The year 2004 began very bitter-sweetly. My addiction to pornography was no longer a secret. That first look at porn at age 12 and the 30 years of addiction that followed had imploded on me.
My wife had discovered what she suspected. I was visiting numerous porn sites and was having an online affair. Adult chat rooms were a common visiting place. All my self deception came crumbling down in a smoldering heap.
The painstaking process of healing this very broken marriage would take years to accomplish. Many people were used by God to see us through the long, difficult, yet growing and strengthening journey. We began with pastoral counseling, which lasted a few months and helped us head in the right direction. However, I was still unable to shake the addiction to pornography.
Was it better? Yes, but far from a thing of the past. I did stop the online affair and most of the chat room visitations. I continued to view pornography of every kind. In fact, the more stress I faced, the more of a powerful “fix” I needed. To this day when I think about the porn websites I’ve visited, I get nauseated.
My Recovery Took Time and Hard Work
Even though recovery began in 2004, I wish I could say it happened instantly. It was not over. I fell and stumbled far too frequently.
I began relating well to Paul, who wrote of a “thorn in his flesh,” a “messenger of Satan” who constantly caused him misery. I begged God to remove my thorn, but no deal. I learned to embrace what God told Paul. “My grace is sufficient” was the message. I’m no Apostle Paul, but I get the whole thorn concept.
At a conference in August 2008, I was introduced to Covenant Eyes. I immediately knew I needed to get the software loaded on my computers at home. As soon as I installed Covenant Eyes, I asked a friend to be my ally and began recovery.
I wish I could tell you I never slipped up even after this. In spite of using Covenant Eyes, my addiction was stronger than I was. It had taken deep root in my mind.
During those moments of failure, my ally did his job and called me out. For over four years, he was there for me. Godly friends and much prayer helped me finally experience freedom from porn.
The Blessings of Accountability
I keep Covenant Eyes on every computer and smartphone I own and use. If you use Covenant Eyes in the manner in which it’s designed, it will help you enormously. If you install it and don’t ask a trusted friend to be your ally, you are significantly reducing the effectiveness. You cannot fight this battle alone!
Without Covenant Eyes as a defensive weapon in my arsenal to fight my addiction to pornography, I’m not sure where I’d be today. God used it to help me defend myself.
The reports to your ally are a must! And knowing the software is watching my device activity 24/7 trained my mind to think of other, far more healthy places to go on the internet. In many cases, I just avoid it altogether and spend time with my wife and kids.
One unexpected side effect of having Covenant Eyes on my laptop happened a few years into recovery. One of our daughter’s boyfriends was over in my absence and visited some porn sites on my computer. Covenant Eyes caught and ended the activity when I was notified. It protects your family in your absence. Protect your children and install Covenant Eyes today!
Porn Has a Global Impact
In recent months, I have become aware of the human trafficking industry which preys on children as young as six years old, with the average age being around 12 years old. Many of these children wind up being sold and prostituted.
The porn industry and sex trade support one another, and a great number of illegal child and adult porn films are made using these sex slaves. Adults and children alike are lured into the dark underground of human trafficking under false pretenses.
What’s even worse to me was the realization that my habits and addiction fed the industry. I prayed for God’s forgiveness through a rain of tears. I can’t help but wonder how many of those involved in this sickening trade were introduced to porn at a young age, as I was.
How many of them may have been steered away from it with a product like Covenant Eyes? With a filthy industry like that on the prowl, unfortunately Covenant Eyes has a long life expectancy. I for one am very grateful they are here.
Hi Tony, pray to God, he sees your struggle, get Covenant Eyes and also join http://www.strengthenyourbrothers.com for the accountability partner.
Hello Covenant Eyes, I have been battling porn addiction for over 15 years, I was first exposed to porn for when I was like 8 years old. The longest time I have stayed without viewing is probably 3 months.( in which I viewed porn casually) ever since that time my life has been a roller coaster of failure. I’m at a point in my life presently where it’s meaningless. All my dreams have been to a halt as I stop for a moment, then continue binging on it. I never used to think porn was a problem, until I tried to engage in sex with a woman, I don’t get aroused. Now I got PIED. Although when I abstain from porn, for a about a month or two, my erections are normal. So I’m helpless here as I’m in an underdeveloped country, don’t know who to share this with, as I’m ashamed of this. My stuttering also begins when I begin porn (I also fap) . But when I stop fap and porn, I regain my fluency. My addiction has made me unable to love a woman as I don’t have feelings, which I know I wasn’t like this. I don’t know if there is anybody that can help me with suggestions. I am pretty okay, in the looks department, and my life has been full of conondrums. I used to be all about my books, studied engineering in the university, porn also took a plunge in my studies and made me more introverted. I know if I can curb porn, the sky will be my limit. I don’t know what to do, I’m clueless.
Hi Tony,
Porn does have an impact on your body and brain—scientific studies have proved this! You are not alone in your struggles, and it can be difficult to overcome an addiction that quite literally rewires your brain.
To start, pray! Ask God to help you and lead you through recovery. You cannot overcome addiction on your own. I also want to encourage you to turn to a friend for accountability. This can be a family member, leader, mentor, etc. Ask them to regularly check in on their progress. If you are using Covenant Eyes (if not, you should!), find an accountability partner who can receive your reports and walk alongside you with encouragement. It’s not going to be an overnight change. You will struggle; relapse is normal. But keep fighting the good fight. Recovery IS possible.
Blessings,
Moriah
I was introduced to [my father told me all the magazines were in the treasure chest and that I could look in there whenever I wanted to] porn magazines in 1971, I’m 57, [48 years] I’m tired. I sense hope at times, but then fail again and again. The only freedom I experienced from it was reading and digesting Proverbs 4, 5 and 6 everyday for six months. That was 2014, I’ve still struggled these last 5 years. Have felt the hypocrite, but I also know that my sins have been washed away by the blood of Jesus Christ, past, present & future . My eternal security cannot be taken away , I am always going to heaven, but the dichotomy I struggle with is in experiential truth, what a man sows he reaps, here and now and at times I’m miserable. I have to have hope in Jesus Christ that I can be totally free here on Earth; now. I’m empowered by Christ now by telling my story!
I’m a spouse of a recovering addict. I read Covenant Eyes Newsletters and enjoy them very much. They have brought understanding to my heart, even understanding for my struggle to comprehend the situation. Thank you Covenant Eyes. Your ministry is so relivent in this day and age. Just the other day, I had a conversation with a family member that teared up because of their porn use. Although it’s hard for us wives to understand, it is a sickness of the heart and mind. Only God can truely deliver the willing heart. However tools like Covenant Eyes can help to save some from themselves until they have built up internal strength for the battle. Porn pollutes the mind. Just like any pollution, without a miracle, it takes time and effort to clean up. Porn destroys families. It’s not about the act of porn use, it’s about destroying the family, a generation, our children. Someone who has been involved with porn for some time can not think correctly. Their strength has been stolen from them. They are a slave to the sin until set free.
Leah,
I completely agree with you! It Is a sickness of the heart and mind and does take Regeneration by the Holy Spirit thru Christ’s Perfect Blood!!! And it also takes intentional living – making 100s if not 1,000s of choices every day to surrender thoughts, fantasies, imaginations, memories, etc to Holy Spirit – a process of asking for Forgiveness, repentance and reformation!! I’m speaking from experience. Struggled and still struggling with porn and sex addiction for over half my life – started around age 8/9, and I’m 27 now. You do the math. It IS possible to finally break Free though! I use Covenant Eyes, have a sponsor and several accountability partners, go to Sex Addicts Anonymous and Celebrate Recovery groups, do counseling, faithfully attend and serve at my church, etc. – yet I still struggle with it!
This is a War! 2 Corinthians 10:3-6 and Eph. 6:10-18, and several other verses talk about this war against sin, our flesh, the powers and kingdom of darkness including Satan himself, and this world! Kudos to all my Brothers And Sisters Fighting the Good Fight!! Much Love!