We received an e-mail from a woman recently with her brother’s story. The man writing chooses to remain anonymous, but he wanted to share his message with our readers.
This blog is about honest discussions. What I’m about to tell you is as honest as it gets. I lost everything I ever wanted and hoped for. All because of online pornography.
One September day, I hugged my ten year old daughter goodbye as I dropped her off at her school bus stop for what became the last time. “Dad, will you pick me up later?” she asked. “Sure thing, sweet pea,” I replied. Less than 60 minutes later that all changed.
The Badge Said FBI
Twenty minutes after I dropped off my daughter, I arrived at my work as a captain of a private yacht. I arrived on the boat at the city marina, went on board, and fired up my lap top computer. The docks were busy. This was a Thursday and boats were moving around preparing for a small boat show to be held over the weekend.
As my computer was booting up, I went out on the docks with a cup of coffee, talking to my friends moving boats around. Fifteen minutes later I was back on board. From the portholes in my cabin, I noticed a boat pulling into the slip next to me. It was an open center console boat with about seven men and women on board. They looked a little out of place so I went back up to the salon. When I got to the salon, one of the men came aboard without permission, which was very strange.
I opened the sliding door to the back deck and he held out a badge, “FBI, do you know why I am here?” I became numb and weak in the legs. My good life, wife, children, job, home and respect tossed away because of my own stupidity.
Hoarding Smut
I was mostly attracted to the young woman of the Eastern European sites where the girls spoke broken English. I only know this from little snippets of video somehow found online. For me, viewing these “forbidden” bits of video clips gave me a “high” and then I was off to the races looking for more. Worming my way around the net. Role playing despicable characters online, looking to get the next bit of the video.
I was a commercial fisherman fishing the Gulf of Mexico before I changed over to captaining private yachts. Fishing gave me a rush, every time you pulled your gear you never know what you are going to catch. I found a similar thrill going online. Searching out and catching video clips or pictures that are “off limits.” A thrill in doing something I’m not supposed to do, being an “outlaw,” not really thinking I was harming anyone. And I became a collector, no, more of a hoarder of smut.
I had worked the water all my life. I was very good at what I did. I traveled throughout the Caribbean, and I had many opportunities to make very good money transporting “items,” yet, I turned it all that down. I was reasonable, logical, and I didn’t want to jeopardize my family. No amount of money was worth going to prison.
But I am now serving a 210-month prison sentence in Loreto, PA: a medium/low Federal Correction Institution.
Are You into Porn? Get Help.
I am not alone here. The makeup, according to the inmate’s gossip, is 40% of the inmates are “snitches.” Others are here for “protection,” and 35% are here because they are “chomos.” Prison talk: chomos are child molesters. Being labeled as “chomos” by drug pushers and habitual criminals hurts.
Many articles are coming to light about online addictions. Whether it is a chat addiction or a pornography addiction. All addictions blind your common sense. All addictions lead to self-destruction. Online pornography is so extremely dangerous because where it leads to. You become blind. Most likely these women are not willing participants to what you see. We all need to think about what we are looking at, and the pain that we don’t see behind those pictures.
So listen to a dry docked boat captain. Seek addiction counseling if you find yourself looking forward to logging on. I know wish I had. I don’t want to see another happily married man here because he did what I did.
– Dry Docked.
Thank you so much for this article. I wish Covenant Eyes had way more on the site about child pornography and its devastation. Three and a half weeks ago my boyfriend got found out with child pornography. He had only gotten into it for two months and now faces years of prison time. He has been in jail for almost two weeks now and I have had to make the transition from girlfriend to friend. What he did repulses me, but I can’t condemn him. It is an ugly sin that only God can “cure” him of. Thank you for your openness. I pray that it will keep someone else from going down the road you and he went down.
I am so, so sorry. What a terrible, terrible heart-break in so many ways. Prayers for you today, Kay
In everything there is pros and cons. One deadly effect of online porn of is the illusion and then the high of this ugly sin and the low to crave for more.. never getting enough. I pray these blogs like these start to impact the world more. Porn is evil I should know so I blocked the porn sites that are out there. None of my computers have porn access and I have no idea how to get the porn back and don’t care. Porn is sick sick sick and makes you feel sick sick sick. Thank you so much for sharing this story prayerfully this will be a huge wake up call for the rest of the world.
So horrific. I thank GOD that I never got involved in such terrible things.