At Covenant Eyes, we’re passionate about helping people overcome porn. Over the years, we’ve walked with over 1.5 million people on the path to a porn-free life. But we’re not just passionate about helping others quit porn—we want to keep pornography out of our own lives, and out of our families.
Many of us were drawn to the mission of Covenant Eyes because of our own battles with pornography. With that in mind, I asked my colleagues at Covenant Eyes to share what’s worked for them in the fight against temptation.
1. Make prayer a priority.
Many people come to Covenant Eyes because they recognize that porn is hurting their relationship with God. That reason motivates a lot of us who work at Covenant Eyes too. So it’s not surprising one of the first things they shared with me was the importance of prayer.
Many employees at Covenant Eyes meet regularly to pray for one another as well as for our members. Doug, one of our software developers and author of the wonderful book [Un]Intentional: How Screens Secretly Shapes Your Desires, and How You Can Break Free says, “I maintain a very active prayer and devotional life with God.”
Prioritizing prayer helps us in our mission to help people overcome porn, but it’s also a vital part of our individual, ongoing commitments to living porn-free.
2. Commit to honesty.
Pornography tells us lies that trap us, but it also has a way of making us into liars. One way to fight porn is by committing to honesty. One of my co-workers shared how important this commitment to honesty was for him:
“We need to be honest with ourselves to find the benefits that CE and other accountability software offer. When we lie to ourselves, we’re telling ourselves it’s okay to lie to our partner too.”
Too many people have “accountability” relationships that amount to little more than a placebo. Unless an accountability relationship is built on honesty and trust, it can’t succeed. He went on:
“Does anyone go to a counsellor and lie to him or her? When we do that, we’re wasting both our and their time and our money. We’re losing out on the benefit of what’s in front of us. On the other hand, when we’re brutally honest, our partner is enabled to tell us the truth back and help shepherd us to healthy living.”
Only the truth is strong enough to combat the lies of porn. Don’t lie to yourself, and don’t lie to others. Commit to honesty.
3. Prepare for moments of temptation.
Part of being honest with yourself involves taking the time to prepare for temptation. Honesty acknowledges that we will face times of weakness. So what then?
Rachael shared that what helped her was knowing when she’d be tempted and preparing a game plan. “I often found that temptation would spike at night. I’d make sure to have a simple, enjoyable activity planned to do instead—like read a fiction novel or watch a show I really like.”
A game plan helps you stay on the path away from porn without relapsing. It helps you make decisions about the kind of life you truly want to live, rather than just giving in to the impulses of the month.
4. Track and monitor the temptations you face.
Since Covenant Eyes provides accountability monitoring and reporting, it’s no surprise that we use this tool to stay porn-free. But my colleagues offered some additional advice for effective accountability:
“One of the tips I have is to make sure that all your devices are using CE and that you use it properly. By combining these two, you’re being honest with your accountability partner. Another tip I have is to find an accountability partner that’s not your significant other or employer. Having a healthy relationship with an accountability partner is key. Not only are they going to be there for you when you’re not looking at porn, but they’re going to be able to talk you through when it happens even by accident.”
While the Covenant Eyes software monitors what you see on your devices, one of our developers takes the tracking concept a step further:
“I use a spread sheet to track how strong temptation had been any given day and when my personal failures were. The biggest value in it is the honesty it forces me to have with myself.”
5. Connect with allies regularly.
For most people, tracking and monitoring alone have little effect. We need accountability relationships with trustworthy allies. Doug told me, “I stay very connected and vulnerable with trusted accountability partners.”
Brian went into more detail on his accountability relationships:
“I have 3 accountability partners (two at my church) and we meet briefly after service just about every week… Each of us share our struggles and victories from the past week. Now, with Victory, they can log in through the app to see my activity. We all help each other on the path of purity.”
Brandon has shared his powerful story of victory over porn with thousands of people, but he keeps accountability as an ongoing part of his life:
“I check in daily with two of my friends. The three of us hold each other accountable in spiritual and physical fitness goals, to keep our physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental selves sharp and ready to resist temptation should it come lurking.”
6. Help others find victory.
For many of us at Covenant Eyes, our own struggles—and victories—are interwoven with our desire to help others. Doug told me, “I help others to overcome pornography, and that inspires me to remain free myself.”
Sam has worked at Covenant Eyes for over 15 years and has written and edited many books and resources on pornography addiction and recovery. Sam stays motivated in his work because “you keep what you give away.”
These are some great suggestions from people on the front lines fighting porn every day. Which of these tips do you find most helpful? Do you have any other suggestions for keeping porn-free? Let us know in the comments!
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