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“Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth
to death.” James 1:15
Among young men, pornography is perhaps the most widespread and damaging addiction in the world. Once described by Orthodox priest Spyridon Bailey as the “iconography of the devil,” it has affected the life of every young man in some way, big or small.
I have never spoken to any man my age on this matter who has told me they have never watched porn in some capacity. Porn has ruined minds, it has ruined relationships, and it has ruined lives. It changes the way people think and love. It damages the perception of Holy Matrimony and of God’s plan for the family. I know these things because I have experienced them firsthand.
The Shackles of Lust
When I was 11 years old, the devil seized control of my life with the shackles of lust. I had just started the 6th grade, and I was surfing Google when I stumbled upon something I should never have seen. The curiosity of my young mind piqued, and I dug further. At first, I felt extremely guilty, and I knew I shouldn’t be looking at what I was looking at. But that faded over time.
I was completely blinded to the damage I was doing to my own mind and life. Had I known the effect it would have on me over the next 7 years, I would have run and never looked back. But sin doesn’t work that way. Slowly, it took hold of me. I gradually began to watch more and more. It became a daily habit. For the first few years, I didn’t think much of it. I had convinced myself that it was just a normal part of growing up. However, when I hit high school, suddenly one day it hit me all at once. I looked down at what I was watching and realized what I was doing to myself. I had never felt more disgusted and ashamed of myself. I really wish I could say that my battle ended there, but sadly it had only just begun.
A New Chapter of Life
Over the last three years or so, I have been fighting a fierce and daunting battle. Seven years since my shackles were clamped, I am now 18 years old and have just graduated high school. In two months time, I will step foot on campus at Auburn University and begin a new chapter of my life. Although I have been fighting this battle for so long, I know I have much work to do over these months before I am ready. I do not know what God’s plan is for me, but I know that I want to be ready to take on whatever it is He has for me.
Although my battle is not yet over, I can largely thank Covenant Eyes for the progress I have made thus far. I have been using Covenant Eyes for some two years now, ever since I achieved my greatest victory in the battle thus far: seeking help. When I was a sophomore, I asked my youth pastor if he could sit and talk with me after church one night. I told him of my struggles and how I wanted to overcome them. He offered me his full support, and he told me I needed to do two things: tell my parents and find accountability.
Turning the Tide
Telling my parents was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but looking back this is what truly turned the tide of the
battle in my favor. Feeling the crushing shame of that conversation woke me up even more to the damage I was doing to myself. Although my parents were shocked and heartbroken, they were and continue to be supportive of my path to recovery.
After doing some research, I discovered Covenant Eyes and concluded it to be the best form of accountability software available for my devices. I introduced it to my parents and we got started with it right away. It has truly been a game changer in holding me accountable for my time spent online. Accountability is one of the most powerful weapons to fight against any addiction, and it has had a major impact on my journey thus far. And while I have yet to achieve total victory, I know it is in my future, as all things are possible through God.
One Step Closer
There is no doubt that pornography has taken over the digital world. It has spread its tentacles into every crack and crevice of the internet. Even if you are not seeking it, it will find you. That is why it is so very important to live with integrity when using the internet. No building can stand without a cornerstone, and no ship can resist the waves of the sea without an anchor. This cornerstone, this anchor is the Lord’s given integrity.
I have learned the hard way over many years that my own integrity simply isn’t strong enough. No matter how strong I think I am, I am not strong enough. But God’s strength surpasses that of any man. His strength alone is the only way to ever win the battle. That is why it is so important to call on His integrity. This can only be done through fervent prayer and Scripture reading. Without this integrity, victory is simply unachievable. Above all else, this is the most powerful weapon to win the battle.
I wish I could say that I have won my battle, but sadly I am not there yet. However, every day, I know I am one step closer to breaking these shackles that have long bound me. Often, there are days that I feel worthless and disgusted with myself. I fear that I have ruined my life and that God will abandon His good plan for me. But I know that as long as I call on the Lord’s integrity, as long as I pray and read Scripture, as long as I hold myself accountable, I will overcome this hurdle that has been placed before me. One day, this will be a part of my testimony.
Hopefully, God will let me use it to change the world.
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