We all know the grip that pornography has on the world, and particularly men. The number of Christian men falling privy to this sin is astounding. After a 10 year battle with sexual sin, I have found that the only time I’ve experienced power in my life is when I repented, turned from my sin, and gave my life to Christ. From that point I made a decision to fight daily to continue beating the enemy at his game.
Now that I write and speak to men on the subject, I have discovered that men move from pain to power in four steps. I found myself going through this process as God guided me on the road to deliverance from the grasp of the devil. I hope that these four points help you or anyone that you know move from the pain of porn to the power of God.
#1: PLEASURE
I was a club DJ, and I circulated mixed tapes to promote my business. (Some of you are too young to know about cassette tapes, so go to Wikipedia for further info.) One of my former buddies gave my tape to a dancer at a strip club and she liked it enough to invite me over for a complimentary drink. I went, enjoyed myself and went the next week and the next week. This became a weekly habit that lasted many years. I averaged 2-3 nights per week at strip clubs, and then was introduced to massage parlors. Half of my week was involved in sin, and I did not know it.
The pleasure of going to these places was too intoxicating. It made me feel good, gave me a sense of excitement, and made me feel as if I was in control. I felt invincible, like most men feel when they first start out in porn. This is where the trouble starts.
#2: PAIN
Pain is inevitable with any sin. Trust me, pay day will come. There are four components to the pain.
- You get busted!! I was called out at a strip club by a dancer who knew my mother from grade school. I tried denying that she knew me. When she said exactly what street I grew up on, then I knew I was caught. What a feeling that was!
- Financial pain hits. I accumulated a ton of debt. I lost a job, had a car repossessed, and spent over $40,000 in the last year of my addiction.
- Emotional pain: Every experience left me lonelier and emptier. The huge gap in my heart, and my longing for love, was really taking its toll.
- Physical pain can hit. God spared me from any sexually transmitted diseases, but not others I know. You become drained physically. You wake up tired, go to work drained, and live your life on a hamster wheel.
God always knows our rock bottom, and He is there to save us from more than we can bear (see 1 Corinthians 10:12,13).
#3: PROCESS
During the last year of my addiction I went out to solicit a prostitute. She refused me and told me that “I had a future and did not have to be out here.” I went home and cried out to God to take control of my life, and I told Him that I would do whatever He instructed me to do. I have been free ever since, but it was a process that I had to go through. The process involves the following:
- Facing the truth. By confessing your mess, repenting, and TURNING from your actions you will start to experience peace and freedom. It is a daily act at first to get you moving in God’s direction. Then it becomes a daily offensive attack to ask God to keep you free from all evil, temptation, harm, and pain.
- Forgiving yourself for what you have done. Many men beat up on themselves when God doesn’t. God loves you right where you are; remember this when the devil tries to tell you something else!!
#4: POWER
The best part: God shows up and blesses you. You bless others. There is no anxiety at all. You start to experience the abundant life God has designed for you. Above all, you will live a guilt free life and be redeemed and restored.
That’s God’s bail out plan for your life!!
This is a guest post by Sanford Ashley. He is an author, speaker, consultant, and a “men’s coach,” helping men with relationship and sexual infidelity issues. Sanford has been published in magazines such as Men of Integrity, Sales and Marketing Management Magazine, Working Mother Magazine, and Gospel Today.
Brother Sanford!!!
I agree completely with the process mentioned above! Thank you so much for your insight. The struggle here is to really identify that okay I’m 22 now and fell into this by age 12. On again and off again that’s a serious ten year addiction. Once making that realization and wanting to take ownership of it, it was in a sense more than just accountability. That plays a huge part but what I’ve been identifying recently is like you said it must become a daily crying out to God for help and support in beating this. We are far too weak to think we can beat this on our own (which is a lie from the enemy because he knows when we call on God all things are possible) and therefore we must call out for God’s strength in this matter!
Keep up the encouraging truth man and thanks for your honesty on here!
M