Sexual addiction, an umbrella term which includes pornography addiction, is likely the most harmful addiction when it comes to marriages. The reasons for this are numerous and include the shame associated with this addiction for both the addict and the spouse, the sense of betrayal, and stereotypes linked to the addiction.
I specialize in counseling wives of sex addicts, and I often see women who haven’t told anyone about their husband’s addiction, sometimes for months or even years. The lack of support available to spouses, and often inaccurate information being put out about partners of sexual addicts, can cause a wife to suffer additional trauma and feel like she is partially responsible for her husband’s behavior.
Since this is a “process addiction,” versus a chemical addiction, it is so hard for wives to understand. This lack of understanding can cause numerous misconceptions to be held as truths and can postpone healing.
#1: How can my husband love me and look at porn when he knows it hurts me?
It is possible for your husband to love you, even though he is looking at pornography. In fact, the two are completely unrelated. Men are better than women at compartmentalization. A man’s brain can be compared to a waffle. There are many different compartments so that he can divide his life up into separate components that don’t touch each other. His marriage and family can be in one compartment, his job in another…you get the point.
This is a benefit when a man is fighting in a war and able to focus on the task at hand without worrying about his family back home. But it also makes a man able to look at pornography without thinking about how it may hurt you or his marriage. Women’s brains are more like spaghetti where everything is connected. We are more likely to be worrying about our kids when we are at work and thinking about work when we are at home.
When a man becomes addicted to pornography, it can become a perceived need rather than a choice for him until he becomes willing to reach out for help. His use of porn causes a release of the same chemicals involved when a drug is ingested. At the height of his addiction, nothing, not even the risk of losing his job or his marriage, is enough to stop him. This explains how a politician or celebrity can make such risky, career-destroying moves without stopping to consider the consequences.
Later I will discuss the kinds of consequences that can catapult an addict into reality.
#2: Why does my husband prefer porn and masturbation to sex with me?
Norman Doidge, psychiatrist and author of the acclaimed book, The Brain That Changes Itself, studied porn addicts. He stated,
They reported increasing difficulty in being turned on by their actual sexual partners, spouses, or girlfriends, though they still considered them objectively attractive. When I asked if this phenomenon had any relationship to viewing pornography, they answered that it initially helped them get more excited during sex but over time had the opposite effect.
Your husband had this addiction, or the proclivity toward it, before he ever met you, regardless of what he says. In spite of what you think or even what he might have said, nothing you could do could be enough to sexually satisfy your porn addicted spouse.
Pornography presents an unrealistic reality that damages a person’s brain. They become engrossed in this fantasy world where they don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone but themselves and no emotional connection is required.
While a porn addict desperately craves love and intimacy (something he is probably unaware of), he seeks it out in the exact place that will cause him to become less and less able to experience it. As I hear sexual addicts talk about their past, it becomes apparent why they are so uncomfortable with the idea of intimacy. This topic is beyond our scope here, but it is important for a wife to be aware that there is a reason her husband became addicted to porn, and that reason is not her.
Read Part 2 answering these four questions:
Question #3: Why am I not enough if I am sexually available to him?
Question #4: He says he looks at porn because I don’t have sex with him enough, am not pretty enough, am too fat, etc. What can I do?
Question #5: My husband says all men do it. Am I making too big a deal out of this?
Question #6: My husband refuses to get help or admit this is a problem. How can I make him stop? What are the risks if he doesn’t stop?
Well, even I was exposed to my husband’s addiction to porn and masturbation while I am pregnant. So its been nine months, my husband keeps on putting me off whenever I insist saying it will affect the baby. I accepted it as his concern for the baby and was happy with it. But then I was surprised when he refused to sleep with me and used to stay awake till late night saying he has lot of work to complete. I was innocent and believed him. But suddenly I woke up and saw him surfing porn and masturbating. And this has been a routine for him. I didn’t want to confront him and thought its his personal life. But then reduced physical intimacy, reduced eye contact and his disappearance alot of time he comes home late saying he out at work. And then his night routines. It is all disturbing me. I was always open to him and always fulfilled his desires but pregnancy has changed our relation. What do I do?
It sounds like both of you need to have a conversation about a few things. First, I would really want to know about his habit of looking at porn in the past: did he look at it before he was married? has he looked at it since you’ve been married? how often? Of course, if he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, he might deny any involvement with porn. Or it might be that the porn is a new or recent thing. hard to say unless he opens up about it.
Second, I would talk about ways you can explore sexual pleasure that don’t involve intercourse. Perhaps he is genuinely concerned about harming his baby, or perhaps he finds himself “turned off” by the idea of pregnancy (it is a common mental block for guys). You are not the turnoff, of course. You both just need to explore ways to pleasure each other and share intimate moments.
Let me know what happens as you two discuss these things.
I met my husband online 2.5 years ago and instantly clicked. I lived in Australia and he lived in the U.S. We spent time together but talked for hours every day. I have 2 children and we moved to the U.S and married in June 2013. He got a job working away and would be away for 2 weeks at a time. I initially found out his downloading of porn was before we got married due to excessive usage. I jokingly asked him how much porn he was downloading. He was upfront and said, because we had spent 12 months apart and that’s why he was downloading porn. I didn’t think too much about it because in my mind I would rather him look at porn then out with other women. A few months after we were married his usage was high again and again he never denied it but his behavour started to change the more I wanted to talk to him about it. He was using viagra with me and if he wasn’t wouldn’t last very long or couldn’t keep it up. I felt devastated, hurt, betrayed. He takes his phone into the bathroom with him. I found over 60 downloads of porn on his phone and I approached him about it. He didn’t deny anything until the next day we had a huge argument and asked to see his phone. He of course deleted everything. He was also searching for the filthiest pages on fb and when I approached him about that he would then change how he searched and would go onto one of his friends pages who had a massive amount of porn page likes so he would then go on them. I deleted this friend and blocked his friend. I’m at the point I don’t know who my husband is, from being blissfully in love to absolutely disgusted with him. I’m about to give him an ultimatum but don’t know how to approach it and be very straight up with where I’m at. I moved countries and uprooted my kids and changed my whole life for him. Feel completely lost and alone right now.
Sounds like an awful situation, Julie. What is so disheartening is that you may not have the support system you need (having moved from so far away) like other women might have.
First, I recommend you download and read this free book for women in your situation. It is excellent. It deals with a lot of common problems women face.
Mine is not a reply, but a question..
Ive known a man for about 7 years, we met at work and sometimes worked along side each other. Never was birthdays ever brought up as he looks older then he is and I evidently aged soft. We had a attraction to each other but didnt really understand it as I was having problems with my soon o be X and very work concerned, always planning for my next job goal and career to implement the one we were doing with each other. I grew up a tomboy and have always worked nontraditional male industrial field jobs and have the body and hands to prove it. I was a lumber jack in my early years and then raised my children with a truck driving job. I always excelled in everything I ever dedicated myself to.
Unfortunately..with this came neglect of my body…not saying a slob with my appearance … But I had gained a few lbs around the mid section and back side, known as truckers belly…and dress for the job Im doing, ei steel toe boots
hair up in a hard hat and work clothes..No Days getting my nails done, no makeup, no hair primping… A natural feminine but tom boy look..
its been over a year since my x and I went our separate ways.
About After dating some in the fall this man and realized there is a attraction other then friendship. We started into a relationship and moving along moved in together with commitment. After all said and done in a conversation birthdays came up, and to our surprise Im 7 years his elder. It took a bit to get over this in my mind and morals and seemed to except it till now..
Most men are attracted to younger women and most split ups are caused by this attraction..with the age difference and him being a man who will be attracted to maybe as mush as 5 years less his age this gives me a 12 year disability gap..Ive found him peeking at soft porn and feeling guilty to quickly shut the page when I walk by..I laughed one day and told him there is nothing wrong with looking, its a normal thing as I post pics sometimes of men in towels, or fire men with no shirts, .. Lately ive found hes always on line looking at soft porn, its not a casual thing, he actually has sites and folders and searches for it…My laptop is in the living room and always open..his is in the spare bedroom and secret.
Heres is the problem.. I feel heart broken over the fact, I will never be able to compete with the hard bodies that pose for these pictures, most women cant..Ive had children and worked hard all my life..I have stretch marks, scars,jiggle rolls and hands no matter what like sand paper and at 52 naturally some sagging. With this and my age there is 2 strikes against me, next there is always a younger girl just waiting to become competition..I sometimes feel that he needs his porn to be with me as at night instead of being with me in our alone time he hides away on his computer..When hes not in there hes great, there are no problems what so ever as if we are meant to be together.. and yet I feel Hurt like he would prefer that or younger to me…Am..I setting myself up for heart break in the end where he will pursue or be tempted to leave for a a younger woman with a better body.? should I except this is a problem and end the relationship and move on before a horrible heart break..?
Im desperately seeking advice from anyone in a age difference relationship with soft porn involved.. as Im pretty sure of the risk and odds of heart ache with the age difference to begin with
Chrissie
Hi Chrissie,
Thanks for posting your question. First, I would say that many men don’t leave the women they are with to pursue someone younger and “prettier,” but some do. For most of the women I know in your situation, my biggest fear is not the man leaving, but that he stays and remains entrenched in porn.
Many men simply have grown to prefer porn fantasy to real sex. Other than the feeling of a warm body next to him, porn offers him something no woman can give him: unlimited variety, total control, and no worries about another person’s needs or feelings. This is a sad state of affairs, isn’t it? Porn is literally causing men to be impotent. For some men, they suffer from ED because of porn use. Others can’t reach climax unless their minds are filled with images of porn. These men have become slaves to their pornified sex drives. Very sad.
Aside from all of this, what makes porn truly wrong is that it commodifies men and women into objects. It trains others to see people as objects to be used, not people to be loved and honored.
If this is a concern to you (and I believe it should be), I would address this issue with him. Do you want to live with a man who doesn’t have eyes for you, a man who sneaks away to pleasure himself instead of spending his sexual energy pursuing you?
He needs to come to grips with his habit, acknowledge it as a problem, and make steps to quit.
I highly recommend you read, “7 Questions Wives of Porn Addicts Often Ask.”
I knew my husband viewed porn early in our marriage and figured he “dabbled: ocassionally. Well, last summer i discovered how much he dabbled. He’s been ordering porn videos and having them delivered to his office. A couple of the videos were beyond disgusting. They portrayed man on man and voyuerism. I searched the history on his computer and found some of the most raunchy sites. What made me curious was his behavior. He started saying things he’d never said before; telling he he’d like to know what it felt like to give a man oral sex, asking to watch me with another man, am I curious to know what it would be liek to have sex with a woman. It definitely put a spoiler on our sex life. When i approached him about his porn, he became very upset and unrepentent. He feels that it’s just a sexual curiosity and he would never do those things without me. Well, he’s already started by buying such videos. He claims that he’s in touch wiht his sexual sex and I’m the problem. Well, I’m not allowing myself or my sexual being to be bellited and berated by anyone. I have a pretty open mind about sex, but will not have sex with another man. I have no desire to experiment with a woman. I will not guide my husband to give a man oral sex. I no longer initiate sex. When he approaches me for sex, I feel it isn’t about me or us. It’s about his fantasies. It sickens me to have him touch me.Oh, and he told me that he will watch porn till the day he dies. How’s this for encouragment in saving our marriage? The betrayl I feel is 1000 fold. We been to marriage counseling more than a couple of times. Each step forward seems like 5 steps back. I’m considering divorce. I’m more important to me than a destructive addiction he won’t face.
Late last year i discovered that my husband was registered on a site where he was viewing escorts profiles, local to our area. He was buying photos and videos of them and claimed that he had never and would never contact any of them. Unfortunately i then discovered that he had an account on twitter which i knew nothing about. He was using this to follow porn stars, chat TV hosts, an escort website and other women who he found attractive! Also looking at his history i discovered that he had been viewing a lot of porn. The whole thing made my stomach churn and made me feel like i did not know who my husband really was! We have 2 children under 2 and since the birth of our first child our sex life has suffered. The thing is he rarely came on to me and there were times when i’d approach him and he would be unable to perform. I am not against porn but in my opinion there is a time and place for it. We had a good chat about things and he claimed that porn was not enough yo satisfy him which is why he started viewing escort sites. We decided to work on our relationship and our sex life improved a lot. I have now discovered that when he is in his office working alone he has been viewing porn- supposed to be working and viewing porn- not right in my opinion! This leads me to believe that he has a real problem with it? After what i discovered last year and the effect it had at the time, it shocks me that he is now viewing porn during work hours! He has also been erasing his web history to try and cover this up but has been forgetting to close the applications he has opened allowing me to view the content of what he’s been viewing. Advice needed!
Hi Emma,
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope your husband wakes up and smells the coffee: what’s he’s doing is hurting not just his libido but his marriage.
First, it is important to confront him about what you know. If this has been escalating behind your back, you need to talk to him again. He needs to know this will not stay hidden.
Second, you need to express how you really feel about this. (1) That this behavior makes you not trust him. (2) That this is being unfaithful to his wedding vows to “forsake all others” and you feel betrayed by it. (3) That you are willing to forgive him but he must earn your trust back with trustworthy behavior over time. (4) That you desire to rekindle the love in your marriage and be his only sexual satisfaction. (5) That one of the trustworthy behaviors he should begin doing is finding help for this problem. This is a very, very common compulsive and addictive pattern today among men and there is help available for this.
I recommend you download and read these free chapters from Dr. Doug Weiss’ books. Dr. Weiss partners with our company to get these chapters into people’s hands because he knows how many hurting marriages are out there.
I also highly recommend you begin taking care of your own heart in all of this. He may be the addict, but you are the victim. You need to be able to process this information and figure out some next steps. Download our free e-book for wives about this. We worked with numerous counselors to publish it.
Hello,
I have been facing with my husband’s porn and sex addiction for 9 years. Obviously when we met, I didn’t know about his problem. After one year of marriage he cheated on me with one of his students, I found out and wanted to get a divorce but he said that he had this addiction. He has been in treatment for a while, then he stopped it saying that it wasn’t for him or the psychologist wasn’t good enough, etc (I guess there all were excuses).
Recently, I’ve been considering the possibility of a separation as he says that he thinks that his addiction went worse those years of being married to me. He said that one of his psychologist suggested that there´s something that it’s not working in our relationship that makes him continue into his addiction and makes it worse.
I would like to know if it is possible that a wife causes that this addition goes worse.
Thank you
Hi Confused,
I’m not exactly sure what the psychologist meant by this statement, but let me try to separate truth from lies.
First, his addiction is his own. It started before you met him. He allowed it to escalate. He is responsible for it.
Second, the idea that “there’s something that’s not working in your relationship” may be true, but it’s hardly a meaningful statement without some more clarity. Every couple has problems in their marriage. Every man and woman sins against his or her spouse. That’s a given. The question is how this may or may not play into his addiction.
It is true that stress in a relationship or a disconnect may exacerbate a man’s addiction, but only in the sense that stress or a desire for intimacy is a trigger for him. Let me be very clear here, because this can be easily misunderstood. A man might develop a habit that any time he is stressed or hurt or lonely or bored he turns to porn as an outlet. His job might be a source of those triggers. His friendships might be a source. His family might be a source. And yes…his marriage might be a source. However, the long term answer for him is not simply removing all potential sources of conflict in his life (he would have to go live in a cave somewhere if that were the case). Rather, the long term solution is learning to cope with life in new ways that don’t involve porn. If your marriage is a source of conflict or stress or some other negative emotion for him, the solution is not, “See, my wife’s the problem.” The solution is, “I am called now to be a man, to fight for my marriage to make it all it should be, and to recognize that any triggers that might be present in my relationship are really opportunities to choose a different path.”
I do think you both should work on your marriage as he is working on his recovery. That is very important. But he should never take the attitude that because his marriage isn’t what he wants, he looks at porn. His problems in marriage might be troubling to him, but nothing in a man’s life is an excuse to look at porn. Nothing.
Thank you so much Luke for your response. Can u believe he says he wants to end it! He wants to end it! He said he “tried”. Kep in mind, he attended two, mind you two counseling sessions! He didn’t even want to go, I pushed him to go! Instead of saying he will seek help, he says lets end it! I realize he’s not ready to let go of the addiction. Wow, to lose a relationship with someone who loves you over what? As you called it a pixel?! Going to take your advice focus on myself, I deserve better!
Sad, Maria. Sad. If he’s truly ending it with you, please take the time to recover from this yourself. Talk to someone who has some experience in this about how you feel. It will be therapeutic.
Hello everyone, I’m new to this site and I’m so glad I found it. I’ve read many of the stories and I find comfort in the fact that im not alone. My story is similar to many on here except that I’m not married. It’s been almost two years that I’ve been with my boyfriend. It started off great, we really connected. However, there was something wrong.. In our sex life. Each time we were intimate he would always make it a point to get me there never getting there himself. When I asked him about this, he confessed that he had been struggling with an addiction to porn. He said he used it as an escape from his previous marriage in which he was very unhappy. I tried being as understanding as possible, keeping in mind this was obviously something very difficult for him to reveal. He promised things would get better and that he really wanted to make it work. Soon after that I found out he was more involved in the porn than I ever imagined. He would even watch it at work. I also found pictures and videos on his phone. When confronted, he would always apologize and promise once again, that things would get better. That was almost two years ago. Well, recently it has been about four months he hasn’t engaged in it. I know this is true because he has always been honest about when he does it. I was once again disappointed and angry. I can’t help but visualize him sitting there watching those women and getting of with them, something he has never done with me. Also, In our society where sex is used to sell everything from cars to shampoo, I’m constantly reminded of it. In the beginning there were also times what he actually tried to say I didn’t do this or that in a certain way and if I did, maybe he would get there. I actually bought that knowing full well I’ve never had a problem. Now I realize its not me, However, because of my co -dependency issues, I’m finding it really difficult to end this because I’m ridiculed with guilt! He’s a great guy otherwise and I truly believe he loves me he has proven it in so many other ways. But for so long I put others and thier wants and needs before my own and so while I realize I must change the behavior, can’t shake the guilt at this moment. Any advice?
In my previous post I left out that he recently admitted to doing it after four months…
HI Maria,
The guilt you feel is common for women in your position. You are smart enough to know you haven’t caused his addiction to porn (he has chosen that himself). He has conditioned his mind to respond to a certain kind of sexual stimuli, and as a result he is basically impotent with you.
It sounds like he knows the porn is a problem, even if he justified it before as an escape from a bad marriage. He’s with you now, so his excuse for “escape” can’t be used anymore (not that it was truly justified before, he just thought it was). Now it is a habit that isn’t going away. For many men (and women) it is an addiction, and like all addictions, he needs help overcoming this. He can’t do it on his own.
It starts with him recognizing the grip porn has on his life and what it is robbing from him. Instead of giving you the pleasure of pleasing him, and instead of him reaching climax with the woman he loves, he is stuck turning to pixels on the screen. He has tried to stop but can’t. He should seek out help to break free of the cycle. He can find this help in a number of places (counselor, pastor, support group, etc.), but he has to take the initiative, swallow what pride he has, and admit he can’t do it alone.
As for you, he has harmed you with his constant porn use. You sound like a very understanding and supportive woman, which is great, but be careful this doesn’t turn into enablement. He needs to know that porn is costing him something in his relationship with you. Tell him this is something that has to go. Tell him you want the best for him, for you, for your sex lives.
Do might consider finding support for yourself as well. It is important you not neglect yourself in the midst of all of this.
I am 36 years old and I have been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 20. We have been married for 15 years and I became aware of his pornography addiction our first year of marriage. He would stay up for hours at night on the computer and I would beg him to come to bed but that would only anger him and perpetuate the problem. I saw this as infidelity and confronted him. He denied it until I found a DVD and shattered it into pieces. My hurt feelings turned to anger and I entered into an affair with a coworker for six years until that coworker started having an affair with another coworker and that relationship ended. Almost immediately I found someone to replace him because of my anger with him and it then became a pattern and it was like I had been sucked into a sex addiction of my own. Over the years I have ignored my husband’s sex addiction and he has never confronted me about having affairs although he has made comments to me about having boyfriends. My sexual encounters with my husband over the years slowly became less and less and there have been periods of time that we have not had sex for several months. Neither of us confront the other about it but it is like a cancer in our relationship. I feel like I am trapped in a marriage that is a lie and I lie to myself that nothing is wrong or justify that what I do is ok because he pushed me to it. At the end of each day I hate myself and go through periods of deep depression and self loathing. I have read many of the stories shared on this site and I can relate to most all of them. What he and I are doing isn’t about sex or love… it is about addition and denial. When I met him he drank beer daily and that turned into drinking Scotch daily which then led me drinking a bottle of wine everyday. Just like the affairs I go through periods where I try to stop drinking but I come back to it. I know we both need serious counseling but I feel like it will end our relationship if we bring these things to the surface and it is much easier to try to suppress them. Which brings me to another skeleton in my closet. I was molested by my father as a child after my parents divorced and I have buried this secret for 23 years now and I tell myself that I am not damaged by it but once again I lie to myself because it is easier than dealing with the truth. My husband really wants children and at one point I did but between our relationship and my baggage from being molested I have convinced myself to not have children and that I don’t want children but it is the furthest thing from the truth. It is also breaking my marriage apart but both us coming from broken families and it is like we stay together because of it and because we have been together for so long that we don’t know anything else. I don’t want to divorce but I hate living in this dysfunction.
Hi Anonymous,
This story is heartbreaking to read. Such a seemingly endless cycle.
If you want a healthy marriage to this man, then of course, the other sexual partners have to stop. There is no reason (anger, revenge, loneliness, etc.) that justifies cheating on your husband, just as there no motive that justifies him looking at porn all the time.
That said, it is difficult to make a change like this when there are so many sweeping changes that have to take place in your marriage. This has to start with talking about the problem, raising the bar in your marriage and see what he thinks about it. He might laugh at the idea, but at least you know where he stands. From there, seeking out marriage counseling would be a great thing to do. Again, if he laughs at the idea, at least you know where he stands and you can find some wisdom for yourself to determine what you have to do next. Not to mention, receiving some counseling regarding your past of sex abuse would be good for you as well. I recommend the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors.
I’ve being in a relationship for a year now. He was the perfect man all that I have ever prayed for. He is number 3 (since my divorce over 5 yrs) and have met him on a dating site… Funny enough I realised that all 3 off them are addicted to porn. I just didn’t think that the 3rd one will be into it as he is a Christian and even plays in the church band every Sunday. We do not miss a sermon or heaven forbid you start to eat before you have said grace. We’ve talked about porn and other sexual things and it was a definite no-no to him. He will never do it. I then listened to my gut feel a few months ago…and saw he was still on the dating sites and watched porn. We talked about it and his excuse was he cant seem to stop the invites etc and porn sites to open on his computer whenever he does some search as it has infected his laptop. I believed him, but did research and found he lied …anyhow I left it as I really love this man. Then I caught him out for the 5th time but this time I managed to get the evidence first printed it out and confronted him. He confessed he’s being addicted to it even during his marriage – but he only did it as his wife did not please him and would not want to have sex. That drove him to the sites. I said to him that he is no longer with his wife and we have a healthy sex life why still do it. He could not give me an answer….but said he is willing to stop so that we can work on our relationship. I said I’m willing to help him and to stand by him. However I did more research and found that his wife knew all about these things and when I asked him when he confessed he said – he think she might have had some suspicion but never confronted him…well she actually did know and I found letters where she told him to choose…well he chose the sites that is why is divorced today – but I did not know that. Anyhow we still working on the relationship and I would share my feelings regularly on how I feel…he will agree and said that is why he stopped his addiction. Only to find once again that he went back on the sites again. Each time when it happens he will tell you some sort of lie… Anyhow yes I believe they lie a lot about it and it is very sad to think that whatever they say they will never stop with it. I even wrote a letter to our Pastor at church and he did a sermon on this topic…after church I asked what he think of the sermon…his response I didn’t really get a lot of the sermon as it was too hot in church to think and pay attention.
So make piece with it either you accept him for what he does and share him with that or you make a decision to leave him. They will never stop that nonsense. Even number 2 he is married now and even worse than when he was single.
Ladies yes I agree I also feel not pretty etc I also beat myself down but I realised it is not worth the fight – this is a competition that you not going to ever win.
So one would like to say build a bridge and get over it…well I’m working on this one now….got the plans for the bridge just need to start the building work… But fully knowing that I will never trust a man again…seems as if there is no more men out there with morals and values.
Hi Jacky,
Self-deception and deceiving others is what addicts do well. They lie to themselves all the time about the strength of their addiction. They lie to others all the time about the specifics.
You’ve been doing a lot of things right with your husband in this process, but it sounds like he lacks the self-control to change. What had he done to find accountability for this problem? Has he spoken with any of the leaders at the church to get counsel and mentoring? If he’s unwilling to talk about it with anyone else (except you) then he likely won’t be free of this.
If he’s looking for really good resource to help him and he’s willing to commit to it, tell him he should check out the False Love series by Christian counselor Brad Hambrick. It’s a free video series online. I recommend guys get together with a good, godly friend and watch this series together, helping one another to unearth the hidden motives that are driving the addiction.
There are men who stop. I am one of them. I know hundreds more. Change is possible because we worship a God who can do the impossible.