I can’t stop watching porn.
No really, I want to.
I have made promises and tried fresh starts in the New Year. I have even gone forward in church, gotten down on my knees, and begged God to help me stop watching it.
But I can’t quit porn! What is the real problem? Will I ever be able to stop watching porn? Because based on my past it seems impossible.
Porn addiction is an extremely complex issue with no simple answers or cookie-cutter solutions. But most people I talk with fall into what I call the “Zap Trap”—praying that God would just heal them or looking for some other instant solution. They want to stop watching porn without having to fight the fight for recovery.
However, in working with hundreds of men over the past ten years, I have learned that instant healing in this area is rare. So, let’s look at three main reasons why it is so hard to quit looking at porn.
How Hard Is It to Quit Porn?
Editor’s note:
As Dr. Alvin Cooper noted many years ago, the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of digital porn make it much easier for people today to become addicted.
Not everyone experiences the pull of pornography in exactly the same way. However, some former drug addicts and alcoholics attest that pornography is more difficult to overcome. This is not everyone’s experience. Many factors contribute to the severity of an addiction, such as the age of first exposure and how many years they’ve been consuming pornography.
Additionally, pornography addiction often begins when porn is consumed out of a desire for genuine intimacy. As John Doyel notes below, isolation fuels addiction. Part of the challenge, however, is that pornography often feels like a substitute for real relationships.
3 Reasons It’s So Hard to Quit Porn
1. Porn is addictive.
Apart from the spiritual battle you are in by simply being a Christian, you are in a physical battle with a physical addiction that traps you into watching porn. You have literally become a drug addict. The drugs you are addicted to are those released in your brain when you become sexually aroused.
God designed those drugs as a wonderful part of His plan to bond a husband and wife as one during times of sexual intimacy. They all have a distinct purpose and are marvelously effective. However, your brain does not differentiate between having sex with your wife or having sex with porn. The same drugs are released with the same effect. Pleasure, focus, energy, release, and other things happen that make having an orgasm one of the most enjoyable things God has given to us.
We can’t quit porn because we like it. We like it a lot. So, we want it again and again. With that experience accessible in a five-minute trip to the bathroom with your smartphone, we start using it more frequently. When we get stressed. When we get angry. Or when we want to escape from problems, we can easily get a fix that does not fix anything.
Dopamine, testosterone, norepinephrine, oxytocin, and serotonin flood our brains, and we feel good for a while.1 Then shame and fear return, and it is not long before we want another escape. It’s hard to escape porn when porn is your escape. Scientific research shows that porn warps the brain like any other substance.2
Those who can’t stop watching porn do not like it when I tell them they are drug addicts, but that is the truth. The drugs are between their ears. They don’t need a pusher. Their drugs are basically free of charge and are extremely effective. We can now access whatever things we want to view and get a quick fix within a few seconds.
Also, we can walk out of wherever we just acted out and seem fine to everybody. No hangover. No trace of what you have done unless you forget to delete your history. Breaking free from this addiction takes a lot of work, and most men are not ready to fight that battle. Especially due to reason number two.
See Why Is Porn So Addictive?: 4 Reasons It’s Tough to Resist.
2. We remain in isolation.
How many people know about your secret struggle? You can’t quit without telling someone about it, but you feel like you can’t tell anyone. Telling means risking your job, your friendships, your wife, and your family. People will drop dead in shock because everyone thinks you have it all together, and so that pressure keeps the truth buried deep in your darkest places. You feel trapped because you are in a prison of your own making.
I know this from experience. As a pastor for 26 years who struggled with sexual addiction for eight long years, I hated myself. I committed many sexual sins, and there was no way I could just say to my wife and my board, “By the way, I am addicted to sex.”
However, God in His mercy revealed my secret life and my recovery began in September 2005. Talk about a train wreck and painfully injuring my wife and our four adult kids.
See Understanding the Shame Cycle.
Remaining in isolation makes it seem impossible to stop. Recovery demands confession, disclosure, coming clean, and genuine repentance. If I had been a better and braver man I would have stepped forward and asked for help. But I lived in denial and minimized my actions by telling myself I knew enough to be able to stop watching pornography.
We like to say that a lone sheep is a dead sheep. If you remain in isolation, you are a dead man and won’t be able to break free. Porn has its hooks in deep, and you will need a team of people to help you pull the hooks out and stop watching porn.
To make it through a withdrawal period of about 90 days, you need people available to you on a constant basis. You need to learn how to reach out to them when the whole temptation process to watch porn begins. We like to say reach out before you reach in. Reach out to your team before you reach into your pants.
The opposite of isolation is community. Scripture has a lot to say about community and our ministry was founded on this passage in 1 John 1:
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”
Secular research conducted outside the Church likewise underscores the vital importance of accountability:
- One study found that having an accountability partner can make you 95% more likely to accomplish your goal.
- Gallup Business found that accountability is a key component in employee engagement. Businesses with highly engaged—and highly accountable—employees reported up to 17% higher productivity, 21% higher profits, 10% higher customer satisfaction, and 59% lower turnover rates for employees.
- One study suggests that accountability can even help people treat one another more fairly.
Fellowship is community. It is being daily connected to other men to help you fight the battle. How many armies send their troops out alone to fight the enemy alone? None. Stupid question. So why are you trying to fight it alone? Lone sheep are dead sheep.
3. We don’t take it seriously.
It is so easy to say to yourself that everybody is doing it. It is not such a big deal. Are you kidding me? Porn use is destroying families and marriages at an alarming rate.
God says sexual sin is a big deal. He calls us to purity and holiness. He has started a good work in us and plans to finish that work, but if we are walking in sexual sin like porn, we grieve and stifle the Spirit within us and will continue to be pulled into deeper areas of sin.
Every Monday night, about 100 men gather at our church because their sexual sin has been and is ruining their lives. They cannot stop and are heading into very dangerous and dark waters. We lie to ourselves when we think that we can handle it. If you could handle it on your own, why are you reading this article?
Not only should we take it seriously because God does, but we should take it seriously because of the effects porn has on us and society.
Did you see the cover of Time on March 31, 2016? They found that Millennials who have used porn over the years are experiencing erectile dysfunction because they have trained their brains to see sex as something you do online. So, when it comes time to have a real relationship, they fail to answer the call.
Are you aware of the rise and prevalence of sex trafficking around the world?
We Need Daily Encouragement to Stop Watching Porn
I believe with all my heart that God’s Word holds the path to stop watching porn. He calls us to community with no condemnation. He wants all of us to be connected and truthful with one another (and Covenant Eyes can help with this). We need to do as James says. We need to confess our sins to one another and pray for each other, and then healing can begin to come. Lastly, we need encouragement. Look at this passage in Hebrews 3:
“See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
We need encouragement every day or we will be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. To start your journey, check out How to Quit Porn: 6 Essential Steps.
1 William Struthers, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain (Downers Grove: IVP Books, 2009).
2 Frederick Toates, “A motivation model of sex addiction – Relevance to the controversy over the concept,” Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 142 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2022.104872.
help me
I can’t stop it
I am just 11 years old
it is just to much for me
Ano,
I am praying for you! God is greater than your porn addiction, and through him, you can be free! Keep fighting, and reach out to a friend for prayer and wisdom, if you can.
Blessings,
Moriah
hello I need help
I don’t want to watch it but I can’t
i keep praying but i just can’t stop
please pray for me
Hi friend,
We are praying for you! Quitting porn is not easy, but it is possible! Do you have a friend, mentor, or church leader who you can ask to help you with this? They can pray for you and help you say no to porn when you are feeling tempted. They can also be your ally in using Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability!
Keep praying! God is working in you, and he can change you!
Blessings,
Moriah
i need help to quit porn,i tried many times and all failed
Hi Andy,
I’m glad you’re reaching out! We’re here to help. Have you tried the six steps given here by recovery expert, Dr. Doug Weiss? This is a great place to start. If you still feel like you’re spinning your wheels, you may want to consider getting professional help. Keep up the fight and don’t lose heart!
Keith
If the Bible says that grieving the Holy Spirit is an unforgivable sin, and watching porn leads us to grieve the Holy Spirit, how do I fix this? Or is there no way and no hope?
Hi Jonathan,
I know it’s hard, but there’s definitely a way and definitely hope! We believe it’s VERY possible to quit porn with the right resources and that’s why we’re here. We care about you and want to equip you with tools to overcome porn and encourage your relationship with God. I’d like you to check out this post for tips on how to get started.
Your question about grieving the Holy Spirit is a tough one, but I believe there is grace and forgiveness for those struggling with porn. 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I’ve seen first hand God’s faithfulness and righteousness to forgive and restore those who have been trapped in a life of watching porn!
Blessings,
Keith
I feel ashamed and recognize its a filthy sinful habit. I feel so disappointed in myself that I have let God down. I am married and have struggled with lust for as long as I can remember and grave porn like a drug addict. I watch it while masturbating or shortly thereafter and feel filthy afterwards but I keep going back and back…hardest thing in the world to quit.
Nevertheless, I love Jesus so much and it hurts me to know that I hurt our relationship when I engage in sin because I hate being separated from him. God..I am your child. Forgive me for my habitual sin and I thank Jesus daily for saving me.
Hi Dan,
Praise God for your faith and your commitment to pressing on in the fight! I’m reminded of 2 Corinthians 5:18, “Everything is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ.” If you haven’t already, you might want to check out Overcome Porn: The 40 Day Challenge. God bless you!
In Christ,
Keith
I’ve been in the game for 8 years now (quitting porn). My longest clean streak without it was 2.5 years.
When it comes down to it, you have to have a good reason to quit and remind yourself of it every day. This is a game of will power, nothing else. Removing a computer, blocking sites, etc. will not work at all. You will eventually cave in and go back. You need to find the strength within you.
I admit – ashamedly – to watching porn occasionally. By that I mean – honestly – no more than an hour per week – because I’m too busy with work and other stuff. I don’t enjoy watching it, but as a man to whom no woman could ever be sexually attracted, there is no point in trying to find a woman to have a genuine relationship with. She doesn’t exist, so it will never happen. I’m 43 and haven’t been hugged – even once – in 12 years – and I have never been on a date, never had sex and never kissed a woman. I work out 3-4x per week, take care of myself and climb waterfalls as a hobby. I have a great well-paying job in a respected profession and own several properties debt-free. I mention these things in case someone thinks I’m some slob living in my parents’ basement. Nope. Whatever other guys have that attracts women to them sexually I do not have. The sensations I feel watching porn are entirely artificial but they are the closest I will ever be to experiencing actual intimacy myself because no woman could ever want me for me because I am fundamentally unattractive.
It’s been so hard for me so far trying to quite porn please I need help I don’ know what to do anymore I have tried a lot but nothing seems to be working out with me I need help I want to quite
Hi Alex,
Quitting porn is SO difficult. You are not alone in this battle. For those who are trying but struggling, I recommend three steps:
1. Share your struggles with a friend, church leader, or mentor. Ask them to pray for you and walk alongside you (and hold you accountable!).
2. Use Covenant Eyes Screen Accountability. It is an incredible tool that will hold you accountable for everything you do online.
3. Immerse yourself in Scripture and prayer. In some of my darkest moments in life, I have found that Christ is my supreme source of joy, hope, and forgiveness.
Keep fighting! You are strong, and you are worth it!
Blessings,
Moriah
Well here i am. I suppose i will find a bit of rest for my soul if i tell my story. So all i can remember is that i was about 13-14 when i discovered masturbation. And ooh i was hooked on it … was doing it 3-4-5 times a day. I was masturbating like crazy , day by day , year by year. After this 4 years have passed and i was still hooked on masturbation. Then at about 18 years old i got a job in an internet cafe , i didn’t know about porn then but all of this was to become history when by accident i accessed a porn site. I say by accident because personally i think that this was a trap placed by satan to hook me for good. All i remember is that i was looking for an antivirus for my pc, and instead of an antivirus program , porn popped up. And i was hooked on it. I was watching porn 24/7 , 365 days a year. I was eating , breathing porn.
Fast forward 2004 , i meat a group of christians who are my friends and the church i go to now. I talked with my pastor and he said that God will help me , i just need to quit watching porn which obviously didn’t work. And i was getting the “you are going to hell” , well i know whats going on , giving a scare to a person that has a porn addiction or whatever addiction believe me it wont work. Then i took out my internet with great hopes that i will finally be over , that i will be free. But that also failed. I stopped masturbating for about 1-2 weeks , then it came back in more , how should i put this ? more interesting ways. I was “looking” for porn. I mean i would do anything and would look anywhere just to get it. Porn magazines , movies , you name it.
Then , not having results , i said :God i need help , and he sent me a very , very good friend , who i can talk with about this.
Talking about the matter didn’t fix it but at least i had somebody who understands what i am going through.
Then i started reading all kinds of books about addictions and how to stop them … all of them failed.
Only God himself knows the amount of times i prayed , cried and fought this. It’s been more then 21 years since this started and i had enough of this.
Many people said : Get married
How can i get married if i am hooked on porn ? What kind of marriage would that be ? Lusting to other women and not loving your own wife.
2020….
It’s still the same thing , i cant quit whatever i do. I put back my internet , because taking out the internet WONT help , i tried it and it failed miserabley.
So what now ?
I personally think i am under a curse/wichcraft or something like that. I cannot find a logical explanation to what has been going on to me.
Prayer , no Fasting , nothing worked.
I know God loves me , i think this addiction might be for a reason , not sure what reason is that but i had enough of this.
I need help and i don’t know what to do anymore. It’s been a hard battle and i am ready to give up.
Mind you , maybe you will have fun reading this , but believe me , it was not fun at all. Maybe just pain and tears because you cannot quit and if anybody find out about it , your life will be ruined.
Hey ! Believe me. I’ve been in the same boat for long.
But I through Jesus overcame it in somewhat like an instant.
*Truly prayer helps. Please read below comment too.
The above statement would have sounded unreal to me if I heard it when I was under addiction.
But It(Satan) got out of me. And its real.
Please trust me and The words I speak here.
I never had urge to watch porn since 2019 Nov. I realised that its gone. Not just for a moment but completely.
It was still so surprising to me that how it all went off. All that struggle I had to stop that urge. It was all gone suddenly at end of year 2019.
Let me recall what I have done.
( I could relate to most[all] of all that you have said )
After a long battle of failures of putting trust on my own will power to overcome urge. While I hooked myself in cycle of (Lust – Prayer)..(lot happened)…. I don’t know how I had this thought. I believe it was from God obviously.
The thought(idea) was whenever some entity(Not me) urge tries to make me do it. I remember saying…
As entity makes me to open porn and watch it.
**I said What is this that I am watching. It’s disgusting. How could someone watch it? ** I close my phone. And pray by just kneeling in secret to God.
I think I did that twice??…maybe i don’t remember.
This was really true.::::
That night I had a dream , “”where Satan masturbating in my house. And I truly disgusted it. Then I said *In jesus name* get out. Then Satan had no power. He flew off.”” Dream ended.
From that morning I haven’t had any urge at all. I could feel peace that I haven’t felt before.
Bobby, believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel. I discovered masturbation when I was 20…I’m 23 now and believe me, this is an extremely difficult battle to win because the decision to either go for it or not is in your mind.
I didn’t even like porn at first cuz for me it was very disgusting. And believe me, I was so innocent that even at age 20, I didn’t even know there was something like masturbation. The time I got to grasp the whole idea was when some dude was talking about it in a bus. But there was this girl I really really wanted to do things (lustful things) with and I didn’t know how. For one, I was a complete loser and though I knew that girls liked me and wanted me to approach them, I had zero confidence to do so…so I always ended up being not so close with them. But with this particular girl, I didn’t mind shooting my shot even though it meant me taking a step I never wanted to take. I told her how I felt about her and believe it or not, she rejected me like I was some piece of trash and even told her friends and my friends how she did that.
Believe me, I couldn’t live with myself. For the first time I tried stepping out of my comfort zone this is what I get? So now after finding out there was something like masturbation, where you could literally get what you want in your mind plus the physical sensation as well, damn…I really got a piece of it each and every day for months. After finding out it’s even better with pornography, I even went deeper in this disgusting act. I even forgot about her and fantasized about the different women on my screen. For 2 years, I couldn’t stop.
Fast forward, 3 months ago, I realized something. Even though I had prayed, fasted and read the Word countless times during those years of bondage, I realized my will is weak and that’s why I kept on surrendering. And I had confidence in myself that I thought I could handle it even though I was praying and fasting. Then I read some scriptures that completely changed my perception about dealing with this. Then I also read Psalm 23, a popular scripture, again. There’s a part that says, “Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me…”
That’s when God told me that the reason why I keep sinning is because His Word is not authoritative enough in my life. His staff draws me closer to Him and let me know that His grace is sufficient enough to come back to Him when I go the wrong way. But then also, His rod corrects and rebukes me of my actions and makes me turn away from masturbation in disgust. Therefore if I really want to beat this, I need to completely surrender to Him.
The devil will never attack your spirit because it’s already saved. He’ll attack where your most vulnerable, your mind. In that case, he’ll have two for one because when you make that decision to bow to him in your mind, your body and your soul will have no other option than to follow along. If you do not take caution, a time will come where even your spirit will have to bow, making it three for one.
Bro, if you really want to be free, I want to let you know that you have a will and if you decide to never give in, you’ll fight it and when your strength fails at a point, believe me, God will give you strength to fight it and be COMPLETELY free from it because you were faithful to Him. It’s been 3 months now and I’ve never ever even had the urge to go back to it. You can do it brother, I believe in you and most importantly, your Father who is in heaven does.
Help ME O GOD of mercy. I hate myself when i come to think of this, ‘refussing to engage in physical sex at the age of 22 but rather defiled my inner man with porn’ i need your encouragement more and more as you help me in prayers to get rid of this filthy habit. LORD, HAVE MERCY ON ME.