’s conscience or will, appears like projecting one’s own flaws or tendencies on others, and any such action is certainly wrong and harmful to the marriage.
CE, CN, TMB and other Christian websites that discuss the vital (to a marriage) topic of sexuality do indeed walk a narrow line between being too vague and not helpful, and too explicit and crossing some line into erotica.
Maybe it’s just me, but reading Song of Songs, the imagery and double entendre is very erotic and bold, yet so poetically and beautifully written that it’s not offensive or salacious. It’s a story of Sacred Sex.
Some are so uncomfortable with the sexual aspect that much has been said that it’s really about Christ and the Church, but that is to deny the sexual tension woven throughout the book.
God created within us our sexuality, and He rejoices when we joyously join together as He intended.
What you described Saltman is neither loving or sacrificial on the husband’s part. We are to lead as husbands, and we do this by serving and sacrificing for our wives. If they reciprocate, great! If they don’t, that’s ultimately between them and the Lord.
All we can do is pray and communicate gently with them. We do our part first, and do as we are called regardless of our wives’ response. “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us….”
We are all broken and wounded in some way or another, and our enemy has attacked our sexuality as a primary way to cause damage and get us away from God and His original plan.
Sex as God intended is to build connection and intimacy between a husband and wife, and is never to be used to shame, guilt, hurt, harm, or ‘lord it over’ one another.
It’s funny; I’m sure that loving sex between a devoted, sacrificial husband and a devoted, loving wife looks a lot like some of the porn that’s out there – the mechanics are the same – so does that make married sex ‘bad’ or ‘dirty’?
Yet there is a vast difference: LOVE!!!
God originally designed sex, and Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed and commanded to be fruitful and multiply BEFORE sin entered the picture. So what about sex within marriage is so deviant??
Love, Love, Love is what it’s designed to express; and servant-giving is the attitude to have.
When our mind is renewed, and sex is no longer a selfish endeavor, but a sacrificial giving of one’s self to another, then true love is represented and expressed.
If any of us feel convicted over certain sexual practices within our own marriage, that is between us, our spouse and God.
Please show me chapter and verse in the Bible where the sexual boundaries are within marriage; I can’t find any, other than prohibiting any and all sex outside of marriage.
I can’t even find a definition of sodomy in the Bible, other than sex between men.
Sex between a husband and wife is not sex between men, or sex between women!
This topic will probably be debated until Christ returns and we depart this earth.
Seems to me the real issue is this: What is loving and best for building up your spouse and your marriage relationship?
Do that…
Thanks in advance for your Biblical information.
Sincerely in Christ,
Arcticwing
I cannot believe this site is promoting such an aabominable site such as Christian Nympho. I was raised a Reformed Jew & before I accepted Christ I thought anything related to to the world was acceptable. We even believed sodomy, and oral sex was natural between husband and wife. Then I became born again and my husband became born again & we felt God telling us to put away our old nature. I visited the site just now & can tell you as a former Reformed Jew that site does not represent anything holy. In my former years living how I wanted to I would have not been convixted , but there was a check in my Spirit that Christian Nympho is not led of the Spirit of God. There are topics beside oral sex, sodomy and masturbation a Christian site can promote.
Hi Bracha,
While we haven’t read each and every article on Christian Nymphos, we have a general sense of their stance on specific issues. They have a list of guidelines for how to determine what is sexually okay between a husband and wife. How might you add to these guidelines or change them? Help us understand your thoughts on this.
“Of course sex does not fill the void only God can fill…”and God cannot fill the void only sex was designed for…1 Cor 7:6-9 ,culminating in vs. 9.
Saltman stop projecting your personal sin (AND victory thank God!) on others lives.
Covenant eyes is a leader in your field, but by default your still giving it a license …. and only time will tell of damage Christian N… will cause in the lives of nominal Christian men and women that don’t understand crucifying the flesh or carnal nature that keeps us in bondage- how does Epehesians 5 line up with this site? I would guess that all the supposed sex dysfunction this site is helping cure, probably is rooted in a lot of issues that the couples aren’t dealing with anyway, self centered, past abuse, no biblical world view. Sex is not a replacement for God’s intimacy and love in our life. I know of what I speak as a former sex addict and because I would have love to have found this site in my sex addict days to justify my need as a supposed Christian man.. making my wife feel less than adequate, but even if you did every sex recommendation Christian N. has.. it will never be enough to feel the void only God can. i will pray for everyone involved that the right decisions are made. That the grace I was given to bring me out of my bondage, will be revealed to those involved at Christian N.
@Saltman – Of course sex does not fill the void only God can fill. I absolutely agree with you. However, they have plenty on the site about intimacy with God as well. The problem is in the hearts of people. Someone could just as easily come to this site (any most blogs, because of their organization) and handpick the articles that serve a specific bias, ignoring or not even looking for articles that challenge them. It is the unfortunate nature of a lot of web writing: by creating any targeted article, one runs the risk of people taking only that bit of advice and treating it as the only piece of advice they really need.
I’m glad you brought up Ephesians 5. I think the balance of having no hint of sexual immorality (v.3), while promoting sexuality that is good, right, and true, (v.8) while also exposing the deeds of darkness (v.11) can be very difficult to do in writing. Is the spirit behind the writing celebrating God-honoring sexuality in all its fullness while abhorring the sinful twisting of sex? That is the question that I think will bring us closer and closer to discerning the value of a site like CN.
I was amazed at the ease of access that anyone could read the most vivid details you would find on porn sites. Throw the word Christian in and it makes it seem ok to read erotica ? In theory not against if password protected for women only as is it is way to open. It also makes it possible for sex addict men to force wives in the name of Christ to do things that they don’t feel comfortable. This is hardcore erotica. Not Christ honoring.
@Saltman – It is true the website is full of vivid details about sexuality. And you are right: a sex addict could find one of their posts, rip it out of the context of the site, and try to convince his wife she should do acts she is uncomfortable with. I suppose that could happen with any site about sexuality. But as it stands, the site is full of information about sexual boundaries for married couples, shunning erotica and pornography, shunning anything that causes harm or feels degrading, husbands loving wives as Christ loves the church, husbands fostering genuine romance, and couples developing clear communication with one another about sexual expectations. The women who run the site are constantly posting information about Biblical sexuality. This is why we recommended the site to couples. So many couples we speak to have had their marriages so ravaged by pornography they don’t know how to enjoy one another anymore. Pornography has robbed them of the intimacy they could enjoy. Taken as a whole, the site has very helpful information for couples who are seeking to reclaim their sexuality in a godly way.
I suppose I wonder about your definition of “erotica.” In this post, when I mention erotica, I am talking about things like sexually stimulating writing or media that usually has more “high-art” aspirations. Those who produce erotica claim their material is different from mainstream pornography in that it is layered with relational, artistic, and emotionally engaging content. Of course, porn is porn no matter how you slice it. Porn and erotica are both harmful to marriages and individuals. But I never considered what ChristianNymphos wrote (conversations about sex or sexual techniques) to be erotica.
I will say, we walk a fine line on this blog all the time. On one hand, we have an audience of couples who really want to heal their marriage and grow in intimacy. On the other hand, we have an audience of unrepentant porn addicts who love to twist any information about healthy sexuality into an occasion to justify their sin. My aim in each post is clarity: I want to make it as hard as possible for unrepentant addict to twist our words into an occasion for sin, while at the same time encouraging growing couples. If you think my post has been unclear about the nature of the ChristianNymphos website, please let me know so I can make any necessary corrections.
There is nothing biblical about yoga or anal sex. Yoga comes from Hinduism and is therefore a form of idol worship, anal sex is sodomy, which the bible makes clear is an abomination to God and I’ve seen and read other things on this site which don’t fit in with righteous christian conduct. No wonder the world looks at the church and wants to write us off as hypocrites. Jesus said He’s coming back for a spotless bride and the bible says to flee from immorality-let there be not even a hint of it among you. I’m all for healthy sexual relationships within marriage, but this web site is definitely not in that category. Do not be fooled by the false, lukewarm people who claim to be followers of Christ but in reality only seek to gratify their own carnal desires and lusts of the flesh, they will lead you down the slippery slope to hell.
Saltman, I agree some of their statements seem very detailed. But how else are newly weds and others to know? EVER READ SONG OF SOLOMON? Dude, first time I read that as a 15 year old I threw my Bible and said ” Lord, what the heck?” The truth is, sex needs to stop being taboo in Christian circles. People like you are the reason the youth of our culture fall into sin and don’t even know, and are tempted and can’t turn to anyone, because no one wants to love enough to help others navigate, they simply point a finger. If you believe it is erotica, you’ve been reading it for the wrong purpose. Stop reading it and give it to you wife to read. I’m sure you’ll appreciate it later. If not, I pray that your extra-Biblical spirit of religionis broken, and you find the grace and freedom without sin and condemnation God intended in both your walk and sex life as they are all connected.
Shame on Covenant eyes for promoting a site like this. This is making men and women justify sexual desires that could open a dangerous avenue of those addicted to feel good over dealing with past emotional issues or force deviant behavior in the name of Christian Read Col 3 or other scriptures on dealing with flesh. This site is open for kids to read, at least password it to join.
@Saltman – I’d love to hear why you feel this site is making people justify sexual desires that are dangerous for addicts. Please explain.
Saltman
Sounds as if YOU have some issues to work on. As for my husband and I this site has been immensely helpful.
You all are sick! I don’t care if you hide behind the guise of marriage or not, there’s right ways, and wrong ways of having sex! Some of the things you talk about are sinful, and you need to repent!
I totally agree with Saltman, Yeshua Himself said “deny yourself and take up your cross”!
Hi Mike. What are wrong ways of having sex?