Man realizes there is a relationship crisis in his life. He knows something is wrong, something is missing, and something needs to be fixed. The bad news is that typically he does not know exactly what the “something” is.
Man was wired for community, but as an un-regenerated man he is not participating in or benefiting from the right kind of community. However, if he realizes that his real communal breakdown is between him and God, then he will be on the right track to be restored in the way that God originally intended.
If he is not regenerated, he will begin to seek out false lovers with the hope of finding satisfying relationships. These false lovers represent his attempts to fill the void he senses in his soul.
The following are some of the more common, man-centered ways in which man looks for love in all the wrong places:
False or Unsatisfying Lovers
Pornography is one of the more common false lovers that men twist themselves into, with the hope of satisfying their craving for love. Porn seems to be the “perfect” fit for the insecure person. It appears to be a safe way to pretend that he is something when, in reality, he knows he is not. It is a make believe world that the addict creates in his mind, to where he writes the script for the “cyber ladies” to perform for him. He becomes the center of his make-believe world. It is his way of heaping love on himself. Many times porn is sought after as a relief from a critical and nagging wife or an unforgiving and challenging world. It is a man’s haven where he feels and experiences love.
The girlfriend (or boyfriend) for the teen is our culture’s answer for “filling the void” or the missing piece in the soul. In too many cases, these relationships begin because the dad has not stepped up to the plate with an active role in the child’s life. As the child becomes a teen, he/she begins to drift from the hope of ever having a satisfying relationship with his dad and, thus, begins looking for his/her answer for meeting that desire for love through opposite gender relationships. Rarely does anyone know or admit what is really going on. The kid is looking for love in all the wrong places, but this is so common in our culture that to be against these artificial relationships is considered by many to be abnormal.
The job god is the trap for many men (and women) in our culture today. A person who has fallen into this trap typically is in a job that he can do very well. From all perspectives he is “successful” in what he does. He loves what he does and receives much applause and personal satisfaction from what he does. Typically the rest of his relational contexts are not as satisfying. Therefore, he is easily tempted to spend more and more time on the job. Of course, his life is out of balance: while he may be “successful” on the job, his home or family life would not receive such a high grade.
The Ministry is one of the more subtle areas of temptation for the approval-driven individual. The reason it is rarely discussed is because it seems so right to be doing the “Lord’s work.” However, you may be surprised at the number of women who are pursuing ministry related jobs as a way of off-setting a poor marriage or life-dominating insecurity. You can read more about this in my article “The Darker Side of Jayne, the Ministry Mom.” Alternately, there are an inordinate number of men, who cannot be “successful” in the world, but have found religion to be a ladder to climb in order to satisfy their lust for attention, approval or acceptance.
Application Questions:
- Do you look at porn on occasion? If yes, why do you do this? Will you get some help?
- Can you walk away from your boyfriend or girlfriend? Why or why not?
- Are ALL of your relational contexts personally satisfying? Or are you a “success” at work, but a “zero” at home?
- Are your ministry aspirations more about serving others or satisfying your selfish ambition?
