I can’t stop watching porn.
No really, I want to.
I have made promises and tried fresh starts in the New Year. I have even gone forward in church, gotten down on my knees, and begged God to help me stop watching it.
But I can’t quit porn! What is the real problem? Will I ever be able to stop watching porn? Because based on my past it seems impossible.
Porn addiction is an extremely complex issue with no simple answers or cookie-cutter solutions. But most people I talk with fall into what I call the “Zap Trap”—praying that God would just heal them or looking for some other instant solution. They want to stop watching porn without having to fight the fight for recovery.
However, in working with hundreds of men over the past ten years, I have learned that instant healing in this area is rare. So, let’s look at three main reasons why it is so hard to quit looking at porn.
How Hard Is It to Quit Porn?
Editor’s note:
As Dr. Alvin Cooper noted many years ago, the anonymity, affordability, and accessibility of digital porn make it much easier for people today to become addicted.
Not everyone experiences the pull of pornography in exactly the same way. However, some former drug addicts and alcoholics attest that pornography is more difficult to overcome. This is not everyone’s experience. Many factors contribute to the severity of an addiction, such as the age of first exposure and how many years they’ve been consuming pornography.
Additionally, pornography addiction often begins when porn is consumed out of a desire for genuine intimacy. As John Doyel notes below, isolation fuels addiction. Part of the challenge, however, is that pornography often feels like a substitute for real relationships.
3 Reasons It’s So Hard to Quit Porn
1. Porn is addictive.
Apart from the spiritual battle you are in by simply being a Christian, you are in a physical battle with a physical addiction that traps you into watching porn. You have literally become a drug addict. The drugs you are addicted to are those released in your brain when you become sexually aroused.
God designed those drugs as a wonderful part of His plan to bond a husband and wife as one during times of sexual intimacy. They all have a distinct purpose and are marvelously effective. However, your brain does not differentiate between having sex with your wife or having sex with porn. The same drugs are released with the same effect. Pleasure, focus, energy, release, and other things happen that make having an orgasm one of the most enjoyable things God has given to us.
We can’t quit porn because we like it. We like it a lot. So, we want it again and again. With that experience accessible in a five-minute trip to the bathroom with your smartphone, we start using it more frequently. When we get stressed. When we get angry. Or when we want to escape from problems, we can easily get a fix that does not fix anything.
Dopamine, testosterone, norepinephrine, oxytocin, and serotonin flood our brains, and we feel good for a while.1 Then shame and fear return, and it is not long before we want another escape. It’s hard to escape porn when porn is your escape. Scientific research shows that porn warps the brain like any other substance.2
Those who can’t stop watching porn do not like it when I tell them they are drug addicts, but that is the truth. The drugs are between their ears. They don’t need a pusher. Their drugs are basically free of charge and are extremely effective. We can now access whatever things we want to view and get a quick fix within a few seconds.
Also, we can walk out of wherever we just acted out and seem fine to everybody. No hangover. No trace of what you have done unless you forget to delete your history. Breaking free from this addiction takes a lot of work, and most men are not ready to fight that battle. Especially due to reason number two.
See Why Is Porn So Addictive?: 4 Reasons It’s Tough to Resist.
2. We remain in isolation.
How many people know about your secret struggle? You can’t quit without telling someone about it, but you feel like you can’t tell anyone. Telling means risking your job, your friendships, your wife, and your family. People will drop dead in shock because everyone thinks you have it all together, and so that pressure keeps the truth buried deep in your darkest places. You feel trapped because you are in a prison of your own making.
I know this from experience. As a pastor for 26 years who struggled with sexual addiction for eight long years, I hated myself. I committed many sexual sins, and there was no way I could just say to my wife and my board, “By the way, I am addicted to sex.”
However, God in His mercy revealed my secret life and my recovery began in September 2005. Talk about a train wreck and painfully injuring my wife and our four adult kids.
See Understanding the Shame Cycle.
Remaining in isolation makes it seem impossible to stop. Recovery demands confession, disclosure, coming clean, and genuine repentance. If I had been a better and braver man I would have stepped forward and asked for help. But I lived in denial and minimized my actions by telling myself I knew enough to be able to stop watching pornography.
We like to say that a lone sheep is a dead sheep. If you remain in isolation, you are a dead man and won’t be able to break free. Porn has its hooks in deep, and you will need a team of people to help you pull the hooks out and stop watching porn.
To make it through a withdrawal period of about 90 days, you need people available to you on a constant basis. You need to learn how to reach out to them when the whole temptation process to watch porn begins. We like to say reach out before you reach in. Reach out to your team before you reach into your pants.
The opposite of isolation is community. Scripture has a lot to say about community and our ministry was founded on this passage in 1 John 1:
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.”
Secular research conducted outside the Church likewise underscores the vital importance of accountability:
- One study found that having an accountability partner can make you 95% more likely to accomplish your goal.
- Gallup Business found that accountability is a key component in employee engagement. Businesses with highly engaged—and highly accountable—employees reported up to 17% higher productivity, 21% higher profits, 10% higher customer satisfaction, and 59% lower turnover rates for employees.
- One study suggests that accountability can even help people treat one another more fairly.
Fellowship is community. It is being daily connected to other men to help you fight the battle. How many armies send their troops out alone to fight the enemy alone? None. Stupid question. So why are you trying to fight it alone? Lone sheep are dead sheep.
3. We don’t take it seriously.
It is so easy to say to yourself that everybody is doing it. It is not such a big deal. Are you kidding me? Porn use is destroying families and marriages at an alarming rate.
God says sexual sin is a big deal. He calls us to purity and holiness. He has started a good work in us and plans to finish that work, but if we are walking in sexual sin like porn, we grieve and stifle the Spirit within us and will continue to be pulled into deeper areas of sin.
Every Monday night, about 100 men gather at our church because their sexual sin has been and is ruining their lives. They cannot stop and are heading into very dangerous and dark waters. We lie to ourselves when we think that we can handle it. If you could handle it on your own, why are you reading this article?
Not only should we take it seriously because God does, but we should take it seriously because of the effects porn has on us and society.
Did you see the cover of Time on March 31, 2016? They found that Millennials who have used porn over the years are experiencing erectile dysfunction because they have trained their brains to see sex as something you do online. So, when it comes time to have a real relationship, they fail to answer the call.
Are you aware of the rise and prevalence of sex trafficking around the world?
We Need Daily Encouragement to Stop Watching Porn
I believe with all my heart that God’s Word holds the path to stop watching porn. He calls us to community with no condemnation. He wants all of us to be connected and truthful with one another (and Covenant Eyes can help with this). We need to do as James says. We need to confess our sins to one another and pray for each other, and then healing can begin to come. Lastly, we need encouragement. Look at this passage in Hebrews 3:
“See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
We need encouragement every day or we will be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. To start your journey, check out How to Quit Porn: 6 Essential Steps.
1 William Struthers, Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain (Downers Grove: IVP Books, 2009).
2 Frederick Toates, “A motivation model of sex addiction – Relevance to the controversy over the concept,” Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 142 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2022.104872.
Hi I just wanted to say it is really hard yah know I masurbate because I’m afraid of being alone I mean I have had sex with a woman like recently that I truly care about but, I’m afraid it might end up like past times or I’m just kinda lonely at times and I depended on porn still do I’m marking today the day that I try and stop completely because I need to it seems nothing good comes out of it and I just hate myself afterwards. Wish me luck y’all and pray for me if yah could.
Hello, James – I bet you can appreciate that it will take more than luck! It requires some hard work and firm decisions. Here’s a blog post to help: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/ and another here that helps explain the battle: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2016/06/30/stop-looking-at-porn-you-sicko-part-1/
Peace, Chris
I will pray for your needs and fears….it’s not easy but possible when there hope and faith in our lord
want to follow up on this stat:
Why are the statistics saying that over 50% of all Christian men are addicted to porn?
where did you find this? do you have a link to support this info? much appreciated…
Bev Sterk
Hello, Bev – It’s not exactly 50%, but Barna did a study in “The Porn Phenomenon” in 2016 that points to 46% of men seeking porn monthly. If you’re interested in more stats, that’s a good place to begin.
I am addicted to Porn long time and struggled to be a Christian .Also I am deaf,too. It is difficult to find a man interpreter to join a group. I felt trapped without prayer.and let your prayer for me that would help fight the battle .JESUS HAS GONE THRU SUFFERING AND TEMPTATION.HE IS ABLE TO HELP US IF WE ARE BEING TEMPTED HEBREWS 2:18.
St. Francis de Sales writes about the devout life. In it he states that it is not enough to stop sinning, but to also uproot, the “affection for sin.” I am an addict, and it is hard to admit it to myself: “I love this sin.” :( (makes me sick to my stomach) But until I can say that to myself, I can’t uproot it, because I am protecting it. I need God’s grace to not only stop sinning, but to hate this sin, and fear Him. For we truly fear hurting those whom we love, this is a holy fear. Also, sometimes this temptation doesn’t come from the spiritual, but from the physical, and requires a physical response to stop: barriers, saying “no.”, and building up the will in other ways.
Amen
I am Thomas Kelly, I’m a Christian but struggled with porn for years. I want to stop and live a life for Jesus, but keep falling into this temptation. I prayed to God and ask Him to take this sexual desire out of my heart and give me new desires to do His will. I’m starting to think God doesn’t hear me, so I walk through life and have this urge of pain in my heart. Now I see darkness all around me and in my mind I think my life is hopeless, I have suicidal thoughts and wishing if I commit suicide all of my pain will go away. I also written in my journal every time I lay in my bed all I can think about is the wrong choices, I have made. I don’t feel like living no more and one day someone read my journal and know the pain that is in my heart.
My three desires:
1 Live my life for Jesus
2 Have a impact in this world for Jesus
3 To Do His Will and reach millions of lives
Hello, Thomas – I’m deeply concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Please find someone you can talk to about your struggles. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to, and you start to have suicidal feelings again, promise me you’ll call this number: 1-800-273-8255.
God is for you! Thomas, you can get through this, and it will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Remember the strength you have in Christ – Romans 8 can remind you. The cross of Jesus Christ IS strong enough to overcome everything. Even this. I didn’t see you mention anything about accountability. You won’t be able to overcome this without it. Everyone tries, but victory only comes with Christ and community.
Peace, Chris
Chris, my name is Nate Danser and I work for Pure Life Ministries. I just wanted to let you know that THERE IS HOPE for you. Our ministry was created to help men like you who are at the end of their rope. We have a Residential Program in Kentucky that is full of men (75 of them!) who are desperately seeking God for victory over this. If you want to live your life for Jesus, to have an impact in this world for him and do His will, PLEASE check us out.
Jesus Christ came to destroy the works of the devil in our lives, and He is still powerful enough to do the same thing for you! http://www.purelifeministries.org/residential will give you a lot of information.
Also, we have an Annual Conference coming up in Florence, KY on April 28th and 29th. We would LOVE to see you there, get to know you, and figure out how best we could help you. conference.purelifeministries.org
I will put in a prayer request for you, and you will be prayed for during our weekly student prayer meeting.
God bless.
Thomas, Peace be with you! I experienced great sorrow for years because I could not shake sinfulness from my life in the realm of human sexuality. Sexuality goes so deep, even down to our being made male and female and each soul has its own unique impacts because of our sex. Keep up the hope and dust yourself off every time you fall. Your life is not lost and it is not hopeless: don’t give in to these dark thoughts. Know that you cannot always control the temptations from without, but with prayer and acknowledgment of your Sonship, that these ideas of suicide and hopelessness become lies used to take you from your eternal destiny, which is Joy in Christ.
Recently, I lost a wonderful person in my life that I love deeply because of pornography and masturbation. As I thought about marrying this beautiful woman I knew I had to finally stop this behavior if I wanted to be fully available to her in my being. She found out before I could muster up the strength to tell her of my addictions. Losing her was the impetus to quit, though, I know she will never be sufficient for me: all of us, even the most happy person, ultimately longs for the Triune God and will be in a very real way experience this existential loneliness this side of heaven. Be of good cheer: we know that Jesus alone can fill that ache in all of us, and He will never depart from us. Jesus loves you: I’d suggest you take up your journaling and really try to see where your hurting is coming from, find someone local to talk to about it, and up your dosage of devotion to Mary, Joseph, and the Eucharist. Pax!
Don’t give up your not alone. Sucide is not a way out you will still have to answer for that ultimate chose too. I too have had those same thoughts. It’s the people who are left behind that truly suffer. Suscide in my opinion is selfish. There are alternatives I hope and pray you do reconsider. I have and my life has been much better since I made that chose! Hang in there their are people out there to help you Cary your load! I will pray for you that you will find that help!
What’s the lords will though mabey he doesn’t need you want to reach millions that’s not humble were Kent to keep out of view from the world millions would be considered the world mabey gods plan is for you to reach 1 person through your entire life
If you email me requesting me to add you to my email list you will receive 6 emails a week to encourage you in your recovery.
doyel@me.com
Please remember that all things can be fought and won with God’s help . keep fighting your not alone.
I feel the exact same way. 😢
Hello Thomas I Know how you feel. Please don’t give up. My ex-husband started me to watch porn. He wanted me to be more into it. I have stop for months and then it will come back. But I am believing God that I will be porn free.
Thomas,
I to was stuck for a long time in porn addiction; for close to 15 years. For years I prayed for God to take away my desires for this sin but I couldn’t stop. I knew if I wanted to grow in Godly maturity and become the man God called me to be I needed to stop. The scripture that convicted me was Ezekiel 8 where God shows Ezekiel how the priests of Israel where keeping idols in their hidden preistly chambers for secret worship. I finally told my wife of whom I have been married to for 8 years my struggles. I expected her to be upset, hurt, angry but she wasn’t. She felt sorry for me that I had struggled for so long. I confessed that I sinned against her and the Lord and she forgave me I I know the Lord forgave me (1John 1:9). She prayed with me and became my accountability partner. I have never felt the love of God more richly than in that moment. What became clear to me was that I lacked faith. I was quenching the Spirit by making flesh choices instead of faith choices. The faith in Christ my wife had allowed Him to love me through her. My road to recovery has not been without failures along the way but by the grace of God and the love he shows me through His forgiveness and the freedom from the power of sin(Rom6:7) I am able to win this battle daily. I have been able to go without porn for a whole year. There is hope. The greatest lies are the ones we tell ourselves and they come from the enemy who is Satan. The lie I bought into was that I was worthless. This is a lie. Scripture tells us over and over that we are loved by God so much that he was willing to die and pay the penalty of sin on our behalf so that we can be reconciled to Him ( Colossians 2:13-14, Romans 5:8, Ephesians 1) . You are important and you have a purpose. God’s plan of redemption is on every page of the Bible.
I would like to encourage you to do 2 things: read your Bible and pray everyday. This 2 things are simple but effective. They also provide a starting point. Doing this constantly and diligently WILL change your life. We cannot grow and become mature believers without this. We cannot we live for Christ, produce good fruit, and win souls if we do not know his word. No preacher or teacher can have faith for us, every man must have his own faith. Ephesians 6 reminds us that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. We must use our weapons to deal with enemy attacks; our sword is the word of God and prayer is our heavy artillery. I find the times when I am most tempted to look at porn (walk in the flesh in general) are times when I have neglected prayer and reading God’s word.
2 resources that have been blessings for me have been Nancy Misslers books “The way of Agape” and ”Be Ye transformed” you can find them on Amazon or there is audio on firefighters.org I think. YouTube also has video of her presentations. Also Chuck Missler Bible studies (also on YouTube) are amazing. He goes through the Bible book by book and verse by verse simply teaching the Bible.
I will pray for you Thomas, as a brother in the Lord I have your back. Please know that God loves you not because I posted on this website but because His word says so. We are freed from the power of sin Rom6:7. Renew your mind daily (Romans 12:1-2) through prayer and the word. There is hope because you were purchased at a high price by Christ on the cross. I would encourage you to talk to a mature believer. These issues are ok to talk about James 5:16 says to confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. If you can’t find anyone to talk to you can email me if you like heidebrecht@gmail.com.
Jeremy
Hi Thomas, I have similar struggles as you…I was exposed to porn at a young age on accident, and it has been with me for years. I cant tell you that you will be able to quit any time soon, but one verse that helps me frequently is “and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God. To those who are called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 He forgives and forgets all sins, so continue to pray, meet with the local church, and read his word. You can overcome this!
Thomas i don’t know you. But man i been where you at. I still kinda am lol. But bro! Don’t give up. You gotta want the outcome So much you won’t care about the process. You see if your eyes are on Jesus and you don’t take them away from him. You won’t fall. Look man your human. I made some dumb choices. And it kills me. I wish i could start all over. And i can, tomorrow. Everyday is a new day. Remember your the son of Yeshua. The one who can bring the dead Alive and make the blind see. We hear that all the time! But it’s amazing! Your forgiven. Don’t bring yourself down because of that. Eliminate things like Social media. Eliminate the gateways. You already ahead by realizing there’s a problem. Love You man. And don’t give up
I want to die after watching porn. I want this to stop.
Hi, Jim – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. I’m deeply concerned about your comments about dying – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Unique. Unrepeatable. Please find someone you can talk to about your struggles. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to, and you start to have suicidal feelings again, promise me you’ll call this number: 1-800-273-8255, if you are in the United States. They also have a chat feature that always has someone there to respond.
Stay strong Thomas remember there is authority and power in the blood of Jesus. Use it over your addiction. Victory in the name of Jesus
Thomas,
Keep trying. Do not give up. Let people you trust and love in your life know that you are struggling. Get help!!! You can not do it alone.
Sam
great article, there is hope for all who want to be free but it wont come from a wave of a magic wand, discipline, mindfulness, accountability and God.
i have found great accountability in a local celebrate recovery chapter.
the world has turned their focused to women’s rights and upliftment… we need the kind of encoragement and prayers with support, as we read this amazing article, we must share about it and encourage more men in our society. thank you
Need help
If you email me requesting me to add you to my email list you will receive 6 emails a week to encourage you in your recovery.
doyel@me.com
Yes please
I too watch porn but by God i have been able to control it eeven in the midst of the confusion
1. delete any porn videos immediately after watching
2. Try to read your bible at least one chapter a day with such focus llke its porn to you
3. Go to hurch to hear God’s word its like a drug for the sickness if it hasnt healed it yet it helps you control it.
4. Get into a relationship with someone that can help like talks to you often about things that distract your mind from porn
5. Try to know God’s Holy Spirit
6. Allow the pain of regret to take full hold after each porn circle
7. Just create your own pictures if you still go on to watch it
8. Try to get a passion different and deep as the when you are watching porn like singing playing football , travelling, etc whatever any other thing you like
9, Go into self meditation saying yourself
I am not and will never be a porn adict
10. Spend time with spouse family and friends
11. Know that if any body can stop it since the history of mankind you can too
12 . Know that I Love you
13. Eacch time you pray about it or somethig God is always (i repeat(always)) listening to you to .He is desperate to do that even if it means him canceling his own personal appointments. In God’s picture you always come first , just the same way a child is to his/her mother
Great article.Thanx so much.15 days free and not going back.I never thought of this addiction in this way.The article,blog,essay,whatever it might be called hit the nail on the head.Satan does use the porn exactly the way described.Shame,disgust,guilt are all the things a Christian feels after the stuff is viewed because it does not smell on your breath or cause an unsteady walk or glassy eyes.We feel like we have let ourselves,our loved ones,our wives and most important our Lord down.Thanx for this uplifting yet hard hitting message.I really believe i did not stumble upon this site by accident.Praise God that He answered my prayers and used your ministry to do it.
Kindly share the site with me on andamsteve@gmail.com
My husband has been having affairs and lying and deceiving me our whole marriage. I knew in my gut he was cheating. I couldn’t prove it. He had a way of provoking arguments in front of my sons and It always looked like it was my fault. When I found my husbands phone I saw what was going on. He is a voyuer. He likes pictures of women. He was paying them to send their pictures. I got a counselors name from a christian org. and when I talked with them again and told them he was only counseling my husband not me they said don’t go back. Since then he won’t go to any counseling. He blames me for his not wanting to go back. Everything he does he becomes addicted. He gambles, he drinks, he lies, I think he’s on something not sure what but I’m pretty sure. Our adult sons were embarrassed and upset . They don’t have much to do with him. I tried to tell them something was wrong. When they found out about the phone and everything they couldn’t believe it. At one time I asked them if their dad had a phone . They were working with him I thought they would see. He was so sneaky he would be texting and talking to these women right beside our sons and they didn’t even know.He doesn’t go to church now and won’t go. He does not know Jesus. He just left to go to a job in texas he’s in construction. The last woman he was involved with is there. Im sure he will contact her he had me get all of my things out of our camper. Please pray for dan and me Thank you
I am so, so sorry. I hope you’ll find a counselor who can help you process emotions and consider healthy boundaries for yourself. A group would be great. And there are online resources at Bloom that you might find helpful as well. Whatever your husband chooses, YOU choose to be healthy and whole. Peace to you, Kay
Please pray for me I am suffering with this. Any prayers will help. Please I beg you!
I’m so sorry 😐
Please pray for me to I’m trying to stop please keep me in your prayers I’m really struggling
dont judge him we all see t but we dont like it i am just 14 and i am suffering
i feel i am like i am dead
I have been watching open a veryong time and now it hurts me I am Christian. Please pray for me I really want to stop, I do good then Satan works my brain. I love Jesus with everything in me. Please pray, my girlfriend of 25 years died from M S And I am taking care of her Special needs son who I love. It is hard and I want to stop.
Girl, if you don’t leave him! What good is that guy. He doesn’t care. He rather feed his sexual desires than his family. So what you do is leave. And start a new life. Maybe when he sees you got up and left it’ll change his mind. And that may not work or it might. But most importantly you’ll be out that toxic relationship. You’ll be free. And he might change. But please don’t stay there suffering for him. I see your pain and your tenacity. But sister! You gotta let God take control. You HAVE GOT TO get your mind Ready. Heart breaks hurt. But what’s even better is when God heals it.
I really appreciate what you said here: leaving a toxic relationship may or may not change the other person, but it means peace and freedom for the victim. This is so, so important! Our boundaries are for our own health and safety, first and foremost. We are the precious, beloved children of God, not required to live under slavery to sin, including the sin of a spouse.
And so many times we are unwilling to have healthy boundaries because we’re trying to control the other person, rather than trusting God to care for us no matter what.
Thanks for pointing this out!
Unfortunately gulagg defines the deceitfulness of sin to a tee and refutes every psychologist, doctor, clergy and neuro surgeon in the world!
men who struggle with porn and ask to be healed need to also use their brains on how to rid it from their lives. remove computers, smartphones and all access to internet. do not go into gas stations that sell porn magazines. there’s options. and as you do this pray also for strength. porn has lead my husband to leave me twice. And even though I know in my heart he still does it, there’s nothing i can do. it dosnt matter how pretty or thin I get…he needs to choose.
Please pray for me as well. Contrary to what many people think, pornography addiction is also among women. I am an 18 year old female and I was exposed to pornography in the 5th grade. It was just a pop up but I made the mistake of continuing to watch. I’ll never forget. It was gutter.com. I am currently embarking on my first year of college and for the past year or two, I’ve been trying so hard to stop. I haven’t watched for a few months. At first it was so hard to stop because I would do it everyday for years. But I realized in my junior year of high school that I should stop. I didn’t even know that pornography was a sin! I literally just found out in July of this year. That really made me want to stop completely but it has been so hard and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been good for awhile but I’ve been going through hard times and depression so I just want to use it as a tool to help me or as an escape but I do not want to. I’ve been praying to god and I have always gone to church and I feel like how can I sit here praying to god and asking him to remove my pain and to restore my life to the happiness I used to have yet still have thoughts on watching porn? Last night I was feeling so horrible, I wanted to open up my computer and watch but I just forced myself to go to sleep and it has been so hard. Today I feel as if the urge is getting stronger and I just need help, guidance, and prayer to get through this because it’s so hard.
dont judge him we all have sined we dont like it either i am just 14 trying to recover i was a sttraight a student before porn
I have a problem. And desperately need someone’s help, but no one to turn to.
Hello, Salvador – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Reaching out here was a great step. Covenant Eyes has great information and software, but if you don’t have someone you can talk to (Accountability), then can I recommend a forum like nofap.com? There are 1,000s of men who will understand your situation, no matter what it is.
Warmly,
Chris
You people are fanatical idiots. Porn watching is merely an effect of unsatisfied high libido. Clinical tests prove that a man has the need to ejaculate every 72 hours or so, and he does what he must to accomplish that average. It’s simple biology, not the Devil,. You people need to grow up and address the problems caused by your puritanical view of sex. Sex is not dirty, it is biologically necessary. If your man (or you) have too much porn in your lives, you just need to get or be a better sexual partner.
I believe in God, but I am sure he cares more about what is in your heart than how often you take off your pants.
Hi, can you please point me to the clinical tests you’re referring to? Thanks.
Chris
I am a woman who is Catholic Christian.
It has been like 4 days since I have looked at that filth ( as with me that and masturbation are linked).I want FULL COMPLETE DELIVERANCE from this n maybe a woman there can help me 4 free.
print it, read it and meditate on what it’s saying as soon as you get the urge
i dont even know what i gain from watching pornography.Its not nice,just a little fantasy,a virtual one for that matter.I need self control and wisdom on how to deal with this.Thanks for your article
I first watched porn at 12 or thirteen. It became a downward spiral day after day, year after year. Its one of the main reasons for my depression and suicide attempts. Its insane how difficult it is and how effect my life. I cant sleep until i masturbate some times. Its not as bad as it used to be but i still have a really hard time going two day without watching porn. The guilt and shame is destroying me because i know women should not be treated as objects like this. Pornography is a huge problem and needs to be dealt with but most people brush it off as if its nothing. Are society has been and always will be shaken to its core. The biggest thing to move past this addiction is to get help. Its nearly impossible to fight this on your own.
I feel guilty of watching and fornicating and even though I whole heartedly want to quit. For me it’s always been hidden up until recently the last 5 years I’ve met more people confessing they watch it to as a way to relieve themselves. Didn’t make me feel any better but didn’t make me feel like I was committing a sin, that was up until I would act inappropriately with myself and be so ashamed and everyday carrying that burden is hard. I never thought I would be so addicted to the sensation “the drug” that it became an everyday thing. I love the Lord and there are many devices in the world that can lead us to destruction and even though I’m still struggling and believing God that He will vindicate me from watching filthy porn, I must remember this too, “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me”, and that The Lord will not put on more than what you can bare. I’m thankful for this forum, I needed this. Porn is a disgusting habit and I can and see myself being delivered from sinful thoughts of fornication and defiling this vessel. I thank God for my brothers and sisters keeping the faith and making it through these challenging times. We will get through it guys. Much love ✌
I Totally agree it’s either you or porn if he can’t choose, tell him to go. To many men are breaking women’s hearts by doing these disgusting acts with porn stars who are the hooks that baited them in salving and wrecking there lives.
It’s men weak wills I’ve no sympathy for them let them drown in the shit where they are trapped they seem to enjoy it better than you.
I completely understand you’ll be surprised how many women including myself have watched it for years. I’ve never spoke out about it because I was too ashamed and felt disgusting low and dirty. Today I realized I must confess with my mouth my sins. The enemy will try harder and harder each time and I can hear him whisper to me to do it. I need to fast and ask God to forgive me and to shut down all internet access. I am struggling hard but I will not be defeated. This is my first step in changing my life for the better. I ask that you’ll pray for me and all others dealing with the same huge issue. Thank you. Lord I confess my sins that I have watched lesbian and regular porn for years I’m tired of being a prisoner with no one to talk to about this issue and I’m tired of letting you down. I will from this day forward do my best to try harder and harder to not watch and to fill my time with positive activities. Lord forgive me, in Jesus name AMEN
To be completely honest, porn is no better or worse than emotional eating disorders, alcoholism, drug addiction, excessive laziness or any other extreme behavioral or substance abuse disorder people resort to when dealing with anxiety, depression and that empty emotional void we all have. God doesn’t say that quitting porn is a requirement to be his child and to enter heaven. God also doesn’t sit around sensationalizing certain sins over other sins with a scorecard like we humans often do. Even if you’re a pastor struggling with a porn addiction and it finally comes out, it’s not like you’re any more of a sinner just because everyone else knows about it now. Who are these holier than thou people who are supposed to be our family members and church body to stand up and judge or sensationalize the addiction like they’re sins, addictions and problems are far less severe. I have been a Christian since 1979 and porn has been an off and on activity since I was first exposed to it in 1984 as a 13 year old. I owned mags and videos for nearly 20 years as an adult and occasionally viewed them. I don’t own it anymore because I grew up and threw it away. I occasionally look at internet porn and masturbate. It sometimes seems like a ridiculous thing to do. The release is relaxing and provides a little chemical feel good for a while. This is the same feel good sensation I had when I naturally started masturbating at 12 years old before I ever saw porn, which leads me to believe that masturbation is normal for most people… to explore their bodies and sexuality… It’s a personal and normal experience. If a Christian is excessive and has a tendency to feed addictions to the point they can’t control porn viewing and masturbation, and it’s obvious that the person’s life, safety or health is at risk, then the person should simply find help to work through it and understand that it doesn’t mean their salvation is at risk or that God doesn’t love them… it’s just like anything else we go get help for. Perhaps churches needed to stop judging so strongly so people won’t isolate. I lead in my church and nothing that could come out would be that much of a shock. Why did people think you were some sort of perfect Christian on a pedestal in the first place just because you were a pastor… Perhaps idolatry and exalting humans needs to stop. I know it’s shocking to prideful, hateful Christians that a person addicted to porn can be highly successful at home and work, love like no other and still pray and stay connected with Jesus while committing no crime but oh his poor spouse and family… how betrayed they must feel. Imagine the pain the person is suffering. I’m being sarcastic because in my experience, most Christians are legalistic, judgmental and dishonest. They have no clue what true spiritual obedience and discipline are in their personal lives and they can’t even describe what grace looks like when others fall short.
I know I am doing bad things lord.
Please,please forgive me
I know I am selfish
I know I cannot stop bad things
But please give me a chance to say sorry
I have been asking your forgiveness for a lot of times saying please forgive me
Lord our mighty God,please forgive me just 1 more time.
Lord I believe you have sent Jesus Christ to die before us.
Lord, please forgive me for doing bad things
I admit I am a sinner.
Good thing god isn’t real
Pray for me
😔😔😔
I dont underswtand why married men watch porn UNLESS their wife stopped caring for them.This has happened to me I watched porn because my live in girlfriend and mother of my children would decide when she wanted to be intimate with me.Not just sex but just hold caressing loviing huggin kissing I longed for that and I felt so alone thats when I would turn to porn and it would remind me of times we were intimate.I miss being held loved its not the sex its the intimacy,but being alone with out physical touch makes me watch it until im satisfied and guilty.I feel guilty because I feel like ive used the girls in the videos.its a vicious sad cycel and hard to stop when you have no one at all.Male friends are not enough I miss romance with a woman so I stray.
Men watch porn because they want to. Loving, caring wives who give their husbands plenty of sex have husbands who choose to look at porn. This is not a woman’s fault. This is a man’s choice. Simple as that. If you miss the romance with your partner, then invest in the relationship. Stop watching porn and invest in the relationship. That is the healthy choice you could make to meet your needs appropriately. It is not okay to blame your partner for your unhealthy choices, however.
Hi! I am new to covenant eyes, and I asked my husband to help me, because I am the one who struggles with sexual temptation in our marriage. I realize and agree that it is sin, and I genuinely want to change. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who has chosen to respond in mercy rather than judgment towards me. I feel very sad when I read comments from other women who have no mercy towards their husbands, no compassion or understanding. They even encourage other women to leave their husbands if they struggle with porn addiction. I realize it is hurtful, and it is a sin against one’s spouse. However, isn’t the relationship and the marriage worth both people putting in the effort?
Of course the relationship and marriage are worth both people putting in the effort. However, when the other person is not putting in the effort, when the other person is breaking their marriage vows and refuses to do their work, there comes a time to recognize reality and set up healthy boundaries. Here, here, and here are some articles on boundaries that may be useful to think through. None of us are required to be the victim of another person’s unrepentant, ongoing sin. We get to decide what is healthy for us, each in the context of our own relationship.
My name id alana im 35 years old and i been with my fiance for 4 years and he is addicted to porn. He does it so much it hurts me. Im against porn, always have been. Pornnis not a need its a want, they are so attractive to othrr females and body language. I am a beautiful thi. Girl and i dont know why my man thinks its ok for him to alway watch it, but the way he watches it he is sneaky about it. Sure enough i found an account he made of a female acting to be that person just to talk to other females and get sexual relations from them like videos or pics. He has hidden so much thjngs from me . He even says im the problem not him. I need to get over that every man watches porn.i need help i dont know what to do can someone help me.
Hey Alana,
Well, it sounds like HE is the person who needs help, because he’s not able to take responsibility for his own choices but rather blames you for them.
I think what you need is good boundaries. The essence of boundaries is that you identify what is okay and what is not okay with you, and then you choose how you want to deal with what is not okay with you. It sounds like hiding things and blaming you for them is not okay with you. So the question simply becomes: how do you choose to deal with that? Here, here, and here are some articles that can help you think about your boundaries and what is okay with you.
You might want to find a therapist who can support you in your boundaries, and you might also appreciate the online resources at Bloom for Women.
Peace,
Kay
I started watching porn about a year ago and I heard about porn addictions before but I thought how can you get addicted to porn? I found out the hard way and now I can’t stop watching porn and I get excited before watching it but I feel remorse and sorrow and deep pain in me after watching it. I don’t know if I’ll start to have suicidal thoughts but I desperately need help before this addiction eats me alive.
Wowww it must be hard I’m not married but I’ve been in a relationship before and I can tell how hard it must be for you …. but no matter what be there for him and yes do look good on the physical side… look sexy and don’t lay with him until you know for sure he has chosen God and you over it …. trust me … I’m a guy and I know better I guess from a man’s point of view …. make him beg for you …. but only reward him with a kiss or so and tell him why so or why not !!!
Cheers !
My name is Ire
I got exposed to pornography at the age of 9 or thereabout accidentally through my older brother ,sadly my curiousitt led me into wanting to know more about it,the details and try to understand what is enjoyed by watching, I’d on the generator and play the video in the absence of my brother and family… That was the beginning of mY Room
As whatever pornography video I come across ,I’ll check the website and go search it on the internet and watch more ..It was really intense,as being in my room alone while my sister in the university only gave me enough room and convenience to keep dwelling on the sin .
With time I stopped, I’d feel filty or I’d begin to have headache or feel sick I think this priord to the end of me watching porn that year…Years after Masturbation came into themany mix..I’ve really been there and done so many sexual sins I feel really ashamed of,I’m like a friend that has no worries and doesn’t live a terrible life..Noone knows what I got through on the inside,I feel filthy,bad , irritated whenever I masturbate or watch porn..I really don’t know,I wish I could tell someone, reading this post I’ve made up my mind to confuse in someone anyone d spirit leads me to amongst my friends..I really want it all to end..I’m tired of the off and On..I want to stop Totally..God help me
Ire,
Many will agree with you that porn addiction is a difficult cycle to exit. However, with God, it IS possible. I would encourage you to first pray and ask God for guidance. And, keep praying. Don’t stop reaching out to God for healing. Telling someone about your addiction is hard, but it is an important step towards establishing accountability. We cannot walk through life alone, especially when we are struggling with something so damaging as porn.
Do not give up, friend. You can overcome this. Praying for you!
Moriah
I’ve been watching porn since it was legalized in New Zealand in the mid 1980’s. At least 34 years. Dam! I wish they had never legalized it. I experienced erectile dysfunction in my last relationship. It was awful. So frustrating and humiliating. I am a recovered alcoholic. Hv been sober over 24 years. I drank for 16 years. But i haven’t been able to recover from this addiction. I spend quite alot of my time feeling depressed and lonely yet there i am helping other alcoholics who are new to AA to get and stay sober. My porn addiction interferes with my quality of sobriety big time. I also visit the massage place yet not for full sex but still to get sexual relief. I feel very lonely at times. I hv been going to the gym for 37 yrs for bodybuilding and fitness so I’m in very good shape physically but not spiritually and therefore not emotionally and mentally either. This sucks
getting rid of computers may have been a logical solution at one time but in this age it’s not so easy. I’m a truck driver. I listen to podcasts, sermons and whateve going down the road to help pass the time. I also have a company-provided tablet because we have several apps that are needed with our job.
I used computers, tablets at my phone for many things besides my addiction. I’m a recovered alcoholic. I know where to find liquor but today I choose not to drink. I thought I could use the same principles to quit this other addiction but I seem to fail every time.
You can remove the smartphone, computer and avoiding going into a store that sells porn all ya want. However, if the desire to stop isn’t fully there your just deceiving yourself. I’ve thrown two expensive smartphones into the river just to go buy another two days later. If a person truly wants to stop this demonic activity go visit a Nursing Home daily. Go for a daily walk in the cemetery. Educate yourself on all the porn stars that blew their brains out or died of a drug overdose. Then realize the fact that life is very short, heaven and hell are real and chances are your lusting and masturbating to a dead person.
Honestly this article helped but, to all who are still struggling out there. I myself was addicted to pornography for 4 years, i never told anyone, never opened up, the only people i talked to about it was my friends and we were always just relating and making jokes about it. Then i moved, went to a new church, and the pastor isnt that old maybe in his early 30s possibly 20s. he was a youth pastor for 6 years, and i opened up to him and he immidiately took my side, commforting me with the re-assuring fact that its natural for you to want to seek out women and often that can lead to things such as porn. but you cant let that be the path you take, while yes many have done it, that doesnt mean you stick with it. you must pray, you must confess to God, and you absolutely need someone in your corner who will be there judge free. someone who understands and has maybe even been there, and when you feel the urge just text someone, talk to someone say hey i need someone to talk to right now. put on some gospel music to get your mind off of it. if your on your computer,turn it off and pray. Im 14 and after getting my mind right im on the road to recovery, i hope my testimony helped someone, God bless you all.
Samuel,
Thank you for sharing your testimony! I pray that many will read it and be encouraged.
God bless!
Moriah
Hi, I’ve been addicted to watching porn/self gratification for 33yrs. I’ve tried everything to quit but nothing works. Please play for me to find permanent deliverance.
Hello! Thanks for reaching out. We’re here to help any way we can. Here’s an article that has consolidated the process of quitting into six simple (not easy!) steps. Have you tried these? We’ve also created a free, 21-day detox program called STRIVE designed to help you get started. Check it out here!
Blessings,
Keith
I’ve been struggling with porn most of my life I manage to stay off for about three months but then I breakdown, I feel a mixture of relief and shame.
Hello! Thanks for your comment. Keep up the good work in your fight to quit porn! We’re here for you and rooting for you. I hope you’ll take advantage of the many resources we have available along the journey. You may want to try our free, 21-day challenge called STRIVE.
Blessings,
Keith
Just be praying for him is not an easy task coz even me am addicted I also need help 😭