Redeeming My Marriage After Porn Addiction: Robi’s Story

I never thought my life would have any association with the word pornography.

I grew up in a Christian family with my mom, dad, and brother. My childhood was great. We didn’t even have a computer until I was in my college years. My dad never had any objectionable material in the house. I had never even seen a cliché magazine. Then, I met the wonderful man I would marry. He made every part of my life happy and complete. I married at just 19 years old—and as for being married so young, I loved it. I loved every day living with my best friend and lover. Each day was happiness for us. Along the way, we had three beautiful children. We decided I would be a stay-at-home mom. Life just couldn’t be any better for us.

The Day Everything Changed

Then my life changed. It changed the day I found out my husband had a secret addiction to pornography for ten years of our marriage. Actually, he had the addiction ever since I met him. He carried it with him every day, never telling anyone—not even his wife.

That awful day that I found out, changed everything. I was looking at my husband’s phone. What I found were deleted bookmarks and still screens of pornographic videos he had watched. I dropped to my knees in horror as I realized my husband had been viewing pornography secretly at night when I was sleeping. He said all those late nights he had been “working” on the computer. Suddenly, I went from delighted wife and mother to devastated, unworthy, useless person. That’s how I felt inside—useless.

My husband had looked at other women regularly and then made love to me. I was disgusted, and I hated him. How could he do this to me? He knew I never had any knowledge of this stuff. He knew I trusted him and never checked up on what he was doing. How could he possibly love me day in and day out and be so deceiving and unfaithful? These are the questions I cried out to God.

How My Husband Got Into Porn

I desperately wanted answers and understanding. Long talks with my husband led him to share with me how pornography was introduced to him as a child. His father always had magazines and videos in the house. Then, when he was a young teen, he was given his own computer—without supervision. My husband fell into watching porn, sex chatting, and other impure activities long before I fell in love with him. And just like he had always done, these lies came with him, as a secret background to our happy marriage. I desired to understand how such a loving, kind man could have such an awful sin. I researched every website I could to learn about pornography addiction. I learned as much as I could about my husband and his secret life.

Over the course of three years, God worked in our lives. It seemed very slow, as my husband moved towards repentance, but God was working every day. He brought my husband into full confession. Things he never thought he would share with anyone, he was openly telling me. I was upset and angry. I was beyond despair. However, I made a choice to keep trying. I decided to believe in God’s whole message of grace and forgiveness. I knew that God had seen all these dark, despondent moments, even if I did not. God was there the whole time. He was aware of the brokenness of my marriage. He also knew the moment that I would find out and be devastated.

The Restoration of Our Marriage

God continued to urge me to help my husband. We installed Covenant Eyes on all our phones, iPads, and computers. My husband began being accountable to me. He didn’t share every detail, but he kept me updated on how he was doing with temptation and struggles. We talked, prayed, and read together nightly. Our marriage started to be restored. God showed us that we could begin again. It seems impossible, after so many years of hurt. But, God makes the impossible possible! We accepted God’s plan to rebuild our marriage.

We know our marriage is stronger, more loving, and more faithful than it ever would have been without this trauma. God has given us hope that we can be open and help each other. We do not have to keep our struggles silent, but we can have the type of intimate marriage that God had planned for us on the day we married.

Recently, God has called me to start a blog to bring hope and healing to wives hurting from their husbands’ pornography use and unfaithfulness. He is working miracles in marriages. I promised God if my life had to have an association with the word pornography, it would be as a hopeful one.

Robi Smith is a wife and mother to four wonderful children. She has been married for thirteen years. Robi has a Master of Counseling in Counseling Psychology and is the founder of Hopeful Wife Today as she aims to bring hope and healing to hurting wives from their husbands’ pornography use and unfaithfulness. She is continuing to see God’s restoring power every day in her life and in her own marriage.