Anger. Betrayal. Mistrust. Loneliness.
Maybe this is the first time you’ve caught him using pornography. Maybe you’ve caught him many times and have finally reached the breaking point. Maybe he’s even gone so far as acting out and having an affair. Maybe he’s belligerent, insisting, “It’s no big deal” or “It’s your fault I watch it.” Or maybe he claims to be repentant but doesn’t seem to be taking steps to stop.
Regardless of the actions he is taking, your husband has betrayed your trust. Right now, your emotions are probably dominated by alternating feelings of anger and helplessness and numbness, and your thoughts are dominated by his use of pornography. Recovery may seem impossible.
The problem is not just in your head. In a 2012 analysis of five different studies, researchers concluded more pornography consumption is associated with a more weakened commitment to one’s relationship partner.
The good new is this: recovery is possible.
Episode 144
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In this episode of our weekly podcast, we interview Christian counselor Kay Bruner. She answers some of the most common questions we receive from woman on this subject. In this interview, she addresses two key questions wives have about men and porn addiction: (1) How can a woman build her self-esteem and a sense of confidence when she feels constantly compared to pornography? and (2) How should a wife handle her husband’s relapses?
Show Notes:
0:44 – Why Kay wrote her book, As Soon As I Fell
8:19 – What is the book, Porn and Your Husband, all about?
9:12 – How can a woman build her self-esteem?
18:42 – How should a wife handle her husband’s relapses?
Stay tuned for part 2 of Kay’s interview next week.
Check out more of our podcasts on iTunes.
Porn and Your Husband (Free Book)
Three years ago we released Porn and Your Husband: A Recovery Guide for Wives. Since that time, tens of thousands of women have downloaded the book, and many have told us how helpful it is to them.
We recently updated and rereleased the book. In the book we address…
- Common questions wives have about pornography use: How can he look at porn and say he loves me? Why does he prefer porn to sex with me? Why am I not enough?
- Three stages of recovering from betrayal
- Tips on having productive conversations with a your spouse
- Rebuilding trust through healthy boundaries
- Lists of additional resources: books, intensive counseling, and software
Give us your e-mail to get the book!
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Enter the Giveaway!
Because this information is critical for many marriages, we want to get this book into the hands of as many people as possible, as quickly as possible. That’s why, for one week only, we are giving away four $25 gift cards to Amazon.
To enter our drawing, either download the book or leave a comment below answering this question: Why is pornography bad for marriages? Do both to get two entries in the giveaway. (You must use a valid e-mail address to be eligible. E-mail addresses will not be published.)
Thanks to all who entered! The giveaway is now closed, and the winners have been notified.
Official Contest Rules:
- Maximum two entries per person (one comment and one book download).
- All entries must be received before 12 a.m. April 2, 2015.
- Four winners will be selected randomly and notified via e-mail no later than April 3.
- Due to our blog commenting policy, comments must be pre-approved to appear. All comments submitted before 12 a.m. EST will be entered into the giveaway.
Pornography is a sin…which separates man from God, which separates husbands and wives.
One reason Porn is bad for a marriageis because it doesn’t reflect the faithfulness that Christ has and shows to His people.
Ill make it simple. Porn destroys marriages because it warps the brain. It causes the viewer to start looking at their spouse differently. This leads to fighting in the home. This leads to one or both spouses looking to leave. Which in turn causes the first spouse to go deeper into porn. And the cycle spins, and the hole/divide gets deeper.
Porn is a silent killer…
Ben you are so right. Part of the difficulty of getting over the porn addiction of a spouse is that they usually don’t ‘get’ that fact.
Porn is bad for marriage because it limits the work of the Holy Spirit within the marriage.
Thank you for a resource that helps to talkeep more openly about something that too often lives in the shadows of Christian marriage.
Marriages are harmed by porn because the person watching the porn is looking for sexual fulfillment in the wrong place.
Yes, it is harmful in many ways, but even the ‘victims’ have choices of what we are going to choose to think on…. We can allow this to destroy us. I have decided, with God’s help: TO “MOVE FORWARD” with my life and forgive and be broken TOGETHER, as Casting Crowns reminds us in their song…. Forgiveness is a choice, and a marriage can still work, IF people are sorry and willing to turn around and do what is right and honorable .
As both the wife of a wonderful man who struggles with an addiction to pornography and a Christian marriage and family therapist, I welcome the counsel and support provided through this book as well as that offered by CovenantEyes. I recommend this product frequently to my clients, and (although I don’t tell them this) trust it enough to use it myself! Thank you for providing such good resources in such a challenging time.
Thank you so much for offering help and hope to so many struggling with this issue!
I just found this site! I’m hoping to get this book and maybe get some direction. Porn almost destroyed my what I thought “God centered marriage”. It’s been five months now and I’m wondering if I’ll ever trust again, feel attractive or more than just normal to my husband again. Porn not only ruins marriages but spouse’s as well. I’m wondering like Deborah on what about older adults? After my late husband passed away I was swept off my feet by my now husband that unknown to me has had an addiction for most his life. I’ve no one to talk to, he goes to a so called mentor once a week and a councilor once every month or two. But nothing for me! I have no idea what to do! I feel like I’m loosing my mind sometimes. I’m going to look for this book now!
Hey Susan, I think you’re addressing a very important issue in recovery: support for the spouse. I find this very often happens: all the concern is about how to get the husband to stop looking at porn, without much help for the wife. And very often, women meet the criteria for PTSD in this situation, so there is a huge need for support and therapy for the spouse.
I would suggest that you seek counseling for yourself, as you work through the emotions and practicalities of this situation.
And yes, I think pornography use is an issue that EVERY woman must be aware of these days, regardless of age. It’s just so pervasive in culture today.
I hope the book helps! Let us know what you think. Kay
Susan, my heart goes out to you! And I feel your pain of having no where to turn and feeling so lost and alone! Many spouses feel the same. Check out this website!
http://www.freedomeveryday.org/spouses-of-sex-addicts/conf-call.php
It may help you find a group for support!
Know that God is with you!