5 Common Questions Kids Ask About Porn

One of my jobs at Covenant Eyes is to read all of the comments that people leave on this blog. Sometimes, I receive comments and questions from kids who feel all alone and don’t know who to talk to.

If you’re a kid and you’re reading this, have you ever felt alone because of what you’ve seen on your phone, tablet, or computer?

The first thing I want to tell you is this: you are not alone. Seriously, I mean it!

It’s super easy for technology to get in the way of what is right. And when young people like yourself get caught up in porn, masturbation, or other online issues, life can be so lonely.

You might be one of the countless children across the world who have been exposed to pornography but can still find freedom from it. It’s not easy, and it may take time, but know that no matter how much you watch or how young you are, freedom is possible.

I want to share some of the questions kids ask me, because maybe you’re asking the same questions.

Question #1: “Who should I tell first?”

Keeping a secret is hard. Some secrets, like surprise parties, are fun! But if we keep secrets online, it’s usually because we are hiding something. Because pornography is embarrassing, we usually try to keep it a secret. You might want to stop looking at it, but you’re afraid that if you tell someone, you might get into trouble or lose your friends.

Even though you might not want to, telling someone almost always makes us feel better. For most kids, I usually tell them to talk to their parent(s) first. They love you, right?

If you are afraid to tell your parent(s), know that this is normal. When I was your age and I did something that I wasn’t supposed to do, telling my parents was scary. But, I always felt so much better when I did.

If you don’t want to tell your parents first or don’t have a supportive relationship with them, you can talk to someone at your church, a counselor at school, or even a doctor. Basically, you want to talk to somebody whom you can trust. Do you have someone like this in your life?

You can even comment on this blog post and tell us! I am always happy to share my advice with you and listen to anything you have to say.

Question #2: “Am I still a virgin if I watch porn and masturbate?”

Quick answer—yes! No worries.

Pornography tricks our brain into thinking that we are having sex. But God made us to be with real people. Pornography is fake.

Wanting to masturbate is a normal feeling! And sex is a wonderful part of God’s creation! Just remember that porn takes these feelings and actions and twists them into something that is fake.

Watching porn isn’t healthy, and giving up porn will be one of the best life decisions you’ll make, but keep in mind that it is normal to have a desire for sex.

Also, if you aren’t a virgin (meaning that you have had sex with a real person), you are still a whole, valuable, and complete person who is loved by God and others. You can still start fresh! Virginity does not define who you are as a person.

Question #3: “Am I still a Christian even if I watch porn?”

Yes! God does not love you any less because you watch porn. You are still his child, and in times of difficulty like you may be experiencing now, God has not abandoned you.

Watching pornography does not please God, but it doesn’t mean that he walks away from your life and leaves you alone. I firmly believe that God is our #1 help in overcoming temptation and addiction, and he wants to be that for you! By recognizing that you need to remove pornography from your life, you are choosing to follow the path of freedom—the path that God wants most for you.

Your faith as a Christian can play a huge part in this journey towards recovery. Pray often and ask God to help you when you are feeling tempted to look at porn or masturbate. He will not leave you or forsake you; keep asking him to give you the strength each day to say no to porn! A great verse to read and memorize is 1 John 1:9, which says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Question #4: “How do I tell my parents that I watched porn?”

This is the most common question that kids ask when it comes to pornography. My friend, Michael Johnson, wrote an amazing blog post about this. It’s called “How to Tell Your Parents You’re Struggling With Porn,” and I highly recommend you read it right now! Michael also wrote another great post called “Before You Tell Your Parents About Your Porn Struggle.”

Both of these posts share amazing wisdom on how to talk to your parent(s) about your struggle with pornography. And like Michael says in the articles above, they might not respond well at first. They may be surprised or scared, but just like God is helping you to be free from porn, so will he also help your parents be there for you and continue loving on you through this.

Question #5: “How do I avoid becoming addicted?”

The easy answer would be this: don’t watch porn. However, in a world where the internet is available pretty much wherever we go, this is much easier said than done. Perhaps you accidentally stumbled across porn, and that’s how your addiction started. Maybe a friend showed you, even though you didn’t want to look.

Regardless of the circumstances surrounding your porn use—whether it’s been just once or every day for many months—you don’t have to become addicted or stay addicted. Here are three things you can start doing today to keep your eyes pure and avoid addiction.

1. Tell someone!

I already talked about this above, but if you’re feeling tempted to look at porn, tell someone! Let your parent or youth group leader know about this temptation and ask them to hold you accountable. Accountability doesn’t mean that this person punishes you when you do something wrong. Instead, it means that they will become the person who asks you how you are doing with your temptation, and you should give them an honest answer! If you watched porn, you will need to tell them, and they will help you take the steps to avoid it the next time you feel tempted.

Accountability holds you responsible for your actions, without making you feel ashamed or punished.

2. Use Covenant Eyes!

Once you have told someone about your temptation to watch porn, ask them to help you use Covenant Eyes. Our software goes onto your phone, computer, and/or tablet and monitors what you do online. If you do look at porn, that person who is holding you accountable (responsible) will be notified. You won’t want to even look at porn in the first place if you know that your parent or friend is going to know about it, right?

Related: Here’s What 3 Teens Have to Say About Porn

If you’re unsure how to set up Covenant Eyes on your device, ask an adult to help you get started! Perhaps it can even be something your whole family uses together. When I was a kid, my parents, my six siblings, and I all used Covenant Eyes together on every device in our home. It was a great way to protect ourselves as a family, and it made for some really good dinner table conversations!

3. Avoid triggers and temptations.

A trigger is a reminder of something that happened to you in the past. For example, a porn trigger might be using your phone late at night, when everyone is asleep. This can make you remember the last time you were alone with your phone, which resulted in porn usage. If you can think of any triggers that make you want to watch porn, get rid of them! Some common triggers for kids include:

• Keeping their phone/computer in their bedroom at night
• Boredom
• Rejection, loneliness, and/or bullying
• Unlimited access to the internet
• Stressful situations

Of course, there are many other triggers that I haven’t listed here, so do not be worried if your triggers aren’t on this list! Instead, when you are feeling tempted or triggered, make a list of things that you can do instead of watching porn. For example, if being bored leads you to watch porn, have a list taped to your wall of five things you can do when you are bored. Pick one of those things in place of porn!

Never give up!

Sometimes, even with all of the precautions in place, and even if you’ve told your parents or a friend, you still might fall into temptation and watch porn. It’s SO important to remember that while this isn’t a good thing, it’s not the end of the world. You should not give up. You are a human—mistakes will happen. Instead of being ashamed and discouraged, fight even harder to avoid watching porn the next time you feel the desire.

We are here for you, and we want to see you succeed! If you have any additional questions, leave them in the comments below!