The following story is one of the winners of the 2024 Covenant Eyes Scholarship. For more information on Covenant Eyes scholarships and how you can apply, see here.
“Everywhere”: temptation’s presence summed up in a single word.
It is remarkable to me how humans thrive in our creative approaches to immorality. Before I was married and before I had ever heard of Covenant Eyes, I would find myself working creatively to hide what I prayed would remain hidden.
Dark rooms.
Locked doors.
Private browser tabs.
These were my tools of the trade handed to me by an enemy dressed in a friend’s clothing. I felt safe. Satisfaction, however, was always brief. I had decided early on that I would never tell my future spouse. It would be a secret safe with me. Then the unexpected happened.
She confessed first.
Speaking Aloud
It is amazing how paper-thin walls crumble with the simplest of words.
Struggle.
Temptation.
Confession.
Brokenness.
Shame.
These words and more remain hidden within us, built on a foundation of fear. But when spoken aloud, especially to the ears of a trusted loved one, these words fall. Marriage can sometimes be pictured as two broken candles melted into one, set upon a white holder. We are united forever and trust that whatever falls off will be caught by the originator of this life-long promise.
I knew going into our marriage that this world of filth could not join us. Not only because of my vows but also because of my call. We entered our first ministry twelve years ago (and we remain to this day). I began with another program to keep myself accountable and switched to Covenant Eyes around 2020. I had tried less expensive programs, ones that were able to do the bare minimum. But the peace of mind that comes when I can proudly tell people I have a program that intermittently takes screenshots of whatever is on my device, that watches every URL, helps me live above reproach.
It is amazing how the whispers of the enemy go unheard when we leave no room for darkness. The sad number of pastors who have fallen due to sexual immorality pushes me to keep accountability. My wife can have peace of mind. My church can have peace of mind. My schools can have peace of mind. Integrity is vital in our use of technology these days because it is so easy to live in the darkness. Technology has advanced not only our ability to learn and innovate. Technology has also advanced our ability to hide. Having a piece of that technology that shines light on temptation-laced darkness makes saying no not only possible but easier.
Living Integrity
Integrity is living the same in private as we do in public. Covenant Eyes makes any lone technology public by providing accountable eyes to peer into our daily work. Satan cannot have a foothold if someone else knows. This drives forgiveness and healing to the forefront rather than shame and secrecy. Covenant Eyes removes from Satan one of his greatest tricks: ignorance. He has fooled too many to believe that what happens away from others cannot possibly be known. The highways of temptation are shortened when Covenant Eyes steps in to show that what happens in the dark will be shown in the light.
Though God has given me great success in my marriage, I was not always victorious. Loneliness drove me to pits of sexual immorality for much of my high school and college years. I longed for love but settled for pleasure. I wanted a genuine relationship but found myself distracted by an empty ease. I was regularly reminded by drifting thoughts, advertisements, and, sadly, the struggles of others that porn was regularly available. I was a locked door away from getting what my flesh wanted. My soul, on the other hand, was gagged and silenced.
Finding Trust
My greatest victory came from the honest confession of my wife. Her strength to admit her own struggles permitted my own honesty. I found myself admitting things to her I swore no other person would ever know. I dragged my deformed body into the light and allowed her to examine all its parts.
I expected her to run. I expected her to scoff. At the least, I expected her to be overwhelmingly disappointed. She was none of those things. In fact, the walls Satan built had been removed. The true relationship he never wanted me to find had been found.
The trust formed in those early moments of our life together has been held together by many cords. Ultimately, the cord of faith in our Savior by which all other cords rest. Our Savior’s love binds us all together. There is also the cord of openness. The cord of trust. The cord of commitment. In their midst is the cord of Covenant Eyes which helps feed many of these other cords. It helps build trust and openness. It reinforces commitment. My laptop, phone, and tablet all testify that there is nothing hidden.
Growing in Victory
The company itself has also affected us. When we called to cancel due to financial hardship, they erased the cost for 3 months. They have prayed for us. They have encouraged us.
Most importantly, they have answered the call of Christ to grow the Kingdom of God. I see in the resources and the way Covenant Eyes operates a company bent on helping people overcome this vicious sin with great love that comes only from the Father. I cannot imagine the families saved nor the freedom won through these years of service. A tech company bent on using new technology for the good of humanity and not just for the ease of humanity.
My wife and I just celebrated 12 years of marriage. God has called us to many great things and allowed me to have a clear conscience and safe reputation for over a decade of ministry. Now my wife and I can pray God will give this same story of victory to our two sons and three daughters.
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